Discipline pet peeve: "give him a hug!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And we think "Always Hug it out!" advocates are batshit crazy for not even acknowledging that the child who has been hit may be uncomfortable being hugged. Or for not even acknowledging that apologizing/making amends should be about the vicitm - not a mechanism to make the aggressor (and his mom) feel better about themselves.

So...why don't we just agree to disagree!

You don't think that the hugging advocates' implicitly acknowledged that some children may be uncomfortable being hugged by stating repeatedly that they ask persmission from the child or caregiver first? Or were you to hysterical to comprehend that part?

Which wasn't what was originally asked in the OP. The pet peeve was the directive to give the hitter a hug. THAT's what people reacted to. Then all the hugging advocates came in and starting whining "but we ask first. Isn't that OK?" That's different from the OP, completely different. And some people are telling you that, despite being asked, it's never going to be OK. There's your answer. Stop asserting yourself onto other people's kids. If you ask, and they say OK, sure, hug it out, you don't have a problem. If you ask and they say no, keep your kid away from mine, your only response should be to respect that answer.

[Anonymous]

Ok, this has to end. There is no reasoning with you. Go back to your cave on the Hill.

[Anonymous]

Group hug!

[Anonymous]

I'm in for a group hug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, this has to end. There is no reasoning with you. Go back to your cave on the Hill.

I wasn't the PP on the Hill. I was just sort of synopsizing what I read here. I thought I did a pretty decent recap actually. I don't personally care - this hasn't happened to me and if it did, I would deal with it. Just trying to sum up what's been going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And we think "Always Hug it out!" advocates are batshit crazy for not even acknowledging that the child who has been hit may be uncomfortable being hugged. Or for not even acknowledging that apologizing/making amends should be about the vicitm - not a mechanism to make the aggressor (and his mom) feel better about themselves.

So...why don't we just agree to disagree!

You don't think that the hugging advocates' implicitly acknowledged that some children may be uncomfortable being hugged by stating repeatedly that they ask persmission from the child or caregiver first? Or were you to hysterical to comprehend that part?

Which wasn't what was originally asked in the OP. The pet peeve was the directive to give the hitter a hug. THAT's what people reacted to. Then all the hugging advocates came in and starting whining "but we ask first. Isn't that OK?" That's different from the OP, completely different. And some people are telling you that, despite being asked, it's never going to be OK. There's your answer. Stop asserting yourself onto other people's kids. If you ask, and they say OK, sure, hug it out, you don't have a problem. If you ask and they say no, keep your kid away from mine, your only response should be to respect that answer.

To both the first PP quoted and this most recent PP: show me one response on this thread where someone defended a *forced* hug! There aren't any. As you mentioned, those who are so-called pro-hug all talked about getting permission first and backing off if the answer was no or it was clear that the hug wasn't welcomed. So *clearly* they understand gauging the mood/feelings etc. of the other child.

So who the fuck are you crazy bitches yelling at? WTF ladies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So who the fuck are you crazy bitches yelling at? WTF ladies?

You seem angry. Would you like a hug?
How about a slobbery kiss too? There, now don't you feel better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So who the fuck are you crazy bitches yelling at? WTF ladies?

You seem angry. Would you like a hug?
How about a slobbery kiss too? There, now don't you feel better?

No, not angry; more like shaking my head and laughing as I watch another train wreck on DCUM.

I would like that hug, though.

Back at you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And we think "Always Hug it out!" advocates are batshit crazy for not even acknowledging that the child who has been hit may be uncomfortable being hugged. Or for not even acknowledging that apologizing/making amends should be about the vicitm - not a mechanism to make the aggressor (and his mom) feel better about themselves.

So...why don't we just agree to disagree!

You don't think that the hugging advocates' implicitly acknowledged that some children may be uncomfortable being hugged by stating repeatedly that they ask persmission from the child or caregiver first? Or were you to hysterical to comprehend that part?

Which wasn't what was originally asked in the OP. The pet peeve was the directive to give the hitter a hug. THAT's what people reacted to. Then all the hugging advocates came in and starting whining "but we ask first. Isn't that OK?" That's different from the OP, completely different. And some people are telling you that, despite being asked, it's never going to be OK. There's your answer. Stop asserting yourself onto other people's kids. If you ask, and they say OK, sure, hug it out, you don't have a problem. If you ask and they say no, keep your kid away from mine, your only response should be to respect that answer.

To both the first PP quoted and this most recent PP: show me one response on this thread where someone defended a *forced* hug! There aren't any. As you mentioned, those who are so-called pro-hug all talked about getting permission first and backing off if the answer was no or it was clear that the hug wasn't welcomed. So *clearly* they understand gauging the mood/feelings etc. of the other child.

So who the fuck are you crazy bitches yelling at? WTF ladies?

