I feel like I'm drowning. How do two full time working parents do it?

[Anonymous]

op, i'n new to posting on your topic (although i read it when you opened it a while ago) and i am also a MD married to an attorney (although he went to govt from big law, but still works a ton).

one of the best things we did was enlist some regular babysitting help - we hired an AU student to watch our kids for more or less set hours every weekend - 1-4 (both kids nap, so this falls over nap time) - if i'm working, or if he is, we extned those hours, but basically, we see this is as time to catch up on stuff - DH drops off his dry cleaning, i return stuff, we get groceries, i might get a manicure, whatever. its a known, set relief-time.

we also hired a second student to babysit in the evenings/late afternoons sometimes - she comes, plays while i cook or clean or run out and pick upfood - whatever.

outsource is going to be your favorite word for a while. and then use the extra time you're not worried about when stuff will get done to snuggle.

and yes, your 9 month old absolutely should be napping!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank second wave feminism. Now you can do your work at home with your family and do your other job as well. Run yourself to the ground and enjoy because the money and your job title are worth it. But I don't understand wanting a second child that you will barely see, but its your choice. Why don't you outsource that as well?

Good for you! I'm betting you married one of those men who is highly successful and is making a ton of money which allows you to be a SAHM. That is wonderful. You will also be the one in 10 years coming on DCUM and whining about how your husband left you for the younger, new model and now you don't have any income and are trying to figure out how you can earn $100K when you haven't worked since you were 22. Let us know how that works out for you.

Why not try and be supportive?

Because I do not support career oriented women who have children at home. This thread is proof of why. All these workarounds are ridiculous. Why not just outsource your life? Running around like a trained rat on a wheel that you cannot get off. It is insane. Then to want another kid...why? I guess it helps the economy but it doesn't help society to have kids with moms who do not make them a priority.

There are more options than stay at home and have no outside employment or run around like a trained rat. If you do not realize that, then spend more time considering it and less time encouraging other moms that this stupidity is okay.

This probably has been said already but this person is an AH - ignore her, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or, you could turn over all responsibility for your material stability to another person, find your self-worth entirely in serving children who will outgrow you, set your family up for disaster if your husband dies/leaves/has a brain tumor. Oh, wait ... you have a business that brings in extra dollars and cam easily be ramped up to full-time, support-the-family mode if necessary.

Also, there's an awful lot of self-congratulation here for enjoying domestic labor. I find it stultifying. I don't work fulltime either, and I've still outsourced quite a bit of the child care and cleaning. I also know that we are lucky, lucky, lucky to be in the financial situation to have one full time job, one WAH part time job, and still have weekends entirely free and the resources to hire help. You are ridiculous in your assumptions about OP and WOHMs.

Oh, and congratulations on choosing so well in the husband department. I assume that took all of your best skills.

Actually I do make a lot of money, probably more than you and I probably work less hours too. But it is not as easy as snapping two fingers and I am not self congratulatory about it- it is what it is. Life isn't perfect and second wave feminism has destroyed many protections that women used to have after the Civil War. So for that reason, women need to have a marketable skill. But its not for self fulfillment..its for protecting herself and her children.

The problem with people of low intelligence is that they are too quick to criticize as opposed to asking questions. An intelligent person would ignore the tone of my posts and inquire more. But a bottom of the barrel type likes to see others on the bottom with them. So instead of encouraging them to rise above the filth, you give them ways to stay stuck in the nastiness. You too can be miserable wives and moms with nice job titles like us...just get another woman to do everything you should be doing for your family and hope your kids appreciate all the gadgets you can buy them.

[Anonymous]

Well, we asked plenty of questions but you refuse to give any specifics; instead you belittle others for their inferior intelligence. Really classy.

[Anonymous]

Something has to give. One of you needs a job with greater flexibility, or you need to tag team schedules. Ie: one goes in super early (by7am) and the other goes in at 9 or 9:30 so that one can get home at a reasonable time. Best to make these schedule adjustments in place now bc once your kid is old enough for school and after school activities one of you will need to be home to get the homework done, feed them dinner, and get to the activity (ccd, sports, ballet, music, whatever). Trust me, I have four kids (including a baby) and dh and I both work (I'm a lawyer). Flexibility is key. Saying you have a demanding job is a cop out....you need to fix the problem. If you think it's hard with a baby, just wait until you have to deal with school, activities and lining up childcare for the summer (camps are expensive, and their hours are typically shorter than your work day). Post back with specific questions if you like, and I will happily share my Good Times approach to juggling work and parenting (keeping your head above water, making a wave when you can...)

