Why is it taboo to tell a girl that she should lose weight?

[Anonymous]

My friends daughter is 105 lbs. and 10 year sold. She is 4'10'' and chubby. Her mother does not want to say a thing because she is afraid that it would upset the child and hurt her self esteem. We all know that a lot of improvements can be made, such as diet and exercise, but at some point this kid has to know that obesity kills.

I am writing this because of the posts about the Chinese gymnasts. They seem to be looked at with disgust because they are thin. Then there is this "healty" muscular look that we advocate. Well, most teens that think they are muscular are actually obese and will get heavier as they age. The problem should be addressed earlier rather than later.

If there is a concern about self esteem, just wait until that girl makes it to college, obese, with even lower self esteem. It is probably better to speak to her now.

[Anonymous]

First, it's really none of your business about your friend's daughter's weight.

Second, no one said a bad word about the Chinese gymnasts' weights. The question was about their AGE.

Third, the U.S. team is muscular because they are elite athletes who work out for hours every day. This has nothing to do with your personal theory that most teens who are overweight think they are muscular.

I bet you think the U.S. women's swim team is too "big" too....

[Anonymous]

Because telling her that she needs to lose weight at ten when she's 105 lbs and 4'10", nowhere near done growing vertically, and already has a serious deck stacked against her in terms of the crap society is going to heap on her regarding body image and dysmorphia isn't helpful.

I am so sick of the "national fat chick crisis." Seriously.
She's not obese. She's a growing girl. Take a look at old photos of your great grandparents. I know I'm built just like my great grandma...big. Thick, even. Fat in the right (or wrong) pair of pants. I also bike 100miles a week, play roller derby, and jog a mile three times a week, have a resting pulse of 58, and a cholesterol count of 135.

Instead of telling this young girl on the verge of puberty and the hell of middle school that she needs to lose weight, someone should encourage her to be or stay active and healthy, and that her body is an amazing machine that is worthy of her respect and care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because telling her that she needs to lose weight at ten when she's 105 lbs and 4'10", nowhere near done growing vertically, and already has a serious deck stacked against her in terms of the crap society is going to heap on her regarding body image and dysmorphia isn't helpful.

I am so sick of the "national fat chick crisis." Seriously.
She's not obese. She's a growing girl. Take a look at old photos of your great grandparents. I know I'm built just like my great grandma...big. Thick, even. Fat in the right (or wrong) pair of pants. I also bike 100miles a week, play roller derby, and jog a mile three times a week, have a resting pulse of 58, and a cholesterol count of 135.

Instead of telling this young girl on the verge of puberty and the hell of middle school that she needs to lose weight, someone should encourage her to be or stay active and healthy, and that her body is an amazing machine that is worthy of her respect and care.

Agree completely. In case you haven't already read this, here's the latest news:
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5g29I8_84cqbWspsmOG8qKF26b3_wD92G9OQO1

[Anonymous]

I agree with the child's mother. This isn't just about self esteem and body image, it also encompasses food issues. Telling a young girl that she is fat, could cause her to be anorexic or a compulsive eater, later on.

If this were my child, I would just quietly change up the food menu a bit, and take her outside to play more. If I do the same things, then chances are she wouldn't notice I was making the changes because of her.

If the child eats well, and gets a good amount of activity, then what is the point of bringing it up?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the 13:02 poster. The important thing to do is to emphasize a healthy lifestyle and encourage her to find physical activities that she enjoys -- dancing, biking, hiking, etc. I'm always preaching to my kids how you only get one body to see you through your whole life and that is why will fill it with healthy foods and make sure to exercise. DH and I also explain how eating healthy foods helps give you energy and strong bones. You do not want to focus on the scale and you do not want to start an emotional relationship with food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the 13:02 poster. The important thing to do is to emphasize a healthy lifestyle and encourage her to find physical activities that she enjoys -- dancing, biking, hiking, etc. I'm always preaching to my kids how you only get one body to see you through your whole life and that is why will fill it with healthy foods and make sure to exercise. DH and I also explain how eating healthy foods helps give you energy and strong bones. You do not want to focus on the scale and you do not want to start an emotional relationship with food.

I like that. I'm going to use it with my kids, who are still very young.

[Anonymous]

I was one of the posters on the Chinese gymnast thread who responded to the "mutton vs. lamb" poster. I don't think the Chinese girls look too skinny; I just don't see how anyone could call the American gymnasts fat. Those girls are in better physical shape than most of us have ever been in our lives. They couldn't do what they do if they weren't. And that kind of activity DOES build muscle.

I do think kids need to have their weight monitored, but I also think it needs to be done in a way that: (a) doesn't hurt self esteem, and (b) doesn't make it an obsession. You don't want a slightly overweight kid to freak out because mom said she's fat and start starving herself. A kid can be overweight because of eating habits, lack of exercise, or both. A younger kid (including your friend's daughter) has only her family to thank for that. Sure, kids are going to eat things when they are away from home. But it's up to the parents to teach portion control, teach nutrition, and get the kid moving. I'm in the same boat, so I'm not being preachy. I have a young child who has the potential to be overweight. He LOVES to eat and his favorite activities tend to be pretty sedentary (trains, puzzles, painting, etc.). But I see it as *my* job not to let him get unhealthy. But I also don't say things like "you don't want to get fat." I say things like "if you eat too much, you won't feel well."

