Does anyone think their child ISN'T attractive?

[Anonymous]

This may be a totally useless post b/c of my lack of detail, but I read somewhere a year or so ago (I think in the NYT) that there is a "gene" or something (seems odd to me that it would be a gene, but I just don't remember) that kicks in when kids are born so that moms find their babies attractive. I just tried to find it on google, and I couldn't, but I know that I'm not making this up.

And, yes, I think my own children are beautiful. I did not consider myself to be particularly attractive as a baby nor do I consider myself particularly pretty as an adult (I did have a pretty cute phase from 3-6 though). I'm not unattractive, but I'm definitely that woman on the metro in need of a makeover. People are constantly telling me that my daughter looks just like me. So I don't know if she really isn't cute, or perhaps I'm not as bad looking as I think I am. But it makes me really careful about what images I project about myself when I'm around my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I saw my oldest in the OB's hands my first involuntary thought was "She's so ugly!" I've changed my opinion of course but she had newborn misshapen head and marks on her face.

This cracked me up!

[Anonymous]

Well, I suspect my children are not "gorgeous" by modern media standards. But they are beautiful to me. Just like my husband is handsome to me. They light up a room when they walk in! (As far as I'm concerned. )

[Anonymous]

I think my daughter is cute now, but there were times when she was NOT an attractive baby. And I knew it. Luckily she had (has) a great personality.

Some babies/kids are gorgeous, some are ugly, most are somewhere in-between. Like adults.

[Anonymous]

My youngest (4.5) is beautiful and she gets comments when we're out.

My 13 y/o daughter definitely had ugly stages growing up and internally I recognized them. Never made these comments to her, but boy am I glad she grew into her features. Braces helped a lot.

I think my older three children are about a 7 on the attractive scale.

[Anonymous]

I have three kids. The first (boy) came out and everyone in the room (docs, nurses, etc) said wow, what a beautiful baby. I guess he was but I didn't think about it. I didn't know any better. He is a gorgeous kid. We get stopped all the time about it. Told her should model, etc.

Second one came (girl) and not pretty at all. A face only a mother could love. Dad hoped she would grow into her looks. She was not a pretty baby and we knew it. At around 2 - 2 1/2 something changed and she turned pretty. Unconventional but pretty.

Third (girl) came out beautiful and still is. She is a head turner. she has the best of both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I saw my oldest in the OB's hands my first involuntary thought was "She's so ugly!" I've changed my opinion of course but she had newborn misshapen head and marks on her face.

Oh yes, PP. It hurts me to say it, but my DD was really very unattractive in the first week or two after birth. Being squished in the womb really did a number on her. But I loved her all the more. It was especially shocking because my firstborn (DS) was so incredibly beautiful the moment he popped out (in my opinion anyway). However DD has become so cute now that all the newborn squishiness has popped out/straightened out/filled out.

On another note, my parents always made me feel beautiful and it gave me so much self-esteem. I never worried about my looks, and I am not special looking or very attractive by any means, but their compliments and love made me feel confident. I hope to give that to my children.

[Anonymous]

I was an objectively beautiful baby. My early photos are stunning. My sister was a hideous baby. I am quite plain, and she is drop-dead gorgeous now. I think we all change as we age, so I don't put any stock in how my kids look (for the record, two are cute enough, and the third is quite lovely).

[Anonymous]

I must admit that I find babies ugly... and somehow I found mine beautiful but I was clear that hormones clouded my judgment (and indeed now if I look at baby pictures, I see more clearly).

I find my girls so cute and get compliments but if I look with a critical eye, I doubt neither of them will be model like.

But it is the same is real life. I can count on one hand the number of real beauties out there, though most women are beautiful in their own ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

When I look back at pictures of my kid I realize she had cuter phases and...well...less cute ones. But at the time of the less cute ones? I thought she was the most adorable creature on earth. Still do.

This. Everything about my babies was cute to me. Until I looked back later at their baby pictures They'll always be beautiful to their mama.

Yep, this. I look back and she was looking pretty busted at times. Lol. She truly looked like the most beautiful thing I had ever seen at the time.

[Anonymous]

My oldest is stunning. People would run after us to compliment us on him when he was younger. People turn and stare all the time. He does have such a beautiful face.

My youngest is beautiful too. He's super cute and toothy right now, but I do recognize that he's not as drop dead gorgeous as his brother and that's obvious because we don't have grown men running after us in the street to tell us how cute he is. I still think he's incredibly handsome, but recognize he's not quite the head turner his brother was (and still is) at the same age. It's mainly in the coloring.

[Anonymous]

I don't usually think about my sons in terms of attractiveness until I look at other kids their age. Then I think my children look like supermodels. Don't worry, I'm laughing at myself too.

[Anonymous]

My first baby was horribly ugly. She was big like a sumo wrestler baby, and had a really weird face. I wanted to cry when I saw her. Actually, I did cry. She was just ... awful-looking. I'd look at her and think "I need to teach her how to stand up to bullying, I need to really nourish whatever inner talents she has, she needs to have a sparkling personality" and I was frantic about what if we had to get her braces and then she got beat up and it messed up her braces (I was hormonal).

Turned out once she hit about 3, she cuted up (and lost the baby weight). She's now 8 and totally normal looking and even random strangers think she's cute.

DH and I thought maybe our genes just combine to make ugly babies, but we bit the bullet and made two more and the second two came out MUCH cuter than the first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first baby was horribly ugly. She was big like a sumo wrestler baby, and had a really weird face. I wanted to cry when I saw her. Actually, I did cry. She was just ... awful-looking. I'd look at her and think "I need to teach her how to stand up to bullying, I need to really nourish whatever inner talents she has, she needs to have a sparkling personality" and I was frantic about what if we had to get her braces and then she got beat up and it messed up her braces (I was hormonal).

Turned out once she hit about 3, she cuted up (and lost the baby weight). She's now 8 and totally normal looking and even random strangers think she's cute.

DH and I thought maybe our genes just combine to make ugly babies, but we bit the bullet and made two more and the second two came out MUCH cuter than the first.

This is basically my experience, too. DD was, by conventional standards, a homely baby. She's a happy, outgoing, exuberant, beautiful 3yo now -- I think having a full head of hair and a face that is longer than it is wide helped -- but personality also goes a loooong way.

[Anonymous]

Like a couple of the PPs, one of my children had a hemangioma as a baby-- a serious one that deformed a facial feature. It eventually required surgery, and it now looks much better but is still somewhat noticeable and might need a followup surgery when older. At the time I knew it wasn't great, and random people would often ask me about it (never in a mean way, just curious, especially kids)-- but looking back at the photos now I'm struck by how much worse it was than I thought at the time! I guess that protective motherhood gene had really kicked in for me.

Now my younger kid has been lovely from an early age and we're often stopped in the store by comments like what a gorgeous baby, etc. It always makes me feel a bit awkward when my older kid is there, as if they'll remember/realize there's a difference in how people have treated them. I always try to make up for it with my own compliments.