Facebook and infertility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like there are a lot of posts that could be hard for certain people to read. "my mother is cancer free!". "I got a job!". Etc.

ITA. When I read the WP article, I was sympathetic, but only to a point. My DH was laid off this summer, I didn't request that my FB friends restrain from posting about their successful careers. One of my single friends confided in me how hard it is for her to read engagement announcements and see wedding photos on FB. Everyone has a personal issue that's sensitive to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like there are a lot of posts that could be hard for certain people to read. "my mother is cancer free!". "I got a job!". Etc.

ITA. When I read the WP article, I was sympathetic, but only to a point. My DH was laid off this summer, I didn't request that my FB friends restrain from posting about their successful careers. One of my single friends confided in me how hard it is for her to read engagement announcements and see wedding photos on FB. Everyone has a personal issue that's sensitive to them.

I agree too. I mean, it is one thing to brag which is always obnoxious but yes, something will be painful for everyone. I have a friend who just got a job right by her house and has extremely flexible hours, she is always posting, "home by 5:00 today!" etc. and "working in my pajamas today." I'm happy for her, for years she had a really horrible commute, but I do get pangs of jealousy (irrational jealousy, as I have some flexibility and a decent commute, but not nearly that kind of flexibility).

At times I'd wish she'd shut up, but she has a right to post and I'm happy for her even though I'm a little jealous. Everyone has their issues. You have to be sensitive but you can go overboard. It's FB - of course I'm going to post pics of my kids! Though I didn't mention pregnancy until I was almost done with it, and didn't give constant updates about it. I wasn't thinking of someone struggling with infertility, more just thinking no one wanted to hear me bitch about pregnancy and/or celebrate the joys of it...total yawn.

[Anonymous]

Facebook is entirely optional. You are not required to have a Facebook account and you can hide posts as you wish.

[Anonymous]

Now that I'm pregnant with #2 (and struggled with infertility with #1 for 5 years) I am very reluctant to post anything about my pregnancy because I don't want to offend some friends who I know are struggling. It's very painful, I know....especially when the conception seems easy to an outsider.
I agree with the other posters who say that there is probably something everyone is sensitive about.

[Anonymous]

I'm perpetually single and not that psyched about it. Do I feel a little sad when yet another friend (or worse, ex-boyfriend) announces their engagement or posts their wedding pics on facebook? Sure. does it make me feel like a bit of a loser? yep. would I ever expect them not to post stuff? Hell no. Those are happy things, and my friends deserve to be happy, even when I'm not. I also want to hear about their promotions, even if I haven't gotten one, and I'm happy to look at their fabulous travel photos, even if I haven't gone anywhere more exciting than the midwest in 5 years.

If anyone ever asked me to not talk about my kid in my status update, I'd be tempted to tell her to put on her big-girl panties and deal with it. I know it's hard, but life isn't always fair. It's not fair that I haven't been lucky enough to find a husband and it's not fair that everyone can't conceive easily, but unfortunately, that's life.

Perhaps your friend/whatever could hide the people whose status updates are hurting her? Then when she's ready, she could unhide them? I am friends with a few exes on FB and had to hide one or two when they got engaged. I just didn't need the reminder that their life was working out better than mine. But I wouldn't DREAM of saying anything to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If anyone ever asked me to not talk about my kid in my status update, I'd be tempted to tell her to put on her big-girl panties and deal with it. I know it's hard, but life isn't always fair. It's not fair that I haven't been lucky enough to find a husband and it's not fair that everyone can't conceive easily, but unfortunately, that's life.

yep. exactly.

[Anonymous]

I had trouble conceiving, but I'd never begrudge a friend her/his bragging rights or joy. What a tool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have dealt with infertility for many years and just had my first child. I read the WP article when it came out and yes, I also posted it on my FB page. I'm sure I'll get flamed by those who don't understand the pain of infertility, but for me, it's not the pictures of others children that upset me. Mainly it's the ultrasound pictures, the pregnant belly pictures and the constant references to pregnancy that bother me.

You mentioned that you loved looking at pics of kids before you got pregnant, but for an infertile, it's much harder to see a reality unfolding that you might never have.

Infertility is a very real disease and with it comes social stigma and pain. Many people don't understand how to best comfort a friend or family member who is struggling with infertility. Moreover, many infertiles don't share their problems publicly for fear of shame.