[Anonymous]

Pp back again with another tag teaming tip: dh often comes home to pick up the kids and get homework and dinner started and then heads back to work for a couple hours. This sort of flex schedule a couple times a week helps a lot.

[Anonymous]

There are something that just aren't going to get done and will fall through the cracks. Decide what those are going to be so you aren't surprised/frustrated when it happens. It took me three very stressful parenting years to figure this out.

[Anonymous]

I think getting used to dealing with all of the stuff is just something that you get used to. Once you get into a routine, it all becomes easier. I have twins and my wife and I both work long hours. We both leave the house around 7 am, I usually get home at 6 pm with the kids, my wife gets home between 7 and 7:30. Here are some things that work for us.

Typical morning:

Wake up at 6 am
My wife gets the kids up, feeds them breakfast while I shower
We both get them dressed.
I'm out the door around 6:45 with the kids to take them to daycare.
My wife gets ready and leaves around 7:15 for work

For us the kids wake up pretty early anyway. We have gotten the morning routine down. The faster we can get ready, the less traffic there is, the faster we can get to work and more importantly leave work.

In the evening, we feed the kids dinner around 7 pm and put them to bed around 7:30-8:00. We usually both do housework for about 30 minutes (cleaning up toys, doing dishes, laundry) then I make us an easy to cook dinner. Lots of easy to make stuff that takes 15-20 minutes tops to cook. Salads, pork chops + veggies, frozen fish that bakes in the oven, stuff like that. Meals that cook in the oven by themselves are ideal or that don't require much interaction are ideal, that way you can do the dishes or other chores while dinner cooks.

So around 9 pm or so we eat dinner, watch TV, for a while then we go to bed around 11 pm.

Some other things that help:

1) We buy lots of stuff at Costco. The kids love going there--all the shopping carts can fit 2 kids in them--and you can really stock up on stuff.
2) We have amazon prime and have tons of stuff delivered. Diapers, diaper genie refills, wipes, pretty much anything we can get to save a trip to the store.
3) We do all of our grocery shopping on the weekend, if we do have to pick up milk or something during the weekend, one of us gets it during lunch while at work.
4) We have a maid that comes once a week to do the heavy cleaning (scrubbing the toilets, mopping the floors, etc)

That said, it is definitely a team job. Even on the weekends, we often trade off with one person watching the kids while the other does some chore or another.

[Anonymous]

If you have Crest Cleaners near you, they do drop off and pickup of dry cleaning. Saves us that extra errand. There may be other local dry cleaners that do this also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or, you could turn over all responsibility for your material stability to another person, find your self-worth entirely in serving children who will outgrow you, set your family up for disaster if your husband dies/leaves/has a brain tumor. Oh, wait ... you have a business that brings in extra dollars and cam easily be ramped up to full-time, support-the-family mode if necessary.

Also, there's an awful lot of self-congratulation here for enjoying domestic labor. I find it stultifying. I don't work fulltime either, and I've still outsourced quite a bit of the child care and cleaning. I also know that we are lucky, lucky, lucky to be in the financial situation to have one full time job, one WAH part time job, and still have weekends entirely free and the resources to hire help. You are ridiculous in your assumptions about OP and WOHMs.

Oh, and congratulations on choosing so well in the husband department. I assume that took all of your best skills.

Actually I do make a lot of money, probably more than you and I probably work less hours too. But it is not as easy as snapping two fingers and I am not self congratulatory about it- it is what it is. Life isn't perfect and second wave feminism has destroyed many protections that women used to have after the Civil War. So for that reason, women need to have a marketable skill. But its not for self fulfillment..its for protecting herself and her children.

