I feel like I'm drowning. How do two full time working parents do it?

[Anonymous]

Forget part-time for now. There are lots of two income full-time parents that get by and if that's what you want, then you can do it too. We get by because we have a fabulous nanny. She does all of our laundry and she runs errands while the kids are in school. Before we had our nanny, we were in your situation and this is what we did:
(1) meal prep-- I went to a dream dinners (or equivalent, I think there are a bunch of them) on a Saturday and made a month's worth of meals that I could freeze. The food is good and fresh, and that way I wasn't eating take out every night. Buy a slow cooker. There great slow cooker recipes that require no more than 10 minutes prep, and then your clean up is minimal.
(2) Order everything online (as other posters have said). Plus, the online savings of diapers at Amazon is great -- even better, sign up for subscribe and save program and they are delivered to your door without you needing to order - automatically come once a month.
(3) Laundry - my work wardrobe is mostly dry cleaning. There is a dry cleaning service in our neighborhood. I still like my old dry cleaner the best, so we go there, but my neighbor's love the service. In terms of actual laundry, all of our towels/sheets are the same color. Boring, I know, but makes my life easier.
(4) Rest

You can do this if you want to do so. No, it's not fun, and when our nanny is on vacation, and I'm juggling everything, it can be tiring, but we make it work.

In terms of the house, I have rooms that I declare "off limits" for toys. Your child is young, but if you enforce this rule on yourself and him as you get older, it will make your life easier. I don't limit where my kids play, but I don't want to see a toy in the living room or the dining room, and if they want to bring a toy into play, then they need to take it out when they are done. As for our play room, I could care less what it looks like (well, within reason). All coats must be hung (or, heck, thrown) into a closet when people walk into the door. This way, when I walk into my house, I don't see stuff on the stairs (which drives me crazy) or a mess. There might be mess behind the living room or in the kitchen, but at least I feel like the house is presentable.

What do I give up? Exercise. I used to run every single day, and now I'm lucky if I go out three times a week. I don't read as much as I used to, and I don't sleep nearly enough. I can't remember the last time that I went shopping for clothing for myself.

I am the primary wage earner in my house, and we cannot afford to live without my salary on a full-time basis, so we make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Op was asking for help to make things more manageable and enjoyable. We don't question why she works outside of the home - it's none of our business. If you don't have suggestions, please get off your high horse and go elsewhere.

Obviously you have missed the point. Either by choice because you are too emotional, or by nature because you lack reading comprehension skills. I do not have any suggestions or how to make stupidity less stupid. But I do have suggestions on how to make things more manageable- but that requires letting go of the stupidity and choosing different priorities. It has very little to do with whether or not someone works outside of the home, but lack of literacy would make that point easy to miss.

Stupidity is setting your priority to make your man's life easier. This will not make her life more fulfilling. You have missed the point of her post.

[Anonymous]

OP -- there is a whole lot of entertaining baby in your post, and very little doing things with the baby. These should not be separate activities.

We do the once a week grocery run too -- but whoever goes to the store with the list takes the kid. Then the other parent gets a little free time. Babies love to look around while you shop. To be honest, sometimes when I am bored and stir-crazy trying to entertain my 3 yo, I go to the store whether we really need it or not. It is a great time-killer.

Do something about the naps. 9 month olds need naps.

On weekends, have one parent dealing with baby while the other does some chores. And learn to do chores/supervise baby at the same time. There is no reason why you can't plop baby down on a blanket with toys while you fold clothes, cook, etc.

We do our best to make sure all the jobs are done by one or the other of us while the kids are awake. Then when the kids go to bed, we both have a little down time. We tag team it -- one night I do bath and he does dishes, sometimes it is vice versa. I do NOT accept me working my tail off trying to cook/clean/entertain while DH vegetates and plays on his iPhone because his job is "tiring." If one of us is working, we better both be working to get all the chores done so we can both sit down with a glass of wine about the same time.

