Facebook and infertility

[Anonymous]

If someone has a problem with pregnancy announcements on Facebook, that is her problem with Facebook as a whole -- it's not the problem of the pregnant Facebook friends, and it should probably be a sign to the offended that she should deactivate her account. You can't expect people to limit their normal interactions on a public social network just because some people are sensitive to a particular issue. We all have crosses to bear. There's no way we can guard against everyone's. The best we can do is be ourselves, be happy for our friends' good news and hope that our friends are happy for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Infertility is a medical condition not a disease and it is not a stigma. If you can't have children then adopt some of the hundreds of thousands of children in this country who need a home and love. Can Are you only able to love only those you give birth to? I am so sick of hearing about the plight of infertility because far too often it is your fault because you waited until your late 30's early 40's to have children Being able to bear or sire children is not a God-given right. If someone wants to show pics of their children on Facebook they should do so and you and OP don't have to look at them. Frankly, you sound like you love wallowing in self-pity and are jealous and envious of women who are fertile.

Is there a running contest for Cunt of The Year? I believe we have a winner.

Best. retort. EVER! I want to have lunch with you!

[Anonymous]

I just read the WaPo article. Has anyone else mentioned what a terrible article it was? I'm surprised those women spoke on the record. That sort of pain has to be something that's even more painful when it is public. The one woman talked about how terrible she felt seeing her cousin's pregnancy announcement, then was upset that her mom said nobody knew how to tell her (which I would be too, of course). But then she said that the pain is worse because she feels like people pity her. So why give a quote to the Washington Post? I think the Post exploited these women for a crappy article. And if I were the brother's girlfriend in the story, whose facebook status was read as part of the article? About feeling tired and sick and stressed out and sick of this feeling? Yikes. I'd be really pissed at boyfriend's sister. Can you imagine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are attacking the infertile posters. They have all agreed with the point that FB is public and you filter what you see by hiding what's painful for you. (Apart, of course, from the OP's friend).

Most of the bitterness and lack of compassion seems to be coming from those with kids. The infertile ladies seem to be ready to stand in others shoes and not force others to compromise coz of their disease, but the fertile ladies seem to be jumping down their throats for even talking about it!

Yes! Thank you!

The discussion turned when someone implied when parents moan about parenthood they are taking their kids for granted and that somehow if she has kids she will appreciate them. As a parent, this is really off-putting and rude and definitely not trying to stand in others shoes. We all think that we will never get angry or frustrated with our kids and we all judge the parents we see until we experience a rough day ourselves. It was not fair and people responded accordingly.

As someone who has gone through infertility and come out on the other side, I personally do believe that I have more patience for my daughter than some of my friends. When she is screaming her head off I don't loose my temper and get upset. I'm not trying to say that I'm a martyr. I'm simply trying to point out the fact that I endured so much pain and financial hardship just to become a mother that I don't take it for granted and let the little things upset me. I'm enjoying parenthood to it's fullest, love my daughter a million times over, and I don't have one single thing to complain about. Now granted, it's only been 4 months but in those 4 months I've witnessed some colossal breakdowns from a few friends who have children born at the same time as my daughter. Everyone wants to bitch about how little sleep they are getting, how their child is screaming all the time. And I really want to respond with "what did you expect?" Nobody assures you that parenthood is going to be a walk in the park.
I had a long time to assess what type of parent I was going to be while we were TTC and I was begging for dirty diapers, colicy babies and no sleep when I was going through my IVF cycle.
So no, I don't take my child for granted and I do think that my demeanor, attitude and patience have come from experiencing infertility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are attacking the infertile posters. They have all agreed with the point that FB is public and you filter what you see by hiding what's painful for you. (Apart, of course, from the OP's friend).

Most of the bitterness and lack of compassion seems to be coming from those with kids. The infertile ladies seem to be ready to stand in others shoes and not force others to compromise coz of their disease, but the fertile ladies seem to be jumping down their throats for even talking about it!

Yes! Thank you!

The discussion turned when someone implied when parents moan about parenthood they are taking their kids for granted and that somehow if she has kids she will appreciate them. As a parent, this is really off-putting and rude and definitely not trying to stand in others shoes. We all think that we will never get angry or frustrated with our kids and we all judge the parents we see until we experience a rough day ourselves. It was not fair and people responded accordingly.

