Best thing to you about being an older mom...

[Anonymous]

I had many child-free years before I had my daughter (at 36) to have a ton of fun, so I don't feel like I missed out on anything fun. Also, I had all those years to hear about things that would be REALLY fun to do with kids. I kept a mental list, and now I get to do all those things with my daughter.

Also, I do think that for the most part, I'm more patient with my daughter. I don't excuse bad behavior, but I can definitely see humor in stuff.

I'm more active, healthy and energetic than a lot of moms I know that are over 10 years younger. So that's not a factor for me. Sleep deprivation hit me a little, but not a lot. And I've worked out daily for years now; I think that helps a lot. If I'd gotten pregnant at 25, I wouldn't have had that as part of my routine so I might be feeling fat and lethargic these days instead of in shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a young fit mom (20 years old when she had me) and we did nothing together growing up. Growing up, my mom never read to me, never took me to the zoo, park, played games together...nothing. Sure she made sure our basic needs were met (clean clothes/food). I'm 40 and as I was rolling around on the floor with my 3 year old yesterday, I was thinking "my mom never did this with me."

I doubt your 3 year old will remember that you did this with him/her, unless you continue doing it till they are of age to remember something like this.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad the older moms feel good about having kids later in life. I think it's one thing if that's how life worked out - you married late, or you weren't able to conceive/adopt til later. I do think it's different though if you deliberately chose to have kids later than earlier. I just can't imagine have my first child now at age 32 - I feel older and it's riskier the older you get for the baby. Yes, you make the most of every situation, but if I had the choice (was married, financially stable) I would definitely have the baby younger than older.

[Anonymous]

I had DS at 36, and am contemplating DC #2 at 39. I got married at 28, DS is several years older. I wasn't someone who always knew I wanted kids (unlike one of my college roommates who knew she wanted to be a mom our senior year and said she'd have kids right away if she married the right person - she did, in medical school). DH and I had fun and traveled when it was just the two of us. I was ambivalent about having kids, and DS was not entirely planned (we're a cliche - DH deployed, and I got pregnant once he returned). That said, having DS has been one of the best things that has ever happened to us. So what do I like about being an older mom? Like some PPs have mentioned, I have resources, both financial and in the work place. I don't worry about the costs for clothes, classes, vacations, etc. I have an established work reputation, and can take leave when needed; my boss is flexible and trusts me to get my stuff done. One of my best friends at work is 9 years younger than me, and doesn't have this flexibility at all - I see how the occasional call from daycare to pick up her child causes stress. And while DS makes me tired, I think that is more a factor of his extreme energy level (as noted by daycare, his pediatrician, random people who encounter us), than me being "old". I really don't feel any less energetic than I did 10 years ago, but both DH and I have been told we seem younger than our ages. As other PPs have said, barring medical issues I think age is more of a mindset than anything else. And there may be a genetic component. My grandmothers (both born in 1900), had my dad at 36, and my mom at 41 (that's a whole other story - my maternal grandmother was 38 and my grandfather 25 when they married!). Both lived into their 90s. Long stretches between generations are the norm in both mine and DH's families. Both mine and DH's moms are 70 and take care of DS with no problem; I have no worries about my kid(s) not knowing their grandparents. Our friends are a mix of mid-20s, mid-30s, and mid-40s parents. I don't think there's a right or wrong way to approach having a family - do what works for you!

[Anonymous]

What about infertility and then twins?

[Anonymous]

Good point, PP. I must say that I am very glad I did not have to go through infertitilty treatments and spend thousands of dollars to conceive my children, because I had them young.

and PP at 23:59, I absolutely agree with you! I ended up having 2 special needs kids, so age was not an advantage for us in that regard. But we are happy with our choice to have them young and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel like you don't have as much energy for your kids? I find that older moms/parents tend to be more lenient with their kids. Their laid-backness also means lots of junk food, lots of TV.. etc.

No. I had my kids when I was 34 and 36, and I'm a very strict parent.

[Anonymous]

"Interesting that you mention all the things that you were able to do before you had kids. If these things are really important to you then I think it is good to wait to have kids, otherwise you will forever think you missed out. There are, though, plenty of younger moms who don't feel the need to have traveled extensively or have dined at all the great restaurants. "

That's fundamental personality/philosophy of life issue. And I may be the first one on this thread to say it, but one of the reasons I'm glad I was an older mom is that years and years of great sex made it easier to handle the sex desert of infancy. Twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a young fit mom (20 years old when she had me) and we did nothing together growing up. Growing up, my mom never read to me, never took me to the zoo, park, played games together...nothing. Sure she made sure our basic needs were met (clean clothes/food). I'm 40 and as I was rolling around on the floor with my 3 year old yesterday, I was thinking "my mom never did this with me."

