Angry Doesn't Begin to Describe My Anger Right Now

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made my feelings very clear, in no way did I agree to allow this friend access to our money or any access to invest it. I left no wiggle room. There was no lack of communication, no miscommunication. DH really felt like he was going to take this money and turn it into a million dollars (to our benefit, not to dupe me).

The money was moved from the life insurace account to a Bank of America account (funds transfer). The funds were transferred to an investment account where I was under the impression the money was being invested in short term cd's. I have the Bank of America paperwork in front of me, I know this happened. Somewhere along the line the money was slowly tranferred into a trading account that the friend could "trade". Now that I have more info it was currency trading. When we made money we paid a fee to the brokerage acct, I believe we also paid a fee if we lost. Who knows. I'm in the process of politely demanding records to look over. I may take them to our accountant.

I'm the (former) doubter you quoted. I'm also someone who regularly mocks the knee-jerk "dump him!" and "get to counseling" posters. (Yeah, and a man.)

This is really awful. I put this in the category of cheating - all-out motel nooner cheating, mind you. Either he values you and your opinions far too little, or his need to please others (read: get f-ed by them) has reached pathological.

Sorry to hear it. Hope you change something dramatically and soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made my feelings very clear, in no way did I agree to allow this friend access to our money or any access to invest it. I left no wiggle room. There was no lack of communication, no miscommunication. DH really felt like he was going to take this money and turn it into a million dollars (to our benefit, not to dupe me).

Under this description, you'd be absolutely pissed even if he had made $1 million (or even $10 million) on the investments, because he clearly promised you he would never allow the friend access to the money, and also promised you he would never invest even a dime of the money. Whether he lost money or not is irrelevant -- the issue is that he flat out lied to you. Right?

[Anonymous]

Is 100k a small amount of cash to most DCUM'ers??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is 100k a small amount of cash to most DCUM'ers??

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made my feelings very clear, in no way did I agree to allow this friend access to our money or any access to invest it. I left no wiggle room. There was no lack of communication, no miscommunication. DH really felt like he was going to take this money and turn it into a million dollars (to our benefit, not to dupe me).

Under this description, you'd be absolutely pissed even if he had made $1 million (or even $10 million) on the investments, because he clearly promised you he would never allow the friend access to the money, and also promised you he would never invest even a dime of the money. Whether he lost money or not is irrelevant -- the issue is that he flat out lied to you. Right?

Oh come on. Op is only human. If her husband had gone behind her back and made a million I'm sure there would be room for forgiveness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made my feelings very clear, in no way did I agree to allow this friend access to our money or any access to invest it. I left no wiggle room. There was no lack of communication, no miscommunication. DH really felt like he was going to take this money and turn it into a million dollars (to our benefit, not to dupe me).

Under this description, you'd be absolutely pissed even if he had made $1 million (or even $10 million) on the investments, because he clearly promised you he would never allow the friend access to the money, and also promised you he would never invest even a dime of the money. Whether he lost money or not is irrelevant -- the issue is that he flat out lied to you. Right?

Oh come on. Op is only human. If her husband had gone behind her back and made a million I'm sure there would be room for forgiveness.

Problem is that too many people who love to make a fast buck often lose it just as fast on the next "great deal."

[Anonymous]

You described it as a "small amount of cash" so it can't have been important to your net worth. I guess your husband viewed it as a small amount also, play money, and didn't feel the need to think it through. However I can understand why you'd be upset. Try and forgive him - men are so amiable to their friends' suggestions.

However how is your husband reacting - has he apologized etc? Could get lots of massages out of this mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you flat-out say no to this scheme? Your post reads like you left DH some wiggle room -- telling him you're uncomfortable with the idea isn't the same as vetoing it 100%. When you go for counseling, also explore how you communicate.

Yep.

There are big holes in OP's story. Exactly how did he do this over her objection? How long did it take for the money to be lost? OP makes it sound like he sneaked off to the track and lost it in an afternoon. I suspect she isn't a total victim.

Either way I agree with PPs that the issue isn't the loss, it's the decisionmaking "process."

(I do also agree that OP should get all records and explore more action. I hate morons playing with other people's money.)

