Angry Doesn't Begin to Describe My Anger Right Now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you flat-out say no to this scheme? Your post reads like you left DH some wiggle room -- telling him you're uncomfortable with the idea isn't the same as vetoing it 100%. When you go for counseling, also explore how you communicate.

Yep.

There are big holes in OP's story. Exactly how did he do this over her objection? How long did it take for the money to be lost? OP makes it sound like he sneaked off to the track and lost it in an afternoon. I suspect she isn't a total victim.

Either way I agree with PPs that the issue isn't the loss, it's the decisionmaking "process."

(I do also agree that OP should get all records and explore more action. I hate morons playing with other people's money.)

[Anonymous]

I'd be ballistic too. Buy yourself a nice treat and take away your H's access to any money.

[Anonymous]

your relative or his?

If MY relative left me money, I'D be the one investing it.

For now, guilt the hell out of your dumb ass husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you inherit it? Did he? Or was it a joint inheritance? If it was just his, I'd still be mad, but a little less so. He can legally do with is as he pleases. Including being stupid with it, unfortunately.

Yes, I agree with this. Was the money left to one of you explicitly?

This totally misses the point. It may be legally correct (I don't know for sure) but I'll tell you, if I inherited $100k, my wife would surely consider it family property, and rightfully so. If your stance on this is, "well your husband is LEGALLY entitled to do whatever he wants with a significant sum of money without consulting you," your understanding of what a marriage entails is dramatically different from mine. Maybe it works for you, but it's not something I would want.

OP, that really sucks, and I'd be pissed too. I second the suggestion to request detailed transaction records. The "friend" may be pulling a fast one on you.

Well if you were divorcing and the money came from his family, it actually would not be considered joint property. Happened w/ my parents, which is why my ma now has no retirement.

[Anonymous]

You should have put your foot down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you flat-out say no to this scheme? Your post reads like you left DH some wiggle room -- telling him you're uncomfortable with the idea isn't the same as vetoing it 100%. When you go for counseling, also explore how you communicate.

Yep.

There are big holes in OP's story. Exactly how did he do this over her objection? How long did it take for the money to be lost? OP makes it sound like he sneaked off to the track and lost it in an afternoon. I suspect she isn't a total victim.

Either way I agree with PPs that the issue isn't the loss, it's the decisionmaking "process."

(I do also agree that OP should get all records and explore more action. I hate morons playing with other people's money.)

OP here. I haven't had a chance to read the entire thread but this made me chuckle. Big holes in my story? I think I posted at 1am last night, I put a 4 page story into two or three short paragraphs. There aren't any holes in my story, I just did not go into a long, detailed explanation because I was fuming. I'm sorry I left details out because it's an interesting history as to how we got to where we are with this "investment".

The inheritance was to both if us. A beloved relative passed away late 2009. We were both named as beneficiaries. As discussed with the relative leaving naming us years ago in the insurance policy (they died unexectedly during surgery) the money was to benefit our children or go towards the purchase of a home. It wasn't for DH to run off and invest on a whim with a friend who makes money on the "side".

I made my feelings very clear, in no way did I agree to allow this friend access to our money or any access to invest it. I left no wiggle room. There was no lack of communication, no miscommunication. DH really felt like he was going to take this money and turn it into a million dollars (to our benefit, not to dupe me).

The money was moved from the life insurace account to a Bank of America account (funds transfer). The funds were transferred to an investment account where I was under the impression the money was being invested in short term cd's. I have the Bank of America paperwork in front of me, I know this happened. Somewhere along the line the money was slowly tranferred into a trading account that the friend could "trade". Now that I have more info it was currency trading. When we made money we paid a fee to the brokerage acct, I believe we also paid a fee if we lost. Who knows. I'm in the process of politely demanding records to look over. I may take them to our accountant.

I'm worried this friend may have bet on his own accounts or whatever so that when we lost he was the one making money, I have no idea how this works. And the friend really isn't flashy. Not a shady guy.

The thing you need to know is that my husband is a people pleaser. He's the guy picking up the tab at the restaurant. He's the guy helping the neighbors with everything and anything. He's the guy volunteering for stuff he has no time to volunteer for. While I hold DH 100% responsible for what happened I do think this other person really made it sound like an opportunity way too sweet to pass up. Turn 100k into a million!

I'm going to go back and read the thread. There are some great points and valid questions. The "holes in story" made my day though. What do you want from an anonymous message board? I apologize for leaving out all of the details (I still have not given them all), I am not the victim, however I certainly did not agree to or think DH would pull such an irresponsible stunt.
I am livid. Hurt. Fuming. Steaming. It's not the money. We didn't have it before. It's that he was really that stupid to do what he did.

[Anonymous]

OP, believe me when I tell you I COMPLETELY understand what your'e going through right now. I'm also a little annoyed at the 'It's money you wouldn't have had anyway' posts. That's not the point. It doesn't matter how much money you have, waste is bad. And you probably feel like your husband wasted money, future opportunities, etc. My only bit of advice is to try to forgive him in time and hope he's learned a costly but valuable lesson.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you sign away your rights to this money? You say it was left to both of you. If you knew your DH was a people pleaser, why didn't you put the money someplace he couldn't get at it?

[Anonymous]

OP, you definitely want to get the records for all of the reasons stated before. Also, if these were valid investments, perhaps you can take some capital losses on your tax return. Talk to your accountant for sure.

[Anonymous]

WOW. I'd be livid. This could be a dealbreaker, this kind of disregard. I hope you don't divorce. ($100,000 is not a small amount of cash, at least not to me.)

[Anonymous]

I agree that something here doesn't pass the "smell test.". How long of a time period are we talking about, OP? And how stenuousl did you object to this course of action? Were you aware that DH had given the $$ to his friend? You absolutely need to insist on a paper trail.

[Anonymous]

OP, let me make certain I understand so there are no holes . You clearly told him in no uncertain terms: "Do not invest this money with your friend!" And he clearly responded without equivocation or limitation: "Yes dear, I understand you completely, and I promise not to invest this money in anything other than CDs!" And then he broke his promise to you, and invested the money with his friend. Is all that correct? Were the conversations that clear and direct?

If so, that's a big problem, and you should be really pissed!

[Anonymous]

NP here. OP, I just read your follow up. When I read your first post I kind of wondered about how this happened without you knowing about it and wondered if you had passively let DH do what he wanted. Now it sounds like your DH tricked you. OMG. Major problem. Wow. I'm so sorry this happened to you. And I find your story scary, as my DH too is a pleaser, though I have a hard time picturing him doings anything like this. But who knows?

Wow. Such a betrayal.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope your DH is groveling about your ankles, right now?

[Anonymous]

Yes "the smell test" op please post pdfs of all your accounts with names and account numbers, plus your last 5 years of tax returns, we will need three references before anyone will post any more replies, Please!