Isn't that more indicative of the times not young vs. old? I'm a young mom, probably too young by DC standards (25) and we do music classes, gymnastics, we are learning three languages, I roll around on the floor, swim with, eat with, and breastfeed my 13-month old. I make all his food from scratch with either home-grown or organic foods. I don't think I would have done this 40 years ago because it wasn't the norm.

I think the older moms who say they are more patient because they are an older mom aren't giving themselves enough credit; patience comes with the territory no matter what the age.

At 25, I was just finishing grad school. Getting married, much less having kids, wasn't a passing thought yet. Are you interested in a career at some point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad the older moms feel good about having kids later in life. I think it's one thing if that's how life worked out - you married late, or you weren't able to conceive/adopt til later. I do think it's different though if you deliberately chose to have kids later than earlier. I just can't imagine have my first child now at age 32 - I feel older and it's riskier the older you get for the baby. Yes, you make the most of every situation, but if I had the choice (was married, financially stable) I would definitely have the baby younger than older.

At 32, I was barely married. I did however get my master's at 25 and bought my first house as a single person at 27, before I'd ever met my DH. I had absolutely no interest in a monogamous relationship in my 20s, much less being burdened with kids. Partying in your mid 40s isn't really the same type of fun as partying in your mid 20s.

[Anonymous]

When I had my first child in my late 30s, all the other moms in my mommy group were 10 years younger than I was. They all wanted to go out drinking and partying, and all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. I felt like I'd been there, done that, and didn't feel any need for going out. They all felt deprived by the demands of their new babies, whereas I felt delighted, albeit exhausted. I didn't want to do anything but stay at home with my child.

Now I have more kids, and I still feel the same way. I've had a great career, done lots of traveling, etc., and don't feel I have missed out on anything (except another career) by having kids.

There are definitely negatives about having kids when you are older, but I didn't have a choice in the matter (met DH late in life). I am not very patient, and I don't roll around on the floor with my kids, so I don't see those as advantages, but I do have some knowledge and perspective that's useful in raising children (e.g. I don't care what other parents do, my kids don't play computer games, eat junk food or watch TV!!), and I think my kids benefit from that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm glad the older moms feel good about having kids later in life. I think it's one thing if that's how life worked out - you married late, or you weren't able to conceive/adopt til later. I do think it's different though if you deliberately chose to have kids later than earlier. I just can't imagine have my first child now at age 32 - I feel older and it's riskier the older you get for the baby. Yes, you make the most of every situation, but if I had the choice (was married, financially stable) I would definitely have the baby younger than older.

In theory your argument sounds good, in reality--not so much. I married at 28 and waited 7 years to have my first baby. Why? DH and I had no desire those 7 years to have kids. I told myself I would not bring a child into this world until I had an overwhelming desire to become a parent. The unhappy parents I know are the ones that just procreated because it was expected of them or they were on a time schedule---completely ignoring their own and/or DH's feelings about whether or not they were ready.

Emotionally- we were late bloomers. We partied like mad, traveled like mad...even taking sabbaticals to bum around Europe in our early thirties. By 34--I felt like somethign was missing. I was at the height of my career, partied out, and just not satisfied. I started really second-guessing my ideas of what I wanted out of life. I gave birth to my first at 35 and second one month after turning 38 and I am so fulfilled and in such a great place. I don't miss a thing and I agree with the pp that said partying in your mid-20s-early thirties is much different than in your 40s and beyond and so is traveling. I have one friend that had her first child at 28 and she is the one now that always wants to ditch the kids and party...the rest of us in our late 30s and early 40s don't have that same desire. We have more get togethers with kids involved and occassionally nights out...but don't have the burning desire that she does.

I am lucky I got pregnant with both on first try and had very easy pregnancies but DH and I are also extremely healthy eaters and serious gym addicts. In a perfect world--maybe I would have been ready a year or so after marriage...but this is what works for me and I have no regrets.

[Anonymous]

Wow, is having kids in one's mid-30s really considered to be an old parent (at least in the DC area)?

[Anonymous]

For me the best thing about being an older mom is disposible income. It's not true for everyone, but DH & I were living paychcek to paycheck all through our 20s & into our 30s. After a few job changes we're now able to afford all of the things (house, swingset, pool membership) that our son enjoys, that we never would have be able to have 10 years ago. We didn't wait to have kids soley for $$$ issues, but looking back I'm glad it worked out that way.

[Anonymous]

I wonder why the younger moms feel the need to come on this thread? It's called best thing about being an older mom - so why come on and make older moms feel bad?

I never get why people need to make others feel bad about their choices - unless you are just not comfortable with your own?