I feel like I'm drowning. How do two full time working parents do it?
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Anonymous
| I also second the planning of meals and make them simple. For example we do hard boiled eggs on toast, frozen peas, and fruit salad one night. One night a week I make my own mac and cheese, we get a Rotesserie Chicken at Whole foods, we have baked chicken breasts, grilled cheese sandwiches, cooked corn or potato with brocolli on it. ... again this is all boring but it works. |
Anonymous
| we are expecting our third and both work full time around the same hours and demand. You will adapt and get used to it. We found that a few adjustments here and there that change now and again as the kids change makes life easier. Except the fact that your house isn't going to be clean 24-7. Plan meals for the week on the weekend. Once you get the hang of it, it will be fast and easy. Don't go overboard on meals. Think:Chicken, rice(get a rice cooker at target for 30$) and veggie. I also use the express lane pick up at Harris Teeter. Order my groceries online and pick them up at the store. You can use coupons and it offsets the 4.75 service charge. You can also use Pea Pod by Giant. Just saves time! Also think about getting someone to clean your house every other week. It will all come together eventually!!!!! Be excepting to change. |
Anonymous
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OP, I hate to break it to you, but as far as that feeling of being drained after a day at work and then the second shift at home with the kids, well, that may never get better. I have a 3 and 5 year old, and I can’t remember a time when I came home in the evening after work and felt full of energy. It may never happen, so adjust your expectations and plan accordingly. That said, here are some things that occur to me:
You don’t mention whether your son STTN or whether you are still nursing him. Both of those can be huge drains on energy. The sleep is obvious, but I also found nursing to be a very tiring endeavor, especially when I was back at work and pumping. Once I weaned, I got some energy back. It makes no sense for you to take a day off work and forego the pay/benefits just to clean the house yourself and run errands. Hire a cleaner. Run errands with your baby and DH on the weekends. I feel like we put too much pressure on ourselves to have weekends be “quality time” at the expense of getting those household errands done, when for many the household errands give a peace of mind that extends into the week. You could pop your son into a carrier and have some nice snuggle time while you get your shopping done. On the other hand, if you want to take a day off work to spend some time with your son, that makes sense. You would still be able to get some stuff done around the house (especially if you work on the nap situation), and you would feel less pressure on the weekends. I try to alternate evenings of productivity and laziness – and I have found that the key to having a productive evening is to not sit down. So if I know I am going to cook or clean after the kids go down, I don’t go take a break on the couch. I power through until I’ve finished what I wanted to get done and then I go to bed early. The next evening, I veg out with the TV or online. It may sound crazy given how you feel now (and may not yet be doable given the age of your son), but try to get some exercise if you’re not currently. When I started exercising, my energy really improved, even though I sacrifice sleep to fit in the exercise. Finally, it sounds like during the week, you are on your own with your son because your DH gets home too late. That means, IMO, that you should be getting some extra time on the weekends from DH to make up for that. Not that it has to be tit-for-tat, but you also don't want to get into a mode where you are the promary caregiver and DH is unable to be as effective on his own with the baby. |
Anonymous
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First - two full-time parents sucks! I think the true answer is hiring help, but I'm like you and our goals are on money right now (for us it is saving enough to get a cushion).
But making it work, without spending tons of money - is all in the planning. 1. Plan your weeks worth of meals. Yes, this does invovle prepping the night before for some meals, but it can be very, very minimual (pull out frozen chicken). 2. Find a handful of really easy meals and make sure you have 1 or 2 a week in your plan. Use these the days you need it most (late meeting, early morning). 3. Print out a schedule with a column for each day. Have a row for dinner, night prep, cleaning, and other. And fill it in. When I was at my best, even my cleaning was planned. yes its hard to get the energy to do it, but easier if you know what you need to do and can do it without thinking about it. Just a word of warning, while older kids are more independent, in some ways it gets harder. They go to bed later, have more activiities, homework, playdates (which can help and hurt), and start having opinions about what you make for dinner. THey also can trash the house in about 10 minutes. If you can drop a day at work easily, I would seriously consider it. I was part-time for years, and while still tired, it was a much better life-work balance. Dropping just one day, I was able to do just as much work as a full-timer (I wasn't as burned out at work). And had more at home time. The downside is that it is depressing to realize you are getting paid less and often doing just as much if not more than you fellow employees. |
Anonymous
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OP, shop for groceries at night during the week, do major housework on the weekend when dad is with baby. You can finish major housework with no interruption in about 2 hours. Vacuum everyday or every 2-3 days, don't wait for the weekend. Sweep floors after dinner. Throw in a load of laundry in the am and put it in the dryer after work.. Folding is easy. invest in a crock pot, best invention, EVER. Easy to make and meal lasts 2 nights. Allow your child to be awake in his crib after the 30 minutes of sleeping. Most kids will fall back asleep. My kids would fall back asleep when the vacuum was running, the humming of the vacuum. Enjoy your little one, the time goes by too fast!
