Neighbor kid calls me by my first name — rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my social set it’s first names - Triad NC

The poor

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I moved to the west coast and this is the norm in my city. It was hard to adapt to and I cared a lot for a while but I’m used to it now. I don’t care anymore and am not sure why I ever was bothered by it.

Maybe they’re from elsewhere? If it bothers you I agree that you need to give the kid another option for what to call you. They’re not going to read your mind.

I'm from the West Coast. This is normal for the West Coast. It's not a sign of rudeness. The kid isn't trying to bother you.

If you're in the DMV, however, most people do titles. It's fine to correct the kid and say something like "Most kids call me (preferred name). Can you call me (preferred name)."

I'm in the DMV and most kids don't use titles in our circle. We live in Arlington, if that matters. I never expect a child to call me Ms. It's completely your right to correct a child and ask them to call you something else, but I will make fun of you when I hear that you've done it!

And here’s the fake southern ‘manners.’ How can you not see how mean and rude it is to mock someone for their preferred name?

I really don’t understand why people think that being more formal, or using titles, is grounds for making fun of someone? You can’t see the hypocrisy of being unkind to people different than yourself?

You're not requesting the honorific because you want to be treated kindly. You're requesting it because you want the child to acknowledge your superior position in the hierarchy.

…and so what? A nine year old neighbor kid is inferior to the mother of his playmate, especially within her own home. What’s wrong with acknowledging that, politely, he too respects the lady of the house?

I was going to make you kids snacks while you play video games, but now I think I’ll just keep clipping coupons and tidying the kitchen…

Clipping coupons?

Are you 80?

You think only 80 year olds need to manage their money? Are you dim? Clearly.

I think only 80 year olds sit around clipping paper coupons.

Or maybe it’s a tradwife thing.

[Anonymous]

Mrs First Name works

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have introduced yourself to him however you wanted to be called, and then he should call you that. If you never introduced yourself, then he’s not being rude.

And if you never introduced yourself, it’s actually you who was rude.

Whenever I meet my kids’ friends, the fist thing I say is “please call me (my first name)”. There will always be kids who call me Miss (my first name) because that’s what their parents taught them and I respect that. I also get some calling me Mrs. (My last name). I correct that because I don’t have the last name as my spouse so they often get it wrong.

[Anonymous]

A neighbor kid could call me AssHat McGee, and I don’t think I’d care.

I cannot imagine wasting my time or mental capacity on caring more than an iota about something like this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I moved to the west coast and this is the norm in my city. It was hard to adapt to and I cared a lot for a while but I’m used to it now. I don’t care anymore and am not sure why I ever was bothered by it.

Maybe they’re from elsewhere? If it bothers you I agree that you need to give the kid another option for what to call you. They’re not going to read your mind.

I'm from the West Coast. This is normal for the West Coast. It's not a sign of rudeness. The kid isn't trying to bother you.

If you're in the DMV, however, most people do titles. It's fine to correct the kid and say something like "Most kids call me (preferred name). Can you call me (preferred name)."

I'm in the DMV and most kids don't use titles in our circle. We live in Arlington, if that matters. I never expect a child to call me Ms. It's completely your right to correct a child and ask them to call you something else, but I will make fun of you when I hear that you've done it!

And here’s the fake southern ‘manners.’ How can you not see how mean and rude it is to mock someone for their preferred name?

I really don’t understand why people think that being more formal, or using titles, is grounds for making fun of someone? You can’t see the hypocrisy of being unkind to people different than yourself?

You're not requesting the honorific because you want to be treated kindly. You're requesting it because you want the child to acknowledge your superior position in the hierarchy.

…and so what? A nine year old neighbor kid is inferior to the mother of his playmate, especially within her own home. What’s wrong with acknowledging that, politely, he too respects the lady of the house?

I was going to make you kids snacks while you play video games, but now I think I’ll just keep clipping coupons and tidying the kitchen…

Clipping coupons?

Are you 80?

You think only 80 year olds need to manage their money? Are you dim? Clearly.

I think only 80 year olds sit around clipping paper coupons.

Or maybe it’s a tradwife thing.