As someone who has gone through infertility and come out on the other side, I personally do believe that I have more patience for my daughter than some of my friends. When she is screaming her head off I don't loose my temper and get upset. I'm not trying to say that I'm a martyr. I'm simply trying to point out the fact that I endured so much pain and financial hardship just to become a mother that I don't take it for granted and let the little things upset me. I'm enjoying parenthood to it's fullest, love my daughter a million times over, and I don't have one single thing to complain about. Now granted, it's only been 4 months but in those 4 months I've witnessed some colossal breakdowns from a few friends who have children born at the same time as my daughter. Everyone wants to bitch about how little sleep they are getting, how their child is screaming all the time. And I really want to respond with "what did you expect?" Nobody assures you that parenthood is going to be a walk in the park.
I had a long time to assess what type of parent I was going to be while we were TTC and I was begging for dirty diapers, colicy babies and no sleep when I was going through my IVF cycle.
So no, I don't take my child for granted and I do think that my demeanor, attitude and patience have come from experiencing infertility.

Talk to me in two more years, and then again in 2 more, and in a few more after that. Sorry, but you just don't know - you have a NEWBORN. And some women go through post partum depression....I had such great joy those first few months but had a relative that had bad PPD and those moments were the darkest of her life - and it's not their fault or that they don't love their baby. It's just not acceptable to expect someone to be sensitive about your issue and then say if I was in your shoes I'd do better. And if you want to on a message board, fine, but don't expect people not to respond accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are attacking the infertile posters. They have all agreed with the point that FB is public and you filter what you see by hiding what's painful for you. (Apart, of course, from the OP's friend).

Most of the bitterness and lack of compassion seems to be coming from those with kids. The infertile ladies seem to be ready to stand in others shoes and not force others to compromise coz of their disease, but the fertile ladies seem to be jumping down their throats for even talking about it!

Yes! Thank you!

The discussion turned when someone implied when parents moan about parenthood they are taking their kids for granted and that somehow if she has kids she will appreciate them. As a parent, this is really off-putting and rude and definitely not trying to stand in others shoes. We all think that we will never get angry or frustrated with our kids and we all judge the parents we see until we experience a rough day ourselves. It was not fair and people responded accordingly.

As someone who has gone through infertility and come out on the other side, I personally do believe that I have more patience for my daughter than some of my friends. When she is screaming her head off I don't loose my temper and get upset. I'm not trying to say that I'm a martyr. I'm simply trying to point out the fact that I endured so much pain and financial hardship just to become a mother that I don't take it for granted and let the little things upset me. I'm enjoying parenthood to it's fullest, love my daughter a million times over, and I don't have one single thing to complain about. Now granted, it's only been 4 months but in those 4 months I've witnessed some colossal breakdowns from a few friends who have children born at the same time as my daughter. Everyone wants to bitch about how little sleep they are getting, how their child is screaming all the time. And I really want to respond with "what did you expect?" Nobody assures you that parenthood is going to be a walk in the park.
I had a long time to assess what type of parent I was going to be while we were TTC and I was begging for dirty diapers, colicy babies and no sleep when I was going through my IVF cycle.
So no, I don't take my child for granted and I do think that my demeanor, attitude and patience have come from experiencing infertility.

Not sure anyone takes their kids for granted. I as you endured infertility and was am blessed beyond belief. I like you had more patience - that is until the age of 2.5. You will get frustrated at times but that does not mean you take your kids for granted. It is only human nature to get frustrated when someone relies on you 100% 24/7 and you are tired or sick and no one can help you. You will at some point break and yell NO MORE WHINING! Does that mean you take your child for granted? Absolutely not. Does that mean you have less patience? Absolutely Not - it is called being human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are attacking the infertile posters. They have all agreed with the point that FB is public and you filter what you see by hiding what's painful for you. (Apart, of course, from the OP's friend).

Most of the bitterness and lack of compassion seems to be coming from those with kids. The infertile ladies seem to be ready to stand in others shoes and not force others to compromise coz of their disease, but the fertile ladies seem to be jumping down their throats for even talking about it!

Yes! Thank you!

The discussion turned when someone implied when parents moan about parenthood they are taking their kids for granted and that somehow if she has kids she will appreciate them. As a parent, this is really off-putting and rude and definitely not trying to stand in others shoes. We all think that we will never get angry or frustrated with our kids and we all judge the parents we see until we experience a rough day ourselves. It was not fair and people responded accordingly.

