Wife is trying to “optimize” future kids’ birth months.

[Anonymous]

This only works if you are lucky enough to easily conceive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This only works if you are lucky enough to easily conceive

But you also have to know you will easily conceive. Not uncommon for people to "start trying" with the assumption that it will take at least a few months to get pregnant, and then be surprised that they conceive on the first try or within a week or something of trying.

The only way to truly game your kid's birth month would be to do IVF and have total control over when implantation happens. Which I do actually think there are people who do that, just as there are also people who use it to control multiples and sex of the baby, or to select for other genetic markers. But normal people can't do that. Even normal people doing IVF -- usually there are some limitations in terms of viability and scheduling and you don't always have enough control to select your due date down to a specific month (much less time of a specific month, as some people on here are specifying that earlier or later in a specific month is preferable).

And then of course you might not be able to control when the baby is actually born. Are you willing to induce at 40 weeks on the dot to ensure your kid is born in April instead of May? Alternatively, if the baby comes early or there are complications requiring immediate delivery to protect the life of the mom or baby, what are you going to do? Say "no I'll go ahead and risk death from preeclampsia because it will be so much more advantageous if my child is born in October instead of September"? No.

Which is why this is a stupid thing to worry about and you will just drive yourself crazy. And many, many aspects of parenting are like this, so if you can't accept that certain things about your kid or parenting are outside your control now, then you are in for a very rough time of it. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I tried for March-May to optimize my maternity leave (teacher). I ended up with a July baby. A few months of unsuccessful attempts made me start to care a lot less about timing my pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Op, the title of your thread goes against imho The First Rule of Parenting: you take what the good lord gives you

and you are grateful

Try to micromanage an exact timeline to this extent, and I would think you'd be inviting in some pretty bad karma. Or minimally, will suffer the bad consequences of some extreme control issues with parenting, going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This only works if you are lucky enough to easily conceive

But you also have to know you will easily conceive. Not uncommon for people to "start trying" with the assumption that it will take at least a few months to get pregnant, and then be surprised that they conceive on the first try or within a week or something of trying.

The only way to truly game your kid's birth month would be to do IVF and have total control over when implantation happens. Which I do actually think there are people who do that, just as there are also people who use it to control multiples and sex of the baby, or to select for other genetic markers. But normal people can't do that. Even normal people doing IVF -- usually there are some limitations in terms of viability and scheduling and you don't always have enough control to select your due date down to a specific month (much less time of a specific month, as some people on here are specifying that earlier or later in a specific month is preferable).

And then of course you might not be able to control when the baby is actually born. Are you willing to induce at 40 weeks on the dot to ensure your kid is born in April instead of May? Alternatively, if the baby comes early or there are complications requiring immediate delivery to protect the life of the mom or baby, what are you going to do? Say "no I'll go ahead and risk death from preeclampsia because it will be so much more advantageous if my child is born in October instead of September"? No.

Which is why this is a stupid thing to worry about and you will just drive yourself crazy. And many, many aspects of parenting are like this, so if you can't accept that certain things about your kid or parenting are outside your control now, then you are in for a very rough time of it. Good luck.

Yeah, no. As an IVF veteran people have a real misconception that implanting an embryo = live birth.

Even with tested embryo the chances aren’t 100%

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe the harsh responses. This to me sounds like someone grasping to feel in control at a time when there’s a lot happening in her body she can’t control. I don’t think she’s crazy. Just give it time and I bet she will forget all about it.

I definitely wasn’t psyched about my first child’s birth month (during the summer) originally, even though it took a long time to get pregnant and I was truly grateful it happened at all. But once my child’s birth month arrived, I had other things to worry about

[Anonymous]

Sounds like me with my first pregnancy. Never worried me after that. It's an anxiety thing

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a woman who shouldn't be having "lots and lots of kids" if she has this much anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I micromanaged my pregnancies to occur in summer, which worked out better for my work schedule. I was fortunate to be predictably fertile and got lucky on the gamete lottery.