Hill poster here. I have not posted since identifying where I'm from, and I've posted maybe three times on this entire thread. So you and your potty mouth can maybe just realize that there are several of us on here (the majority, I'd say) who think it's not really appropriate to have a kid get physical, especially without asking, with a kid he's already hit. One or two posters specify that they don't hug without asking first. The rest of the hug it out crowd simply said that, similar to the scenario outlined by the OP, that they instruct a hug because their child can't apologize any other way. ONly a few people qualified that they ask first. I personally have less of a problem with this. I'm guessing that a lot of posters probably didn't ask, they just assumed a hug would be okay. Maybe now they realize that's important to ask first. If that's the case, then I'd consider this a successful thread. I don't like the forced hug apology, but if a mom asks, that makes it less awkward for me to correct her behavior after the fact.

As a sidenote, I find it really ironic that the posters who think hugging is a response are extraordinarily rude. "What the fuck are you crazy bitches yelling at. WTF ladies?" So do you say that to your coworkers and then force a hug on them? (Sorry, some of you ask first). LOL - no thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And we think "Always Hug it out!" advocates are batshit crazy for not even acknowledging that the child who has been hit may be uncomfortable being hugged. Or for not even acknowledging that apologizing/making amends should be about the vicitm - not a mechanism to make the aggressor (and his mom) feel better about themselves.

So...why don't we just agree to disagree!

You don't think that the hugging advocates' implicitly acknowledged that some children may be uncomfortable being hugged by stating repeatedly that they ask persmission from the child or caregiver first? Or were you to hysterical to comprehend that part?

Which wasn't what was originally asked in the OP. The pet peeve was the directive to give the hitter a hug. THAT's what people reacted to. Then all the hugging advocates came in and starting whining "but we ask first. Isn't that OK?" That's different from the OP, completely different. And some people are telling you that, despite being asked, it's never going to be OK. There's your answer. Stop asserting yourself onto other people's kids. If you ask, and they say OK, sure, hug it out, you don't have a problem. If you ask and they say no, keep your kid away from mine, your only response should be to respect that answer.

To both the first PP quoted and this most recent PP: show me one response on this thread where someone defended a *forced* hug! There aren't any. As you mentioned, those who are so-called pro-hug all talked about getting permission first and backing off if the answer was no or it was clear that the hug wasn't welcomed. So *clearly* they understand gauging the mood/feelings etc. of the other child.

So who the fuck are you crazy bitches yelling at? WTF ladies?

"I will still do it and you will still cringe. My kid is not a bully and hugging/kissing also teaches him to be gentle. I am not changing my parenting because you think your kid is uncomfortable with my child's hugs.

[Anonymous]

^^ I'm sure there are more, just didn't feel like wasting any more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: As a sidenote, I find it really ironic that the posters who think hugging is a response are extraordinarily rude. "What the fuck are you crazy bitches yelling at. WTF ladies?" So do you say that to your coworkers and then force a hug on them? (Sorry, some of you ask first). LOL - no thanks!

I have the potty mouth and make no apologies. You all are nuts and my language choice doesn't change that. And, for the record, I am not a proponent of the hug, so your argument is down the toilet.

[Anonymous]

I'm the pro hugger (with permission) and I am not 18:27.

[Anonymous]

NP here. OP, you may have given up on this thread, but just chiming in that I completely agree. This happened a few times with a neighbor, a child younger than my own. Mom would direct her child to give my child a hug and my chd would cower/back away. Initially I responded by saying something like, "Sam is not much a hugger." I was annoyed but trying to be polite and not make a big deal out of the situation. I then started telling my kid it was 1) ok not to want to hug and 2) to say no thanks. The next time it happened, my son looked at me but couldn't get the "no thanks" out. (I think he was 2.5 or so?) but I stopped my line about him "not being a hugger" and instead said something like, "I don't think Sam wants to hug because he's probably not sure what Alex is actually going to do- hit again or hug." other mom was like, "oh?" I was thinking in my head, "Seriously??"

anyone, by the next encounter, my son started saying both "no hitting!" and "no thanks" to the unwelcomed (and STILL mom-directed) hug. I was proud of my son. Not sure if the other mom will ever get it, sad to say.

[Anonymous]

"I will still do it and you will still cringe. My kid is not a bully and hugging/kissing also teaches him to be gentle. I am not changing my parenting because you think your kid is uncomfortable with my child's hugs.


Why should someone else change their parenting style if you will not. Parenting and setting an example teaches kids to be gentle. Telling them to hug/kiss anyone who is not a family member for friend does not teach them appropriate boundaries and what is ok or not. I would have no issue if my child pushed your child off of him as he doesn't want strangers to touch or kiss him as that is what I teach him - affection is saved for those who love him and whom he loves.