to the father who failed to correct his daughter at the playground yesterday...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. What are the playground rules? I geniunely want to know, because I can't figure out the justification for accusing a 23 MONTH OLD of "stealing" a random toy at the playground that no one else was playing with, then saying he deserved to be yelled at because he should've had the knowledge and foresight to check and make sure it was okay with the other kids??

What is WRONG with you people?

You're missing the point (and getting hysterical).

Kids do things that are developmentally appropriate. If a toddler takes a random toy from by someone's feet, that's developmentally appropriate. If a 4 year old yells "no!" at that child, that's developmentally appropriate. In the 4 year old's mind, she was saying, "these are my toys, don't take them." She didn't touch him. Touching/hitting is always grounds for parental intervention. Is that clearer?

OP here. I guess you missed the post 3 pages ago when I said that both kids were behaving developmentally appropriate. My gripe is not with the 4-year old. My gripe is with the father who did nothing to correct the 4-year old.

OMG, you aren't going to let this go, are you?

She thought the toddler took the toy from her. She yelled at him. I assume you think the father should have said "Mary, don't yell, you weren't playing with that!" Well a) maybe she was, and because he is a toddler he didn't know that or b) maybe she wasn't, and the dad wasn't micromanaging every instance of his 4 year old's existence, so he didn't know whether she was or not. What he knows is that she used words and he hit (again, normal for their ages).

Get over it.

That comment was made 3 pages ago. Learn to keep up.

What comment? OP isn't getting it.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, OP for this thread! I'm sharing it with my DH bc he gets extremely worked up about playground activities and what he perceives as a "wrong" to our DD. I have banned him from taking her to the playground bc all I hear is a rash of shit afterwards about how bad the other kids/parents/equipment/whatever was and I can't take it. Hopefully, this will help him understand that things happen & the perspective of all the replies.

The fact that you are still worked-up a day later, really should put things in perspective for you! Relax, they are children. Your toddler probably doesn't even remember what happened (unless you've been bitching about it constantly at home).

[Anonymous]

I tend to keep a close eye on my 2yo son, making sure he's not being "rude" to other kids by not letting them play with toys, or by trying to take toys, or yelling "no, mine!" at other kids. However, the other day at a playground, I kind of saw myself reflected in another parent. This dad was just constantly policing his two kids, age 2 and 4. He was pretty much right, but it was exhausting to listen to, and I imagine tiring for the kids to deal with. Just constant "Sally, let him go down the slide, Bobby, let her play with one of the cars, Sally, don't yell so loud..." I mean, his intentions were good, but it was overwhelming. SO, my point is, I've backed way off my own son. I could 100% see myself allowing my kid to scoop up a toy (even if he'd set it down, maybe he's still using it) and yelling "no." If it kept happening, I'd intervene. Even at his age now, I often let it play out for a minute because sometimes my son relents after one "that's MY toy."

OP, maybe the dad just wanted to see if the girl would resolve the problem on her own. Hitting requires immediate intervention. But sharing, taking turns, etc need to be learned through experience as well as parental interaction. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your kid stole toys and then hit and HE's the bad parent? Your kid sounds absolutely awful.

+1000 the other child did nothing wrong. Op's child sounds awful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's a tip you can use, OP. These "To the ____ who did ____ today" threads never go well. You just are starting off from a position where you look like a complainer. And you don't get a lot of sympathy when your kid hit someone on the playground.

LOl this is so true! Has one of these EVER gone OP's way?

[Anonymous]

Parents of 4/5 year old children do not hover over them at the playground correcting their every interaction. Even the helicopter ones. That's what parents of toddlers do.

If correction of a 4/5 year old is warranted, it would be discussed later, not in the moment in front of the rest of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tend to keep a close eye on my 2yo son, making sure he's not being "rude" to other kids by not letting them play with toys, or by trying to take toys, or yelling "no, mine!" at other kids. However, the other day at a playground, I kind of saw myself reflected in another parent. This dad was just constantly policing his two kids, age 2 and 4. He was pretty much right, but it was exhausting to listen to, and I imagine tiring for the kids to deal with. Just constant "Sally, let him go down the slide, Bobby, let her play with one of the cars, Sally, don't yell so loud..." I mean, his intentions were good, but it was overwhelming. SO, my point is, I've backed way off my own son. I could 100% see myself allowing my kid to scoop up a toy (even if he'd set it down, maybe he's still using it) and yelling "no." If it kept happening, I'd intervene. Even at his age now, I often let it play out for a minute because sometimes my son relents after one "that's MY toy."

OP, maybe the dad just wanted to see if the girl would resolve the problem on her own. Hitting requires immediate intervention. But sharing, taking turns, etc need to be learned through experience as well as parental interaction. .

