I feel like I'm drowning. How do two full time working parents do it?

[Anonymous]

OP, you are in the thick of it now but it will get easier, not because you will have less to do but because you will get better at it. My kids are 10 and 7, two full time working parents and we've never had a nanny.

Here's how you do it.

Analyze your day. What are the sticking points? Where can you streamline things and make them more efficient? Set yourself up to succeed. Clorox wipes in every bathroom for quick touch ups, buy a Dustbuster and keep it easily accessible, and do a quick "declutter" every night with your husband for like 10 minutes. We have a laundry basket in every bedroom and one in the laundry room (which is on our main living level) so any laundry is easily collected.

Meals are a big issue. You need a plan there and you need to develop a quick roster of easy "go to" meals. Soup and sandwiches, omlets, pasta, salads that kind of thing. This is not forever and you can cook nice meals on weekends if you are so inclined, or eat out.

Figure out how your husband can contribute. I worked in BigLaw for years and the best part of that job is the flexibility. Yes, you work a lot, but you can also carve out time to run errands and no one will care as long as you are billing your time. Your husband is lying to you or really inefficient if he can't get some things done during the day. Trust me, all the dads I worked with seem to find time to go to their kids sporting events or stand around in the halls and shoot the shit when they feel like it, so he needs to be responsible for making doctor appointments, running to the pharmacy, etc.

Don't turn on the t.v. I repeat, don't turn on the t.v. You think you need to come home and chill but it will just drain you. The only time to watch tv is while you are folding laundry. Then you are efficient AND get a treat!

Wake up 15 minutes earlier every morning. You'll see what I mean if you do this.

Exercise and make time for yourself. I know this is easier said than done, but you cannot cannot cannot allow yourself to burn out. You will feel so much better and more energetic if you are having some fun. So figure out how you can fit this in, even if for just 15 minutes every other day.

When you get home, drop everything and snuggle your baby for a few minutes. I find that if I come home and rush right into the routine I feel frenzied, whereas if I take a few minutes to breathe and relax, it energizes and refreshes me.

Good luck, you can do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, we asked plenty of questions but you refuse to give any specifics; instead you belittle others for their inferior intelligence. Really classy.

Then I must have skipped a page. You must understand that my intent is not to be insulting. I just like to get to the nitty gritty. And truly someone does lack intelligence if after reading all my posts all they can think of is an insult.

Like the poster below who referred to a direct sales company...she is not that bright. If that is the only thing she could think of, it shows she lacks creativity and intelligence. Anyone with half a brain knows that people don't make money doing that, and anyone with a full brain could think of at least 5 ideas on how to generate income. Not that all of them would be good ideas, but you have to start somewhere.

The problem is that people rely too much on their formal education. It turns them into fools who have memorized a lot of facts.

[Anonymous]

Stop speaking in circles, "intelligent" poster. Quit being vague. Either tell us what you do for a living or drop it.

[Anonymous]

Agree. Your intent was not to be insulting? Then perhaps you should choose your words a bit better, as you were very insulting in each of your posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, we asked plenty of questions but you refuse to give any specifics; instead you belittle others for their inferior intelligence. Really classy.

Then I must have skipped a page. You must understand that my intent is not to be insulting. I just like to get to the nitty gritty. And truly someone does lack intelligence if after reading all my posts all they can think of is an insult.

Like the poster below who referred to a direct sales company...she is not that bright. If that is the only thing she could think of, it shows she lacks creativity and intelligence. Anyone with half a brain knows that people don't make money doing that, and anyone with a full brain could think of at least 5 ideas on how to generate income. Not that all of them would be good ideas, but you have to start somewhere.

The problem is that people rely too much on their formal education. It turns them into fools who have memorized a lot of facts.

So again, what are your SPECIFIC ideas and advice to the OP? Since you are so smart an all...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop speaking in circles, "intelligent" poster. Quit being vague. Either tell us what you do for a living or drop it.

