I'm a happy, fulfilled SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love Ann Romney.

Dummies attract dummies.

You can disagree politically but you're an ignorant bitch to call her a "dummie."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another happy, fulfilled SAHM here.

I never had a career, though. I've known for a long time that I WANTED to be a SAHM, this despite my "feminist" mom trying to convince me that I should be a diplomat or something.

My kids are all in school now, but I still stay home. I "justify it" by knowing that on teacher in service days, snow days, sick days, etc. I don't have to scramble for child care. I just love on the first snow day of each year, watching the news stories about all the parents grumbling that they had to leave work early to pick up their kids for the early snow closing.
Also, I do a lot of volunteer work in the schools. A LOT of programs/events/etc. happen in school because of SAH parents volunteering.

You never had a career.

That says it all, PP.

So while your tone is smug, it's also laughable, as most working parents who are reading your post are only thinking you were too goddamn dumb to succeed in any position.

truth

You're not exactly a role model for kids now, are you?

PP, that's not a fair reading of that statement. I am a WOHM with an Ivy League degree and a Ph.D. I had a lot of trouble figuring out the career I wanted to have and dealing with the fact that my Ph.D. wasn't worth much since I couldn't move to another city for a tenure track job because of my partner's great job in DC with much higher earning potential. I am just starting to figure out what might become a career for me instead of just a job. Plenty of people don't end up in a career (as opposed to just an employment situation) who are far from dumb.

This just makes me laugh!

So there was ENOUGH money for your Ivy League degree . . . and then MORE money to cover your PhD . . . and then a partner's "great job in DC with much higher earning potential."

Do you want sympathy b/c the little rich girl can't find happiness?

Give me a break. book smarts, street dumb

None of you get it. While I love my job b/c it's not mindless, I am also among friends who work MINDLESS jobs b/c they have to. Yes, I have to work, but my earning potential is also higher than theirs. So I'm not necessarily struggling.

When I read posts on this forum about "fulfilled" SAHMs or "intellectually superior" women who stepped down from demanding jobs to stay home, I just cringe. How often do you step out of this bubble to allow reality to give you a much needed bitch slap?

So Fulfilled SAHM OP is just an anonymous braggart. That's all. Anyone who posts about being "fulfilled" on a forum is insecure and needs to find others to help validate her cushy existence.

It's easy to be fulfilled and happy when you rely on others to do the work for you. But IF that support were to be ripped away, how would you deal? Would you be happy returning to some MINDLESS job just to pay the bills?

I doubt it.

In fact, I'm 100% certain that the answer would be a FAT no!

A new poster here. The idea that someone needs a "bitch slap" is ridiculous. Here you are posting that OP must be insecure and in need of validation while yourself spending time opening this thread, reading it, and posting how other people need to live their lives and having doubts you just have to express about their capabilities is support were taken away. And why do you call a poster "little rich girl," as though she's not a grown woman same as you and I are?

I'm also a SAHM right now. We have help cleaning the house, and well as regularly-scheduled babysitters, and my kids are at school much of the time. It's been great in many ways, and I wouldn't trade this time for anything. That said, I have two ive-league degrees, and 16 years as a practicing lawyer under my belt, the last 6 of which I was the youngest supervising layer at my organization, as well as the youngest member of the US management team but quite a few years. So don't go making assumptions about SAHMs and what they'd be doing without as much home support. I've been asked twice in the past year to let my company know when I'd like to return, so I have a pretty good idea of what I'll be doing. In the meantime, I'll enjoy the time with my kids, finish getting our house in order, travel a bit, spend more time with my parents, and not judge any woman based on whetehr she's working, at home, or has help or resources or not.

[Anonymous]

"Bitch slap of reality?"

Why do you hate SAHM so much?

I SAH. I take on all the traditional responsibilities - cooking, cleaning, yardwork etc. so save us money. One child is in school, the other home with me. My reality is pretty hard core, scrubbing toilets and cooking three meals a day. Certainly harder than the job I had before I SAHM.

I love being here with my kids, but I will go back to work, at least PT, when my youngest starts K.

