I'm a happy, fulfilled SAHM.

[Anonymous]

A couple of my friends who SAH seem to be very into justifying their decisions and telling me how happy they are.

My SIL stays home and she passes on mean things the SAH moms say about various kids and families at our
Kids' school.

I don't think it's brainless to stay home. I would if we could afford it, but I do love my job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Addressing 19:39 - Your post has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. I didn't mention anything about people who work, but wish they could afford to stay home.

In fact, it's sort of the opposite - I am specifically wondering why some people (not all, some) think it must be unfulfilling and would prefer to work where they can "use (their) brain".

I was a SAHM for almost two years. Was it rewarding? Yes? Did I love being with my kids and being involved with their day-to-day everyday? Yes. But no, from an intellectual perspective, I didn't find it challenging. That was a trade off I made - and happily - because that time was really precious. But I did like returning to work where I feel that I'm engaged intellectually and challenged professionally in a way that I just wasn't as a SAHM.

You feel differently, OP, which is totally fine. But your post suggests that this is somehow about right and wrong (unfortunately, a lot of these SAHM threads do). The fact is that it's about personal preference, temperment, and lifestyle, among other things. And if you love being a SAHM, that is great. But why another freaking thread questioning why other women don't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Addressing 19:39 - Your post has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. I didn't mention anything about people who work, but wish they could afford to stay home.

In fact, it's sort of the opposite - I am specifically wondering why some people (not all, some) think it must be unfulfilling and would prefer to work where they can "use (their) brain".

I was a SAHM for almost two years. Was it rewarding? Yes? Did I love being with my kids and being involved with their day-to-day everyday? Yes. But no, from an intellectual perspective, I didn't find it challenging. That was a trade off I made - and happily - because that time was really precious. But I did like returning to work where I feel that I'm engaged intellectually and challenged professionally in a way that I just wasn't as a SAHM.

You feel differently, OP, which is totally fine. But your post suggests that this is somehow about right and wrong (unfortunately, a lot of these SAHM threads do). The fact is that it's about personal preference, temperment, and lifestyle, among other things. And if you love being a SAHM, that is great. But why another freaking thread questioning why other women don't?

Thank you. It's rare I agree with an entire post, but this post is the exception.

[Anonymous]

Do you have daughters? Are you encouraging them to succeed academically? Would you encourage them to stay at home vs working?

[Anonymous]

I would encourage my daughters to prioritize starting a family and do a career afterward.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here-

OP, do you have a nanny and a housekeeper? Gardener? Do you outsource a lot? If so you are not representative of a true SAHM. I'm a nanny 65+ hrs a week and do ALL the household errands and chores. Even when MB stays home for a week with the kids she has no idea what it's like to be a real SAHM because when I get back to work I;'m the one doing the piles of week old laundry, week old dishes, taking out the week old trash, organizing the week old mess etc. If you don't have any help at all well then my hat goes off to you, but if you outsource and have staff you are disrespecting the real SAHMs who do everything. Plus you sound really obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would encourage my daughters to prioritize starting a family and do a career afterward.

Having gone back to work after a couple of years away I can tell you that it's very tough to "do a career" after kids, especially if you are not professionally established. I did have a pretty successful career prior to kids and being out a few years essentially erased my experience and expertise in the eyes pf potential employers. If it were not for my network, I would not have found a decent position - and it took almost a year of intensively applying.

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP. I'm another happy SAHM. Our kids are now in elem school, and I thought I would want to go back to work, but I think I might continue staying at home. I feel like it is a mor relaxed, slower pace of life. it. Helps a lot that we moved to a neighborhood that has a lot of SAHMs, and it gives a real feeling of community.

Things are not perfect, but I am a lot happier now then when I tried to balance work and home.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, 20:46. That was very well said.

I think the only reason for a SAHM to take issue with a WOHM is that she isn't truly confident in her choices. Same thing with a WOHM having a problem with a SAHM. If these moms were happy and comfortable with their decision/lot, then why on earth would they care what others do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another happy, fulfilled SAHM here.

I never had a career, though. I've known for a long time that I WANTED to be a SAHM, this despite my "feminist" mom trying to convince me that I should be a diplomat or something.

My kids are all in school now, but I still stay home. I "justify it" by knowing that on teacher in service days, snow days, sick days, etc. I don't have to scramble for child care. I just love on the first snow day of each year, watching the news stories about all the parents grumbling that they had to leave work early to pick up their kids for the early snow closing.
Also, I do a lot of volunteer work in the schools. A LOT of programs/events/etc. happen in school because of SAH parents volunteering.

You never had a career.

That says it all, PP.

So while your tone is smug, it's also laughable, as most working parents who are reading your post are only thinking you were too goddamn dumb to succeed in any position.

truth

You're not exactly a role model for kids now, are you?

Your tone is terribly smug. I am a SAHM, and I never had a career, either, though I worked several jobs that in a different economic climate might have become one. I also suffered debilitating depression with psychotic features in college, illness that rendered unfit for really competitive, high stress - what you'd deem "important," I'm assuming - work. Unlike OP I am not totally fulfilled as a SAHM, but I really do treasure my days with the kiddos. The time I get to spend with them means the world to me. If there were a part time job that engaged my brain and would cover child care, I would be all over it.

But why am I trying to reason with someone so nasty and insecure? Maybe you're too goddamn uncaring to be a decent mother to your kids. (Which for the rational WOHM is satire of PP's offensive post. I don't think there are any fundamental differences between kids who have SAH or WOH parents).

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm the immediate above poster. I should add that I really do enjoy being a SAHM, but I do find that I crave more intellectual stimulation than I get. Not that my jobs ever really challenged me that much, but it's a different kind of function than that which I get now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Addressing 19:39 - Your post has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. I didn't mention anything about people who work, but wish they could afford to stay home.

In fact, it's sort of the opposite - I am specifically wondering why some people (not all, some) think it must be unfulfilling and would prefer to work where they can "use (their) brain".

Because some people -me - would find SAH unfulfilling.

[Anonymous]

I'm another totally fulfilled, happy stay at home wife and mom. My kids are all school aged. Our home life simply works better with me at home. And I love it!

[Anonymous]

I also love being a SAHM 90% of the time, but I do feel loney sometimes and crave adult interaction. Being a SAHM means planning my days around the kids, I often have to spend time with moms I have nothing in common with, so the kids can get together for playdates.

I disagree with the nanny pp, being a SAHM is about being with the kids, who cares about laundry and yard work. I have a weekly cleaner and I'd be lying if I said I enjoyed cleaning. It's getting to spend the day with my babies that I enjoy.

[Anonymous]

> But your post suggests that this is somehow about right and wrong (unfortunately, a lot of these SAHM threads do)

OP here. I didn't suggest anything about right and wrong, and I certainly don't feel either choice is right or wrong. Sorry you feel that way. If anything, it would be more "right" according to many people's beliefs if I were to work. Both my mother and my mother-in-law worked.

> But why another freaking thread questioning why other women don't?

I never asked why other women don't like staying home, in fact to quote myself I said "I totally get it" (in reference to my best friend working). Not sure how much more clear I can be than that.

I don't justify what I do to anyone, for the record; why would I, that's between me and my husband.

It's frustrating to be accused of so many things I really don't feel about working moms. In fact, I will probably be working again in a few years, so obviously I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

It doesn't seem to matter what I write, people want to interpret it negatively. Thanks for those who posted enlightening insight on the topic.

Have a great holiday everyone.