I feel like I'm drowning. How do two full time working parents do it?

[Anonymous]

OP, my first thought was "Did i write this post a year ago?" We are in the same boat. I work M-F, DH works weird hours M-F and gets home after DD is asleep (she's two now). He also works all but 2 weekend days a month, oh joy. We are just fine and you will get there too.
-Don't drop a day at work. It probably won't help your feelings of overwhelmedness at home and will just make things more complicated at work not to mention the insurance, etc.
-Does LO nap at daycare? If so, you REALLY need to get him napping at home. DD didn't really until about 9 mos - we did a sleep lady shuffle and it worked wonders.
-Grocery shop once a week, on the weekend. Go as early as humanly possible so it's not crowded. Go with a list and get everything you need for the week. We have delivery from SMC and while I love the high quality, I also really enjoy not having to lug gallons of milk home. By myself. With a toddler on one hip.
-Do you have a baby carrier of any kind? At your son's age I would start putting him on your back (get an ergo or boba) - DD enjoys the view and is out of the way. I cook dinner like this probably once a week.
-What kind of meals are you preparing? At that age DS should be happy with yogurt, peas, and a cracker I would simplify, simplify, simplify as much as possible. Make extra and freeze. use the crockpot whenever possible. Eat salads (aka don't cook) a couple nights a week.
-Things will somehow get easier AND harder once LO can walk/get around more on his own. DD will stand on a stool at one end of the counter and snack while I cook (if I'm fast). It took us a while to get there, though. You will too.
-I am with you on not hiring help - we certainly can't afford it. My solution: bare minimum housekeeping for the first 18 mos of DD's life. If you do quick daily upkeep the big stuff is easier and can be done less frequently. I scrub down the shower when I am IN it, and bought a second toilet brush and bottle of stuff so that it is ALWAYS right next to the toilet I want to scrub.
-clothes washer and dryer, and dishwasher all have delay timers - so we do dishes in the middle of the night, and run the washer too. I also set up the washer to run during the week, so that it finishes right about the time I get home.
- CAn DH handle DS on his own in the AM? CAn you leave really early? I do... I go to the gym 3 mornings a week, go into work REALLY Early the 4th day, and use the fifth day for either additional gym time, additional work time, or errands time. You can get ANYTHING at CVS and they are 24/7 (at least ours is). This prevents many, many weekend Target runs which suck up time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because I do not support career oriented women who have children at home. This thread is proof of why. All these workarounds are ridiculous. Why not just outsource your life? Running around like a trained rat on a wheel that you cannot get off. It is insane. Then to want another kid...why? I guess it helps the economy but it doesn't help society to have kids with moms who do not make them a priority.

There are more options than stay at home and have no outside employment or run around like a trained rat. If you do not realize that, then spend more time considering it and less time encouraging other moms that this stupidity is okay.

What about career oriented men who have children at home? What about the workarounds they have to put in place?

Career oriented men who wish to have children would be wise to marry a woman who is not career oriented. But who instead has ambitions to build a strong family, to hold things down at home so he can focus on work, to encourage and uplift him, and to make his life easier. And in turn he would be wise to respect this woman for her skills and appreciate what she does to enrich his life. He would be wise to acknowledge her role in his success, but at the end of the day this should all be for his family anyway, not for an ego boost.

[Anonymous]

To 13:00:

I'm sorry did this post come from 1930?

[Anonymous]

So I'm guessing a career oriented woman should also try to marry a man who is not career oriented?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Career oriented men who wish to have children would be wise to marry a woman who is not career oriented. But who instead has ambitions to build a strong family, to hold things down at home so he can focus on work, to encourage and uplift him, and to make his life easier. And in turn he would be wise to respect this woman for her skills and appreciate what she does to enrich his life. He would be wise to acknowledge her role in his success, but at the end of the day this should all be for his family anyway, not for an ego boost.

