Why is it taboo to tell a girl that she should lose weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any wonderful advice, but I do have a story on the importance of addressing this issue very delicately. It applies even if the child is not yours - everyone should be instilling proper attitudes about weight and how to treat others with weight issues in their children as early as possible.

My sister was always chubby growing up. Never hugely overweight, just what most would describe as round. She was a wonderful kid, sweet as can be. She could never harm a fly. Due to her weight, she became the target a mean-spirited comments starting at about age 9 or 10. She endured those comments without complaint for 5 years. Then, she started to change. Starting in her freshman year of high school, she started playing tennis and losing some of her “baby fat”. Simultaneously, her body started to develop. By the end of her freshman year she was popular, thin, pretty and getting attention from quite a few boys.

Then, something snapped. She wasn't thin enough - no amount of weight loss was good enough. By her junior year she was hospitalized to anorexia. Soon after that, she developed bulimia. Her weight hovered between the low 80's and high 90's, depending on what she was more consumed with - the anorexia or bulimia.

When she headed for college, we hoped things would get better - and they seemed to. But then one night in late September in her sophomore year of college, following a binge, her stomach ruptured. Her body literally gave out on her. She died 2 days later.

So now she is gone. She will never meet my kids or husband. She will never marry or have kids or her own. Instead, I have to tell my kids about their angel in heaven, one they will only ever know through photos and my stories of her. And it started in part because the world never really accepted her till she was thin.

Do I think that the issue of kids being overweight should be addressed? Of course – it is a huge problem in this country. But please be very, very careful – one can enforce healthy eating habits and exercise without every mentioning a child’s present weight. My sister story is a worst case scenario and I realize that – but do you really want a child to feel or go through even an ounce of her pain?

Oh my God - I am so sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

that is extremely heart breaking.

[zumbamama]

I haven't read the whole thread...but in dealing with many people who are overweight (including myself at one point), from 9 yr old girls to 70 yr old women...I have never said "You need to lose weight."

If you are really concerned about someone else's child's weight, there are more positive, motivating ways to go about it. You could invite them to a healthy restaurant or to go shopping with you at a health food store. Invite them to events that involve physical activity—as a fun outing not as a ploy to get them to exercise. Or let's go walk around Roosevelt island while the weather is still nice, or something like that.

People are sensitive about what people think of them, women especially about their weight. If they are overweight, they already know that...they don't need to be reminded. Set an example by your actions and invite them along without any guilt trips or negativity of any kind.

If they choose not to follow you, you have to accept that you cannot force them into it. I can't force everyone in my class to be consistent with their exercise, I can only set an example and make it fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any wonderful advice, but I do have a story on the importance of addressing this issue very delicately. It applies even if the child is not yours - everyone should be instilling proper attitudes about weight and how to treat others with weight issues in their children as early as possible.

My sister was always chubby growing up. Never hugely overweight, just what most would describe as round. She was a wonderful kid, sweet as can be. She could never harm a fly. Due to her weight, she became the target a mean-spirited comments starting at about age 9 or 10. She endured those comments without complaint for 5 years. Then, she started to change. Starting in her freshman year of high school, she started playing tennis and losing some of her “baby fat”. Simultaneously, her body started to develop. By the end of her freshman year she was popular, thin, pretty and getting attention from quite a few boys.

Then, something snapped. She wasn't thin enough - no amount of weight loss was good enough. By her junior year she was hospitalized to anorexia. Soon after that, she developed bulimia. Her weight hovered between the low 80's and high 90's, depending on what she was more consumed with - the anorexia or bulimia.

When she headed for college, we hoped things would get better - and they seemed to. But then one night in late September in her sophomore year of college, following a binge, her stomach ruptured. Her body literally gave out on her. She died 2 days later.

So now she is gone. She will never meet my kids or husband. She will never marry or have kids or her own. Instead, I have to tell my kids about their angel in heaven, one they will only ever know through photos and my stories of her. And it started in part because the world never really accepted her till she was thin.

Do I think that the issue of kids being overweight should be addressed? Of course – it is a huge problem in this country. But please be very, very careful – one can enforce healthy eating habits and exercise without every mentioning a child’s present weight. My sister story is a worst case scenario and I realize that – but do you really want a child to feel or go through even an ounce of her pain?

I am sorry about your story.

I don't think that there is tons of evidence that what happened to your sister was all about comments from others. My sister was anorexic, but she was thin her whole life. The problem got worse in her teens, but was never initiated by comments about weight. She tried her best to eat, but was not successful. When we tried to get treatment, the dim whit shrinks said that it was not anorexia because she was never obese to start off. She also knew that she was underweight. She nearly died. Thank goodness it turned around on its own. She is now 120lbs and 5'6", she looks good, and exercises regularly, and has 4 kids.

I always knew that after seeing what my sister went through that there was more to anorexia that the stereotypical "need to lose weight". Since then I have met two former anorexics who have said that they were never trying to be thin in the first place.

I think that we need to realize that any disease can be blamed on environmental/psychological factors if we want. Remember, homosexuality was due to an unresolved oedipal complex? Oh, Schizophrenia and child abuse? The list goes on. We need to look at these things as objectively as possible, and apply real science. Only recently have researchers started to look at anorexia from a genetic/biochemical problem.

That said, my other sister's daughter is obese, 22, and diabetic. That needs to be dealt with, and should have been taken seriously when she was a 3 year old eating as much as an adult.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that there is tons of evidence that what happened to your sister was all about comments from others.

I don't think is was all about the comments and I said that. But the fact that she never felt popular or liked before she got thin had an enormous impact on her self-esteem and self-worth. And I agree - many already thin girls and women become anorexic. But our country is incredibly insensitive about a woman's appearance. In the end, that is what this post comes down to - the fact that the media, the general public and women in general feel that they have the right to comment on another women's appearance with little consequence. Most women, thank goodness, can handle that constant pressure without allowing it to manifest into something more.