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Anonymous
| We just had our second and this thread is awesome. I too cannot telework and have no family able to help. I work 32 hours per week, considered part-time, but I get in one hour later Mon - Thurs (so four 7 hour days) and work 4 hours on Friday. I run errands on my half day. Although DH does drop off, I do most everything for the kids in the morning with the extra time. I have a 'schedule' - laundry one night, cleaning floors another, etc. Order everything you can online! Good luck. |
Anonymous
Because I do not support career oriented women who have children at home. This thread is proof of why. All these workarounds are ridiculous. Why not just outsource your life? Running around like a trained rat on a wheel that you cannot get off. It is insane. Then to want another kid...why? I guess it helps the economy but it doesn't help society to have kids with moms who do not make them a priority. There are more options than stay at home and have no outside employment or run around like a trained rat. If you do not realize that, then spend more time considering it and less time encouraging other moms that this stupidity is okay. |
Anonymous
| Even if you can't telework, could either you or DH shift your work schedule so that you go in earlier and get out a little earlier? It sounds like one of the problems is that you and DH have the same schedule during the week and then on the weekends you are not trading off time with your DS so that the other person can get things done and get a little break. The person who goes in early and gets out early can run errands, do shopping, etc. before daycare pick up or on the way to work. or, if one spouse can do drop off and pick up both, it might allow the other one to get home earlier and use the time to toss in a load of laundry and make a quick dinner. |
Anonymous
What about career oriented men who have children at home? What about the workarounds they have to put in place? |
Anonymous
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WOHM to three kids (2.5, 2.5, 5) with 9-5 schedule.
1) We have a housekeeper every two weeks - sooooo lucky to have her. You need this without apology. I still sweep and wipe down counters in between visits. 2) I do a load of laundry every day: goes in the wash first thing in the morning, DH puts in dryer as I take kids to daycare. I fold the laundry at night - takes 15 min tops. Can do this in front of the tv. 3) Plan dinners on the weekend. I do this on Friday, and do grocery shopping on Saturday while twins nap (DH watches 5 yo). On Sunday, I make two meals. Otherwise, we eat easy-to make meals (think grilled cheese/soup, quesadillas, pasta). 4) Before bed, kids must put away toys in the living room. Otherwise, no bedtime stories. Works like a charm. Good luck!! |
Anonymous
OK, so give us some examples of what you would consider acceptable. |
Anonymous
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Hi OP I feel your pain. I just broke down cry about an hour ago. I just switched to part-time last week. It helped a little until my husband went away on travel and my son and I got sick. Then I just lost about 5 days into his trip (5 more to go).
Student loans+no familt around+ 45 min communte= can't deal. I just can't figure how to do all of this and save money for college and retirement. I actually was begging my DH to have 2nd and now I'm starting to see the light. I don't really want to give up my career and we can afford some help but not enough that we could have a nanny, if I were to go back full time. If anyone have figured this out you should publish a book. I'm exhaughsted. |
Anonymous
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I have the same problem of not having much energy by the time my daughter goes to sleep. I'm a single mom, so I hear you on the "no time for everything" thing. I cope by getting as much done when I *do* have the energy, which often means in the mornings before work. I will fit in small tasks here and there, like unloading the dishwasher, washing the dishes, sweeping the floor, wiping down the bathroom sink or putting in a load of laundry. I'll put dinner on the stove to cook and do stuff while it's cooking; that's my daughter's TV/playtime. I wait until there are 4-6 clean loads of laundry in baskets before I fold all of them. And I save certain jobs for when I don't have my daughter with me and do as much as I can in a 2-hour burst while my ex has her.
Lower your expectations. Every meal does not have to be homemade. Every room does not have to be spotless. If clean clothes sit in a laundry basket for a few days, who cares. I would really wait to try for another until you get a handle on this one, because i've heard that two can be much harder. Two kids has pushed half the marriages I know into stressful; a lot of my friends have been complaining about it lately. |
Anonymous
I think this is key. Losing $1000/month vs. outsourcing things that easily cost less than $1000/month. That's a lot of money - think $12k per year. And you will might never get it back if you decide to go full time again. I know not everything is about money, but it will help with #2 comes a long. We're a two income household too with a 9 month old and it's hard, but we schedule things to a T, meal plan, outsource the cleaning, all the things that have been suggested. Ask your husband to pick up dinner on his way home once a week. Learn to love leftovers. |
Anonymous
You are at home right now, presumably with your children. Shouldn't you be engaging with them? |