So you are saying that women can be EITHER career oriented or family oriented?
Glad everything in your world is so black and white. Personally, I don't like being pigeonholed, but maybe that's just me.
Please don't respond to a thread if you have nothing useful to offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because I do not support career oriented women who have children at home. This thread is proof of why. All these workarounds are ridiculous. Why not just outsource your life? Running around like a trained rat on a wheel that you cannot get off. It is insane. Then to want another kid...why? I guess it helps the economy but it doesn't help society to have kids with moms who do not make them a priority.

There are more options than stay at home and have no outside employment or run around like a trained rat. If you do not realize that, then spend more time considering it and less time encouraging other moms that this stupidity is okay.

What about career oriented men who have children at home? What about the workarounds they have to put in place?

Career oriented men who wish to have children would be wise to marry a woman who is not career oriented. But who instead has ambitions to build a strong family, to hold things down at home so he can focus on work, to encourage and uplift him, and to make his life easier. And in turn he would be wise to respect this woman for her skills and appreciate what she does to enrich his life. He would be wise to acknowledge her role in his success, but at the end of the day this should all be for his family anyway, not for an ego boost.

This is a joke, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank second wave feminism. Now you can do your work at home with your family and do your other job as well. Run yourself to the ground and enjoy because the money and your job title are worth it. But I don't understand wanting a second child that you will barely see, but its your choice. Why don't you outsource that as well?

Good for you! I'm betting you married one of those men who is highly successful and is making a ton of money which allows you to be a SAHM. That is wonderful. You will also be the one in 10 years coming on DCUM and whining about how your husband left you for the younger, new model and now you don't have any income and are trying to figure out how you can earn $100K when you haven't worked since you were 22. Let us know how that works out for you.

Why not try and be supportive?

Because I do not support career oriented women who have children at home. This thread is proof of why. All these workarounds are ridiculous. Why not just outsource your life? Running around like a trained rat on a wheel that you cannot get off. It is insane. Then to want another kid...why? I guess it helps the economy but it doesn't help society to have kids with moms who do not make them a priority.

There are more options than stay at home and have no outside employment or run around like a trained rat. If you do not realize that, then spend more time considering it and less time encouraging other moms that this stupidity is okay.

You are at home right now, presumably with your children. Shouldn't you be engaging with them?

My children are very creative and intelligent. They don't need someone to engage them during every waking hour. However, if I only saw them 3 hours a day, I probably would feel that I had to hop around and entertain them at all times. Likewise if I was paying someone to spend time with them, I probably would feel negatively towards independent play because what would I be paying this person for? I would want to feel like I was getting my $$ worth so I probably would expect every moment to be directed by this person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because I do not support career oriented women who have children at home. This thread is proof of why. All these workarounds are ridiculous. Why not just outsource your life? Running around like a trained rat on a wheel that you cannot get off. It is insane. Then to want another kid...why? I guess it helps the economy but it doesn't help society to have kids with moms who do not make them a priority.

There are more options than stay at home and have no outside employment or run around like a trained rat. If you do not realize that, then spend more time considering it and less time encouraging other moms that this stupidity is okay.

What about career oriented men who have children at home? What about the workarounds they have to put in place?

Career oriented men who wish to have children would be wise to marry a woman who is not career oriented. But who instead has ambitions to build a strong family, to hold things down at home so he can focus on work, to encourage and uplift him, and to make his life easier. And in turn he would be wise to respect this woman for her skills and appreciate what she does to enrich his life. He would be wise to acknowledge her role in his success, but at the end of the day this should all be for his family anyway, not for an ego boost.

This is a joke, right?

