Facebook and infertility

[Anonymous]

It's not your friends' fault that you can't have children. I shouldn't post any good news because it might offend someone I'm friends with on FB? "if you can't stand the heat......"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Post what you like, they have the option of hiding you if they don't want to see what you've got to say for a while.

I am saying this as someone who fought with infertility for 3 years.

I agree. I had a miscarriage and then all my friends got pregnant and had babies, and I couldn't get pregnant. It sucked for me but I don't expect people to hide what's happening in their lives because of my troubles. I had a sucky marriage; I don't expect people not to post about their spouses or that they love their husband or whatever.

It's like that line from a fish called Wanda, where John Cleese says the British are always oh so carefully polite. That he feels like he can't even say, "so how's the family" because, what if they all died in a car crash last week?

People need to lighten up, or block or hide others, or get off the damn FB.

[Anonymous]

Wow, the infertiles need to grow up and focus on something other than conceiving. I needed infertility treatment to conceive both of my children. How is suffering infertility worse than suffering through other types of major medical problems? It's nothing compared to losing a parent.

Newsflash: your life will actually go on if you never, ever, ever become a parent. Really. It's not a tragedy.

[Anonymous]

6:06, I bet you $100 you are a SAHM. And have only that one child.

[Anonymous]

I'm 6:06 and yes, I have only one child because I cannot afford to do IVF again or adopt. And no, I am not a SAHM. I work, full-time and I don't have a nanny, housekeeper or any other "help" that I see a lot of the posters on this board continually discuss.

You think you know me or have me pegged? Sorry to say that you are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I love you, whoever you are. You took the words right out of my mouth.

Being able to bear children is something most women dream about when they are growing up. It's a logical progression: love, marriage, baby carriage. To have that taken from you is a horrible, life-changing experience. Then to witness other people bear children, people who don't love and appreciate that gift like you feel you would, adds salt to the wound. Now, I'm not saying that people should limit what they post on Facebook because it may or may not hurt a friend who is infertile. But you shouldn't brush off others feelings as self-pity and jealousy. I guarantee that if you spent just one week as me and felt the pain that I do in my heart, you wouldn't be able to function.

I feel for you. You are obviously a close-minded individual who doesn't appreciate the gift of fertility. I sincerely hope that, if you do have children, none of them grow up and struggle to conceive. Because they are in for a rude awakening if this is the "advice" you have to offer.

New poster, but that bolded part threw me. Unless you are talking about drug addicts who get pregnant and or women who abuse their children, I'm not quite following you. Do you honestly think your FB friends are somehow not as appreciative of their children as you would be? I'm sorry for what you are going through, but I think that is a really, really unkind thought to have. And I am willing to bet that kind of thinking is not helping you.

You obviously know nothing about infertility if you think that my thoughts about people who don't appreciate their kids are what's making me infertile. Biology and science are what make me, and my husband, infertile. Not my thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. Also, you stuck words in my mouth - I in no way, shape, or form said "My Facebook friends don't appreciate their kids." No, I have friends who do love and appreciate their children. But the people who go on Facebook and constantly bitch and moan about how miserable life is because they have kids? Yes, I do question whether they truly appreciate parenthood. I never said "all people who bear children" or "all people don't love and appreciate their children unless they are infertile."

ITA with this statement. There is nothing more hurtful to someone who experiencing the pain of infertility than to read about her "friends" who do nothing but bitch and moan about their children publicly. It's my thought that if you shouldn't publicly humiliate your children on a daily basis by bitching about how they inconvenience you by crying, having colic, etc. I read at least one FB update daily from different friends who do nothing but complain. When I'm reading this on a constant basis I do assume that they don't appreciate the gift they've been given.

You guys are being ridiculous. Because you are infertile people aren't allowed to complain about being up ALL night with a puking baby? Not sleeping for a year? Having my cervix fall out of me permanently during birth (prolapse). I can't complain about my gestational diabetes or preeclampsia, near death experience because YOU can't get pregnant? So I take it you never complain about anything because hey, there are people around the world who would give everything just to have your problems?

Everyone has their problems and sadnesses and inconveniences and yes, having children is really, really hard work. I am not going to apologize for acknowledging that fact nor do I accept that it means I love my children less.

These people on FB are supposed to be your FRIENDS. If you can't be happy for them, share in their joys and sorrows, despite your own (or share your own) then shame on you. I hope I don't have any friends like you lurking in my list.

- Been there with the infertility thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 6:06 and yes, I have only one child because I cannot afford to do IVF again or adopt. And no, I am not a SAHM. I work, full-time and I don't have a nanny, housekeeper or any other "help" that I see a lot of the posters on this board continually discuss.

You think you know me or have me pegged? Sorry to say that you are wrong.

You don't have help! Good god lady you have a four month old. You've probably been back at work for what a month or two? How do you know what kind of help you will want or need when you add a child to the equation and they get mobile? Not all parents on this board are new parents, some of us have been doing this for a while, and have 2 or three kids. I don't understand sanctimonious people like you. You have no right to judge others and you have no idea what is in store. Parenting is a joy but if you think you won't get tired or inpatient you are delusional.

You should just stop, you don't seem to be convincing anyone since a dozen posters have not liked what you've said.

[Anonymous]

To the woman who has a four month old after struggling with infertility and made some inflammatory remarks about other parents' complaints:

What strikes me about this whole thread is the irony you don't seem to be seeing: read through your posts - there is some bitterness and negativity there. At yet your point is that anyone blessed with a child should be so thankful there is no room for complaining. Yet here you are on DCUM posting multiple posts about moms who complain and yet have more help than you etc. are taking their situation for granted and not as appreciative of their child as you.

It's not adding up. Their petty complaints are no different than your petty complaints. You were blessed with a child but as you can see it doesn't mean you spend the rest of your days walking through rainbows. Life happens and you bitch and moan. It's normal.

My advice to you is to go easy on yourself: you are setting yourself up for a big fall if you have expectations that because you struggled to have your child you will never get frustrated. You will, and it's okay and it's normal. It doesn't make you a bad mom and it doesn't mean you taking for granted the gift you've been given. As another poster pointed out, we are actually hard-wired to have these emotions about our children. They are protective. No one riles me up more than my child because I don't care about anyone else like I care about my child. The stakes are high. I know that is hard for a mom of a four month old to realize, since your child at this point really is not exasperating you yet!

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad I scanned the "hot topic" bar. If not, I wouldn't have the opportunity to read such an insanely absurd WP article. Awesome.