Location sharing with spouse

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

It's pretty sad that you relate adult marriages with teen flings. Beyond bizarre to consider those the same situation.

I don't associate it with any healthy relationship and it isn't something I would model for my teens or tell them would be healthy for them now or later. I don't think needing to track and know where your partner is at all times is healthy in any relationship at any age. Cell phones are definitely a convenience but the idea now that it means that you expect access to people at all times isn't a positive. I also tell them that they aren't required to answer every message immediately - that they do not need to be at anyone's beck and call. I personally think a lot of harm is done to relationships when we see cell phones as this tether and we track people and require them to answer within x minutes or else. But I get that for many, they like control and so they model and teach that for their kids.

Ah, the crux of your issue. You view your spouse having potential access to your location as "controlling". Found the cheater!

Not a cheater at all. But yes I think that anyone who needs access to be able to track their partners whereabouts and movements at all times is controlling. We don't track our kids either. We believe in personal autonomy and independence and have zero interest in controlling behavior. I don't really care that I don't know that my husband left work at 6:03 and then turned left instead of his normal route turning right and that his car stopped for 3.5 minutes in a certain location where there is a pharmacy and that he then got home at 6:46 instead of the 6:41 that I would have expected based on the estimates given by the tracking information. I truly don't care. I am not going to quiz him on his route or why it took longer than google maps said it did and why he made a stop - people here are paranoid their spouses are cheating - that is why that information is so vital to them to have at their fingertips 24/7.

You sound really insecure. Perhaps therapy would help.

Actually very secure - which is why we don't need to track each other's locations.

Not if you're constantly suspecting your spouse would stalk your every move if you happened to share your location. If you don't feel safe in your relationship, you can always leave.

Such a bizarre answer. Why would I leave a safe, secure, trusting, healthy marriage? I also am not in agreement with this constant leave him, divorce him mantra that shows up in every thread on here. My husband has zero interest in tracking me either. Thankfully we found each other so it is a non issue in our marriage.

Well apparently you think if he had access to your location he'd become a crazy bipolar stalker or something, so it clearly MUST BE the technology that does it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.

How do you go through someone's phone? I don't have my husband's password nor he mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.

So now what?
Tell us how your marriage is otherwise then …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

It's pretty sad that you relate adult marriages with teen flings. Beyond bizarre to consider those the same situation.

I don't associate it with any healthy relationship and it isn't something I would model for my teens or tell them would be healthy for them now or later. I don't think needing to track and know where your partner is at all times is healthy in any relationship at any age. Cell phones are definitely a convenience but the idea now that it means that you expect access to people at all times isn't a positive. I also tell them that they aren't required to answer every message immediately - that they do not need to be at anyone's beck and call. I personally think a lot of harm is done to relationships when we see cell phones as this tether and we track people and require them to answer within x minutes or else. But I get that for many, they like control and so they model and teach that for their kids.

I find it odd to assume that two people, spouses or not, who are willing to share locations with other, are de facto in an unhealthy relationhip. What makes the relationship healthy or not exists independant of technology, whether you use it or not. In an unhealthy relationship, the technology may be abused or refused out of fear; whereas in a healthy relationship, its a non-issue one way or the other, and simply a choice to use it or not to use it as you see fit.

[Anonymous]

My friend's family all track each other and are proud to speak about how helpful it is but she also flipped out when her own parents retired and wanted to be in the tracking group because she didnt want them to know what her family was doing every moment. It was interesting to see her "over my dead body" reaction when she is such a big proponent of tracking.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t want to do that with my spouse, but I don’t have any feelings about what other couples do. I do think it’s weird if someone blows up because they were asked. Just say - No, I don’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend's family all track each other and are proud to speak about how helpful it is but she also flipped out when her own parents retired and wanted to be in the tracking group because she didnt want them to know what her family was doing every moment. It was interesting to see her "over my dead body" reaction when she is such a big proponent of tracking.

Why is it weird? She doesn't want people outside of her household having their location. That sounds fine. No one is saying that everyone should share their location with everyone they come across. Your spouse and children are presumably closer to you than the starbucks barista or grandparents you see twice a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend's family all track each other and are proud to speak about how helpful it is but she also flipped out when her own parents retired and wanted to be in the tracking group because she didnt want them to know what her family was doing every moment. It was interesting to see her "over my dead body" reaction when she is such a big proponent of tracking.