I'm guessing prostitute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...So for that reason, women need to have a marketable skill. But its not for self fulfillment..its for protecting herself and her children.

So you should not be fulfilled by what you can do, just worry about how to support your family if DH goes off the deep end? Is that what you're saying? In which case I guess I should not have worried about a Masters degree, because I could always just hook. The fact that my Masters degree is in my chosen field of work, which I find personally fulfilling, is apparently beside the point.

Anonymous wrote:...An intelligent person would ignore the tone of my posts and inquire more.

An intelligent person would also have written a better post with less (un)intentional vitriole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, we asked plenty of questions but you refuse to give any specifics; instead you belittle others for their inferior intelligence. Really classy.

Then I must have skipped a page. You must understand that my intent is not to be insulting. I just like to get to the nitty gritty. And truly someone does lack intelligence if after reading all my posts all they can think of is an insult.

Like the poster below who referred to a direct sales company...she is not that bright. If that is the only thing she could think of, it shows she lacks creativity and intelligence. Anyone with half a brain knows that people don't make money doing that, and anyone with a full brain could think of at least 5 ideas on how to generate income. Not that all of them would be good ideas, but you have to start somewhere.

The problem is that people rely too much on their formal education. It turns them into fools who have memorized a lot of facts.

So again, what are your SPECIFIC ideas and advice to the OP? Since you are so smart an all...

It was already given in a list. 1,2,3.... if you need someone to spoon fed you from that list, then it is not going to work. No one is going to draw out a map for you. I gave ideas, it is up to the individual to apply them to her life. What worked for me specifically will not work for you because you are not me. However if you take the general ideas and apply them to your situation then it can work. You must have skipped that post...go back, it is there.

To the poster below who guessed prostitution, that just shows the limits of your brain power. What are these fancy schools teaching these days? A bunch of nothing. At least the direct sales poster was heading towards logic. She missed the boat, but she was a lot closer to it than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are in the thick of it now but it will get easier, not because you will have less to do but because you will get better at it. My kids are 10 and 7, two full time working parents and we've never had a nanny.

Here's how you do it.

Analyze your day. What are the sticking points? Where can you streamline things and make them more efficient? Set yourself up to succeed. Clorox wipes in every bathroom for quick touch ups, buy a Dustbuster and keep it easily accessible, and do a quick "declutter" every night with your husband for like 10 minutes. We have a laundry basket in every bedroom and one in the laundry room (which is on our main living level) so any laundry is easily collected.

Meals are a big issue. You need a plan there and you need to develop a quick roster of easy "go to" meals. Soup and sandwiches, omlets, pasta, salads that kind of thing. This is not forever and you can cook nice meals on weekends if you are so inclined, or eat out.

Figure out how your husband can contribute. I worked in BigLaw for years and the best part of that job is the flexibility. Yes, you work a lot, but you can also carve out time to run errands and no one will care as long as you are billing your time. Your husband is lying to you or really inefficient if he can't get some things done during the day. Trust me, all the dads I worked with seem to find time to go to their kids sporting events or stand around in the halls and shoot the shit when they feel like it, so he needs to be responsible for making doctor appointments, running to the pharmacy, etc.

Don't turn on the t.v. I repeat, don't turn on the t.v. You think you need to come home and chill but it will just drain you. The only time to watch tv is while you are folding laundry. Then you are efficient AND get a treat!

Wake up 15 minutes earlier every morning. You'll see what I mean if you do this.

Exercise and make time for yourself. I know this is easier said than done, but you cannot cannot cannot allow yourself to burn out. You will feel so much better and more energetic if you are having some fun. So figure out how you can fit this in, even if for just 15 minutes every other day.

When you get home, drop everything and snuggle your baby for a few minutes. I find that if I come home and rush right into the routine I feel frenzied, whereas if I take a few minutes to breathe and relax, it energizes and refreshes me.

Good luck, you can do it!

