Facebook and infertility

[Anonymous]

I don't have any Facebook friends, even the most annoying ones, who actually "bitch and moan" about having kids. I see people who vent about normal parenting challenges and others who make funny self-deprecating comments, but neither of those count as actual complaining or taking their children for granted, in my book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An honest question: I've noticed that at least one poster who is struggling with infertility and has not had a child is posting on this thread. If Facebook is an issue for you, how is a parenting forum not painful? It is one thing to get an unexpected post about pregnancy from Facebook, and quite another to be on a web forum for parenting. I realize there is a TTC forum, but that is not this forum. Did it come up on an internet search? Just trying to understand, it seems like an incredibly painful thing to put yourself through if Facebook is a problem.

NP here. I came to this website when I was TTC looking for advice and information on local clinics before I had my daughter. I don't think that the only people who read this forum are parents.

Just my two cents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An honest question: I've noticed that at least one poster who is struggling with infertility and has not had a child is posting on this thread. If Facebook is an issue for you, how is a parenting forum not painful? It is one thing to get an unexpected post about pregnancy from Facebook, and quite another to be on a web forum for parenting. I realize there is a TTC forum, but that is not this forum. Did it come up on an internet search? Just trying to understand, it seems like an incredibly painful thing to put yourself through if Facebook is a problem.

NP here. I came to this website when I was TTC looking for advice and information on local clinics before I had my daughter. I don't think that the only people who read this forum are parents.

Just my two cents.

A link was posted to this thread on the TTC forum earlier in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any Facebook friends, even the most annoying ones, who actually "bitch and moan" about having kids. I see people who vent about normal parenting challenges and others who make funny self-deprecating comments, but neither of those count as actual complaining or taking their children for granted, in my book.

Agree completely. I can't imagine thinking any of the women who I actually consider my friends don't love their children. Parenting IS challenging and it is healthy to vent about it and make self-depracating comments! Doesn't mean you don't cherish your kids.

[Anonymous]

Love my kids and struggle with parenting. Even those who were once infertile are not immediately made perfect or better parents by their increased appreciation. Parenting is tough for everyone who is sane.

[Anonymous]

My FB is covered in pictures of my son. I would totally understand if a friend told me she was blocking me b/c it was hard to hear about my son when she struggles to conceive. However, I think it's unreasonable to ask me not to post about my son just in case someone I might be friends with might be suffering from infertility. FWIW, I have a friend who was an avid cyclist who couldn't cycle anymore sue to a serious injury. Many of her FB friends are cyclists and post incessantly about cycling. It was very painful for her... so, she stopped doing FB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like there are a lot of posts that could be hard for certain people to read. "my mother is cancer free!". "I got a job!". Etc.

ITA. When I read the WP article, I was sympathetic, but only to a point. My DH was laid off this summer, I didn't request that my FB friends restrain from posting about their successful careers. One of my single friends confided in me how hard it is for her to read engagement announcements and see wedding photos on FB. Everyone has a personal issue that's sensitive to them.

There is something wrong with people who cannot be happy for someone else having children but now we can't risk hurting their feelings. PP I completely agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm perpetually single and not that psyched about it. Do I feel a little sad when yet another friend (or worse, ex-boyfriend) announces their engagement or posts their wedding pics on facebook? Sure. does it make me feel like a bit of a loser? yep. would I ever expect them not to post stuff? Hell no. Those are happy things, and my friends deserve to be happy, even when I'm not. I also want to hear about their promotions, even if I haven't gotten one, and I'm happy to look at their fabulous travel photos, even if I haven't gone anywhere more exciting than the midwest in 5 years.

If anyone ever asked me to not talk about my kid in my status update, I'd be tempted to tell her to put on her big-girl panties and deal with it. I know it's hard, but life isn't always fair. It's not fair that I haven't been lucky enough to find a husband and it's not fair that everyone can't conceive easily, but unfortunately, that's life.

Perhaps your friend/whatever could hide the people whose status updates are hurting her? Then when she's ready, she could unhide them? I am friends with a few exes on FB and had to hide one or two when they got engaged. I just didn't need the reminder that their life was working out better than mine. But I wouldn't DREAM of saying anything to them.

Thank you PP and I hope all the irrational pp read your post and understand that we don't always get what we want in life but we still can be happy for others who do have many of the things we want and don't have. Jealousy and envy are truly loathsome emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems like there are a lot of posts that could be hard for certain people to read. "my mother is cancer free!". "I got a job!". Etc.

