I just physically abused my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was OPs hand opened or closed? If opened, and she bitch-slapped him a couple of times, do you really think he's gonna call the cops on her? Men, would you call on your DW for something like this?

DH here. I would ask her to leave for the night so that we could both cool our heads. If she refused, I would call the cops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this distinction will not mean much to many of you, but this isn't "domestic violence" in terms of what the professionals working in the field consider domestic violence. Let me explain before you all cry foul.

Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive, controlling behavior, with specific intentions involved to achieve a desired impact. The impact is to instill fear, the intent is to control behavior. That's what we refer to as domestic violence. Not all violence that occurs in the home is "domestic violence." Some is defensive, some is reactionary, some is brought on by stress, etc.

At least what the OP is describing, and of course I wasn't' there, isn't "domestic violence." It's more like a reaction to stress, or in this case, being verbally abused and witnessing what amounts to emotional abuse of a child. By saying what he said, it sounds to me, he was intending to hurt the child. The child became a pawn in his own frustration.

Before you all jump on me, all violence accept defensive violence is wrong. I get that. But if there's any effort at controlling behavior, let's face it, it came from the husband. No, I'm not victim blaming. I don't think he's a victim. You don't say something like to a child about their mother, damaging a child and their perception of their mother, and still get to be a victim. He's as much to blame as she is, and yes, she's to blame for her reaction to what he did. But he's right in that game.

I work in "in the field" and you are wrong. I'm so frightened that you may be a group that I fund....you are crazy.

I know for a fact that you are not my funder because they have a clue and aren't an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was OPs hand opened or closed? If opened, and she bitch-slapped him a couple of times, do you really think he's gonna call the cops on her? Men, would you call on your DW for something like this?

DH here. I would ask her to leave for the night so that we could both cool our heads. If she refused, I would call the cops.

You're assuming she had some place safe to go, which may not be the case.

I'm interested that the husband seems to be getting a mostly free pass here. Responding to his verbal abuse with physical abuse is wrong of course, especially in front of a child, but the husband actually initiated the altercation. Isn't verbal abuse a mitigating factor in a domestic violence episode? Also, I could not respect any man who would have his wife and the mother of his child arrested for one incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was OPs hand opened or closed? If opened, and she bitch-slapped him a couple of times, do you really think he's gonna call the cops on her? Men, would you call on your DW for something like this?

DH here. I would ask her to leave for the night so that we could both cool our heads. If she refused, I would call the cops.

You're assuming she had some place safe to go, which may not be the case.

I'm interested that the husband seems to be getting a mostly free pass here. Responding to his verbal abuse with physical abuse is wrong of course, especially in front of a child, but the husband actually initiated the altercation. Isn't verbal abuse a mitigating factor in a domestic violence episode? Also, I could not respect any man who would have his wife and the mother of his child arrested for one incident.

You fight verbal abuse with verbal abuse. You fight physical abuse with physical abuse. A man should give his wife a free pass regarding physical abuse? What if that one incident resulted in brain damage? She shouldn't get arrested right? Because she gave birth to his child, she gets a by pass jail card? When you have a daughter, please let her know it's ok to beat a man. When you have a son, let him know, it's ok that his wife beats him and don't he dare call the cops.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the most misunderstood, misguided, hot-tempered, throwing insults, making assumptions thread I've seen in a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was OPs hand opened or closed? If opened, and she bitch-slapped him a couple of times, do you really think he's gonna call the cops on her? Men, would you call on your DW for something like this?

DH here. I would ask her to leave for the night so that we could both cool our heads. If she refused, I would call the cops.

You're assuming she had some place safe to go, which may not be the case.

I'm interested that the husband seems to be getting a mostly free pass here. Responding to his verbal abuse with physical abuse is wrong of course, especially in front of a child, but the husband actually initiated the altercation. Isn't verbal abuse a mitigating factor in a domestic violence episode? Also, I could not respect any man who would have his wife and the mother of his child arrested for one incident.

You fight verbal abuse with verbal abuse. You fight physical abuse with physical abuse. A man should give his wife a free pass regarding physical abuse? What if that one incident resulted in brain damage? She shouldn't get arrested right? Because she gave birth to his child, she gets a by pass jail card? When you have a daughter, please let her know it's ok to beat a man. When you have a son, let him know, it's ok that his wife beats him and don't he dare call the cops.

Huh? It doesn't seem like the episode resulted in the husband's brain damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not excusing your behavior but I can understand. I would take a few deep breaths and go back in and talk with him about what happened and what got you to that point...including his attitude toward your childs care and his comment which sent you over the edge.

This. Your DH sounds like a first class jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was OPs hand opened or closed? If opened, and she bitch-slapped him a couple of times, do you really think he's gonna call the cops on her? Men, would you call on your DW for something like this?

DH here. I would ask her to leave for the night so that we could both cool our heads. If she refused, I would call the cops.