[Anonymous]

Here's what we do, OP:
+ I joined a site that plans my meals for me (based on how many people in my family and what kind of food we eat - organic, low fat, etc). It makes a list for me, has the recipes on the sheet, and it's all very simple and healthy. Minimal cost for maximum time gained.
+ I just hired a housecleaner. Find a mother/daughter team or something similar (not the ridiculous Merry Maids because they are pricey and not very good). We have them coming every other week. It keeps me sane.
+ When we get home every night I run upstairs and put a load of laundry in. Through the dinner, bath, and bed time routine I'm able to get 1-2 loads done.
+ Organize. Buy baskets. Put one at the landing of every stair. Miscellaneous crap goes in baskets. Put toys in baskets, etc. Buy the canvas ones that are mongrammed "toys" etc. Keeps life more simple when you're not overrun with junk.

Hope that helps.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am loving the advice I'm getting! Not so much the random SAHM who feels the need to bash my parenting decisions but other than that its been great.

I should have said this at the beginning. I am in healthcare so its not possible at all for me to work at home. Its also not possible for me to come in earlier to leave early ( I see patients at very particular times of the day and the late afternoon is busiest).

I will deff. start to use my crock pot more than I do and try to implement many of the other suggestions.

My husband is deff. here ) He is an attorney in big law and basically works 24/7 even when he is home. His income is the main one. He also does not have the option of having a permanent work from home day (although he is able to from time to time, just not on a regular basis).

My son does STTN. I guess that is why I'm hesitant to push the naps.

To the person who has meals delivered. Can you tell me more about this? Also who suggested the rice cooker, I have one but I have never used it. Is it really that much easier than making rice on the stove?

[Anonymous]

OP, given that I know more about your household and jobs, there are a few no brainers. (FWIW, I have a DH who travels a lot, 2 kids in daycare, and we are all out of the house M-F from 8 am until 6 pm.)

- Outsource house cleaning. This is a no brainer. We use a service b/c I like having recourse if something goes wrong. We have them change all the sheets and they just leave them for us to wash when we get around to it.
- Easy meals. Since your DC is still little, feed him and then worry about your meal after he's asleep. When he stays up later, quick is key! Breakfast for dinner, chicken breasts and a frozen veggie, etc.
- At this age, make your DS your buddy. Yes, it can be stressful doing errands together at times, but just constantly talk to him about the world around you and he'll soak it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am loving the advice I'm getting! Not so much the random SAHM who feels the need to bash my parenting decisions but other than that its been great.

I should have said this at the beginning. I am in healthcare so its not possible at all for me to work at home. Its also not possible for me to come in earlier to leave early ( I see patients at very particular times of the day and the late afternoon is busiest).

I will deff. start to use my crock pot more than I do and try to implement many of the other suggestions.

My husband is deff. here ) He is an attorney in big law and basically works 24/7 even when he is home. His income is the main one. He also does not have the option of having a permanent work from home day (although he is able to from time to time, just not on a regular basis).

My son does STTN. I guess that is why I'm hesitant to push the naps.

To the person who has meals delivered. Can you tell me more about this? Also who suggested the rice cooker, I have one but I have never used it. Is it really that much easier than making rice on the stove?

I'm not the person who suggested this, but I have one with a timer and it make all the difference. You can set it up in the morning, set the timer and it doesn't cook the rice until you want it to. This works great if you are coming home at dinner time and want the rice to be ready. It also means you don't have to be watching the stove while the rice cooks. OK, I also could never cook rice right (yes, I am THAT bad of a cook)

[Anonymous]

I'm no expert on this because I only work part-time, but I do feel sometimes like I am the mediator between the full-time working moms I know and the SAHMs, neither of whom seem to understand each other. The SAHM who has been posting on here has injected a lot of negativity and accusation, and that's no good. But some of my closest friends are SAHMs, and I think it's important to understand that almost none of them ever intended to stay home with their kids. They started off in situations like those you describe, and one day they woke up and had two kids and an impossible daycare bill and only saw their kids for an hour a day and one parent realized they had no option but to quit. I am NOT encouraging you to quit your job, just to promote some understanding between all the moms that everyone is doing what they can to get by.

I hope you find some good solutions to get through this time, because the babyhood period does go by quickly in retrospect.

[Anonymous]

1750 I am flattered that you assume I am a SAHM. I am sorry that you do not see that there is no good in being positive towards undesirable situations. The problem is not that I am negative, it is that you are used to all of this fake coddling.

