Why is it taboo to tell a girl that she should lose weight?

[Anonymous]

I think many parents actually fail to realize that their child is fat. They say stuff like "well, he is the 95% for weight but its ok bc he is in the 90% for height" NO being in the highest percentile for weight is not ok.

If a child asked me if they were fat and they were in fact fat and I don't mean chubby or carrying a few pounds extra but truly overweight, I would answer truthfully that yes, he/she is overweight. My niece is overweight. She eats until she pukes. Then she eats more. She doesn't make herself puke, she just no longer recognizes that she is full and needs to stop. Her parents are ok with this behavior.

What I actually find the most offensive is when little girls are dressed in clothing that is too tight for them and they are overweight. The girl knows the clothes don't fit. I think the parents should make sure their child is dressed comfortably no matter what their weight.

Oh and about the ballet class that a PP poster mentioned, my aforementioned neice couldn't take tap dancing class. She couldn't make it through more than 10 mintues of the class without being winded and needing to sit down. She physically couldn't do it, she was just too heavy. So my SIL made her drop out bc she was concerned about my niece facing embarrasement at each class.

[Anonymous]

Actually, in my view the respectful thing to do would be to listen to her mother's wishes and not address it at all. Why is this discussion even taking place when the mother told you in pretty clear terms to butt out? Why do you think you have any basis to overrule her mother?

In addition, as someone who has struggled with weight at various points, I can tell you that the LAST thing that is helpful is to put additional pressure on someone who may have to lose weight (though based on what PPs noted, that even seems in doubt).

[Anonymous]

Ballet PP here. as I stated I was not obese, and based on my grades in P.E. (never worse than a B+) I think I would have been just fine.

Oh and my child is above the charts in height and weight. Would you like me to send you a picture? She is 19 months old. I think people stop talking about percentiles before toddlers become schoolkids, so if you are referring to babies and toddlers, that is by no means comparable to a 10 year old.

and your niece seems to be an extreme example.

You sound a bit like my mother btw

[Anonymous]

I overheard my pediatrician telling his partner not to tell the parents that the kids are overweight because if they (parents) get upset, they won't come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think many parents actually fail to realize that their child is fat. They say stuff like "well, he is the 95% for weight but its ok bc he is in the 90% for height" NO being in the highest percentile for weight is not ok.

Huh? So a kid who is at the top of the charts for height should be in the middle for weight? Should people in the middle for height be at the bottom for weight? What about kids on the shorter side?

According to the AAP, you are just wrong. They do calculate BMI for kids. I did the calculation for a 3 year old boy (since that is what I have), using your example above. Based on the growth charts, a 3 year old boy is in the 95% for weight if he is 38 lbs, and 90% for height if he is 40". That's a BMI of 16.7, which is 72nd percentile. A child between 5th and 85 percentile for BMI is at a healthy weight. 85th-95th percentile is at risk for being overweight, and over 95th percentile (for BMI, remember--not the growth charts) is overweight. If you want to check it out for yourself, this is where I was looking: http://pediatrics.about.com/od/bmi/a/06_bmi.htm

[Anonymous]

"I think many parents actually fail to realize that their child is fat. They say stuff like "well, he is the 95% for weight but its ok bc he is in the 90% for height" NO being in the highest percentile for weight is not ok."

It is fine for a baby to be 90% weight and height! When I read the sad post about the toddler being hungry because her idiot mother thought she was too chubby for a baby and had her on a diet, I thought I remembered a post awhile back from another idiot (that would be you) claiming that babies who were in the 95% weight and height were fat. Here you are posting away. Please schedule some time with your pediatrician and perhaps a child nutritionist before you do your kids harm.

[Anonymous]

Do we have to use the word idiot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do we have to use the word idiot?

I think we might.

[Anonymous]

What a personal issue for me. I grew up very overweight. Did my mother know it? Yes. Did I know it even at 10? Yes. Was I put on ten dozen diets? Yes Did they really help? Not until I was older and understood.

My point is the mother probably already really knows.Weight issues are a very touchy subject. I know my mom's friends said things in front of me. I remember how that made me feel. It is a horrible feeling.

OP is not your child. It is not your place to say anything.

