I just physically abused my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow, this person who hit her husband is just as bad as a husband hitting his wife. Abuse is abuse...

The difference is that if the husband wanted to, he could have beat the shit out of her for hitting him. Doubtful that the same could be said for her. Do you really think he felt threatened by her slapping his head? I am not saying that men are not capable of being abused by women, but this doesn't sound like that case. There is no systematic pattern of abuse. Techinically, if a wife slaps her husband, he can call the cops. But should he? Will he? All you men posting here, if your wives hit you in the head, would you really feel like your life was in danger?

[Anonymous]

I don't see how a woman hitting a man is the same as vice versa. Men are generally stronger and much more likely to do damage. My ex-wife use to get violent once in a great while, throw stuff at me, take a few pot shots, but none of it hurt and I just dealt with it. It was annoying of course, and more than a little troubling, but it wasn't something to call the cops about. I couldn't even imagine doing that. As I mentioned though, she is my ex at this point because I left her, but there's several reasons for that.

I think people can blow their top on occasion without it being an earth-shattering event, but if it becomes a regular occurence then it's a problem. For me though, a guy hitting a woman is a much bigger deal and shouldn't be tolerated.

[Anonymous]

Just because a man is generally stronger than a woman does not mean it is okay to then take that as an excuse to physically hurt someone. Anyone who is excusing the OP's behavior needs help.

[Anonymous]

OP is FOS - crafted quite a story.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, where the hell is OP anyway, I have a few questions for you. Did she respond to any of these posts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this distinction will not mean much to many of you, but this isn't "domestic violence" in terms of what the professionals working in the field consider domestic violence. Let me explain before you all cry foul.

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior, with specific intentions involved to achieve a desired impact. The impact is to instill fear, the intent is to control behavior. That's what we refer to as domestic violence. Not all violence that occurs in the home is "domestic violence." Some is defensive, some is reactionary, some is brought on by stress, etc.

At least what the OP is describing, and of course I wasn't' there, isn't "domestic violence." It's more like a reaction to stress, or in this case, being verbally abused and witnessing what amounts to emotional abuse of a child. By saying what he said, it sounds to me, he was intending to hurt the child. The child became a pawn in his own frustration.

Before you all jump on me, all violence accept defensive violence is wrong. I get that. But if there's any effort at controlling behavior, let's face it, it came from the husband. No, I'm not victim blaming. I don't think he's a victim. You don't say something like to a child about their mother, damaging a child and their perception of their mother, and still get to be a victim. He's as much to blame as she is, and yes, she's to blame for her reaction to what he did. But he's right in that game.

Yeah, this is pretty much crap. Domestic violence is the inflicting of physical injury by one family or household member on another. OP is a criminal.

No, it's not. What you just said is laughably narrow and even most law enforcement officers would agree it's more than what you just said. And it matters to me not one bit what the gender roles are. I have worked women in this area, and I have worked with men in this area. He's no victim.

That is funny considering I AM law enforcement. Your qualifications?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think you're out of touch with reality and have spent too much time in non-clinical work (research?) and need to get out and see people again. The police disagree with you. I think you are confusing domestic violence, which can be a one-time event, with domestic abuse which is usually a pattern of emotional or physical abuse.

Call it what you will, the distinction is there. Abuse, violence, whatever you want to call it, there's a difference. And the same distinction and pointing out the differences that you just made is what I made. Not all violence is the same. You said it, I said it.

Yes, but in this case, the words are important. Domestic violence is a term that is defined legally and for law enforcement purposes. If you're going to be giving this type of advice, you can't just randomly choose words. Some have more legal consequences than others.

Look, I work in the field and work directly with judges, advocates, social workers, government workers, law enforcement, etc. I'm talking about nationally, Office on Violence Against Women, definition of domestic violence. So call it what YOU will, but I'm using the definition as defined by the Department of Justice. I'm sorry you disagree, and are using state-based legal definitions. I'm using the national definition as agreed upon by an awful lot of experts. So I'm not randomly choosing words. I was very deliberate.

Lady, I work at the Department of Justice. I worked at OVW, I feel so strongly about how stupid you are I'm outing myself to tell you...YOU ARE WRONG.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is FOS - crafted quite a story.

I wonder if crazy "I know more about domestic violence poster" is OP. just trying to further an agenda?

[Anonymous]

NP.

I grew up with abuse and made the decision to leave at a young age. Still, because I lived it for so long, it feels natural when I get angry or fight with DH to want to hit. I hold back and thankfully have never done it, but I dont think most people have the urge and sometimes I hate myself for that.