I'm not sure what it so cushy about my existence. I mean we are not struggling to make ends meet, and yes, we can afford for me to stay home for now, but we are not big rollers or high earners, not the 1%. Why the hate? We just made different choices and different sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not "fulfilled" by my job or my role as a mother. My life is much more well rounded that that. I'm a sum of many parts, not just one or two.

Yes, I do choose to work over SAH. My DH pulls in enough to be a 1%er without my income. I don't necessarily enjoy my actual job function, but do enjoy the diverse group of interesting people I work with currently and have worked with in the past. My children are in school full time now and I'm fortunate enough to have a well paying job that requires less than 40hrs a week of me and no commute. I get to volunteer at least once a month in each of my kids classrooms, so for me there is no "choice" I have to make, I can do both.

Smug much?

You hit the lottery and you act like you're a genius.

I'm sure many of us would like to be married to a 1% and not "have" to work, but choose a <40 hr week job with diverse and interesting people and no commute.

I mean please! Where do I sign up?

[Anonymous]

IT Sales. That is where you sign up.

[Anonymous]

I worked for about 7 years post grad as a therapist in a hospital. It was rewarding but emotionally draining. I took a year (while working) to think about whether I wanted to SAH since we were trying to get pregnant. I am now SAM with my three kids. I plan to continue SAH when they go to school since we can manage it financially. I like the idea of being home when they come home and I enjoy taking care of our house, cooking, gardening or just being able to relax in the morning with a cup of coffee- it is seriously a great life. I have friends who could not imagine not being at work outside of the house- they have great kids and a great life too. The only place I see such judgement for these choices is on here. I wonder, of course, if my friends are secretly judging me, but I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked for about 7 years post grad as a therapist in a hospital. It was rewarding but emotionally draining. I took a year (while working) to think about whether I wanted to SAH since we were trying to get pregnant. I am now SAM with my three kids. I plan to continue SAH when they go to school since we can manage it financially. I like the idea of being home when they come home and I enjoy taking care of our house, cooking, gardening or just being able to relax in the morning with a cup of coffee- it is seriously a great life. I have friends who could not imagine not being at work outside of the house- they have great kids and a great life too. The only place I see such judgement for these choices is on here. I wonder, of course, if my friends are secretly judging me, but I doubt it.

+1

IRL I (SAHM) have friends all over the spectrum, SAHM, WOHM, WAHM, PT etc. We seem to all respect each other fine. We openly discuss the pros and cons of working vs. SAH. I am honest about wishing I could find PT work in my field (I freelance now, but not real $) and my working friends are honest about the stresses and struggles of sick days etc.

Are we all just faking it to eachother's faces? I know I am not. I genuinely respect my WOHM friends and I feel like they do me.

I find the level of anger and shriek on this topic on DCUM to be kind of nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IT Sales. That is where you sign up.

How? I'm not kidding!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worked for about 7 years post grad as a therapist in a hospital. It was rewarding but emotionally draining. I took a year (while working) to think about whether I wanted to SAH since we were trying to get pregnant. I am now SAM with my three kids. I plan to continue SAH when they go to school since we can manage it financially. I like the idea of being home when they come home and I enjoy taking care of our house, cooking, gardening or just being able to relax in the morning with a cup of coffee- it is seriously a great life. I have friends who could not imagine not being at work outside of the house- they have great kids and a great life too. The only place I see such judgement for these choices is on here. I wonder, of course, if my friends are secretly judging me, but I doubt it.

+1

IRL I (SAHM) have friends all over the spectrum, SAHM, WOHM, WAHM, PT etc. We seem to all respect each other fine. We openly discuss the pros and cons of working vs. SAH. I am honest about wishing I could find PT work in my field (I freelance now, but not real $) and my working friends are honest about the stresses and struggles of sick days etc.

Are we all just faking it to eachother's faces? I know I am not. I genuinely respect my WOHM friends and I feel like they do me.

I find the level of anger and shriek on this topic on DCUM to be kind of nuts.

I think there's a small group of women, both WOHM and SAHM, who do have very nasty beliefs. Maybe one or two of your friends is faking it, but I think the majority of women don't particularly care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also love being a SAHM 90% of the time, but I do feel loney sometimes and crave adult interaction. Being a SAHM means planning my days around the kids, I often have to spend time with moms I have nothing in common with, so the kids can get together for playdates.

