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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Discipline pet peeve: "give him a hug!"
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Anonymous
???? Daah.. of course we are all irked and fummoxed.. we are also perplexed, pulverized and humidified over it!!! |
Anonymous
A backbone? Really? Because here is how it would go with my 2YO DS. Biter would bite him, hit him, etc. Parent would urge Biter to give DS a hug. DS, already pissed, would take Biter moving in for a hug as a further assault on his personal space. DS would likely push or punch Biter for even trying to hug him. How's that for backbone? That was a little tongue in cheek. But you teach your child to make amends based on what the offended party finds acceptable, not what you choose to force upon him/her. |
Anonymous
The next time I see you, PP, I'm going to give you a huge hug and maybe even a sloppy kiss. Mmmmmmwaaaaah. |
Anonymous
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OMG, this is great. This thread has deteriorated to the point of mommies threatening toddler fights.
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Anonymous
| Do not teach your toddler at the expense of my kid. If your toddler bites or hits my kid, I can ASSURE you that she does not want to be intruded upon physically yet again with a hug. Teach them to use words; if they don't talk yet, then you apologize on their behalf and give them a punishment that does not involve further discomfort for my child. It's pretty basic common sense. |
Anonymous
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ITA with the OP and those who are anti-hugging. It puts all the attention on the perpetrator and lets the victim know that their feelings aren't important. You know what would make the victim feel better? Seeing the hitter/biter/toy grabber get a time out or being removed from the situation for a while.
We are friends with a family where the dad still does this with his 6 year old because he doesn't want to deal with disciplining the kid. At that age, it takes a lot to make another kid cry (for example, hitting someone in the face with a pinecone) but hey, just say sorry and hug. And they wonder why our son doesn't want to play with him any more--well, it's because their kid is a jerk. |
Anonymous
| That's just weird. I just tell my 23 mo that it's not nice and I tell him to say he's sorry. He usually does. |
Anonymous
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The things i learn on DCUM....it would have never crossed my mind that hugging in apology was something that would get me disinvited from future playdates.
The whole notion of personal space is an adult made one! |
Anonymous
I hope you actually did learn something and aren't just saying that. You're wrong that body integrity is something only adults want. Have you never heard a child shout "stop touching me!" Teach your child to keep his hands to himself. Keep in mind we aren't just talking about kids hugging each other in general. That's fine. What I object to is that, after my kid gets hit, some douchey parent thinks a hug is going to help. I wouldn't even have a problem with the "I'm sorry, can I give you a hug?" thing, but after a child hits another, that child should be made to back off until the other child has calmed down. And at that point, hugging is probably going to be fine, but still, don't push it. Honestly, of all the dipshit parenting things I've seen lately, this takes the cake. and I'm pretty "new-agey" btw. We use positive discipline, don't do time outs, etc. But I don't see how this is ever appropriate. It's really disrespectful to the other parent and child. Please, teach your children to keep their hands to themselves. If they want to hug, that's fine. But not after striking somebody because it just seems like more physical intimidate to a frightened child. I wonder: are the same parents who allow the law of the jungle to rule at the playground (ie, never intervenes when their kids are bullying others) are the ones who started their kids off "hugging" in apology as toddlers? My child is shy. When he gets hit, he's baffled and frightened. The person who hit him is not endeared to him by that. And then my son wants to avoid the hitter afterwards, which he obviously has every right to do. So don't send your little brat over to "hug" him. Ugh! |
Anonymous
Not entirely true. If a kid hits, shoves or bites another kid severe enough to cause pain or discomfort, that vicitmized kid probably would not be crazy about the aggressor coming in for a hug. I have seen kids cringe or turn away from hugs in that situation. That tells me that personal space is an issue even for a toddler. |
Anonymous
I'll bite you in response. |
Anonymous
| Wow, so there are people who actually defend the Bully Hug! |
Anonymous
| I know. I think I'm going to talk to my daycare about adding "hugging" to the list of bullying behaviors. |
Anonymous
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As usual, folks on DCUM take something out of context.
Nobody is saying that a hug in itself is a bad thing! What folks are saying is that a hug may not be an appropriate follow-up to a physical incident and that the victimized child's feelings and/or discomfort should be taken into account. Is it that hard to comprehend? |
Anonymous
Yes, the dim-wits on here are in fact having a hard time comprehending that, or they've backed themselves into a corner and have to continue to defend what ultimately is a parenting practice because they can't handle the thought that what they've been doing is dim-witted. |