As someone who has gone through infertility and come out on the other side, I personally do believe that I have more patience for my daughter than some of my friends. When she is screaming her head off I don't loose my temper and get upset. I'm not trying to say that I'm a martyr. I'm simply trying to point out the fact that I endured so much pain and financial hardship just to become a mother that I don't take it for granted and let the little things upset me. I'm enjoying parenthood to it's fullest, love my daughter a million times over, and I don't have one single thing to complain about. Now granted, it's only been 4 months but in those 4 months I've witnessed some colossal breakdowns from a few friends who have children born at the same time as my daughter. Everyone wants to bitch about how little sleep they are getting, how their child is screaming all the time. And I really want to respond with "what did you expect?" Nobody assures you that parenthood is going to be a walk in the park.
I had a long time to assess what type of parent I was going to be while we were TTC and I was begging for dirty diapers, colicy babies and no sleep when I was going through my IVF cycle.
So no, I don't take my child for granted and I do think that my demeanor, attitude and patience have come from experiencing infertility.

You sound incredibly judgmental, smug, and sanctimonious, and none of those are positive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are attacking the infertile posters. They have all agreed with the point that FB is public and you filter what you see by hiding what's painful for you. (Apart, of course, from the OP's friend).

Most of the bitterness and lack of compassion seems to be coming from those with kids. The infertile ladies seem to be ready to stand in others shoes and not force others to compromise coz of their disease, but the fertile ladies seem to be jumping down their throats for even talking about it!

Yes! Thank you!

The discussion turned when someone implied when parents moan about parenthood they are taking their kids for granted and that somehow if she has kids she will appreciate them. As a parent, this is really off-putting and rude and definitely not trying to stand in others shoes. We all think that we will never get angry or frustrated with our kids and we all judge the parents we see until we experience a rough day ourselves. It was not fair and people responded accordingly.

As someone who has gone through infertility and come out on the other side, I personally do believe that I have more patience for my daughter than some of my friends. When she is screaming her head off I don't loose my temper and get upset. I'm not trying to say that I'm a martyr. I'm simply trying to point out the fact that I endured so much pain and financial hardship just to become a mother that I don't take it for granted and let the little things upset me. I'm enjoying parenthood to it's fullest, love my daughter a million times over, and I don't have one single thing to complain about. Now granted, it's only been 4 months but in those 4 months I've witnessed some colossal breakdowns from a few friends who have children born at the same time as my daughter. Everyone wants to bitch about how little sleep they are getting, how their child is screaming all the time. And I really want to respond with "what did you expect?" Nobody assures you that parenthood is going to be a walk in the park.
I had a long time to assess what type of parent I was going to be while we were TTC and I was begging for dirty diapers, colicy babies and no sleep when I was going through my IVF cycle.
So no, I don't take my child for granted and I do think that my demeanor, attitude and patience have come from experiencing infertility.

You sound incredibly judgmental, smug, and sanctimonious, and none of those are positive.

I sound that way because I've been repeatedly bullied by being told that what I experienced was "not that bad" or that I shouldn't have I should have my feelings validated because of what I experienced. If it's one thing I've learned in the 4 months of being a parent, it's that others who have a difficult time parenting HATE to hear that someone is actually enjoying the task.
If you read that as smug, then so be it. Maybe I am because I don't run around all day every day telling people how hard my life is now that I have kids.
*wah wah wah*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Best. retort. EVER! I want to have lunch with you!

Someone else professed their love for me. I think this is the first time I have ever been congratulated for using such language. And I was worried I'd be called a troll.

I don't have any fertility issues, and for that I am extremely grateful. I don't understand why some don't have even a modicum of empathy for those with fertility issues. It's difficult. It's painful. It's a job that you, as a woman, are designed to be able to accomplish. It is not as simple as "just adopt" when some may feel like it affects their womanhood or their role as a wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are attacking the infertile posters. They have all agreed with the point that FB is public and you filter what you see by hiding what's painful for you. (Apart, of course, from the OP's friend).

Most of the bitterness and lack of compassion seems to be coming from those with kids. The infertile ladies seem to be ready to stand in others shoes and not force others to compromise coz of their disease, but the fertile ladies seem to be jumping down their throats for even talking about it!

Yes! Thank you!

The discussion turned when someone implied when parents moan about parenthood they are taking their kids for granted and that somehow if she has kids she will appreciate them. As a parent, this is really off-putting and rude and definitely not trying to stand in others shoes. We all think that we will never get angry or frustrated with our kids and we all judge the parents we see until we experience a rough day ourselves. It was not fair and people responded accordingly.