This is good advice. I only have one (2.5) but we are both FT working parents (both attorneys with demanding jobs, although not BigLaw and no facetime requirements). We do a lot of these things. I TOTALLY AGREE with getting up earlier...I started doing this too and having the extra 15 minutes downstairs by myself to get organized, empty the dishwasher, make lunch, straighten up...or if nothing needed to be done, surf the web, catch up on email...this is KEY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, we asked plenty of questions but you refuse to give any specifics; instead you belittle others for their inferior intelligence. Really classy.

Then I must have skipped a page. You must understand that my intent is not to be insulting. I just like to get to the nitty gritty. And truly someone does lack intelligence if after reading all my posts all they can think of is an insult.

Like the poster below who referred to a direct sales company...she is not that bright. If that is the only thing she could think of, it shows she lacks creativity and intelligence. Anyone with half a brain knows that people don't make money doing that, and anyone with a full brain could think of at least 5 ideas on how to generate income. Not that all of them would be good ideas, but you have to start somewhere.

The problem is that people rely too much on their formal education. It turns them into fools who have memorized a lot of facts.

So again, what are your SPECIFIC ideas and advice to the OP? Since you are so smart an all...

It was already given in a list. 1,2,3.... if you need someone to spoon fed you from that list, then it is not going to work. No one is going to draw out a map for you. I gave ideas, it is up to the individual to apply them to her life. What worked for me specifically will not work for you because you are not me. However if you take the general ideas and apply them to your situation then it can work. You must have skipped that post...go back, it is there.

To the poster below who guessed prostitution, that just shows the limits of your brain power. What are these fancy schools teaching these days? A bunch of nothing. At least the direct sales poster was heading towards logic. She missed the boat, but she was a lot closer to it than you.

Um... The only 1,2,3 posts contained specific and helpful tips for the OP. One of them was mine. You are one of those people who like to pontificate without saying anything and then play dumb when people are offended when you call them stupid. Or as my grandmother used to say, you just like to talk to hear your ass rattle. Politics is definitely a perfect career path for you. You would fit right in on the hill. So that is my specific suggestion for you.

[Anonymous]

Op here! Thank you all for the awesome suggestions.

1. We are for sure hiring a cleaning person.
2. We are getting a babysitter for 4-5 hours one weekend day.
3. I would like to order some frozen/fresh meals through a food delivery service. Anyone have one they would rec?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here! Thank you all for the awesome suggestions.

1. We are for sure hiring a cleaning person.
2. We are getting a babysitter for 4-5 hours one weekend day.
3. I would like to order some frozen/fresh meals through a food delivery service. Anyone have one they would rec?

Scratch DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have Crest Cleaners near you, they do drop off and pickup of dry cleaning. Saves us that extra errand. There may be other local dry cleaners that do this also.

Talk to your local Crest. They also do drop off and pick up of LAUNDRY. We're on a weekly schedule. Since you earn dollars back based on what you spend, it's not a bad deal. We send our laundry and dry cleaning to Crest on Monday and get it back on Thursday.

We used to use another NoVA service for the laundry but they went belly up. Now we wash our towels and sheets at home and all our clothes are snet out.

[Anonymous]

Stop cleaning and hire a house cleaner

If you have the luxurious option of going part time do not hesitate, DO IT! Not everyone can.

Btw this gets lots better from here on in. It's like crawling out of a dark tunnel into the light. Try to have some fun here and there

[Anonymous]

I didn't read the whole thread, but we are 2 attorneys who work full time (government). We have twins, and we have an au pair. Also, I work from home 2 days a week. I know you can't do this, but if you feel you are drowning, you need help. Definitely have a cleaning service, even if it's only once a month. With twins I didn't want to have to take them both to daycare. Our au pair has worked out very well. You might consider this. Or a cheap alternative would be a mother's helper. You could have a student help out as needed. Nannys are expensive, so I'm not recommending that. Order things on the internet. Diapers.com is great - very fast service. I order a lot from Target.com. For food delivery, I haven't used it, but I've heard good things about Peapod (Giant home delivery).