OP, did this happen in front of your LO? You haven't come back to answer that.
Either way, you're not horrible, you just need help. immediately. I would even go to the ER & check myself into the psych ward if you're feeling that out of control.

I agree with pp, your dh is an ass & I think you lost control because he used you to hurt your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP.

I grew up with abuse and made the decision to leave at a young age. Still, because I lived it for so long, it feels natural when I get angry or fight with DH to want to hit. I hold back and thankfully have never done it, but I dont think most people have the urge and sometimes I hate myself for that.

OP, did this happen in front of your LO? You haven't come back to answer that.
Either way, you're not horrible, you just need help. immediately. I would even go to the ER & check myself into the psych ward if you're feeling that out of control.

I agree with pp, your dh is an ass & I think you lost control because he used you to hurt your daughter.

Not, OP. I also grew up in a highly-abusive home. I left at 14. The residue of those early years definitely rubbed off on me. I get angry and it's natural for me to want to yell and hit. After hitting my son, I immediately sought professional help for me and him. I still feel quite guilty about the rage that I feel at times. People generally perceive me as easygoing and pleasant. Talk therapy, getting enough rest, exercise, developing better communication skills, and staying as stress free as possible have really helped me.

OP, I hope you're still reading these responses. The help is out there, you're aware that you have a problem. Just help yourself, your little girl really needs you and the quality of your life will change.

[Anonymous]

I can't beleive those women saying it's ok because she's a woman and therefore weaker and incapable of hurting him. He SAID something hurtful and stupid. SHE lost control and HIT him.

[Anonymous]

Well I am wondering if the comment struck a nerve because perhaps there was some truth in the statement. As a result, OP physically struck her husband because the truth hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I am wondering if the comment struck a nerve because perhaps there was some truth in the statement. As a result, OP physically struck her husband because the truth hurts.

Ok shit stirrer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think you're out of touch with reality and have spent too much time in non-clinical work (research?) and need to get out and see people again. The police disagree with you. I think you are confusing domestic violence, which can be a one-time event, with domestic abuse which is usually a pattern of emotional or physical abuse.

Call it what you will, the distinction is there. Abuse, violence, whatever you want to call it, there's a difference. And the same distinction and pointing out the differences that you just made is what I made. Not all violence is the same. You said it, I said it.

Yes, but in this case, the words are important. Domestic violence is a term that is defined legally and for law enforcement purposes. If you're going to be giving this type of advice, you can't just randomly choose words. Some have more legal consequences than others.

Look, I work in the field and work directly with judges, advocates, social workers, government workers, law enforcement, etc. I'm talking about nationally, Office on Violence Against Women, definition of domestic violence. So call it what YOU will, but I'm using the definition as defined by the Department of Justice. I'm sorry you disagree, and are using state-based legal definitions. I'm using the national definition as agreed upon by an awful lot of experts. So I'm not randomly choosing words. I was very deliberate.

Lady, I work at the Department of Justice. I worked at OVW, I feel so strongly about how stupid you are I'm outing myself to tell you...YOU ARE WRONG.

Glad you're gone. I heard they cleaned house. Glad to know it's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this distinction will not mean much to many of you, but this isn't "domestic violence" in terms of what the professionals working in the field consider domestic violence. Let me explain before you all cry foul.

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior, with specific intentions involved to achieve a desired impact. The impact is to instill fear, the intent is to control behavior. That's what we refer to as domestic violence. Not all violence that occurs in the home is "domestic violence." Some is defensive, some is reactionary, some is brought on by stress, etc.

At least what the OP is describing, and of course I wasn't' there, isn't "domestic violence." It's more like a reaction to stress, or in this case, being verbally abused and witnessing what amounts to emotional abuse of a child. By saying what he said, it sounds to me, he was intending to hurt the child. The child became a pawn in his own frustration.

Before you all jump on me, all violence accept defensive violence is wrong. I get that. But if there's any effort at controlling behavior, let's face it, it came from the husband. No, I'm not victim blaming. I don't think he's a victim. You don't say something like to a child about their mother, damaging a child and their perception of their mother, and still get to be a victim. He's as much to blame as she is, and yes, she's to blame for her reaction to what he did. But he's right in that game.

Yeah, this is pretty much crap. Domestic violence is the inflicting of physical injury by one family or household member on another. OP is a criminal.

No, it's not. What you just said is laughably narrow and even most law enforcement officers would agree it's more than what you just said. And it matters to me not one bit what the gender roles are. I have worked women in this area, and I have worked with men in this area. He's no victim.

That is funny considering I AM law enforcement. Your qualifications?

I should have said decent, qualified law enforcement. My bad.