OP here. I haven't had a chance to read the entire thread but this made me chuckle. Big holes in my story? I think I posted at 1am last night, I put a 4 page story into two or three short paragraphs. There aren't any holes in my story, I just did not go into a long, detailed explanation because I was fuming. I'm sorry I left details out because it's an interesting history as to how we got to where we are with this "investment".

The inheritance was to both if us. A beloved relative passed away late 2009. We were both named as beneficiaries. As discussed with the relative leaving naming us years ago in the insurance policy (they died unexectedly during surgery) the money was to benefit our children or go towards the purchase of a home. It wasn't for DH to run off and invest on a whim with a friend who makes money on the "side".

I made my feelings very clear, in no way did I agree to allow this friend access to our money or any access to invest it. I left no wiggle room. There was no lack of communication, no miscommunication. DH really felt like he was going to take this money and turn it into a million dollars (to our benefit, not to dupe me).The money was moved from the life insurace account to a Bank of America account (funds transfer). The funds were transferred to an investment account where I was under the impression the money was being invested in short term cd's. I have the Bank of America paperwork in front of me, I know this happened. Somewhere along the line the money was slowly tranferred into a trading account that the friend could "trade". Now that I have more info it was currency trading. When we made money we paid a fee to the brokerage acct, I believe we also paid a fee if we lost. Who knows. I'm in the process of politely demanding records to look over. I may take them to our accountant.

I'm worried this friend may have bet on his own accounts or whatever so that when we lost he was the one making money, I have no idea how this works. And the friend really isn't flashy. Not a shady guy.

The thing you need to know is that my husband is a people pleaser. He's the guy picking up the tab at the restaurant. He's the guy helping the neighbors with everything and anything. He's the guy volunteering for stuff he has no time to volunteer for. While I hold DH 100% responsible for what happened I do think this other person really made it sound like an opportunity way too sweet to pass up. Turn 100k into a million!

I'm going to go back and read the thread. There are some great points and valid questions. The "holes in story" made my day though. What do you want from an anonymous message board? I apologize for leaving out all of the details (I still have not given them all), I am not the victim, however I certainly did not agree to or think DH would pull such an irresponsible stunt.
I am livid. Hurt. Fuming. Steaming. It's not the money. We didn't have it before. It's that he was really that stupid to do what he did.

So there is the answer. He didn't do it to be mean or wrong you, he did because he believed that it was really going to work out and he thought he was doing something good for you or your family.

Unforunately, even really smart people get taken in by cons and ploys.

[Anonymous]

OP- was it your family or his? Eventhough it was left to "both" of you whos family was it? And also if it was joint, how did he get the money to give away? Normally you would both have to sign off on this?

[Anonymous]

OP, it may be too late this time, but it is so very important to NEVER, EVER, EVER mix money and relatives (this goes for friends too). Not a job, not an assignment, not a house sale, not a car sale, not even a couch sale! NOTHING! EVER!

ESPECIALLY if your DH is a people pleaser. I am familiar. I am truly sorry for you, OP. Let people think they can take advantage of him, but PLEASE teach him not to let himself (and you and the family) get taken advantage of.

ESPECIALLY if you "seem" to have more money than your friends and family. Do not let anyone encroach. It is NOT their business. I will leave it at that. Be warned. Be safe. If you are without, I guarantee the "users" will not be there when you need it.

[Anonymous]

Okay, can I just say that amateurs should not touch currency trading! Holy crap, it's an easy way to lose money FAST. "Friend" was probably taken in himself by some fancy platform and a 20$ /month subscription to some crappy investment strategy newsletter.

sorry OP, I would find it very, very hard to forgive my husband if he did that. Ultimately I would assuming that it was done with good (stupid) intentions, but I'd be pretty freaking pissed for a long time. The thing is, once this blows over, you'll have to get over it. Neither of you can have this hanging over you forever. So, do your investigations, try to stay calm, figure out if everything is on the level (get trading records--if friend is using a platform, which I'm sure he is, he should be able to at least provide basic records, and there is always forensic accounting. In fact, I'd contact friend immediately, and put DH out of it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A relative passed away and left us a small amount of cash.