Also, from my own experience growing up, my mom stayed on my case about weight a lot because she was a bit heavier herself at that age. As a result, I became a "closet eater". I ate when she wasn't looking. I never got *fat* (probably because I was involved in lots of sports), but I was definitely heavier than I would have liked to be.

That's a long way of saying I don't think it's taboo for a mother (or person VERY close to the child) to tell the child she needs to be careful. At 10, the girl still has a lot of growing to do. And she is not even close to obese now. Obese (for adults) is a BMI of 30; she's only 22. That puts her in the "at risk for becoming overweight" category, but not yet overweight. At this point, she needs to learn healthy eating/exercise habits, and then when she hits her growth spurt I bet she would thin down.

[Anonymous]

I am writing this because of the posts about the Chinese gymnasts. They seem to be looked at with disgust because they are thin. Then there is this "healty" muscular look that we advocate. Well, most teens that think they are muscular are actually obese and will get heavier as they age. The problem should be addressed earlier rather than later.

I just posted this in response to your (if it was your) posting on the Chinese gymnasts thread. I will repost it here because I don't want anybody in their right mind to think your objections are based on health issues:

Just out of curiosity, I put the vital statistics - 16 years old, 4'7" tall, 68 pounds- of Deng Linlin (the aforementioned Chinese gymnast) into the CDC's body mass calculator for teens. This are the results they gave me:

"Based on the height and weight entered, the BMI is 15.8, placing the BMI-for-age below the 1st percentile for girls aged 16 years. This teen is underweight and should be seen by a healthcare provider for further assessment to determine possible causes of underweight."

Please don't make the argument that you liked the Chinese gymnasts better because they are healthier. And please don't lecture us on health issues if you have no problem with a 68 pound 16 year old. At that point it becomes some very weird body distortion issue on your part.

[Anonymous]

I checked her measurements on an online Body Mass Index (BMI) calculator. 4'10" and 105 lb gives her a BMI of 21.9, solidly within the normal range (which is scores of 18.5-24.9).

To be obese, technically speaking, she'd have to weigh 143.5 lb at 4'10".

Leave the poor girl alone!

[Anonymous]

I'm dealing with this issue with my niece. I have read about it a lot and thought about it a lot. And I think the 13:09 poster is right on target. But I would add that the person who needs talking to and changing is mom (and dad), not the daughter. It is not what her parents say, but what they DO that matters.

At ten years old, the parents still can control food and activity. If the child has been overeating or eating unhealthy foods, the parents need to change their ways and give her different choices. With my niece, she doesn't get enough exercise. She lives in an area where she can't go outside and play unless mom or dad go out or take her to a playground, etc. But they say they don't have time, they don't want to right then, whatever. So she doesn't have the option, let alone the habit of being active. They make her clean her plate, even if she puts too much on it. They won't say no when she asks for snacks. They stock too much unhealthy food and eat out too much (fast food primarily). They are obese themselves. And then they harp on her about her weight. That is not the solution, but rather creating a bigger problem. She is VERY conscious of her weight -- they have made sure of that -- but hasn't been taught the habits necessary to change it.

[Anonymous]

wow. I feel for a lot of the kids out there with mothers who are so unhinged and frankly, just plain nuts about weight. I can't believe people are defending the Chinese gymnasts and holding them up as some sort of ideal. These girls are supposed to 16 and THEY'RE NOT. That's the issue.

If you think your child is becoming heavy, make sure they are active and eat healthy foods. I have a friend who will not let her daughter have any sweets and is obsessed with the idea that her daughter will grow up to be fat. I'm so sad for that kid and I think she's more obsessed with food because of her mother's insanity.

[Anonymous]

Ok, first of all - the child is not "obese." Her BMI is normal and healthy. Second, obesity in and of itself doesn't kill. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, and other related ailments are the issue. But I'm assuming of course you didn't bother to wonder about those real health issues, just that the girl is "chubby." Thank God this girl's Mom is smarter than you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have a friend who will not let her daughter have any sweets and is obsessed with the idea that her daughter will grow up to be fat. I'm so sad for that kid and I think she's more obsessed with food because of her mother's insanity.

This reminds me of one of the infants under 12 months in my dd's class. The baby was about 8-9 months and chunky the way an infant should be. When the infants started eating real food, the infant's mother forbade the daycare teachers form feeding her anything but a can of Green Giant green beans (the regular kind, not fortified with vitamins for babies) that she brought in. This poor baby would crawl over to the other infants eating in their high chairs and eat the crumbs they dropped from the floor bc she was so hungry. She could drink all the water in the world, but was crying all the time bc she was hungry. The mother thought the infant was too fat. This poor child is going to have food and eating issues as she grows.

[Anonymous]

Are all the seemingly-sensible posters here the same ones from the other thread, who give their 3-year-olds skim milk? Talk about mixed messages.

In answer to the subject question: it's taboo because if a girl is overweight, she knows it. It's impossible not to in this society. So you're just kicking her when she's down.

Also, it's completely normal for a girl to put on a little extra weight in the years before puberty. It's nature's way of making sure that she's ready to carry a healthy pregnancy by the time she's 14. Trying to starve a girl out of this completely normal phase is unnatural and will guarantee that she starts her adult life with a complex she'll never be rid of.