All this rah rah you can run yourself to the ground like us is crap. Stop supporting this BS and start coming up with some real solutions.

-stop finding worth in a job title
-stop being materialistic and learn to live on less
- don't have kids if you don't want to make the commitment
-learn to make money without having a job that pulls you away from your maternal responsibilities
- if you do not have the aptitude for that, then don't plan on having a stressful career if you want kids. Do something else. Work part time, work a different shift from dh, reconsider if you have the aptitude to be self employed.

Above all, get off the rats wheel if you don't like it. Most of this stress is by choice so choose something else, or just outsource everything except your career and pretend that makes you a better mother. Just stop complaining about it.

[Anonymous]

Or, you could turn over all responsibility for your material stability to another person, find your self-worth entirely in serving children who will outgrow you, set your family up for disaster if your husband dies/leaves/has a brain tumor. Oh, wait ... you have a business that brings in extra dollars and cam easily be ramped up to full-time, support-the-family mode if necessary.

Also, there's an awful lot of self-congratulation here for enjoying domestic labor. I find it stultifying. I don't work fulltime either, and I've still outsourced quite a bit of the child care and cleaning. I also know that we are lucky, lucky, lucky to be in the financial situation to have one full time job, one WAH part time job, and still have weekends entirely free and the resources to hire help. You are ridiculous in your assumptions about OP and WOHMs.

Oh, and congratulations on choosing so well in the husband department. I assume that took all of your best skills.

[Anonymous]

Uncle Bens 90 second rice. Delish and many varieties.
Costco - so many pre made meals that go in the oven (salmon, tilapia, chicken Alfredo, chicken pot pie, pot roast)
Green Giant microwave veggies. Boil a couple ears of corn.

I can cook what looks like a home cooked meal in my microwave in 10 minutes. 30 on a good night when I turn on the oven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uncle Bens 90 second rice. Delish and many varieties.
Costco - so many pre made meals that go in the oven (salmon, tilapia, chicken Alfredo, chicken pot pie, pot roast)
Green Giant microwave veggies. Boil a couple ears of corn.

I can cook what looks like a home cooked meal in my microwave in 10 minutes. 30 on a good night when I turn on the oven.

+1 on the Uncle Ben's rice. One package of Spanish style rice, a little salsa, cheddar cheese, and a little precooked chicken if necessary and you have dinner in less than five minutes. Steam frozen veggies in microwave as an addition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1750 I am flattered that you assume I am a SAHM. I am sorry that you do not see that there is no good in being positive towards undesirable situations. The problem is not that I am negative, it is that you are used to all of this fake coddling.

All this rah rah you can run yourself to the ground like us is crap. Stop supporting this BS and start coming up with some real solutions.

-stop finding worth in a job title
-stop being materialistic and learn to live on less
- don't have kids if you don't want to make the commitment
-learn to make money without having a job that pulls you away from your maternal responsibilities
- if you do not have the aptitude for that, then don't plan on having a stressful career if you want kids. Do something else. Work part time, work a different shift from dh, reconsider if you have the aptitude to be self employed.

Above all, get off the rats wheel if you don't like it. Most of this stress is by choice so choose something else, or just outsource everything except your career and pretend that makes you a better mother. Just stop complaining about it.

I still don't see any specifics in any of the anti-working mom screeds you've posted. Sure, it's easy enough to spout off on how you should get out of the rat race, but you sure are light on specifics of how exactly to make money without having a job that detracts from maternal responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Rice cooker = a dish to wash. I only create essential dishes (silverware, coffee mug, bottles, pump parts, wine glass -haha).

Also - paper plates. More trash (sorry) but I'm in survival mode for a while. Nice Chinet paper plates are just fine.

Bathe baby at night and put on half of their outfit for the next day. Sleep in the onesie and put on the matching pants in the morning after diaper change and washing hands/face.

[Anonymous]

Oh - here's another time saver. When you get undressed, put clothes directly in the washer - it's my hamper now. My washer is on the second floor and I get undressed in the laundry room in the evenings and also put my pj's directly in there in the morning. After a few days, there's your load - add detergent and there you go.