Why is it weird? She doesn't want people outside of her household having their location. That sounds fine. No one is saying that everyone should share their location with everyone they come across. Your spouse and children are presumably closer to you than the starbucks barista or grandparents you see twice a year.

But why would it matter if they had her location? They would only check if it they needed to because of arriving / leaving or for safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend's family all track each other and are proud to speak about how helpful it is but she also flipped out when her own parents retired and wanted to be in the tracking group because she didnt want them to know what her family was doing every moment. It was interesting to see her "over my dead body" reaction when she is such a big proponent of tracking.

Maybe because she knew her parents would not use it in the sprirt in which it is intended. Perhaps, again, you anti-location-sharing people don't understand - the problem isn't the techology, it's the relationship and how it's used. It sounds like you believe once you share your location with your spouse and children, you must be willing to share your location with any family member. But that is not how these things work, because again, it is driven by the relationship and nature of the use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend's family all track each other and are proud to speak about how helpful it is but she also flipped out when her own parents retired and wanted to be in the tracking group because she didnt want them to know what her family was doing every moment. It was interesting to see her "over my dead body" reaction when she is such a big proponent of tracking.

Why is it weird? She doesn't want people outside of her household having their location. That sounds fine. No one is saying that everyone should share their location with everyone they come across. Your spouse and children are presumably closer to you than the starbucks barista or grandparents you see twice a year.

But why would it matter if they had her location? They would only check if it they needed to because of arriving / leaving or for safety.

How do you know that's how her parents would use it? It appears that some of you folks have trouble understanding the differing quality of relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't share locations.

+1. I don’t ask for his and he doesn’t ask for mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend's family all track each other and are proud to speak about how helpful it is but she also flipped out when her own parents retired and wanted to be in the tracking group because she didnt want them to know what her family was doing every moment. It was interesting to see her "over my dead body" reaction when she is such a big proponent of tracking.

Maybe because she knew her parents would not use it in the sprirt in which it is intended. Perhaps, again, you anti-location-sharing people don't understand - the problem isn't the techology, it's the relationship and how it's used. It sounds like you believe once you share your location with your spouse and children, you must be willing to share your location with any family member. But that is not how these things work, because again, it is driven by the relationship and nature of the use.

So you are saying then she doesn't trust her parents and they don't have a good relationship? Maybe her parents just want to check they are home before dropping over. Or maybe the woman is bringing the kids to her parents for the afternoon and the parents just want to see when she left the house. All innocent, not an issue of a bad relationship. Normal and healthy to have each others locations so you don't have to bother them with a text and can easily check to get a sense of their plans and to make your own plans. According to most posters on here it would be extremely rare and unusual and a sign of mental illness to use it for any purpose other than innocent good so I don't really see why you wouldn't share it broadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.

So now what?
Tell us how your marriage is otherwise then …

I mean, I guess he could have a burner phone but then why would he not want to share his location on the “clean” one? 🤔

As to how I was able to go through his phone, we share the same passcode. That’s why I thought nothing about this location sharing request! We’ve never had trust issues before. In my mind, it was to make logistics easier and simpler and not some huge ask or philosophical thing about trust and surveillance.

Our marriage in general is pretty good. We hardly ever fight, still have frequent sex l, still say I love you several times a day, etc. I think the reason why I’m feeling so upset about this is because we hardly ever fight and so I’m not used to this unsettled feeling.

At the end of the fight, I was still being pretty frosty and he wanted us to agree that it was a difference in perspective leading to misunderstanding and miscommunication. We use location sharing with our kids differently - I use it for logistics, he does use it to check up on them and make sure they are where they said there are. So that’s why he felt insulted when I asked. He thought I was implying that we think he is untrustworthy and up to shady stuff.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I should also add that a lot of this has to do with his mistrust of the “surveillance state.” He has some philosophical thing against it, which I said was dumb considering I am your wife not the government. He said he just doesn’t want to be tracked 24/7. I said I have no intention or desire to do that and around and around we went.

It ended with him agreeing to share and me removing it because I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.

I think I am going to take a couple steps back emotionally and see what he does - whether he matches my energy or not. If he doesn’t meant to share his location? Ok fine, I will never ask where he is ir what he is up to again.

[Anonymous]

I'm usually against DCUM and its group think. However, as a husband and dad, we all share our location and have never thought twice about it. A strong negative reaction would definitely worry me.