Does anyone think their child ISN'T attractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um... IME, people (strangers) will stop probably 90% of parents to tell them how cute their baby is.

I don't mean that nearly every parent will be subjected to a constant barrage of oohs and aahs from every single stranger they meet, but I do mean that nearly every parent will be told repeatedly (maybe daily, if they get out a lot) that they have a "sooo cute," or even "beautiful" baby (especially before the child is 2).

I think it's like having a puppy-- even the "ugly" ones are pretty cute to people who like dogs, for a variety of evolutionary reasons. Plus, their cute behavior, smiles, etc. can up the cute factor a lot.

Obviously some people get more compliments than others, but I think it's really hard to tell, especially when you're a first-time parent, if you are getting more compliments than anyone else. Spoiler alert-- you're probably not.

If anything, I probably downgrade my own DC's appearance-- I probably think she's less attractive than she "objectively" is. Compliments galore. But I know lots and lots of kids who are nothing "special" (as compared to other babies/toddlers) whose parents get told how cute they are-- pretty frequently. That's along with kids I think are more "objectively" attractive than my own DC.

You can tell the difference when you have a couple of kids and when one gets more or less attention from people. It is obvious with several kids. #1 Complimented all the time. Cute as a button but had a very outgoing personality and was exceptionally verbal at a very early age. Got tons of attention, constantly, from everyone. #2 Almost never complimented, and when he was it was a vague general compliment like "such big eyes" or "nice outfit". Once, a lady in a waiting room for older child's activity let her inner voice out accidentally, and out slipped "those ears" or something of that ilk while she was looking at my baby. Very embarrassing and awkward for her. #3 absolutely adorable child. Constantly complemented. Very strongly resembles a very popular child actor (told this at least twice/week by strangers) and a strong, pleasant, outgoing personality which makes people view kids as more attractive.

As they have gotten older, #2 has grown into those strong, dramatic looks that were so odd on a baby/toddler. As a kid, that one is turning into stunning little person. #1 is cute average, and #3 still gets tons of attention for being cute.

I think they are all amazingly beautiful though because they are mine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The older I get the more beautiful I think almost everyone is. Sometimes I play a game on the metro where I check out people in the car and find the aspect I think is most lovely. I am actually a snide and cynical person by nature, but I think if everyone had a makeover and went on what not to wear, we'd almost all be beautiful.

I know this post is over two years old, but. . . PP, if you're out there, you are kidding yourself if you think that you have a cynical nature! This is one of the kindest and most generous posts I've read in ten years of DCUM. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure everyone sees the beauty in their own babes. and, I think most little kids are at least pretty darned cute.

my first was a stunningly beautiful baby. (I know, i know, everyone thinks that, but seriously.) she never even had that slightly alien newborn look. she just looked a bit like the gerber baby from the get-go. I'm not the most objective, as I think she's still beautiful, but I think she's a bit more normal-looking little kid now at 3. It's her giant personality that gets her attention now, I think, and she gets a ton of attention from strangers still, all of whom tell her how "pretty" she is. DD2 is more standard cute kid and more reserved too. I try not comment much on either of their looks much but the 3yo is recently obsessed with being "pretty". I fear this will only get worse.

a friend of mine has a 7-year-old daughter who is jaw-dropping. that child, who I recalled as a fairly homely baby, is now just stunning. she's tall and athletic for a 7-year-old (and is frequently mistaken for a tween) and just has these well-defined, perfectly symmetrical features. she's multiracial and so her features perhaps aren't the classically pretty little kid look for any particular group but stand out in every group. anyway, I know lots and lots of cute kids but probably just the one now that I think of as someone really unusually beautiful. when I recently saw her for the first time in a few years, I had to bite my tongue to stop the first words out of my mouth being about how gorgeous she was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I look back at pictures of my kid I realize she had cuter phases and...well...less cute ones. But at the time of the less cute ones? I thought she was the most adorable creature on earth. Still do.