I disagree with the nanny pp, being a SAHM is about being with the kids, who cares about laundry and yard work. I have a weekly cleaner and I'd be lying if I said I enjoyed cleaning. It's getting to spend the day with my babies that I enjoy.

But my kids are gone a bit over 40 hours a week every week, with the bus ride and school. I wouldn't spend my days with them if I SAH. Unless you have a lot of kids, or widely spaced, it doesn't make sense to SAH to hang with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM going on 3 years now with a full time live in nanny. I have to say OP, that I don't know why what other people think should bother you in the least as long as you are happy with your decision. I gave up a well paying professional career but I am completely happy with my decision and barely spare a thought for what others might think of me. I never bother reading through all the SAHM v WOH debates on here because they don't interest me and none of my friends (some of whom are extremely high achievers who could afford to SAH if they wanted to) seem to care one way or the other about my choices because they are completely happy with theirs.

What would a high achieving WOHM have in common with you? Are these friends from when you worked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I am glad that you are happy and your situation works for you. It would not work for me, but everyone's different. While I also find neurobiology and human development fascinating in theory, in practice, I don't find the reality of my three year old screaming "NOOOOOOO" 30 times a day fascinating. It's just a necessary part of parenting. That's why I am happy to work part time.

And while I found aspects of my job fascinating, I didn't find the emails and required reporting fascinating in practice either. it was a necessary part of work. If every moment your work day is fascinating, you are very fortunate. I have yet to meet anyone in real life who loves every single minute of every work day. I don't need every moment at home to be fascinating to feel it is more than tedious, mindless tasks.

If it's worth giving up your salary, your childcare and the respect of a workplace to hang at home, go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I could be a SAHM because I don't have the self-discipline. I would probably end up taking care of baby, do the bare minimum of chores, and spend the rest of my time on pinterest and dcum. There would be time to read books I want to read, and do all the little projects I so desperately want to do, and find some adults to spend time with, but I just wouldn't do those things because my natural tendency is to be lazy.

You would probably be surprised to find out that lazy or not, this is not how your day would unfold. You can be lazy anywhere. Going to work doesn't keep some people from spending their day on pinterest and dcum!

But you're earning a paycheck while you're that kind of lazy! I don't understand why more SAHMs don't respect the power of earning one's own paycheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I am glad that you are happy and your situation works for you. It would not work for me, but everyone's different. While I also find neurobiology and human development fascinating in theory, in practice, I don't find the reality of my three year old screaming "NOOOOOOO" 30 times a day fascinating. It's just a necessary part of parenting. That's why I am happy to work part time.

And while I found aspects of my job fascinating, I didn't find the emails and required reporting fascinating in practice either. it was a necessary part of work. If every moment your work day is fascinating, you are very fortunate. I have yet to meet anyone in real life who loves every single minute of every work day. I don't need every moment at home to be fascinating to feel it is more than tedious, mindless tasks.

If it's worth giving up your salary, your childcare and the respect of a workplace to hang at home, go for it.

Judgmental much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think one reason WOHM's might think SAH is mindless and boring is because they relate it too much to their maternity leave. Maternity leave is temporary, and you have a baby. You don't get yourself involved in the kinds of things in three or fours months that a SAHM will.

I SAH and run my DD's girl scout troop, tutor a middle schooler once a week while my youngest is in preschool, teach Sunday school, have my kids in a co-op preschool and serve on the board, volunteer several times a month at my DD's public school etc.... Not to mention having a large and varied group of friends I spend time with while doing these things. Yes, some of my day is tedious, such as when I'm disciplining my four year old, but my old desk job had plenty of tedium as well.

I am not AT ALL suggesting that SAH is the right way to parent or that women must do it if they want to be good parents. This is just to say that some people imagine they know what being a SAH parent is like when they don't really necessarily know what it can be. It is much different that being trapped in the house with a newborn for their first three months of life.

Why would you have such a busy schedule if you were a SAHM? If you're that busy, you might as well WOH PT.