I want to fall out of love with a married man.

[Anonymous]

He and his wife both have problems, or they would have divorced or repaired the marriage. OP, you are a symptom of a relationship that isn't working, but with you there, there is no way they can work it out. Let them be and find someplace that your presence is not a symptom of some one else's bad choices.

I do not believe you should tell his wife. They know they have problems. Hell, they both admit to having separated status online. Don't throw fuel on the fire.

I will also note that being the other woman is always easier than being married. Does he take out the trash at your place, fix the broken toilet or make a mess? Do you have to do his laundry or make sure you've bought enough food for everyone besides your? You are his "easy" relationship, and he is probable pretty easy for you. There is no guarantee that if you step into the hard part of a relationship, you'd remain in love with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He and his wife both have problems, or they would have divorced or repaired the marriage. OP, you are a symptom of a relationship that isn't working, but with you there, there is no way they can work it out. Let them be and find someplace that your presence is not a symptom of some one else's bad choices.

I do not believe you should tell his wife. They know they have problems. Hell, they both admit to having separated status online. Don't throw fuel on the fire.

I will also note that being the other woman is always easier than being married. Does he take out the trash at your place, fix the broken toilet or make a mess? Do you have to do his laundry or make sure you've bought enough food for everyone besides your? You are his "easy" relationship, and he is probable pretty easy for you. There is no guarantee that if you step into the hard part of a relationship, you'd remain in love with him.

I know this isn't the point, but all of the above was happening before the baby. My garbage disposal broke, he fixed it. He did take out my trash every week. When we went away on business I cooked big meals so he didnt have to eat take out every night. He is a slob and spent the night several times a week. I was ok with that becausd I saw us as a team. But you're right it probably was easier with me. He should have gotten a divorce a long time ago. His wife has a severe mental illness. I don't want to say more because we all live in the dc area. But she has done some fucked up things, that I learned about from someone elsd, that almost cost him his clearance.

[Anonymous]

The man is married, already in a LTR - he is unavailable. Every time he is with you he is CHEATING on his wife, which is not admirable and not noble on his part.

If you love this man, you will not enable this low behavior in him. If he loves YOU he will divorce his wife and try to woo you back as a single and available man.

[Anonymous]

Oh honey. The sick wife, the marriage that's over except in name, etc--they're the oldest stories in the book.

Take a listen: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/393/infidelity?act=3

or the transcript if you'd rather read it, scroll down to Act 3: How Did I Get Here?

[Anonymous]

OP, look at Tori Spelling. She left her husband for a married man. And now that married man has cheated on her.

Do you really want a man who when things get tough (and if you are married long enough things will get tough at some point) decides instead of fighting for his marriage he'll have an affair.

And let's be real. Do you REALLY think he's going to tell you all the fucked up things he's probably done to his wife (I mean other than fucking another woman obviously)??? Married people in affairs always lie about their role in the breakdown of their marriage. It's always all the other person's fault. This is why second marriages have such a high failure rate, people fail to examine their part in what went wrong and then repeat the same mistakes with a new person.

[Anonymous]

You guys are right. Ill keep rereading this posting. Unfortunately I can't fall out of love overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell his wife. Watch him fall magically out of love with you.

LOL!! +1

Listen dummy, they ALL LOVE THEIR WIVES THE MOST. Men who want to find better, file for divorce. If not, he's just hard to get along with or she is that's why they're separated, but deep down they love each other.

When a man wants out, he gets out. Trust that.

[Anonymous]

They've been separated for 3.5 years. His wife probably already knows he has a side chick. But obviously he is holding to his wife for some reason. The only people I know who have prolonged not filing for divorce were those who couldn't afford it or those who couldn't let go. He doesn't sound broke, so I'm gonna guess he is not 100% for sure about his marriage being over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They've been separated for 3.5 years. His wife probably already knows he has a side chick. But obviously he is holding to his wife for some reason. The only people I know who have prolonged not filing for divorce were those who couldn't afford it or those who couldn't let go. He doesn't sound broke, so I'm gonna guess he is not 100% for sure about his marriage being over.

You may not want to believe it because he's probably insisted otherwise, but believe me it is because he still loves her. I've known plenty of broke people who still got divorced. You can absolutely get divorced without lawyers and filing on your own can be as low as $500. People who don't have money, who really want out, will drain savings and move back in with their parents just to get out!!

[Anonymous]

OP, please don't be swayed by tears- my cheating SO used them to get what he wanted (cried with his head in my lap begging me to believe him and stay, just 2 days before I caught him with the other women.) It is very effective because it catches you off guard but extremely manipulative!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They've been separated for 3.5 years. His wife probably already knows he has a side chick. But obviously he is holding to his wife for some reason. The only people I know who have prolonged not filing for divorce were those who couldn't afford it or those who couldn't let go. He doesn't sound broke, so I'm gonna guess he is not 100% for sure about his marriage being over.

You may not want to believe it because he's probably insisted otherwise, but believe me it is because he still loves her. I've known plenty of broke people who still got divorced. You can absolutely get divorced without lawyers and filing on your own can be as low as $500. People who don't have money, who really want out, will drain savings and move back in with their parents just to get out!!

That's not everyone. My best friend saved up for a year to get a divorce, her ex-DH was being a jerk about everything so no way it was going to cost $500. She ended up spending thousands and pretty much gave him everything he wanted just to get it over with. But I don't think that's the case with OP. In 3.5 years, he could have already filed by now.

[Anonymous]

The point is, people who want to get divorced do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The point is, people who want to get divorced do.

I never said they don't. Reading is fundamental.

[Anonymous]

Do not tell the wife. That is between them.

Just stop talking to him. Period. It is a toxic situation. You have to use logic to end it. Just end it. There is no easy way to handle it.

Read the book "Stop Being Addicted to a Person."

[Anonymous]

His wife has a severe mental illness. I don't want to say more because we all live in the dc area. But she has done some fucked up things, that I learned about from someone elsd, that almost cost him his clearance.

Really? Her mental illness almost cost him his clearance but his long term affair didn't jeopordize it? He must have tons of money if the cost of supporting two women (plus kids) doesn't make him more likely to be influenced by graft.

She's done some really fucked up things but that didn't keep him from knocking her up even while he was fucking you?

I hope this makes you see him in a different light. He's quite a fucking liar - and you bought it all.