joint custody for my infant son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15:28/23:54/11:51 wrote: Once a pattern is established then it can be hard to break.

False. What's isn't right for an infant can work for a toddler or older child. The professionals who deal with this really push parents to agree to allow the child to spend time at both homes but factor in the child's age and the parent's availability, among other things.

15:28/23:54/11:51 also wrote: No matter what dad asks for that same old right for the baby / all about dad will be trotted out to make sure mom gets things her way.

False. The "system" doesn't really allow either parent to do that, at least not here in D.C., so please drop the dads are victims trope.

You've missed the point entirely but seeing as this thread has obviously brought out the membership of the Single Mothers Unite Against Fathers support group - you are going to focus on the same points no matter what the argument. Of course the professionals think that spending time with both parents is important - iit isn't the professionals that are keeping that from happening.

My point is that a dad who wants to take his baby out of the house - maybe to meet his family/friends because he is proud to be a dad is not a selfish, horrible person for doing so. Or if he wants to take the baby to his house so he can spend time with the baby in the comfort of his home without the tension of an ex looking over his shoulder, that doing so does not make him a horrible, selfish person or damage the baby.

In the same way if mom wants to take the baby out of the house to meet her family / friends it doesn't make her a selfish, horrible person, even though that is ALL ABOUT HER. Or if mom wants to go to a friends house (new environment) for coffee and a chat and brings the baby withh her that is not damaging to the baby nor does it make her a selfish horrible person even though it is ALL ABOUT HER.

[Anonymous]

You are not getting my points. I NEVER said OP was a horrible person, or taking out the baby would damage it. I do not believe a single PP implied as much. I do think some of his reasoning is misguided and self-serving. I absolutely think rushing things could poison their relationship forever.

We do NOT know OP's ex's side. Maybe OP is a klutz, doesn't hold up the baby's head properly or forgets to strap him in his stroller or puts the Bjorn Baby on wrong. NONE OF THAT WILL MATTER IN TIME. OP's in a hurry. Where's the fire?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not getting my points. I NEVER said OP was a horrible person, or taking out the baby would damage it. I do not believe a single PP implied as much. I do think some of his reasoning is misguided and self-serving. I absolutely think rushing things could poison their relationship forever.

We do NOT know OP's ex's side. Maybe OP is a klutz, doesn't hold up the baby's head properly or forgets to strap him in his stroller or puts the Bjorn Baby on wrong. NONE OF THAT WILL MATTER IN TIME. OP's in a hurry. Where's the fire?

A better question might be, whats your fear? Your situation may seem similar to his but you will never know. I prefer to assume that OP was being honest in looking for advice. Instead of trying to convince a stranger to not push to see his child you might do better to offer suggestions that help him get the time he wants and keep a civil relationship with mom.

The 'fire' is that babies grow up fast and are only little once. Both parents should be making as many memories as they can for themselves and their baby. These are formative weeks. Get mediation and a custody schedule and move on with your lives.

And to the woman who keeps bringing up marriage: Single motherhood can suck sometimes but a pregnancy does not guarantee a long and happy marriage. It can often guarantee the exact opposite. If he's not interested in marrying you then he wasn't the right man for the job. The right man is rarely found at the business end of a shotgun. The time to be worried about marriage was before sex. Two wrongs won't make a right. When I get married, I for one hope to do it the opposite way: Ring first, baby later (after some major alone time with the man of my heart not my loins). In the meantime me and my LO's papa will just have to keep working on getting along. Oh, and I am waaaay more careful about protection during sex!

[Anonymous]

14:45 You're a single mom? If so, did you do perfect 50-50 from infancy on?

[Anonymous]

I am 14.45
I should say that I don't personally believe that you must be married if you have a kid but if you do then you should worry about marriage before having sex. Sex is always risky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:45 You're a single mom? If so, did you do perfect 50-50 from infancy on?

14:45 here

Not perfect 50-50. sometimes he has him less, depends on our schedules. After birth he was more with me until about 6 weeks, then dad was able to keep him more when I went to class or work. He's a better dad than he was a boyfriend. Its also nice because I get some weekends off with little guilt because I know he's safe. We use to argue a lot but I just decided to get over it and not try to control him through my kid, plus its less stress when he's lounging around his own place taking care of my son. It was hard at first but I think my LO is better for it. But thats just us, we get along ok enough to not need a judge to make us play nice

[Anonymous]

Op do you have a crib? Bottle warmer? burp cloths? Is your hoouse baby proof? I suspect no to most if not all of this.. this could be an issue.

[Anonymous]

OP, give us an update! Where are you with the custody issues?

[Anonymous]

Update OP, it has been 5 months, how are things?!?

[Anonymous]

OP, it has now been 6 months and some of us were following this thread in hopeful interest for you. What is new with your situation?