Angry Doesn't Begin to Describe My Anger Right Now

[Anonymous]

Yup, this is a big deal, and I would be VERY angry if I were in your position. And sad about the fact that I couldn't trust my partner with big decisions. If you are in a financial position that $100k means a lot to you--and many of us are--than there is really no excuse for him "investing" this money behind your back.

How did you find out, and how did your DH respond when you found out? Was he lying to you over a period of time? I would find a good couples' counselor, stat. And really look at whether or not your husband has a gambling problem, get paper trail etc, as PPs have mentioned. I mean, $100K, to an investor "friend," unless you are filthy rich, that is either very stupid or very addicted. Has he done anything like this before?

[Anonymous]

So if this story is legit, just ask your DH to give you the id and password to the online trading account. That way you will at least know for sure if all the money is actually gone and not transferred to another account afterward.. Like others have said, you need the records for tax purposes as well but in the mean time at least look at the online trading records right at the website and at least confirm that story. Its easy to lose money in any market. Its really hard to lose 100% of it no matter what you are trading in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just doesn't pass the smell test, starting out with OP saying it was a small amount of cash and then saying it was $100K.

I've known plenty of rich people and most of them would view $100K as a significant amount of money. You don't get rich by disregarding sums like that.

And if OP is so rich that $100K really is a small amount of cash, why is she so upset?

I call fake.

I am not rich by any standards. By "small amount of cash" I was meaning the inheritance was not in the millions, and it wasn't. Sheesh. I also posted in tears at 1am or so. Give me a break please, Detective.

I'm the PP who mentioned gambling. I still think it could very well be an issue. Whether gambling or ignorance, along with immediate counseling, my very strong suggestion is that you protect yourself financially. I can really appreciate your anger and pain over this situation, but if you still have your home and a job with an income that's sufficient to maintain your home and current debt load, be thankful and take precautions. The kind of financial "behavior" your husband has shown could potentially leave you with basically no security.

[Anonymous]

Ask for the trading records on the cash. There are none. Either your husband is lying or the friend is. No one loses $100K. Exactly. They watch losses and make adjustments. And they pull out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if this story is legit, just ask your DH to give you the id and password to the online trading account. That way you will at least know for sure if all the money is actually gone and not transferred to another account afterward.. Like others have said, you need the records for tax purposes as well but in the mean time at least look at the online trading records right at the website and at least confirm that story. Its easy to lose money in any market. Its really hard to lose 100% of it no matter what you are trading in.

Good point re 100%.

On a different point: Civil action (which I would definitely explore) aside, the friend likely broke several laws, no? Friendship or no, it sounds like he aggressively marketed himself as an investment company of sorts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask for the trading records on the cash. There are none. Either your husband is lying or the friend is. No one loses $100K. Exactly. They watch losses and make adjustments. And they pull out.

OP states in her opening and then subsequent posts that her husband lost "the majority" of the money, not ALL of it and that whatever mechanism was supposed to kick in to close the trading when losses hit a certain point malfunctioned, making the losses greater than they should have been at one time.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are justified in ripping off his scrotum.

What is the sorry sack of crap saying for himself at this point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask for the trading records on the cash. There are none. Either your husband is lying or the friend is. No one loses $100K. Exactly. They watch losses and make adjustments. And they pull out.

OP states in her opening and then subsequent posts that her husband lost "the majority" of the money, not ALL of it and that whatever mechanism was supposed to kick in to close the trading when losses hit a certain point malfunctioned, making the losses greater than they should have been at one time.

Sorry I didn't read it all. Did she see the records of this "malfunction"? Seriously, it sounds fishy to me. What stock was purchased? I would want complete records of buying price, balance, price at time of "malfunction", losses, etc. Especially if the "fund manager" is some guy sitting in his basement in his underwear. Have you noticed him wearing nicer underwear these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What stock was purchased? I would want complete records of buying price, balance, price at time of "malfunction", losses, etc. Especially if the "fund manager" is some guy sitting in his basement in his underwear. Have you noticed him wearing nicer underwear these days?

She said currencies, not stock. He probably had some software to curb losses and screwed up the data entry.

[Anonymous]

OP,

This situation sucks. I'm sorry you're in it. I would find it very hard to let go of my anger over this one. A lot of folks have mentioned looking into the records to find out exactly what happened; have you considered hiring a forensic accountant? That might help you unravel everything. By the way, you may have already mentioned this, but how long did it take for the money to disappear?

