I want to fall out of love with a married man.

[Anonymous]

The guy has a new baby with his ex and he has the nerve to cry because you're extricating yourself from a toxic situation?
He knows that now you have the chance to meet someone you can have an actual future with, who is not a liar or a cheat. Stay strong, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

Oh, honey. Didn't you say you were in your early 20s? Even if you were in your early 30s, I'd still say the reason you say this is because you're in the midst of self-pity. It's just not true and continuing that line of thinking will lead you too close to thinking that you shouldn't cut it off.

You need to find a friend or therapist who can bolster you when you feel weak. This loser (and he IS a loser) likely knows how he's got you wrapped and will prey upon your emotions to keep you tethered to him. The thinking person in you knows you need to end it. Ignore the emotional person. You deserve so much better than this. If you don't end it, you'll be wasting even more of your time. How will you ever meet the right guy if you're not giving yourself the opportunity?

Thank you for this. I did break it off and he cried. It was awful. But I didn't waiver.
Anyways just wanted to update.

Good for you stay strong OP! It hurts. Let it hurt. There is an amazing man out there for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

Oh, honey. Didn't you say you were in your early 20s? Even if you were in your early 30s, I'd still say the reason you say this is because you're in the midst of self-pity. It's just not true and continuing that line of thinking will lead you too close to thinking that you shouldn't cut it off.

You need to find a friend or therapist who can bolster you when you feel weak. This loser (and he IS a loser) likely knows how he's got you wrapped and will prey upon your emotions to keep you tethered to him. The thinking person in you knows you need to end it. Ignore the emotional person. You deserve so much better than this. If you don't end it, you'll be wasting even more of your time. How will you ever meet the right guy if you're not giving yourself the opportunity?

Thank you for this. I did break it off and he cried. It was awful. But I didn't waiver.
Anyways just wanted to update.

Good for you stay strong OP! It hurts. Let it hurt. There is an amazing man out there for you.


Thanks pp. It does hurt. I am misersble. He keepssending bouquets of roses to my job, emailing me, calling and waits outside my place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

Oh, honey. Didn't you say you were in your early 20s? Even if you were in your early 30s, I'd still say the reason you say this is because you're in the midst of self-pity. It's just not true and continuing that line of thinking will lead you too close to thinking that you shouldn't cut it off.

You need to find a friend or therapist who can bolster you when you feel weak. This loser (and he IS a loser) likely knows how he's got you wrapped and will prey upon your emotions to keep you tethered to him. The thinking person in you knows you need to end it. Ignore the emotional person. You deserve so much better than this. If you don't end it, you'll be wasting even more of your time. How will you ever meet the right guy if you're not giving yourself the opportunity?

Thank you for this. I did break it off and he cried. It was awful. But I didn't waiver.
Anyways just wanted to update.

Good for you stay strong OP! It hurts. Let it hurt. There is an amazing man out there for you.


Thanks pp. It does hurt. I am misersble. He keepssending bouquets of roses to my job, emailing me, calling and waits outside my place.

It's only been a day or two since you broke up with him, right? You can do this and so can he. Have the front desk refuse the flowers. Block him from your email acct. Do not pick up or accept his calls. Refuse to talk to him. If you need to take a couple of days off and go someplace for a few days to give this time to sink in to him. Do it. He should respect the fact that this is over. If he doesn't that is a problem and a worry.

[Anonymous]

He needs to leave you alone. If he really loved you he would want more for you. He would respect that you need and deserve more. He lost his right to woo you back when he impregnated his wife.

[Anonymous]

He loves you. But it just isn't going to work at this point in time . It's good that he loves you or the whole thing was pointless. You can't help who you love. Reality is not fantasy and raw love is a drug. Raw love has painful quick or dissapointing slow endings into real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to leave you alone. If he really loved you he would want more for you. He would respect that you need and deserve more. He lost his right to woo you back when he impregnated his wife.

What an odd viewpoint. Newsflash: marriage is not a platonic relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He loves you. But it just isn't going to work at this point in time . It's good that he loves you or the whole thing was pointless. You can't help who you love. Reality is not fantasy and raw love is a drug. Raw love has painful quick or dissapointing slow endings into real life.

Real life sucks compared to fantasy love. Fantasy love has a shelf life. Real life is dissapointing by it's very nature .

[Anonymous]

Think of it this way OP: if you guys got together and you were the "primary" relationship, he wouldn't be sending you flowers. Sorry. He'd be on to the next woman who didn't remind him how disappointing he is.

It's a game to him.

[Anonymous]

It's only been a day or two since you broke up with him, right? You can do this and so can he. Have the front desk refuse the flowers. Block him from your email acct. Do not pick up or accept his calls. Refuse to talk to him. If you need to take a couple of days off and go someplace for a few days to give this time to sink in to him. Do it. He should respect the fact that this is over. If he doesn't that is a problem and a worry.

Exactly! Of course he's trying to get you back. Know anything about operant conditioning? He's trying to get you to respond. If you do respond (including accepting flowers), you will reinforce his behavior. The next time you want to break up (and there will be a next time), he'll know what to do and will escalate his efforts until you respond. It's the same principle of why you should never give in to a child's tantrums, you're reinforcing the behavior. When a previously reinforced behavior is no longer reinforced with either positive or negative reinforcement, it leads to a decline (extinction) in that behavior.

Do not reinforce his behavior by responding!

[Anonymous]

I mostly haven't responded to anything. Although I honestly feel bad when I walk into my apt building and he's sitting there crying. We got into an argumeng in frint of my home. I asked him what was I suppksed to do when he didnt choose me. He says he does and always has. I asked then how did his wife get pregnant. He goes on to say he has never seen himself as divorced. I told him no one does I told him to please let me move on.I walked away and he sat on my steps crying with his head in his hands. It hurts to see him cry. His subking died a while back. He did cry, but not like this. He is usually stoic in public.
Do you really think accepting the roses is e nabling him? How do I refuse them if they have already been delivered when I arrive?

[Anonymous]

*arguments *front

[Anonymous]

*supposed *sibling sorry typing from my ipad

[Anonymous]

It's going to hurt OP. No way around that. But you are doing the right thing.

I'd just throw the flowers in the trash.

He's sounds a little stalker-ish right now. Be cautious, Ok?

[Anonymous]

Suppose he divorces his wife and comes to you. You will then have a man that can not be trusted and if you marry him you will have to help him pay child support to his former wife.

Does that sound like the life you want?