But the joke is on me because I’ve had the redshirt dilemma every time. (FWIW I did not redshirt because my kids didn’t need it - there are disadvantages to being gifted and bored out of your mind, surrounded by peers who feel like babies. Still didn’t avoid the dilemma!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:or December meaning you wait a full year again for your next birthday).

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe you listened, absorbed, and then typed all this out. Or that I sat here and scanned through it. This is mental illness that should be treated. Also she might learn real fast that a healthy pregnancy is a gift not a guarantee and sometimes you just have to take the month that it happens. Wow.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:October is the best birthday month. No question of which grade you are in. All of the advantages of being the oldest, without any stigma from red shirting.

Being on the older end is an advantage, but so many people redshirt that a late spring birthday is considered red shirt viable. So don’t get too caught up with that.

I personally wasn’t able to get through all of your wives requirements. I would rank each factor and put all of this into chat GPT with a prompt like “best month”. Ultimately your wife needs to be a little less psychotic about this. I have three kids and they were all born in warm months and two of three are on the older end and one is in the middle when it comes to birthdays. I’ve realized they are who they are.

[Anonymous]

I'll play - imagining I'm having a girl, I would rule out:
January: Holidays, cold
February: Valentine's Day (you want to spread out the celebrations), cold
March: Maybe
April: Maybe
May: Mother's Day (see spreading out celebrations); End of the school year in college, not around friends to celebrate
June - August: Everyone is gone, bad for birthday parties
September: Too close to start of new school year, don't know if you should invite old class or new class to birthday party
October: Maybe as long as it's not too close to Halloween
November: Blah month, Thanksgiving
December: No

So I would say March, April, and October are the prime months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:October is the best birthday month. No question of which grade you are in. All of the advantages of being the oldest, without any stigma from red shirting.

Being on the older end is an advantage, but so many people redshirt that a late spring birthday is considered red shirt viable. So don’t get too caught up with that.

I personally wasn’t able to get through all of your wives requirements. I would rank each factor and put all of this into chat GPT with a prompt like “best month”. Ultimately your wife needs to be a little less psychotic about this. I have three kids and they were all born in warm months and two of three are on the older end and one is in the middle when it comes to birthdays. I’ve realized they are who they are.

Being on the older end is not always an advantage. People are so simplistic about this. They imagine that having a kid on the older end of their cohort will mean they are smarter, more developed, "natural leaders". It's not that simple. I have seen a lot of redshirted kids who are on the small side, TBH (I think it's one of the reasons they were redshirted). Leadership tends to be a personality trait and being older might help bring it out in kids who already have it, but it won't create leadership qualities in a kid who is naturally more shy or a follower.

I have also encountered kids who are older and bigger and it makes them uncomfortable outliers. This is more likely to happen with girls, but it can be especially painful when puberty starts and they have to through it before any peers.

People idealize the advantages of an October baby or a redshirted kid but it doesn't "work" in a uniform, universal way. It's really kid dependent. I feel bad for kids who get those kinds of expectations put on them at the outset. Just let your kid be who they are going to be. A few months difference in their school cohort is not going to change their entire personality or body type. Let it go. Love your children. The thing you have the biggest control over when it comes to children is how you parent them and how you love them. Do that well and the rest will fall into place.

[Anonymous]

I love this so much. To me, this says that your wife is still in that naive part of life where she thinks these things can be controlled and matter. I love this for her.

Chances are, life will catch up with her eventually. Illness, death, divorce, learning disabilities, loss of career, etc. Life comes for all of us eventually. Some get to be ignorant longer than others.

So indulge now. Optimize birth month so you can have the better bday party or the “perfect age” compared to classmates who are 3 months older or younger, as if that actually matters once your kids are past, say, 3rd grade. Enjoy while you can. Real problems are coming sooner or later.