Why is it taboo to tell a girl that she should lose weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did I say that the mother should say you're too fat? The point is that it should be addressed. The respectful thing to do would be to explain to her that for health reasons, she has to be careful about what she eats, and eat less.
I tell my kids about a ton of things they can not eat. No trans fat, no chewy sweets, no nitro meats, no excess salt, it goes on. What is so wrong with a parent maintaining control of their child's diet? My kids are to young now, but when they ask why we don't eat like other families, I will say that trans fat clogs your arteries, too much salt causes high blood pressure later, sweets cause cavities, nitros cause cancer, too much of anything causes obesity which leads to heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. Yes, I will tell them in plain English.
For the same reasons I ask them to wear their helmets, and put them in car seats. I care about their health.

I'm still unclear on why this is any of your concern and how you know what another parent discusses with her children...But in any case, if you care about your kids' health, you also care about their emotional health. This is not the same as helmets and car seats. This is something that can cause very serious problems later on - anorexia, bulimia - that can actually kill people. Unless your child's doctor has informed you (and I will say you because I cannot get my brain around the fact that you are all into these other people's business like this) that your child has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or other issues and needs to lose weight - it's an aesthetic issue. So in all honesty, it may just be YOU with the "weight problem."

There are very few heavy people who never have health problems as a result.

Are you sure about that? Because there's a BIG difference between 20 lbs over ideal and 200 lbs over ideal. And further, someone who is 20 lbs over ideal can actually be healthier and more fit than someone who is underweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is not saying that she would like to get involved, she just wants to know why it is taboo. So this is not a none of your business thing, it is a discussion.

Unfortunately I don't think OP is quite that theoretical...lol. She doesn't seem to realize that she really doesn't know what parents and children discuss or don't discuss, or how or when or to what degree. She has some really twisted views on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is not saying that she would like to get involved, she just wants to know why it is taboo. So this is not a none of your business thing, it is a discussion.

A lot of people have replied with info on why it is taboo. For one thing, it can cause eating disorders down the road to tell a child of that age they are overweight. It is taboo for the same reason that you don't go around telling people they are ugly or could use a nose job, etc. It is rude to comment negatively on someone else's personal appearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is not saying that she would like to get involved, she just wants to know why it is taboo. So this is not a none of your business thing, it is a discussion.

Given OP's comments, I don't think she's actually interested in why it's taboo. She wants an okay to insert herself into the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't understand your point about dance class. Are you saying that your niece shouldn't take tap because she got winded? But is that the point of physical activity? You are scolding because she doesn't exercise enough, and then scolding that when does exercise, she's winded.

Yes, I am saying that. She needs to take a class that was much slower paced so she could build up some stamina.

My neice could not physically complete the class each teim because she became winded - more like gasping for breathe, had to sit down and take a break, and then by that time the class was almost over. At her weight, quick paced, strenous activity is not something she is physically capable of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't understand your point about dance class. Are you saying that your niece shouldn't take tap because she got winded? But is that the point of physical activity? You are scolding because she doesn't exercise enough, and then scolding that when does exercise, she's winded.

Yes, I am saying that. She needs to take a class that was much slower paced so she could build up some stamina.

My neice could not physically complete the class each teim because she became winded - more like gasping for breathe, had to sit down and take a break, and then by that time the class was almost over. At her weight, quick paced, strenous activity is not something she is physically capable of.

Are there tap dancing classes for overweight teens who may or may not have to take a break during class? No. You are not recognizing your own lunacy here. It's ok to take a break. It's ok if she becomes winded. The entire point is to show children that physical activity is fun and feels good and is an end in and of itself, not a path to weight loss like it is for her aunt. So if she wants to tap dance, for the love of all that is good and holy, let her. Enjoying something physical is a good thing. And telling a child that she's somehow not good enough or worth enough to do that is so, so cruel and sad, let alone completely contrary to what you say you're trying to accomplish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many parents actually fail to realize that their child is fat. They say stuff like "well, he is the 95% for weight but its ok bc he is in the 90% for height" NO being in the highest percentile for weight is not ok.

Huh? So a kid who is at the top of the charts for height should be in the middle for weight? Should people in the middle for height be at the bottom for weight? What about kids on the shorter side?

According to the AAP, you are just wrong. They do calculate BMI for kids. I did the calculation for a 3 year old boy (since that is what I have), using your example above. Based on the growth charts, a 3 year old boy is in the 95% for weight if he is 38 lbs, and 90% for height if he is 40". That's a BMI of 16.7, which is 72nd percentile. A child between 5th and 85 percentile for BMI is at a healthy weight. 85th-95th percentile is at risk for being overweight, and over 95th percentile (for BMI, remember--not the growth charts) is overweight. If you want to check it out for yourself, this is where I was looking: http://pediatrics.about.com/od/bmi/a/06_bmi.htm

Thanks for your link. I checked it out and my child is in the 7th percentile - far away from the 85 percentile; however, 72 percenitle is not that far away. In fact, if I use your informaiton you provide about your child and he gains 10 lbs over the next year but only gains a few inches he will quickly edge up....