As someone who has gone through infertility and come out on the other side, I personally do believe that I have more patience for my daughter than some of my friends. When she is screaming her head off I don't loose my temper and get upset. I'm not trying to say that I'm a martyr. I'm simply trying to point out the fact that I endured so much pain and financial hardship just to become a mother that I don't take it for granted and let the little things upset me. I'm enjoying parenthood to it's fullest, love my daughter a million times over, and I don't have one single thing to complain about. Now granted, it's only been 4 months but in those 4 months I've witnessed some colossal breakdowns from a few friends who have children born at the same time as my daughter. Everyone wants to bitch about how little sleep they are getting, how their child is screaming all the time. And I really want to respond with "what did you expect?" Nobody assures you that parenthood is going to be a walk in the park.
I had a long time to assess what type of parent I was going to be while we were TTC and I was begging for dirty diapers, colicy babies and no sleep when I was going through my IVF cycle.
So no, I don't take my child for granted and I do think that my demeanor, attitude and patience have come from experiencing infertility.

You sound incredibly judgmental, smug, and sanctimonious, and none of those are positive.

I sound that way because I've been repeatedly bullied by being told that what I experienced was "not that bad" or that I shouldn't have I should have my feelings validated because of what I experienced. If it's one thing I've learned in the 4 months of being a parent, it's that others who have a difficult time parenting HATE to hear that someone is actually enjoying the task.
If you read that as smug, then so be it. Maybe I am because I don't run around all day every day telling people how hard my life is now that I have kids.
*wah wah wah*

I love motherhood, have easy children, and can't find much to complain about even when I try... but I can still commiserate and empathize with other people, and I also find you smug and judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are attacking the infertile posters. They have all agreed with the point that FB is public and you filter what you see by hiding what's painful for you. (Apart, of course, from the OP's friend).

Most of the bitterness and lack of compassion seems to be coming from those with kids. The infertile ladies seem to be ready to stand in others shoes and not force others to compromise coz of their disease, but the fertile ladies seem to be jumping down their throats for even talking about it!

Yes! Thank you!

The discussion turned when someone implied when parents moan about parenthood they are taking their kids for granted and that somehow if she has kids she will appreciate them. As a parent, this is really off-putting and rude and definitely not trying to stand in others shoes. We all think that we will never get angry or frustrated with our kids and we all judge the parents we see until we experience a rough day ourselves. It was not fair and people responded accordingly.

As someone who has gone through infertility and come out on the other side, I personally do believe that I have more patience for my daughter than some of my friends. When she is screaming her head off I don't loose my temper and get upset. I'm not trying to say that I'm a martyr. I'm simply trying to point out the fact that I endured so much pain and financial hardship just to become a mother that I don't take it for granted and let the little things upset me. I'm enjoying parenthood to it's fullest, love my daughter a million times over, and I don't have one single thing to complain about. Now granted, it's only been 4 months but in those 4 months I've witnessed some colossal breakdowns from a few friends who have children born at the same time as my daughter. Everyone wants to bitch about how little sleep they are getting, how their child is screaming all the time. And I really want to respond with "what did you expect?" Nobody assures you that parenthood is going to be a walk in the park.
I had a long time to assess what type of parent I was going to be while we were TTC and I was begging for dirty diapers, colicy babies and no sleep when I was going through my IVF cycle.
So no, I don't take my child for granted and I do think that my demeanor, attitude and patience have come from experiencing infertility.

You sound incredibly judgmental, smug, and sanctimonious, and none of those are positive.

I sound that way because I've been repeatedly bullied by being told that what I experienced was "not that bad" or that I shouldn't have I should have my feelings validated because of what I experienced. If it's one thing I've learned in the 4 months of being a parent, it's that others who have a difficult time parenting HATE to hear that someone is actually enjoying the task.
If you read that as smug, then so be it. Maybe I am because I don't run around all day every day telling people how hard my life is now that I have kids.
*wah wah wah*

You are projecting big time here. When a new mom complains about lack of sleep, it has nothing to do with your infertiity experience. I've complained about sleep deprivation but I've never thought infertilty is "not that bad." If you've been bullied, then be up in arms about that, but I don't see that how connects to other new moms' experience at all. I had trouble adapting to to the lack of sleep and I had some breat feeding difficulties. That doesn't mean that I didn't think my child was a complete miracle and that I loved her any less or didn't appreciate her. Parenting is not a competition.