This is a nice point. I see parents like this at the playground, and it's exhausting to watch. Plus, to me, it feels a little sad, like they are constantly policing their kids and correcting them and sometimes sounding irritated with them, or like they're overly worried about other people thinking that they are "good" parents, instead of just relaxing and enjoying the playground. Kids really do figure out some of this stuff on their own--the kid grabbing the toy learns to ask; the kid who was playing with it figures out how to stand up for themselves in an appropriate way. And sometimes the first "No!" is followed by sharing if you let them be, whereas forcing them to share can backfire.

I figure my job is to police the boundaries--hitting, biting, hogging the slide, etc.--firmly, give her some guidance (talk about playing nicely, taking turns, etc.) but then let her have a chance to learn how to interact with other kids in her own way. She's a sweet kid who enjoys the company of other kids, so she's got some powerful internal incentives to figure out how to get along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's a tip you can use, OP. These "To the ____ who did ____ today" threads never go well. You just are starting off from a position where you look like a complainer. And you don't get a lot of sympathy when your kid hit someone on the playground.

LOl this is so true! Has one of these EVER gone OP's way?

Nope. Never.

[Anonymous]

Damn OP, your foolishness is gonna break the internet. Please tell me this was all a big joke.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I don't let people shout at my kids. I would have said something to the 4 year old, like 'Hey, that's not nice! No shouting!" or "That's not okay!" then dealt with my own kid if the other parent just sat there. My kids know I have their backs. I do believe kids should learn to work things out, but they learn by taking the reins from their parents. If no on teaches them what it means to stick up for them, they can't do it themselves either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. What are the playground rules? I geniunely want to know, because I can't figure out the justification for accusing a 23 MONTH OLD of "stealing" a random toy at the playground that no one else was playing with, then saying he deserved to be yelled at because he should've had the knowledge and foresight to check and make sure it was okay with the other kids??

What is WRONG with you people?

You're missing the point (and getting hysterical).

Kids do things that are developmentally appropriate. If a toddler takes a random toy from by someone's feet, that's developmentally appropriate. If a 4 year old yells "no!" at that child, that's developmentally appropriate. In the 4 year old's mind, she was saying, "these are my toys, don't take them." She didn't touch him. Touching/hitting is always grounds for parental intervention. Is that clearer?

OP here. I guess you missed the post 3 pages ago when I said that both kids were behaving developmentally appropriate. My gripe is not with the 4-year old. My gripe is with the father who did nothing to correct the 4-year old.

OP, your child instigated a fight and took a toy. I am the ultimate helicopter mom based off of DCUM rules and I would not have corrected my child. If anything, if you were there I would have asked for the toy back reminding you my child was playing with it and you took his toy. My child could not have said anything. At 4 he is not verbal. Just because a child is behaving developmentally appropriate and looks "normal" dose not mean things are all ok. You don't know what is going on with someone else's child. Correction means something different to different people and it depends on the child and their needs. Sounds like you need to stay closer and supervise your child if she is in a hitting/touching stage and do not assume other children and parents will be entertained by your little one, want to play with her or even care she is there. My husband bitterly complains about parents like you who expect other parents to play with their kids while they just hang out... he gets so tired of kids latching onto him when all he wants to do is spend time with his son. It got os bad he has had to change playgrounds and now they rarely go as he will not be a free babysitter for lazy parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't let people shout at my kids. I would have said something to the 4 year old, like 'Hey, that's not nice! No shouting!" or "That's not okay!" then dealt with my own kid if the other parent just sat there. My kids know I have their backs. I do believe kids should learn to work things out, but they learn by taking the reins from their parents. If no on teaches them what it means to stick up for them, they can't do it themselves either.

Her KID hit the 4 year old after trying to take the toys. A 4 year old yelling NO is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you agree that battling over toys is normal and generally not to be interfered with. Obviously you think hitting is not okay, and most of us agree. Yelling is not as clear-cut, and perhaps that father was picking his battles with his child as well.

You sound like you don't get to the playground very often if this was a Dear Diary moment for you.

OP here. Actually, I don't bring my toddler to the playground very often. So what you're saying is that these things happen all the time and therefore, does not warrant parental intervention? Interesting. I will remember that going forward.

I'm the pp who has a 3yo and 5yo. When I was a mother of only one toddler, I took things very personally at the playground. It used to break my heart if my toddler wanted to play with a toy and the older child wouldn't share. My child has been shoved, had sand thrown in his eyes, not played with, etc. at the playground and I was appalled at how much parents did not intervene.

Now I have 2 kids ages 3 and 5. They go to preschool. My kids have been bitten, shoved, not invited, been called names, etc. It happens. My kids are well adjusted kids. This is just a part of growing up.

You are the one who seems like you can't get over a 4yo yelling at your child. I have witnessed a lot worse parenting than a dad not intervening in a playground squabble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn OP, your foolishness is gonna break the internet. Please tell me this was all a big joke.

Aw, come on. I relish the chance to laugh at another toddler sanctimommy who is certain that she knows it all!