[Anonymous]

My friend's husband raided their savings account of $40,000 for a startup, did not tell her, they are now divorced. This is a huge breach of trust. I would protect your assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound mean, but you and DH both kind of sound dumb or naive - I'm sorry, but it's the truth. Anyone who doesn't have a healthy dose of skepticism and knee-jerk protectiveness when someone says they'll make the money double - no triple - no, multiply by a power of ten! - has to consider themselves just a lil' stupid. So I guess I disagree with the PP who said that smart people get taken for scams. Smart people do their research, maintain a healthy amount of skepticism, and don't make rash decisions with large sums of money all at once.

Consider it a learning experience. I'm sure you're as angry at yourself as DH for moving the money in the first place or not requiring both signatures before amounts could be withdrawn. You should both attend a class on finances at your local community college and read up on the topic too.

I'm not naive. I fully knew that anyone telling you they'd make a million off of 100k was full of shit. Thus I told my husband we weren't going to use his friend to invest this cash. That doesn't make me naive, that makes me fully aware of what a joke the friend was. Did I mention the financial planner? Certificates of deposit? Investing for our children? Having saved a down payment for a new house? How do those things qualify me in need of a personal finance course at a local community college? I WAS skeptical. Not naive. I said NO because I am SMART and I KNEW it was a SCAM or something close to it.

PP here - OP, maybe you have more of a head on your shoulders, but I think the breakdown is that:
- you trusted your husband too much and gave him too much credit on how well he listens/cooperates in your marriage team (in this way you were naive or overly optimistic);
- your husband is an idiot when it comes to money (or, to say it more nicely, he is unable to make sound financial decisions).

I come from the perspective of being the money handler because DH is incapable of even paying a bill. He is stupid and naive when it comes to creditors and payment terms and had horrific credit when I met him. It took me a couple years to organize and pay off his debts. I can't trust him with anything, so I sock a lot of $$ away in accounts that I had before we were married - he has no way to access them, and that's how it needs to be. Of course, I knew this going in. It's sucky that you're finding this out now. You want to trust your DH, but moving forward you'll have to put up some walls to protect yourself and your kids.

And I would DEFINITELY consult a lawyer on this situation with the friend.

[Anonymous]

OP, something to look for when you are digging is how the friend applied the loss of the investment. My dad is a day trader out of his home and has money from several family members as well as his money. He uses this money to invest lump sum (he doesn't invest individually by person) so that the return is greater (and hence the loss is greater). The difference is that my dad is a generous man so when he incurs a loss on the $ he is investing, he absorbs the loss instead of passing it down to the family members. If you were to pull up my dad's on-line account, you would see 1 account with 1 balance, not 5 accounts with 5 balances representing his account plus our family member's accounts. He tracks all of this in a spreadsheet on his computer. Your DH's friend may be investing the same way (investing all his friends $ as one balance) and when there are losses, he spreads the losses amongst the friend accounts rather than his own. If DH's friend had a very bad day, your $100k may have covered his loss as well as your loss (and other's losses as well). If DH's friend cannot provide a statement of your sole activity via the internet (not a self-created spreadsheet), I bet this is what he did and you may have legal recourse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound mean, but you and DH both kind of sound dumb or naive - I'm sorry, but it's the truth. Anyone who doesn't have a healthy dose of skepticism and knee-jerk protectiveness when someone says they'll make the money double - no triple - no, multiply by a power of ten! - has to consider themselves just a lil' stupid. So I guess I disagree with the PP who said that smart people get taken for scams. Smart people do their research, maintain a healthy amount of skepticism, and don't make rash decisions with large sums of money all at once.

Consider it a learning experience. I'm sure you're as angry at yourself as DH for moving the money in the first place or not requiring both signatures before amounts could be withdrawn. You should both attend a class on finances at your local community college and read up on the topic too.

I'm not naive. I fully knew that anyone telling you they'd make a million off of 100k was full of shit. Thus I told my husband we weren't going to use his friend to invest this cash. That doesn't make me naive, that makes me fully aware of what a joke the friend was. Did I mention the financial planner? Certificates of deposit? Investing for our children? Having saved a down payment for a new house? How do those things qualify me in need of a personal finance course at a local community college? I WAS skeptical. Not naive. I said NO because I am SMART and I KNEW it was a SCAM or something close to it.

So why didn't you put the money where DH couldn't do anything legally without your written permission?

[Anonymous]

Jusy a thought. I also would want advice, but posting on this site may harm more than help. All of your emotions should be worked out in therapy. Our opinions will only fuel the fire. Personally, all of these opinions just have me thinking about every stupid financial choice my husband made that I have put behind me. I am thankful I only worked them out in therapy when thay came up. 100k is a lot, however your peace and sanity are worth a lot more. Aside from this, is your marrage stable? Is he a good father? would you ever consider seperation otherwise? If not, many of the posters here might make you feel like you should. Be careful.