I want to fall out of love with a married man.

[Anonymous]

y'all all crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation. Met him before he was married or engaged and we fell madly in love. Fairy tale romance, love at first sight, etc. We wanted to get married but his family resisted due to my race (white) so he married her. We stayed together and it wasn't easy but made easier because he didn't love her and she was barely around. When the time came when I decided that I wanted more (marriage, babies) we decided to cut ties. We tried to be friends but I didn't want to hear about his life and he didn't want to hear about mine so we had to cut all contact with each other. We loved each other so desperately that a year later my heart still hurts for him.

So in answer to your question...you already know that being with him is wrong, you already have that guilt and the pain of
Knowing you will never be together. You already know that cutting all contact with him is the right thing to do and that contacting his wife won't solve anything. What you don't know and are asking is how will you ever stop loving this man even though he put you through hell. A year later I still ask myself that same question. Good luck

Time really does heal all wounds. Sometimes it takes longer for some. And sometimes the scars still show. but you heal.

[Anonymous]

I'll tell you how, OP -- do what I did. Believe him when he tells you he is divorcing his wife and she is fine with it. Then believe his wife when she tells you they are just room mates and friends, not really man and wife. Believe him when he tells you that he hasn't had sex in ten years (and because the sex with him turns out to be so bad, this is the easiest part of all to believe....). Believe him when he says he has filed the divorce papers "online." Agree to move in with him. Believe him when he spends free time at "his wife's house." Kick him to the curb when you realize the truth, and watch him move his ten things out of your apartment back into "his wife's house." Feel deep shame and regret when you and his "roommate and friend/STBX wife" have babies a few days apart. Kick yourself for being such an idiot. Kick yourself a few more times. Then do it for a few more years. Get sued for custody -- a few times. Ask yourself what lessons you have learned along the way. Scratch your head. Ask yourself again. Etc. Works like a charm.

[Anonymous]

If you love him you should fight for him.

[Anonymous]

What I can't figure out is why you people actually deliberately invite drama into your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you love him you should fight for him.

You can't fight for a man that isn't available.
Fact: He's MARRIED. He is NOT available. Regardless of what he says.


My advice, change your thinking, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll tell you how, OP -- do what I did. Believe him when he tells you he is divorcing his wife and she is fine with it. Then believe his wife when she tells you they are just room mates and friends, not really man and wife. Believe him when he tells you that he hasn't had sex in ten years (and because the sex with him turns out to be so bad, this is the easiest part of all to believe....). Believe him when he says he has filed the divorce papers "online." Agree to move in with him. Believe him when he spends free time at "his wife's house." Kick him to the curb when you realize the truth, and watch him move his ten things out of your apartment back into "his wife's house." Feel deep shame and regret when you and his "roommate and friend/STBX wife" have babies a few days apart. Kick yourself for being such an idiot. Kick yourself a few more times. Then do it for a few more years. Get sued for custody -- a few times. Ask yourself what lessons you have learned along the way. Scratch your head. Ask yourself again. Etc. Works like a charm.

Yep, I was told the same line of crap, too. Then his wife became pregnant. Yeah, I doubt he was sleeping on the couch. The worst part is that I stayed with him through the birth of that child, but I decided after that that I would never be able to believe him about anything. About his feelings for me. About his feelings for her. And he has the nerve to be heartbroken that I left him.

I'm doing much better now, but I still cry. I don't know when it will get better, but I just try to stay busy and to count my blessings. Get away while you still can. Before you allow yourself to be sucked in further. He has nothing to lose, but you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The point is, people who want to get divorced do.

Well....I have a friend that would love to get a divorce. She tried but her husband and his family (who have lots of $) deliberately dragged out the proceedings (fighting over child custody issues), she used up all her savings and was not able to continue with the lawyers and she is STILL married. He is crazy because he won't let her go yet he doesn't want her (or the children really). They have nothing to do with each other yet are still married. She's now saved up more money but all the evaluations have to be re-done all over again because it's been a year. His family demanded pschological evaluations on all family members, just one of the many reasons it took so long & the bills became so high. It's just exhausting with no end in sight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point is, people who want to get divorced do.

Well....I have a friend that would love to get a divorce. She tried but her husband and his family (who have lots of $) deliberately dragged out the proceedings (fighting over child custody issues), she used up all her savings and was not able to continue with the lawyers and she is STILL married. He is crazy because he won't let her go yet he doesn't want her (or the children really). They have nothing to do with each other yet are still married. She's now saved up more money but all the evaluations have to be re-done all over again because it's been a year. His family demanded pschological evaluations on all family members, just one of the many reasons it took so long & the bills became so high. It's just exhausting with no end in sight.

There's this one time, at band camp.........

[Anonymous]

Im a bit late yet curious on how this turned out im pretty much battling with a similar situation??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point is, people who want to get divorced do.

Well....I have a friend that would love to get a divorce. She tried but her husband and his family (who have lots of $) deliberately dragged out the proceedings (fighting over child custody issues), she used up all her savings and was not able to continue with the lawyers and she is STILL married. He is crazy because he won't let her go yet he doesn't want her (or the children really). They have nothing to do with each other yet are still married. She's now saved up more money but all the evaluations have to be re-done all over again because it's been a year. His family demanded pschological evaluations on all family members, just one of the many reasons it took so long & the bills became so high. It's just exhausting with no end in sight.

There's this one time, at band camp.........

Hahahaha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im a bit late yet curious on how this turned out im pretty much battling with a similar situation??

I ended it, I am miserable. I cry all the time. He filed for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im a bit late yet curious on how this turned out im pretty much battling with a similar situation??

I ended it, I am miserable. I cry all the time. He filed for divorce.

How long has it been since you ended it and when did he file? Are you still in contact with him?
I'm sorry OP, I know it's painful and I know you didn't go into this situation knowing he was married. I have been there and it took some time (and drama) to get over it, but I did get over it. You will be okay even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

[Anonymous]

OP, the best way to fall out of love, is to marry him.

[Anonymous]

Since this is Anonymous I can be completely honest. I unfortunately slept with him in the summer. I cut off all sex in July. I stupidly thought we could be friends. But we can't. I love him so much. I know the chemistry we have.... I am stupid around him. I have lost more than 50 lbs since the break up. I miss him.
He filed a few months ago. We were in contact up until October. I then changed my phone number. He still sends me flowers and write me love letters and tells me i am the love of his life.