A 4 year old (male) child
who is 48 pounds
and is 3 feet and 8 inches tall has
a body mass index of 17.5,
which is at the 92th percentile,

and would indicate that your child is at risk of becoming overweight

I am not saying this is going to happen for your son but I am using it as an example of why I do not think its ok for people to say that their child is in the 95% for weight and then 90% for height. The rate of growth of height can be slower than weight gain which a person can purposely cause to increase at a rapid rate. This is not true for height.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think many parents actually fail to realize that their child is fat. They say stuff like "well, he is the 95% for weight but its ok bc he is in the 90% for height" NO being in the highest percentile for weight is not ok.

bzzz.wrong. My daughter is 95th in height and weight (5 years old). She's a tall, string bean. She plays every sport, eats incredibly healthy and has the energy of 8 kids put together. There's hardly an ounce of extra fat on that child and our ped says she is the picture of health. She's just always been REALLY tall for her age - and obviously weighs more b/c she is taller than most kids her age. I can't control the fact that she's growing so tall! I think your full of BS. I hope my daughter isn't friends with someone who has such a judgemental mom that likes to make ridiculous sweeping generalizing comments. gag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many parents actually fail to realize that their child is fat. They say stuff like "well, he is the 95% for weight but its ok bc he is in the 90% for height" NO being in the highest percentile for weight is not ok.

Huh? So a kid who is at the top of the charts for height should be in the middle for weight? Should people in the middle for height be at the bottom for weight? What about kids on the shorter side?

According to the AAP, you are just wrong. They do calculate BMI for kids. I did the calculation for a 3 year old boy (since that is what I have), using your example above. Based on the growth charts, a 3 year old boy is in the 95% for weight if he is 38 lbs, and 90% for height if he is 40". That's a BMI of 16.7, which is 72nd percentile. A child between 5th and 85 percentile for BMI is at a healthy weight. 85th-95th percentile is at risk for being overweight, and over 95th percentile (for BMI, remember--not the growth charts) is overweight. If you want to check it out for yourself, this is where I was looking: http://pediatrics.about.com/od/bmi/a/06_bmi.htm

Thanks for your link. I checked it out and my child is in the 7th percentile - far away from the 85 percentile; however, 72 percenitle is not that far away. In fact, if I use your informaiton you provide about your child and he gains 10 lbs over the next year but only gains a few inches he will quickly edge up....

A 4 year old (male) child
who is 48 pounds
and is 3 feet and 8 inches tall has
a body mass index of 17.5,
which is at the 92th percentile,

and would indicate that your child is at risk of becoming overweight

I am not saying this is going to happen for your son but I am using it as an example of why I do not think its ok for people to say that their child is in the 95% for weight and then 90% for height. The rate of growth of height can be slower than weight gain which a person can purposely cause to increase at a rapid rate. This is not true for height.

Actually, that wasn't information about my son. My son just happens to be 3, which is why I picked that age (I had to pick an age to plug in the hypothetical 90% height/95% weight figures from the posting). I just looked on a growth chart to see what 90% for height and 95% for weight would be for a 3 year old because you need the actual height and actual weight to do the BMI calculation.

That said, 7th percentile isn't exactly ideal either. That's only 2% away from being underweight. I think most would agree that shooting for the middle is the healthiest. I would guess that my son probably is at the higher end of the healthy range (though I can't remember the actual stats at his 3 year appt; I know he is way off the chart for height, but can't remember what he was for weight), and we are already watching what he eats very carefully. The ped isn't worried because he has followed the exact curve since birth and he looks like a normal, healthy 3 year old (or, some would be more likely to guess a normal, healthy 4 year old!).

[Anonymous]

I don't know of many 3 year olds who gain THAT much weight in a year. My son only gained 3 lbs between being 1 and 2, and another 3 between 2 and 3 years old. he is still in the higher range regarding weight, off the charts in regards to height.

based on such an assumption, every child would be at risk of being over or underweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not saying that she would like to get involved, she just wants to know why it is taboo. So this is not a none of your business thing, it is a discussion.

Given OP's comments, I don't think she's actually interested in why it's taboo. She wants an okay to insert herself into the situation.

That is a bit much.

[Anonymous]

More kids die each year in car accidents than anorexia. So seat belts and car seats matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More kids die each year in car accidents than anorexia. So seat belts and car seats matter.

Yes, and I had a turkey sandwich for lunch today. How is this related?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More kids die each year in car accidents than anorexia. So seat belts and car seats matter.

Yes, and I had a turkey sandwich for lunch today. How is this related?

HA! Well, I hope you at least had mustard instead of mayo or you're headed down a scary road.

[Anonymous]

HA! Well, I hope you at least had mustard instead of mayo or you're headed down a scary road.

I am not the PP, but if putting mayo on a sandwich qualifies as a "scary road" for you, I would suggest that you have some real food issues.