You're assuming she had some place safe to go, which may not be the case.

I'm interested that the husband seems to be getting a mostly free pass here. Responding to his verbal abuse with physical abuse is wrong of course, especially in front of a child, but the husband actually initiated the altercation. Isn't verbal abuse a mitigating factor in a domestic violence episode? Also, I could not respect any man who would have his wife and the mother of his child arrested for one incident.

I am not assuming anything. The question was whether I would call the cops on MY wife.....MY wife has most of her immediate family in the area so she would have somewhere to go.

Is he getting a pass? The husband is an azz, but did he initiate the physical altercation? Would you feel differently if the OP said something and her DH hit her repeatedly in the head? Would he still get a pass? If you say something unkind to your DH, are you giving him license to knock you upside the head?

And I could not respect any spouse or parent, male or female, who resorts to physical violence in response to a verbal remark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was OPs hand opened or closed? If opened, and she bitch-slapped him a couple of times, do you really think he's gonna call the cops on her? Men, would you call on your DW for something like this?

DH here. I would ask her to leave for the night so that we could both cool our heads. If she refused, I would call the cops.

You're assuming she had some place safe to go, which may not be the case.

I'm interested that the husband seems to be getting a mostly free pass here. Responding to his verbal abuse with physical abuse is wrong of course, especially in front of a child, but the husband actually initiated the altercation. Isn't verbal abuse a mitigating factor in a domestic violence episode? Also, I could not respect any man who would have his wife and the mother of his child arrested for one incident.

BUt we don't even know that he initiate the altercation, as we don't have his side of it. Yes, what he said was shitty, and he shouldn't have said it. But we don't know what she was saying that may have prompted him to lose his temper and make such a horrid remark, do we? We have the version from a woman who bascially repeatedly slapped her DH about the head and shoulders in front of her young child. Yeah, she's credible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was OPs hand opened or closed? If opened, and she bitch-slapped him a couple of times, do you really think he's gonna call the cops on her? Men, would you call on your DW for something like this?

DH here. I would ask her to leave for the night so that we could both cool our heads. If she refused, I would call the cops.

You're assuming she had some place safe to go, which may not be the case.

I'm interested that the husband seems to be getting a mostly free pass here. Responding to his verbal abuse with physical abuse is wrong of course, especially in front of a child, but the husband actually initiated the altercation. Isn't verbal abuse a mitigating factor in a domestic violence episode? Also, I could not respect any man who would have his wife and the mother of his child arrested for one incident.

I slapped the bitch because she wouldn't shut up. Women need to know their place when talking to a man. Is that a mitigating factor in slapping your wife?

Could you respect a woman who would have her husband, the father of her child arrested for one incident?

[Anonymous]

The thing that I find most disturbing here is that neither the poster nor her husband seems to care about how their problems and dislke of one another are affecting their child. Even if you are angry at your husband and don't feel guilty for hitting him because you're pissed off, shouldn't you feel guilty for attacking your daughter's father in front of her? Similarly, I find it horrible that the husband would tell a child that her mother was "sick of her" to get back at the mother. It doesn't matter what prompted him to say it.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow, this person who hit her husband is just as bad as a husband hitting his wife. Abuse is abuse...

[Anonymous]

PPs who are sympathizing with stressed out OP for going upside her husband's head forgot to use the PMS excuse. Sheesh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was OPs hand opened or closed? If opened, and she bitch-slapped him a couple of times, do you really think he's gonna call the cops on her? Men, would you call on your DW for something like this?

DH here. I would ask her to leave for the night so that we could both cool our heads. If she refused, I would call the cops.

You're assuming she had some place safe to go, which may not be the case.

I'm interested that the husband seems to be getting a mostly free pass here. Responding to his verbal abuse with physical abuse is wrong of course, especially in front of a child, but the husband actually initiated the altercation. Isn't verbal abuse a mitigating factor in a domestic violence episode? Also, I could not respect any man who would have his wife and the mother of his child arrested for one incident.

I slapped the bitch because she wouldn't shut up. Women need to know their place when talking to a man. Is that a mitigating factor in slapping your wife?

Could you respect a woman who would have her husband, the father of her child arrested for one incident?

I can't say that I know any husbands/wives who called the cops on their spouses and stayed married after that. How many incidents do you give a pass on, two, three, four...? These kind of "incidents" easily erupt into homicide.

[Anonymous]

I think it's pathetic that this thread has devolved into a rant about legality and whether person A should be jailed or not and whether gender plays a role. As someone who has watched a husband who threw his wife down the stairs in front of the kids (resulting in her broken arm) and ended up in jail overnight only to return home 24 hrs later, I can tell you it's never as easy as you think. So let's stop the legal "I would've called the cops and had her arrested" nonsense and think about the CHILD, therapy, and coping strategies.