[Anonymous]

PP, you are right, parenting is not a competiton. So when people say they have enjoyed their experiences in parenting they shouldn't be discounted with a response such as "just you wait, things will get difficult" becuase those type of comments turn it into a competition.

[Anonymous]

PP, you are right, parenting is not a competiton. So when people say they have enjoyed their experiences in parenting they shouldn't be discounted with a response such as "just you wait, things will get difficult" becuase those type of comments turn it into a competition.

[Anonymous]

It seems as though those with fertility problems do want children but mainly they feel inadequate because they can't conceive easily or at all. If you really want a child then it should not matter whether you give birth or adopt. I do think that those who are infertile come across as martyrs, for what cause, I do not know. Stop being jealous and envious and obsessing about your infertility and stop being so selfish about other people enjoying their happiness.

I knew someone who hated Christmas and was always so grouchy and miserable and tried to ruin it for everyone else. Eventually, all her friend simply ignored her from Thanksgiving until after New Years. The point I am trying to make is that just because you aren't happy about your childless plight stop making those with children feel guilty about you. Grow up. Life is unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are attacking the infertile posters. They have all agreed with the point that FB is public and you filter what you see by hiding what's painful for you. (Apart, of course, from the OP's friend).

Most of the bitterness and lack of compassion seems to be coming from those with kids. The infertile ladies seem to be ready to stand in others shoes and not force others to compromise coz of their disease, but the fertile ladies seem to be jumping down their throats for even talking about it!

Yes! Thank you!

The discussion turned when someone implied when parents moan about parenthood they are taking their kids for granted and that somehow if she has kids she will appreciate them. As a parent, this is really off-putting and rude and definitely not trying to stand in others shoes. We all think that we will never get angry or frustrated with our kids and we all judge the parents we see until we experience a rough day ourselves. It was not fair and people responded accordingly.

As someone who has gone through infertility and come out on the other side, I personally do believe that I have more patience for my daughter than some of my friends. When she is screaming her head off I don't loose my temper and get upset. I'm not trying to say that I'm a martyr. I'm simply trying to point out the fact that I endured so much pain and financial hardship just to become a mother that I don't take it for granted and let the little things upset me. I'm enjoying parenthood to it's fullest, love my daughter a million times over, and I don't have one single thing to complain about. Now granted, it's only been 4 months but in those 4 months I've witnessed some colossal breakdowns from a few friends who have children born at the same time as my daughter. Everyone wants to bitch about how little sleep they are getting, how their child is screaming all the time. And I really want to respond with "what did you expect?" Nobody assures you that parenthood is going to be a walk in the park.
I had a long time to assess what type of parent I was going to be while we were TTC and I was begging for dirty diapers, colicy babies and no sleep when I was going through my IVF cycle.
So no, I don't take my child for granted and I do think that my demeanor, attitude and patience have come from experiencing infertility.

You sound incredibly judgmental, smug, and sanctimonious, and none of those are positive.

I sound that way because I've been repeatedly bullied by being told that what I experienced was "not that bad" or that I shouldn't have I should have my feelings validated because of what I experienced. If it's one thing I've learned in the 4 months of being a parent, it's that others who have a difficult time parenting HATE to hear that someone is actually enjoying the task.
If you read that as smug, then so be it. Maybe I am because I don't run around all day every day telling people how hard my life is now that I have kids.
*wah wah wah*

Wow, I hope you grow up i time to teach your four month old better coping skills when life doesn't turn out perfectly. I think you sound like a terrible person. How the F do you know who has a "difficult time parenting?" Lady, you have a four month old baby. You may or may not continue to feel the honeymoon phase (I still do and my one and only is 2). However, you've got one baby and a short period of time and you're one person who copes in one way. Cut your "friends" some slack for venting. I'm sure they didn't enjoy hearing you vent all the time. My son had colic. Does yours? After we had him, I went 80 hours without sleep. You bet your ass that was "difficult." So was the next four months when we would walk him around for 10 hours a day and he'd still spend four of it screaming, no matter what we did. A woman's body is hardwired to release cortisol, the stress hormone, when that happens. It is biological that that sound should make us feel terrible. It's what guarantees baby will be cared for. So when you're doing everying. you. can. to help baby, and you can't help him feel better, and the very heart of your heart is sitting there crying because you can't stop it, and you post on facebook "I just wish he'd have one peaceful night" does that mean some asshole who had a hard time conceiving can sit on her fake high horse judging me for not wanting to parent as well as her?

Honestly, go away. You're terrible.