No what is a joke is that women think that this self imposed misery is fulfilling. What is a joke is some womens inability to find fulfillment outside of what other people think of them in the form of job titles and responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

OP where is your husband? And I don't mean that in a negative way but he really has to pitch in. Even if his hours are longer you are both working full time and that means both are exhausted. If he is not able to throw in some laundry in the morning or the evening and fold it the next day you really need to ask him to step in. Of course you can't do everything at home and also work. If I stayed at home I would expect to do everything but since we both work (Fairly longish hours) he has to pitch in. I would otherwise not physically be able to do everything. I'm not sure why also weekend time means no errands. Our family loves going everywhere together on the weekends - this means everything from the grocery store to dropping off my older son at an activity and taking the little one for some one on one time. You can get everything done I think if both parents are helping out. I have the utmost respect for working single moms!!! That i would not know how to do.

[Anonymous]

I have a very active 2.5 year old who needs a lot of supervision. Here's some "found" time that I've made for meal prep.

-- Breakfast time: DS eats breakfast before preschool while DH is getting ready (he does drop off). This is a great time to do some meal prep, which is fun for him to watch and gets some things done (e.g. chop veggies, cut up chicken and marniate during the day).

--Once your child gets older-- incorprate him into cooking. He doesn't always need to be doing useful things, but my child was entertained by pouring water from cup to bowl (and back) in the sink. Or pouring peas into a bowl, etc. Now that he's older, he "helps" measure out spices, etc.

[Anonymous]

If it's possible to decrease your work hours, it can make all the difference in the world in terms of stress. We have a toddler and preschooler close together in age, I work 32 hours a week, and life is totally manageable. I end work early four days a week instead of having a whole day off, and the kids are with me during that time, but it makes things infinitely easier -- I'm able to run random errands with them, fix dinner, fold laundry, etc. Instead of rushing around in the evenings, everything happens at a much more leisurely pace, and I'm able to get outside, exercise more, and enjoy my time with them. Such a big difference from when I was getting home at 6 every night.

Other things that made life so much more enjoyable were getting a cleaning service to come in every couple of weeks, planning out meals and only doing one big grocery trip a week, making time in the evening for relaxing or exercise by having an early family dinner with the kids, and taking turns sleeping in/getting out alone on the weekends with my spouse.

[Anonymous]

What really helps me is running errands during lunch -- Target, the library, dry cleaners, grocery store, etc. You can really accomplish a lot in 30 minutes without kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Because I do not support career oriented women who have children at home. This thread is proof of why. All these workarounds are ridiculous. Why not just outsource your life? Running around like a trained rat on a wheel that you cannot get off. It is insane. Then to want another kid...why? I guess it helps the economy but it doesn't help society to have kids with moms who do not make them a priority.

There are more options than stay at home and have no outside employment or run around like a trained rat. If you do not realize that, then spend more time considering it and less time encouraging other moms that this stupidity is okay.

What about career oriented men who have children at home? What about the workarounds they have to put in place?

Career oriented men who wish to have children would be wise to marry a woman who is not career oriented. But who instead has ambitions to build a strong family, to hold things down at home so he can focus on work, to encourage and uplift him, and to make his life easier. And in turn he would be wise to respect this woman for her skills and appreciate what she does to enrich his life. He would be wise to acknowledge her role in his success, but at the end of the day this should all be for his family anyway, not for an ego boost.

This is a joke, right?

No what is a joke is that women think that this self imposed misery is fulfilling. What is a joke is some womens inability to find fulfillment outside of what other people think of them in the form of job titles and responsibilities.

Op was asking for help to make things more manageable and enjoyable. We don't question why she works outside of the home - it's none of our business. If you don't have suggestions, please get off your high horse and go elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Op was asking for help to make things more manageable and enjoyable. We don't question why she works outside of the home - it's none of our business. If you don't have suggestions, please get off your high horse and go elsewhere.

Obviously you have missed the point. Either by choice because you are too emotional, or by nature because you lack reading comprehension skills. I do not have any suggestions or how to make stupidity less stupid. But I do have suggestions on how to make things more manageable- but that requires letting go of the stupidity and choosing different priorities. It has very little to do with whether or not someone works outside of the home, but lack of literacy would make that point easy to miss.

[Anonymous]

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