Again, for me it wasn't seeing pics of others kids, it was moreover the pregnancy images that were so hurtful. If I was being inundated by constant bitching from a pregnant "friend" on facebook about how miserable she was from morning sickness or something, I'd just "hide" that friend so I couldn't see her updates. Problem solved.

In addition, to compare infertility to someone who hasn't married isn't necessarily a fair comparison. Infertility is a medical condition.

This is a great link from Resolve, the National Infertility Association on "etiquette"
http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

Infertility is a medical condition not a disease and it is not a stigma. If you can't have children then adopt some of the hundreds of thousands of children in this country who need a home and love. Can Are you only able to love only those you give birth to? I am so sick of hearing about the plight of infertility because far too often it is your fault because you waited until your late 30's early 40's to have children Being able to bear or sire children is not a God-given right. If someone wants to show pics of their children on Facebook they should do so and you and OP don't have to look at them. Frankly, you sound like you love wallowing in self-pity and are jealous and envious of women who are fertile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Infertility is a medical condition not a disease and it is not a stigma. If you can't have children then adopt some of the hundreds of thousands of children in this country who need a home and love. Can Are you only able to love only those you give birth to? I am so sick of hearing about the plight of infertility because far too often it is your fault because you waited until your late 30's early 40's to have children Being able to bear or sire children is not a God-given right. If someone wants to show pics of their children on Facebook they should do so and you and OP don't have to look at them. Frankly, you sound like you love wallowing in self-pity and are jealous and envious of women who are fertile.

This is an asshole post. I agree that you just need to log off if Facebook posts are deeply bothering you, but this post was unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Real posts on FB that could have hurt my feelings, if I were inclined to compare my life:
"Love my job!"
"I have the best husband EVER!"
"Going to the Bahamas-- five stars all the way!"
"Just a few pix of my new "baby"..." (pix are of a new mercedes)

Life is going to go on all around you. You can't avoid everyone else's happiness all the time, but you can get off Facebook. Especially if you're in the age range where everyone is having babies all the time, you probably should. It's one thing to muster up some pleasure for your friends' pregnancies, but you don't need to see those of every single person you went to HS or college with.

[Anonymous]

10:34 I was going to post the same.

As for infertility, let's be gentle. I was technically infertile at age 36, underwent several rounds of treatment and had a baby two years later.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to be unpopular.

Why do women suffering from infertility feel that everyone elses lives should grind to a halt and stop? There are frequently posts on this site about how people should be more sensitive, not share photos, etc. with infertile friends. We never have people come on saying, you shouldn't do this or that as I have cancer.

Yes, infertility SUCKS. But you know what? There's a lot of other things in this world which suck too.

It appears that infertility (more so than other illnesses) causes people to turn inwards and to lose the joy in life.

[Anonymous]

Hey where are all those infertile, baby-wanting mamas to adopt the baby #2 that one of the women on here wants to give up. There, problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Real posts on FB that could have hurt my feelings, if I were inclined to compare my life:
"Love my job!"
"I have the best husband EVER!"
"Going to the Bahamas-- five stars all the way!"
"Just a few pix of my new "baby"..." (pix are of a new mercedes)

Life is going to go on all around you. You can't avoid everyone else's happiness all the time, but you can get off Facebook. Especially if you're in the age range where everyone is having babies all the time, you probably should. It's one thing to muster up some pleasure for your friends' pregnancies, but you don't need to see those of every single person you went to HS or college with.

The Bahamas/five stars post is just obnoxious. I have friends who post about travel all the time, even to really cool places, but the five stars part deserves a big eye roll. And posting a picture of a new mercedes? Please.

I would love to have access to your FB friends - honestly it would probably make me laugh more than annoy me. Don't they know these kinds of postings are so transparent???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Infertility is a medical condition not a disease and it is not a stigma. If you can't have children then adopt some of the hundreds of thousands of children in this country who need a home and love. Can Are you only able to love only those you give birth to? I am so sick of hearing about the plight of infertility because far too often it is your fault because you waited until your late 30's early 40's to have children Being able to bear or sire children is not a God-given right. If someone wants to show pics of their children on Facebook they should do so and you and OP don't have to look at them. Frankly, you sound like you love wallowing in self-pity and are jealous and envious of women who are fertile.

Is there a running contest for Cunt of The Year? I believe we have a winner.