Totally agree. My mother passed awawy from cancer and I get sad seeing friends' pictures of their parents, but should they not post them? That would be absurd.

[Anonymous]

Did you all even READ the damn article? Nowhere in it did the couple say that they didn't want to see pictures of their friends children. The whole article was about PREGNANCY announcements on FB!

I don't begrudge you posting pics of your kids (hell, I do of mine after dealing with infertility) but the "I'm pregnant!" announcements are what is being discussed here. The couple mentioned they are hurt by sonogram pics, however, I hardly consider that as a shun to those of you so adamant of posting pictures of your spawn.

Seriously. You people have NO compassion.

[Anonymous]

We are compassionate. However, if you don't want to see pregnancy announcements, log off the VOLUNTARY social network!!! You know, it's a social network. To socialize and share things from your life. Not a don't-offend-anyone-who-may-be-experiencing-illness-infertility-unemployment-disability-singleness-divorce-underemployment-maritalunfulfillment-envy-genderdisappointment-etcetera network.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I love you, whoever you are. You took the words right out of my mouth.

Being able to bear children is something most women dream about when they are growing up. It's a logical progression: love, marriage, baby carriage. To have that taken from you is a horrible, life-changing experience. Then to witness other people bear children, people who don't love and appreciate that gift like you feel you would, adds salt to the wound. Now, I'm not saying that people should limit what they post on Facebook because it may or may not hurt a friend who is infertile. But you shouldn't brush off others feelings as self-pity and jealousy. I guarantee that if you spent just one week as me and felt the pain that I do in my heart, you wouldn't be able to function.

I feel for you. You are obviously a close-minded individual who doesn't appreciate the gift of fertility. I sincerely hope that, if you do have children, none of them grow up and struggle to conceive. Because they are in for a rude awakening if this is the "advice" you have to offer.

New poster, but that bolded part threw me. Unless you are talking about drug addicts who get pregnant and or women who abuse their children, I'm not quite following you. Do you honestly think your FB friends are somehow not as appreciative of their children as you would be? I'm sorry for what you are going through, but I think that is a really, really unkind thought to have. And I am willing to bet that kind of thinking is not helping you.

You obviously know nothing about infertility if you think that my thoughts about people who don't appreciate their kids are what's making me infertile. Biology and science are what make me, and my husband, infertile. Not my thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. Also, you stuck words in my mouth - I in no way, shape, or form said "My Facebook friends don't appreciate their kids." No, I have friends who do love and appreciate their children. But the people who go on Facebook and constantly bitch and moan about how miserable life is because they have kids? Yes, I do question whether they truly appreciate parenthood. I never said "all people who bear children" or "all people don't love and appreciate their children unless they are infertile."

ITA with this statement. There is nothing more hurtful to someone who experiencing the pain of infertility than to read about her "friends" who do nothing but bitch and moan about their children publicly. It's my thought that if you shouldn't publicly humiliate your children on a daily basis by bitching about how they inconvenience you by crying, having colic, etc. I read at least one FB update daily from different friends who do nothing but complain. When I'm reading this on a constant basis I do assume that they don't appreciate the gift they've been given.[/quote

As another PP said, children are hard work and we do get tired, overwroght, and sometimes would like to send them to Mars for a few minutes, but whatever we say doesn't mean than we do not love and appreciate our chldren. How dare you say we don't appreciate the gift we have been given? Remember "assume" make an ass out of you and me, in this case, particularly you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you all even READ the damn article? Nowhere in it did the couple say that they didn't want to see pictures of their friends children. The whole article was about PREGNANCY announcements on FB!

I don't begrudge you posting pics of your kids (hell, I do of mine after dealing with infertility) but the "I'm pregnant!" announcements are what is being discussed here. The couple mentioned they are hurt by sonogram pics, however, I hardly consider that as a shun to those of you so adamant of posting pictures of your spawn.

Seriously. You people have NO compassion.

This really highlights that the issue for people is the inability to conceive, not their lack of a child (or they would struggle with other people's children as well). I get that not being able to conceive is painful, but at a certain point people have to decide if they only want(ed) the pregnancy or if they really want to be parents.

[Anonymous]

PP here: I wanted to add that it's only true that "adoption isn't the solution to infertility" if the problem with infertility is the lack of a pregnancy. It very much IS the solution to infertility if the problem with infertility is the lack of a child.

[Anonymous]

PP, you say that like you think adoption is easy and affordable. It's neither.