[Anonymous]

Because there are studies that indicate that putting a child that young on a diet can lead to an eating disorder. And from what you've described, the girl is only slightly overweight and there is no need put the child at future risk of something even more harmful like anorexia or bulimia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did I say that the mother should say you're too fat? The point is that it should be addressed. The respectful thing to do would be to explain to her that for health reasons, she has to be careful about what she eats, and eat less.
I tell my kids about a ton of things they can not eat. No trans fat, no chewy sweets, no nitro meats, no excess salt, it goes on. What is so wrong with a parent maintaining control of their child's diet? My kids are to young now, but when they ask why we don't eat like other families, I will say that trans fat clogs your arteries, too much salt causes high blood pressure later, sweets cause cavities, nitros cause cancer, too much of anything causes obesity which leads to heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. Yes, I will tell them in plain English.
For the same reasons I ask them to wear their helmets, and put them in car seats. I care about their health.

I'm still unclear on why this is any of your concern and how you know what another parent discusses with her children...But in any case, if you care about your kids' health, you also care about their emotional health. This is not the same as helmets and car seats. This is something that can cause very serious problems later on - anorexia, bulimia - that can actually kill people. Unless your child's doctor has informed you (and I will say you because I cannot get my brain around the fact that you are all into these other people's business like this) that your child has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or other issues and needs to lose weight - it's an aesthetic issue. So in all honesty, it may just be YOU with the "weight problem."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think many parents actually fail to realize that their child is fat. They say stuff like "well, he is the 95% for weight but its ok bc he is in the 90% for height" NO being in the highest percentile for weight is not ok.

If a child asked me if they were fat and they were in fact fat and I don't mean chubby or carrying a few pounds extra but truly overweight, I would answer truthfully that yes, he/she is overweight. My niece is overweight. She eats until she pukes. Then she eats more. She doesn't make herself puke, she just no longer recognizes that she is full and needs to stop. Her parents are ok with this behavior.

What I actually find the most offensive is when little girls are dressed in clothing that is too tight for them and they are overweight. The girl knows the clothes don't fit. I think the parents should make sure their child is dressed comfortably no matter what their weight.

Oh and about the ballet class that a PP poster mentioned, my aforementioned neice couldn't take tap dancing class. She couldn't make it through more than 10 mintues of the class without being winded and needing to sit down. She physically couldn't do it, she was just too heavy. So my SIL made her drop out bc she was concerned about my niece facing embarrasement at each class.

I don't understand your point about dance class. Are you saying that your niece shouldn't take tap because she got winded? But is that the point of physical activity? You are scolding because she doesn't exercise enough, and then scolding that when does exercise, she's winded.

[Anonymous]

PP, here. I meant - _Isn't_ that the point of physical activity. Meaning, if a kid is out running, dancing, etc., she will lose her breath. After a while, kids, like adults, get better at the activity and become less winded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did I say that the mother should say you're too fat? The point is that it should be addressed. The respectful thing to do would be to explain to her that for health reasons, she has to be careful about what she eats, and eat less.
I tell my kids about a ton of things they can not eat. No trans fat, no chewy sweets, no nitro meats, no excess salt, it goes on. What is so wrong with a parent maintaining control of their child's diet? My kids are to young now, but when they ask why we don't eat like other families, I will say that trans fat clogs your arteries, too much salt causes high blood pressure later, sweets cause cavities, nitros cause cancer, too much of anything causes obesity which leads to heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. Yes, I will tell them in plain English.
For the same reasons I ask them to wear their helmets, and put them in car seats. I care about their health.

I'm still unclear on why this is any of your concern and how you know what another parent discusses with her children...But in any case, if you care about your kids' health, you also care about their emotional health. This is not the same as helmets and car seats. This is something that can cause very serious problems later on - anorexia, bulimia - that can actually kill people. Unless your child's doctor has informed you (and I will say you because I cannot get my brain around the fact that you are all into these other people's business like this) that your child has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or other issues and needs to lose weight - it's an aesthetic issue. So in all honesty, it may just be YOU with the "weight problem."

There are very few heavy people who never have health problems as a result.

[Anonymous]

OP is not saying that she would like to get involved, she just wants to know why it is taboo. So this is not a none of your business thing, it is a discussion.