Forum Index
»
Off-Topic
Angry Doesn't Begin to Describe My Anger Right Now
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
This totally misses the point. It may be legally correct (I don't know for sure) but I'll tell you, if I inherited $100k, my wife would surely consider it family property, and rightfully so. If your stance on this is, "well your husband is LEGALLY entitled to do whatever he wants with a significant sum of money without consulting you," your understanding of what a marriage entails is dramatically different from mine. Maybe it works for you, but it's not something I would want. OP, that really sucks, and I'd be pissed too. I second the suggestion to request detailed transaction records. The "friend" may be pulling a fast one on you. |
Anonymous
| There is nothing that a sock full of old batteries can't fix, honey! I have heard it doesn't bruise too much. Good luck. |
Anonymous
|
I think most people would be pissed. How much do you know about your household finances? Pull your credit report, make sure big things like the house requires both of your signatures to sell, limits on credit cards are reasonable and place a hold on instant credit. Until you figure out why he did this and what else he may or may not be telling you about, put him on an allowance.
I had a friend like this, wife left after a trip to Vegas where he maxed out the credit cards and cleaned the bank accounts out(he took the 401k to Vegas and left it there!) Not saying he is like this or has a gambling problem, but you should find out if he does. |
Anonymous
| OP, did you flat-out say no to this scheme? Your post reads like you left DH some wiggle room -- telling him you're uncomfortable with the idea isn't the same as vetoing it 100%. When you go for counseling, also explore how you communicate. |
Anonymous
|
So sorry this happened, OP. I would be BEYOND LIVID at the breach of trust and stupidity of the whole situation.
Get any records of transactions, explore if the friend stole the money or your husband socked it away, etc. Not probable, but possible. Couple's counseling would be a good idea. By any means necessary you need to drill into your husband's mind that he needs to consult with you about important decisions like this. He needs to think before he acts, and evaluate risks better. He needs to respect you and your opinions. Ugh. You need a vacation away from him before you bash him on the head. Separate your accounts, leave him for a week and require that the house and children be spotless when you come back. |
Anonymous
| I'm confused. Did you know he was doing this despite your objections, or did he do it behind your back without telling you (or lying to you)? |
Anonymous
| OP - please get records of all this. This sounds super shady and I'm not convinced that either your husband is not into something shady or his friend just took 100K from you. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. I don't hear clearly anywhere in OP's post that she vetoed the idea, but rather just that she warned her husband it was a bad idea, and then watched him lose the money. I'm not saying OP's not right to be pissed. But there's a big difference between (a) openly opting not to follow OP's wise investment advice, versus (b) lying to OP, and investing against her wishes after telling her that he would do something different. The first may be foolish, but the second would be a breach of trust. Which one was it, OP? |
Anonymous
I disagree that it boils down to legalilty. I mean, I appreciate and respect your opinion, but if some relative I didn't know gives my husband money, and my husband wants to blow it on something. I personally think he has the right (unless it means we can't buy groceries or pay the mortgage). Good old Aunt Gertrude I never knew didn't leave the money to me. She left it to him. That doesn't mean I wouldn't hope he wouldn't treat it as the family's money. It has nothing to do with the legality. It has to do with the intent of the person giving the money. Heck, my in-laws have my husband designated as a beneficiary of a few things - and in the case that he dies - they go to my BIL, not me. So its very clear that my husband's side of the family has the intention of giving HIM things, not his family. |
Anonymous
|
OP - 100K is not a small amount of cash.
However, I am sorry that your suck wad DH did that. It wrong on so many levels. He will have a hard time making it right with you. |
Anonymous
wow, and yikes. I think PP here needs to rethink what marriage means. |
Anonymous
|
OP, in your shoes:
1. marriage counseling 2. talk to a family lawyer - not necessarily for divorce, but on how to protect your assets and more importantly, custody should a divorce arise 3. demand to see a paper trail on this money. Agree that DH or his friend sound potentially dishonest. 4. separate counseling for yourself to help you to decide what to do. Marriage is a partnership and your husband made a unilateral decision. That the decision was bad is really just a sidebar here. It's the decision itself and your lack of input. That's not healthy. Protect yourself, protect your kids, and do what you can to save your marriage. You and your husband have a lot of work to do. BTW, I"m not a huge marriage counseling suggester. But you need it. |
Anonymous
| Yeah your husband messed up BAD! If it was not your money I woUld still be furious but if if was I would tell him to pack his shit and go somewhere for a few nights! And consider talking to a counselor. What a douche... I'm sorry! |
Anonymous
|
Damn....
I would not know that the hell to do! I would be so angry that my DH disrespected my wishes and lost all that money! Holy shit, this is like infidelity to me! marriage counseling for sure. |
Anonymous
|
I didn't read all the posts but read your original one hours ago and have thought a lot about it.
When we married I brought 200K to the relationship and Dh brought 100K. He insisted that we combine our assets. This was mentally very hard for me b/c I was raised Very, Very, Very poor and he was raised middle class and I'm a big saver and he's an investor and that made me nervous. Over about 3 years I learned a lot about investing and we joined our funds quite slowly. Through that process, we developed a system of investing where we both check in before making decisions. Bottom line: Your husband violated your trust. That is huge. Didn't you mention saving for a house? 100K in a downpayment is nearly 20% of a close in 'burb whit great schools and a yard. I'm pissed at your husband for some reason. and I love the title of the thread. V. funny. Good luck sister. |