We are not talking a million dollars but we're talking more than 100k.

Wow, you must be pretty well off. That's a lot of money, at least to us.

I AM LIVID.

I am furious. FURIOUS. Like throw my laptop at his head and tear his scrotum off kind of furious.

Please walk me through this.

Eh, I think the judge and jury will understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you flat-out say no to this scheme? Your post reads like you left DH some wiggle room -- telling him you're uncomfortable with the idea isn't the same as vetoing it 100%. When you go for counseling, also explore how you communicate.

Yep.

There are big holes in OP's story. Exactly how did he do this over her objection? How long did it take for the money to be lost? OP makes it sound like he sneaked off to the track and lost it in an afternoon. I suspect she isn't a total victim.

Either way I agree with PPs that the issue isn't the loss, it's the decisionmaking "process."

(I do also agree that OP should get all records and explore more action. I hate morons playing with other people's money.)

OP here. I haven't had a chance to read the entire thread but this made me chuckle. Big holes in my story? I think I posted at 1am last night, I put a 4 page story into two or three short paragraphs. There aren't any holes in my story, I just did not go into a long, detailed explanation because I was fuming. I'm sorry I left details out because it's an interesting history as to how we got to where we are with this "investment".

The inheritance was to both if us. A beloved relative passed away late 2009. We were both named as beneficiaries. As discussed with the relative leaving naming us years ago in the insurance policy (they died unexectedly during surgery) the money was to benefit our children or go towards the purchase of a home. It wasn't for DH to run off and invest on a whim with a friend who makes money on the "side".

I made my feelings very clear, in no way did I agree to allow this friend access to our money or any access to invest it. I left no wiggle room. There was no lack of communication, no miscommunication. DH really felt like he was going to take this money and turn it into a million dollars (to our benefit, not to dupe me).The money was moved from the life insurace account to a Bank of America account (funds transfer). The funds were transferred to an investment account where I was under the impression the money was being invested in short term cd's. I have the Bank of America paperwork in front of me, I know this happened. Somewhere along the line the money was slowly tranferred into a trading account that the friend could "trade". Now that I have more info it was currency trading. When we made money we paid a fee to the brokerage acct, I believe we also paid a fee if we lost. Who knows. I'm in the process of politely demanding records to look over. I may take them to our accountant.

I'm worried this friend may have bet on his own accounts or whatever so that when we lost he was the one making money, I have no idea how this works. And the friend really isn't flashy. Not a shady guy.

The thing you need to know is that my husband is a people pleaser. He's the guy picking up the tab at the restaurant. He's the guy helping the neighbors with everything and anything. He's the guy volunteering for stuff he has no time to volunteer for. While I hold DH 100% responsible for what happened I do think this other person really made it sound like an opportunity way too sweet to pass up. Turn 100k into a million!

I'm going to go back and read the thread. There are some great points and valid questions. The "holes in story" made my day though. What do you want from an anonymous message board? I apologize for leaving out all of the details (I still have not given them all), I am not the victim, however I certainly did not agree to or think DH would pull such an irresponsible stunt.
I am livid. Hurt. Fuming. Steaming. It's not the money. We didn't have it before. It's that he was really that stupid to do what he did.

So there is the answer. He didn't do it to be mean or wrong you, he did because he believed that it was really going to work out and he thought he was doing something good for you or your family. Unforunately, even really smart people get taken in by cons and ploys.

Many a gambler has said the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made my feelings very clear, in no way did I agree to allow this friend access to our money or any access to invest it. I left no wiggle room. There was no lack of communication, no miscommunication. DH really felt like he was going to take this money and turn it into a million dollars (to our benefit, not to dupe me).

Under this description, you'd be absolutely pissed even if he had made $1 million (or even $10 million) on the investments, because he clearly promised you he would never allow the friend access to the money, and also promised you he would never invest even a dime of the money. Whether he lost money or not is irrelevant -- the issue is that he flat out lied to you. Right?

| But that didn't happen did it!!?? He lost the vast majority of it!! And that combined with the fact that she didn't agree with it is INFURIATING!