Best thing to you about being an older mom...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My career was advanced enough that I could get a more flexible part-time schedule when I wanted it, I had a lot more money, and a lot more patience. I was 34 and 36 when I had my kids, so I'm not sure if that counts as "older."

Same here. I was 32 and 35 with my kids so not sure where I fall either on this thread. I sure as hell didn't feel older compared to my friends, neighbors, and colleagues. I only know a handful of people who had kids at 30 or before, and only one of them is in this area (and the rest are not in metro areas).

[Anonymous]

I'm currently 41 and expecting #1, so pretty sure I fit the criteria of an "older mom" (although it's weird to see that in writing since I don't really think of myself as old). DH and I have been together for more than 15 years now but, honestly, we just weren't ready for much of that time. Today, I think our relationship is substantially stronger and more mature. I'm also really glad that I had the time to pursue higher education and fully establish myself professionally. Not to mention, ten years ago, kids would have been a huge financial burden. I'm not sure how we'd have handled the child care costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My career was advanced enough that I could get a more flexible part-time schedule when I wanted it, I had a lot more money, and a lot more patience. I was 34 and 36 when I had my kids, so I'm not sure if that counts as "older."

Same here. I was 32 and 35 with my kids so not sure where I fall either on this thread. I sure as hell didn't feel older compared to my friends, neighbors, and colleagues. I only know a handful of people who had kids at 30 or before, and only one of them is in this area (and the rest are not in metro areas).

I think you are pretty average. Your second one came at the time I had my first one. I find that I am also within a few years of all of the moms I meet. No major differences, e.g., more than 2-4 years. There really isn't a huge difference between a 33 year old and a 35 year old, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm currently 41 and expecting #1, so pretty sure I fit the criteria of an "older mom" (although it's weird to see that in writing since I don't really think of myself as old). DH and I have been together for more than 15 years now but, honestly, we just weren't ready for much of that time. Today, I think our relationship is substantially stronger and more mature. I'm also really glad that I had the time to pursue higher education and fully establish myself professionally. Not to mention, ten years ago, kids would have been a huge financial burden. I'm not sure how we'd have handled the child care costs.

Good friends of mine and DH's are just like you. They had their first at 41 and second at 43 (without assitance). FWIW, they are basically retired now.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how much of this trend in DC (and other cities with a higher cost of living) really has to do more with the dating scene and finances than anything else. If you live in say, Birmingham, AL where people settle down young, housing is dirt cheap, daycare is cheaper, private schools aren't too pricey either, there isn't a need to wait as long to be financially stable or to find the right partner.

Not dissing the older moms at all here, just wondering if there is a correlation....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how much of this trend in DC (and other cities with a higher cost of living) really has to do more with the dating scene and finances than anything else. If you live in say, Birmingham, AL where people settle down young, housing is dirt cheap, daycare is cheaper, private schools aren't too pricey either, there isn't a need to wait as long to be financially stable or to find the right partner.

Not dissing the older moms at all here, just wondering if there is a correlation....

What's the education level in Birmingham?

Don't you think THAT has more to do with it?

[Anonymous]

Well, the education level of people who are in law, medicine and related fields would be the same in any city. But, from my experience, I know people in other cities (particularly in the south and midwest) who get married younger, while they are still working on those advanced degrees. So, the got married 2 years into law school and had a baby much sooner than a typical DC woman who finished med school and worked for many years before meeting someone at 38 and marrying at 40.

In DC, I find that the people without graduate degrees still wait longer to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how much of this trend in DC (and other cities with a higher cost of living) really has to do more with the dating scene and finances than anything else. If you live in say, Birmingham, AL where people settle down young, housing is dirt cheap, daycare is cheaper, private schools aren't too pricey either, there isn't a need to wait as long to be financially stable or to find the right partner.

Not dissing the older moms at all here, just wondering if there is a correlation....

What's the education level in Birmingham?

Don't you think THAT has more to do with it?

Agree - I'm the PP who had kids at 32 and 35. I met my husband, here in DC after we both ended up here after college, at age 23 (he was 24). We got married a few years later, but just weren't ready to have kids until we were 31 and 32. I got pregnant first try, which I know is really lucky. But we were aiming for kids anywhere in the 32-37 year range.

I didn't really find my passion until mid 20s, then went to grad school, started a new job, we bought a house etc. That had more to do with it for me, since I met him pretty young. And most of my college friends who met their husbands in college waited until early 30s to have kids too. We just had stuff to do - grad school, traveling, living in cities, etc.

[Anonymous]

Why are there so many defensive younger mothers posting in a thread entitled, "Best thing to you about being an older mom . . ."? It's not called, "Do you think it's better to be an older mother?" Can people on DCUM not resist the urge to put down any person who made a different choice than them?

