I'm a happy, fulfilled SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, you should totally do what works for you and I'm glad you were both able to figure that out AND make your lifestyle work so you can do it.

To me, being home with a baby is pretty boring. It's a ton of mindless, tedious tasks. So I see what people mean about "using their brain." When I change the baby's diaper, I'm making sure she's not falling off the changing table but other than that am not running through the ABC song with her and mentally checking if she's developmentally at the correct place. I'm just ... changing her diaper.

I don't find work to be a lot of tedious tasks or mindless paperwork - every job is different. Work stretches my brain in an interesting way for me that being at home with a baby does not.

I'm glad you're a happy, fulfilled SAHM. I'm a happy, fulfilled, work outside the home mom, and hope you're glad for me too.

And I feel the opposite. More brain development happens in the first year of life then in any other time period (other than prenatal). In the early years, every interaction I have with my kids is shaping the the structure of their brains, their habits, their behavior, their regulation skills, their language skills, their processing skills, and ultimately their future. Attachment is the foundation for a healthy life. So I don't think of caring for the baby at all as a meaningless, mindless, tedious task. It isn't just changing diapers, and stuffing food in their mouth. There is a great amount of science that tells me otherwise. It doesn't mean every moment is exciting but to me it isn't just a list of tasks - I think neurobiology and human development is fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm another totally fulfilled, happy stay at home wife and mom. My kids are all school aged. Our home life simply works better with me at home. And I love it!

In some respects I think our home life would be better too if one of us stayed home - instead of two stressed parents trying to do two jobs, you have a division of labor. On the other hand, my relationship with dh is stronger in some respects now that I am back at work. When I was home, I tended to focus on him too much because he was my only conduit to the adult world. This was both positive and negative - I craved his company, but I also focused any resentment on him.

Still, if we had all the money in the world, I would try staying home for a year or two. As it is, I feel I owe it to our kid to stay economically viable on my own, in case anything happens to dh.

scary

Didn't you have friends?

ick

Of course I have friends, but this was on maternity leave and I did not have much ability to spend time with them in the same way I could pre-baby. Far from the kind of adult interaction at work. Also, you are a mean girl. "Ick."

[Anonymous]

Eh, I am glad that you are happy and your situation works for you. It would not work for me, but everyone's different. While I also find neurobiology and human development fascinating in theory, in practice, I don't find the reality of my three year old screaming "NOOOOOOO" 30 times a day fascinating. It's just a necessary part of parenting. That's why I am happy to work part time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I am glad that you are happy and your situation works for you. It would not work for me, but everyone's different. While I also find neurobiology and human development fascinating in theory, in practice, I don't find the reality of my three year old screaming "NOOOOOOO" 30 times a day fascinating. It's just a necessary part of parenting. That's why I am happy to work part time.

And while I found aspects of my job fascinating, I didn't find the emails and required reporting fascinating in practice either. it was a necessary part of work. If every moment your work day is fascinating, you are very fortunate. I have yet to meet anyone in real life who loves every single minute of every work day. I don't need every moment at home to be fascinating to feel it is more than tedious, mindless tasks.

[Anonymous]

Op, if you answered this question yet I'm sorry I missed it but I'm damn curious--do you use a cleaning service? How often? How often do you eat out vs cook at home?

Also--what are your children's temperaments?

As a SAHM who can't afford a cleaning service, or to eat out a lot, and has two very "strong willed" children (no, it's not a discipline problem) I've found being at home much harder than if I had help and if I had kids that weren't so darn emotional all the time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, if you answered this question yet I'm sorry I missed it but I'm damn curious--do you use a cleaning service? How often? How often do you eat out vs cook at home?

Also--what are your children's temperaments?

As a SAHM who can't afford a cleaning service, or to eat out a lot, and has two very "strong willed" children (no, it's not a discipline problem) I've found being at home much harder than if I had help and if I had kids that weren't so darn emotional all the time

It may not be a discipline issue but it may be a parenting issue. Have you taken any parenting courses to give you different perspectives or approaches to try? Some kids are easier than others to figure out by trial and error. We get training and education in so many areas but rarely in parenting yet it is a science, a skill and an art form that often would benefit from outside input and professional development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been a SAHM going on 3 years now with a full time live in nanny. I have to say OP, that I don't know why what other people think should bother you in the least as long as you are happy with your decision. I gave up a well paying professional career but I am completely happy with my decision and barely spare a thought for what others might think of me. I never bother reading through all the SAHM v WOH debates on here because they don't interest me and none of my friends (some of whom are extremely high achievers who could afford to SAH if they wanted to) seem to care one way or the other about my choices because they are completely happy with theirs.

[b]

SAHM with a full time nanny...... You are not a real
SAHM, you are just LAZY.

[Anonymous]

I didn't find the emails and required reporting fascinating in practice either. it was a necessary part of work. If every moment your work day is fascinating, you are very fortunate. I have yet to meet anyone in real life who loves every single minute of every work day.

I find 70-75 percent of my job fascinating, which isn't bad. We don't have a lot of required reporting.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I could be a SAHM because I don't have the self-discipline. I would probably end up taking care of baby, do the bare minimum of chores, and spend the rest of my time on pinterest and dcum. There would be time to read books I want to read, and do all the little projects I so desperately want to do, and find some adults to spend time with, but I just wouldn't do those things because my natural tendency is to be lazy.

[Anonymous]

OP, Ann Romney could have written your post.

[Anonymous]

I love Ann Romney.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I could be a SAHM because I don't have the self-discipline. I would probably end up taking care of baby, do the bare minimum of chores, and spend the rest of my time on pinterest and dcum. There would be time to read books I want to read, and do all the little projects I so desperately want to do, and find some adults to spend time with, but I just wouldn't do those things because my natural tendency is to be lazy.

You would probably be surprised to find out that lazy or not, this is not how your day would unfold. You can be lazy anywhere. Going to work doesn't keep some people from spending their day on pinterest and dcum!

[Anonymous]

Ops post is really no different then the posts from WOHMs about how you can have it all. OP is saying the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, if you answered this question yet I'm sorry I missed it but I'm damn curious--do you use a cleaning service? How often? How often do you eat out vs cook at home?

Also--what are your children's temperaments?

As a SAHM who can't afford a cleaning service, or to eat out a lot, and has two very "strong willed" children (no, it's not a discipline problem) I've found being at home much harder than if I had help and if I had kids that weren't so darn emotional all the time

It may not be a discipline issue but it may be a parenting issue. Have you taken any parenting courses to give you different perspectives or approaches to try? Some kids are easier than others to figure out by trial and error. We get training and education in so many areas but rarely in parenting yet it is a science, a skill and an art form that often would benefit from outside input and professional development.

Op, did you write this? Yes I've read the books, yes I've taken pep classes. My kids aren't bad, they are just not easy going. Colic, screamed for months in the carseat as infants, things like that. I see kids happily sitting in strollers and my kids didn't do that, it wasn't for lack of trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I could be a SAHM because I don't have the self-discipline. I would probably end up taking care of baby, do the bare minimum of chores, and spend the rest of my time on pinterest and dcum. There would be time to read books I want to read, and do all the little projects I so desperately want to do, and find some adults to spend time with, but I just wouldn't do those things because my natural tendency is to be lazy.

You would probably be surprised to find out that lazy or not, this is not how your day would unfold. You can be lazy anywhere. Going to work doesn't keep some people from spending their day on pinterest and dcum!

Nah, I seem to have more of a conscience at work, I feel bad if I don't get a lot done, but I feel entitled to do whatever I want in my own home... what's up with that?!?!