This. It's funny because I have friends with really cute babies and kids but only think about it for a minute or two. So even if mine are objectively adorable, I know that nobody cares like I do. Yet, I can stare at the baby monitor (only time they are still enough for me to really look) for hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um... IME, people (strangers) will stop probably 90% of parents to tell them how cute their baby is.

I don't mean that nearly every parent will be subjected to a constant barrage of oohs and aahs from every single stranger they meet, but I do mean that nearly every parent will be told repeatedly (maybe daily, if they get out a lot) that they have a "sooo cute," or even "beautiful" baby (especially before the child is 2).

I think it's like having a puppy-- even the "ugly" ones are pretty cute to people who like dogs, for a variety of evolutionary reasons. Plus, their cute behavior, smiles, etc. can up the cute factor a lot.

Obviously some people get more compliments than others, but I think it's really hard to tell, especially when you're a first-time parent, if you are getting more compliments than anyone else. Spoiler alert-- you're probably not.

If anything, I probably downgrade my own DC's appearance-- I probably think she's less attractive than she "objectively" is. Compliments galore. But I know lots and lots of kids who are nothing "special" (as compared to other babies/toddlers) whose parents get told how cute they are-- pretty frequently. That's along with kids I think are more "objectively" attractive than my own DC.

You can tell the difference when you have a couple of kids and when one gets more or less attention from people. It is obvious with several kids. #1 Complimented all the time. Cute as a button but had a very outgoing personality and was exceptionally verbal at a very early age. Got tons of attention, constantly, from everyone. #2 Almost never complimented, and when he was it was a vague general compliment like "such big eyes" or "nice outfit". Once, a lady in a waiting room for older child's activity let her inner voice out accidentally, and out slipped "those ears" or something of that ilk while she was looking at my baby. Very embarrassing and awkward for her. #3 absolutely adorable child. Constantly complemented. Very strongly resembles a very popular child actor (told this at least twice/week by strangers) and a strong, pleasant, outgoing personality which makes people view kids as more attractive.

As they have gotten older, #2 has grown into those strong, dramatic looks that were so odd on a baby/toddler. As a kid, that one is turning into stunning little person. #1 is cute average, and #3 still gets tons of attention for being cute.

I think they are all amazingly beautiful though because they are mine

Yes, I'm the PP. As I said, I'm sure that parents of more than one have a better idea (although not perfect).

But as a mom to (one) older toddler, I just have so many other first-time-parent friends who remarked at one time or another that people were "always coming up to us to tell us how cute he or she is." And the parents didn't say this to me in an obnoxious way, it just came up at some point-- or I even witnessed it when we were out and about together. And this applied to babies I personally think were cute-ish as well as kids I think are "objectively" stunningly beautiful.

Just saying that the experience of having a stranger per day (give or take) compliment your baby's looks is pretty common. Maybe not a universal experience. Surely variable (some get it even more than others). But pretty darned common.

The bar for a baby to look cute or even "really cute" or "beautiful" to an adult is just lower-- and, though it is probably a lesser factor, so is the bar for a stranger to actually verbalize this (vs a stranger spontaneously remarking on this to the parent of an older kid, or to an adult).

[Anonymous]

My DD was a hideous baby: bald, bulgy, blobby, etc. People still went out of their way to say nice things about her appearance. That's just the social norm, and there's really nothing else to compliment a baby on.

She's a perfectly fine looking 6 yo, with a beautiful (if often messy) head of hair, but it's her personality that we emphasize and that others seem to notice.

[Anonymous]

my son is gorgeous. and I always wondered if I felt that way because he was mine (love and all). But then I had my daughter, and she is cute and fine, but not gorgeous. Just average. Worse, I see a lot of my husband's family in her (his mom and sister). Not pretty women. I don't want to be one of those mom's posters talk about who are critical of their daughter's looks (and I'm rather average myself - peaked long ago in my mid twenties), so do I just take looks out of the equation?

[Anonymous]

Is it just me or is the word "attractive" creepy when applied to children?

[Anonymous]

Older DD is drop dead gorgeous and naturally thin. You see one is pretty but chunky. I'm hoping she'll shed the weight.