[Anonymous]

I had my kids at 39 and 42. I agree with everyone else that I was able to have a successful career, travel the world, buy a house, and have fun. I met my husband later in life and then had my kids. After kids, I work part time and have put my career mostly on hold. But, I love my life. I don't regret anything. I don't want to go back to my old career self but I am happy I proved to myself I could do it. I'm glad I earned the ability to get paid well but have a balanced life. My only regret is that I didn't have kids early enough to allow myself to have more then 2. I wish for 3 but have reached the end of my biological clock. So, if I could do it again, I would have started alittle earlier but still older. Say at 34ish so 5 years earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how much of this trend in DC (and other cities with a higher cost of living) really has to do more with the dating scene and finances than anything else. If you live in say, Birmingham, AL where people settle down young, housing is dirt cheap, daycare is cheaper, private schools aren't too pricey either, there isn't a need to wait as long to be financially stable or to find the right partner.

Not dissing the older moms at all here, just wondering if there is a correlation....

I think the correlation is that the average person in DC is much better formally educated than the average person in Birmingham, and much more interested in career advancement.

[Anonymous]

I like having better pay to support my family than I would have if I were younger, and outgrowing that feeling like I'm missing out on anything re: foreign travel, hiking trips, scuba, sailing, going out, time w/DH, etc. since we did that for many years. Had my first at 38 and my second at 40.
I have a sister with absolutely no urge to travel abroad, but she does have an adventurous career that takes her to wild outdoor places out West. She waited because she didn't find the right guy until later. Beats having kids with Mr. Not-Quite-Right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that having a college education makes a person a better parent as a rule. It's actually a little offensive. I've known plenty of women with children and no college education and it didn't make those women bad moms. I've known college educated moms, too. Their level of education didn't make them better moms. It's all about the love that a person has for their children. Nothing else matters.

Actually, a lot else matters. You need to be able to provide for the kid. And great if your husband can and you want to stay home, but at least have a fall back plan, things happen. I would never say you have to have a college degree to be a good mom, but on the other end of the spectrum I would never say it's just about love.

OK, fair enough. I will word it in another way.

I believe that love is more important to give to a child than anything that money can buy.

Yes, but being able to give a child anything money can buy PLUS love is better than just love. Actually, just about any life condition is better with money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids at 39 and 42. I agree with everyone else that I was able to have a successful career, travel the world, buy a house, and have fun. I met my husband later in life and then had my kids. After kids, I work part time and have put my career mostly on hold. But, I love my life. I don't regret anything. I don't want to go back to my old career self but I am happy I proved to myself I could do it. I'm glad I earned the ability to get paid well but have a balanced life. My only regret is that I didn't have kids early enough to allow myself to have more then 2. I wish for 3 but have reached the end of my biological clock. So, if I could do it again, I would have started alittle earlier but still older. Say at 34ish so 5 years earlier.

Interesting. I had mine at ages 32 and 33 (turned 34 shortly after), so well within the time to have a 3rd I guess - but it sure didn't feel like it. Was SO busy taking care of two little ones, working full-time and also did studying, that by the time I was at an easier stage with the children and felt like I even had time just to *think* about whether we wanted a 3rd I was probably age 38 - 39 or so. Didn't feel like I could handle it then - two very energetic children enough for us! Age 41 now. Pretty sure I made the right decision. They keep us very busy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:don't feel in the least hemmed in by the massive change that having kids has meant--because I have pursued my education to the final degree, have lived abroad, have traveled, have moved to different cities and lived in different kinds of neighborhoods, have had years of dining at every new restaurant, have hiked in Peru and Chile, biked in France, etc. Not to say that younger parents don't do these things, but for me, either I would have wanted kids young, and then been young enough to enjoy life after they're out of the house (and before grandparent duties) or been able to really focus on kids now that i have then.

the other reason? Being with little kids makes me look younger. Okay, maybe not really,but it forces me to be in good shape and to keep myself healthy.



Interesting that you mention all the things that you were able to do before you had kids. If these things are really important to you then I think it is good to wait to have kids, otherwise you will forever think you missed out. There are, though, plenty of younger moms who don't feel the need to have traveled extensively or have dined at all the great restaurants.

I had my first at 27 and I can say I did all the things you mentioned above. I don't know if I would have delayed kids that long though, just so I could have eaten at a couple more restaurants.

poster you quoted here. I think you--and a lot of other posters--are mischaracterizing the point of the thread, which is not "Why being an older mom is better than being a younger mom" but rather pointing out the good things about being an older mom.

In my case, there are a lot of reasons why I appreciate being older, but I would not necessarily have chosen to be an older mom--there are definite drawbacks too, which I could easily list. I didn't delay having kids so I could travel and eat in restaurants--I didn't have a choice. I was unexpectedly single at 35, after being in what I thought was my last serious LTR. Luckily I met my husband when I was 36, got married and had kids soon after. The point is that I look for the good things in my situation, and appreciate the positives, rather than dwell on the negatives of being an older mom (of which there are many). I think we should all do that, no matter what age we did or didn't have kids.

I will revise my answer slightly however, to say that the best thing about being an older mom was that I was able to be one.