The problem with people of low intelligence is that they are too quick to criticize as opposed to asking questions. An intelligent person would ignore the tone of my posts and inquire more. But a bottom of the barrel type likes to see others on the bottom with them. So instead of encouraging them to rise above the filth, you give them ways to stay stuck in the nastiness. You too can be miserable wives and moms with nice job titles like us...just get another woman to do everything you should be doing for your family and hope your kids appreciate all the gadgets you can buy them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or, you could turn over all responsibility for your material stability to another person, find your self-worth entirely in serving children who will outgrow you, set your family up for disaster if your husband dies/leaves/has a brain tumor. Oh, wait ... you have a business that brings in extra dollars and cam easily be ramped up to full-time, support-the-family mode if necessary.

Also, there's an awful lot of self-congratulation here for enjoying domestic labor. I find it stultifying. I don't work fulltime either, and I've still outsourced quite a bit of the child care and cleaning. I also know that we are lucky, lucky, lucky to be in the financial situation to have one full time job, one WAH part time job, and still have weekends entirely free and the resources to hire help. You are ridiculous in your assumptions about OP and WOHMs.

Oh, and congratulations on choosing so well in the husband department. I assume that took all of your best skills.

Actually I do make a lot of money, probably more than you and I probably work less hours too. But it is not as easy as snapping two fingers and I am not self congratulatory about it- it is what it is. Life isn't perfect and second wave feminism has destroyed many protections that women used to have after the Civil War. So for that reason, women need to have a marketable skill. But its not for self fulfillment..its for protecting herself and her children.

The problem with people of low intelligence is that they are too quick to criticize as opposed to asking questions. An intelligent person would ignore the tone of my posts and inquire more. But a bottom of the barrel type likes to see others on the bottom with them. So instead of encouraging them to rise above the filth, you give them ways to stay stuck in the nastiness. You too can be miserable wives and moms with nice job titles like us...just get another woman to do everything you should be doing for your family and hope your kids appreciate all the gadgets you can buy them.

Shouldn't you get back to planning your Scentsy party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or, you could turn over all responsibility for your material stability to another person, find your self-worth entirely in serving children who will outgrow you, set your family up for disaster if your husband dies/leaves/has a brain tumor. Oh, wait ... you have a business that brings in extra dollars and cam easily be ramped up to full-time, support-the-family mode if necessary.

Also, there's an awful lot of self-congratulation here for enjoying domestic labor. I find it stultifying. I don't work fulltime either, and I've still outsourced quite a bit of the child care and cleaning. I also know that we are lucky, lucky, lucky to be in the financial situation to have one full time job, one WAH part time job, and still have weekends entirely free and the resources to hire help. You are ridiculous in your assumptions about OP and WOHMs.

Oh, and congratulations on choosing so well in the husband department. I assume that took all of your best skills.

Actually I do make a lot of money, probably more than you and I probably work less hours too. But it is not as easy as snapping two fingers and I am not self congratulatory about it- it is what it is. Life isn't perfect and second wave feminism has destroyed many protections that women used to have after the Civil War. So for that reason, women need to have a marketable skill. But its not for self fulfillment..its for protecting herself and her children.

The problem with people of low intelligence is that they are too quick to criticize as opposed to asking questions. An intelligent person would ignore the tone of my posts and inquire more. But a bottom of the barrel type likes to see others on the bottom with them. So instead of encouraging them to rise above the filth, you give them ways to stay stuck in the nastiness. You too can be miserable wives and moms with nice job titles like us...just get another woman to do everything you should be doing for your family and hope your kids appreciate all the gadgets you can buy them.

There is absolutely no way you work in a professional environment with that level of writing skill. Nice try.

[Anonymous]

The rice cooker is a God-send. Some don't hold up well in the dishwasher so be careful.

[Anonymous]

Rice cookers are great but a few months ago I discovered frozen cooked organic brown rice and frozen quinoa at Whole Foods. You just microwave it for a few minutes and comes out perfect. I keep bags and bags of it in the freezer to add into soups, stews, or for quick stir fry dishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rice cookers are great but a few months ago I discovered frozen cooked organic brown rice and frozen quinoa at Whole Foods. You just microwave it for a few minutes and comes out perfect. I keep bags and bags of it in the freezer to add into soups, stews, or for quick stir fry dishes.

Yes, they have it at Trader Joe's too.