Why won’t he take his stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH filed for divorce and moved out, first to our vacation house and now he is in a rented house. He is coming this weekend to get “some clothes” but has said he won’t be taking the 6 boxes of his other possessions (books, mugs, important paperwork, personal items) that I’ve boxed up for him because “there isn’t space”. My kids are upset seeing his stuff and it’s in the way.

I understand that I can legally compel him to take this stuff, so not asking about how to go about that. But I am at a loss for why he wouldn’t just come get all of his clothes and personal items if there really isn’t that much of it and he has an entire house of his own.

Any idea why he is being like this?

Put them aside out of the way and let him get them when he's ready. What's the big deal? Kinda see why he left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You haven’t changed the locks?

Attorney said to do it right after DH claimed his stuff.

That doesn't make much sense. If you have the legal right to change the locks then you have the right to change the locks. Arrangements can be made for his stuff to be picked up (sometimes, with police escort). I have never heard of the ex keeping access to the house simply because they refused to collect their thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You haven’t changed the locks?

Attorney said to do it right after DH claimed his stuff.

That doesn't make much sense. If you have the legal right to change the locks then you have the right to change the locks. Arrangements can be made for his stuff to be picked up (sometimes, with police escort). I have never heard of the ex keeping access to the house simply because they refused to collect their thing.

I don’t think attorney suggested it was a legal thing, just a way to try to keep the optics civil on my side for as long as possible. I do think DH believes that key=ownership and stuff in house=ownership. Like a squatters’ rights kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You haven’t changed the locks?

Attorney said to do it right after DH claimed his stuff.

That doesn't make much sense. If you have the legal right to change the locks then you have the right to change the locks. Arrangements can be made for his stuff to be picked up (sometimes, with police escort). I have never heard of the ex keeping access to the house simply because they refused to collect their thing.

I don’t think attorney suggested it was a legal thing, just a way to try to keep the optics civil on my side for as long as possible. I do think DH believes that key=ownership and stuff in house=ownership. Like a squatters’ rights kind of thing.

I guess all you can do is keep a copy of any court orders/lawyer docs handy in case he calls the police after you change the locks. He sounds like a pr!ck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You haven’t changed the locks?

Attorney said to do it right after DH claimed his stuff.

That doesn't make much sense. If you have the legal right to change the locks then you have the right to change the locks. Arrangements can be made for his stuff to be picked up (sometimes, with police escort). I have never heard of the ex keeping access to the house simply because they refused to collect their thing.

I don’t think attorney suggested it was a legal thing, just a way to try to keep the optics civil on my side for as long as possible. I do think DH believes that key=ownership and stuff in house=ownership. Like a squatters’ rights kind of thing.

I guess all you can do is keep a copy of any court orders/lawyer docs handy in case he calls the police after you change the locks. He sounds like a pr!ck.

Yes. I photographed all of the stuff that went in boxes and took photos and videos of the rooms with his left-behind stuff, too. When he came by and decided to leave with only a few things, I offered for him to go around and photo/video things for his records and he made fun of me. I tried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because you want him to.

I did this. I am a woman .

Are you being demanding, bothering your former partner during work hours; etc etc etc

Six months is great
Are you impatient ? want everything now?

[Anonymous]

I ended up clearing out and cleaning out a lot of my old stuff;

It felt great! He kept all of my parents old furniture LOL

Haha I win. Again.

[Anonymous]

Mine did exactly the same thing. Ran out the door with a few vague words last September. Informed me he was buying a house four days later. Moved into that house in October. Came over to pack up "some" of his stuff with a few friends. Had a tantrum about how I didn't understand how difficult it was for him and how it was horrible when I returned back to my own home before he and his friends had gone. Then I got proof he was having an affair.

I'd check in every so often asking when he was getting his stuff. He'd make excuses and whine about his stressful life. I just wanted it gone so I packed it up and moved it to the garage. He said he had nowhere to store it. Mind you, he has a 3,000 sq. ft. house, and a 3,000 sq. ft. vacation home, and he rents two garages in his alley. And he has a basement. But sure sure, he had no room for like five boxes of things.

Eventually I stopped caring. He texted me last week to ask if his stuff was still in the garage. I said, "No magic elves have moved it." He came and got it. 14 months after he moved into his own home.

Sure, I can come up with a few theories about his psychology, and I'll share them below. But really OP, the point is that it doesn't matter why the dysfunctional man baby is a dysfunctional man baby. Your energy is just better spent dealing with the reality of his dysfunction rather than psychoanalyzing it.

Probably causes:
*Conflict avoidance (dealing with moving out of my house forces him to face his affair and the shame he feels)
*Entitlement (he is busy! and important! and I am just some non-entity who must be happy to store his stuff forever)
*Control (he maintains a reason to stay connected, as he didn't really process the end of the marriage and likes to get teary with me over how bittersweet it is)
*Laziness (he can't buy our children groceries, so let's not expect adult functioning from this man)

[Anonymous]

Can you move it into a storage unit and pay the first month and tell him he needs to take over payment over have the stuff out by X date? Sure its more work for you but it might be worth the effort to have this particular issue resolved

[Anonymous]

Did your stbx file and bounce around for 7 weeks and then rent a furnished townhouse and miss a court ordered parent training session? Is one of these boxes Christmas ornaments?

[Anonymous]

I still get some mail and Christmas cards -- just got two today! -- 2.5 years after she blew up our lives and immediately replaced me. Tell your $#^&&% friends already.

[Anonymous]

He's keeping his options open. As long as he still has stuff there he has a excuse to come over and get his needs, whatever they may be, met.