DP - Why did you assume paper? I "clip" coupons in my grocery store app because that's what it's called when you add a coupon to your account. If the store is advertising $2 off an item on the app, why wouldn't someone do that? Do you just pay more for everything because it's fun?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like to be called Mrs. Lastname. If that makes me an old stick-in-the-mud, so be it. I just kindly correct kids and let them know how I want to be addressed. No reason to be wishy washy or feel weird about it. It’s not mean to insist on titles, if it’s what you want.

Same. I would correct him. Best to introduce yourself as Mrs. last name, and/or do correct him first time he calls you by the first name. Nicely, of course. But it’s never too late.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I moved to the west coast and this is the norm in my city. It was hard to adapt to and I cared a lot for a while but I’m used to it now. I don’t care anymore and am not sure why I ever was bothered by it.

Maybe they’re from elsewhere? If it bothers you I agree that you need to give the kid another option for what to call you. They’re not going to read your mind.

I'm from the West Coast. This is normal for the West Coast. It's not a sign of rudeness. The kid isn't trying to bother you.

If you're in the DMV, however, most people do titles. It's fine to correct the kid and say something like "Most kids call me (preferred name). Can you call me (preferred name)."

I'm in the DMV and most kids don't use titles in our circle. We live in Arlington, if that matters. I never expect a child to call me Ms. It's completely your right to correct a child and ask them to call you something else, but I will make fun of you when I hear that you've done it!

And here’s the fake southern ‘manners.’ How can you not see how mean and rude it is to mock someone for their preferred name?

I really don’t understand why people think that being more formal, or using titles, is grounds for making fun of someone? You can’t see the hypocrisy of being unkind to people different than yourself?

You're not requesting the honorific because you want to be treated kindly. You're requesting it because you want the child to acknowledge your superior position in the hierarchy.

…and so what? A nine year old neighbor kid is inferior to the mother of his playmate, especially within her own home. What’s wrong with acknowledging that, politely, he too respects the lady of the house?

I was going to make you kids snacks while you play video games, but now I think I’ll just keep clipping coupons and tidying the kitchen…

Clipping coupons?

Are you 80?

You think only 80 year olds need to manage their money? Are you dim? Clearly.

I think only 80 year olds sit around clipping paper coupons.

Or maybe it’s a tradwife thing.

DP - Why did you assume paper? I "clip" coupons in my grocery store app because that's what it's called when you add a coupon to your account. If the store is advertising $2 off an item on the app, why wouldn't someone do that? Do you just pay more for everything because it's fun?

She said clip coupons in kitchen idiot

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's a Southern thing to think Southern culture is more "respectful". It's not-- it's just different. Nobody's trying to disrespect you just by doing their own culture rather than yours. Just like if I brought whoopie pies or a maple custard pie to a potluck, or called a hoagie a grinder. I'm not doing it to be rude. It's just what's normal in my culture. You shouldn't expect me to be of your culture just because you're nearby.

Southern gentility has always been a thin veneer over violent oppression anyway.

Exactly. It's not really about politeness, it's a constant need for reassurance of one's superior place in the hierarchy.

Well yes, most people believe in hierarchy between children and adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a Southern thing to think Southern culture is more "respectful". It's not-- it's just different. Nobody's trying to disrespect you just by doing their own culture rather than yours. Just like if I brought whoopie pies or a maple custard pie to a potluck, or called a hoagie a grinder. I'm not doing it to be rude. It's just what's normal in my culture. You shouldn't expect me to be of your culture just because you're nearby.

Southern gentility has always been a thin veneer over violent oppression anyway.

Exactly. It's not really about politeness, it's a constant need for reassurance of one's superior place in the hierarchy.

Well yes, most people believe in hierarchy between children and adults.

But it’s just there already. Only people insecure in their place insist on reifying the structure through the use of titles. Everyone snickers at the PhD who insists on being called Dr. So and So. In many circles it’s the same with insisting on being “Mrs Brown” rather than just Jane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a Southern thing to think Southern culture is more "respectful". It's not-- it's just different. Nobody's trying to disrespect you just by doing their own culture rather than yours. Just like if I brought whoopie pies or a maple custard pie to a potluck, or called a hoagie a grinder. I'm not doing it to be rude. It's just what's normal in my culture. You shouldn't expect me to be of your culture just because you're nearby.

Southern gentility has always been a thin veneer over violent oppression anyway.

Exactly. It's not really about politeness, it's a constant need for reassurance of one's superior place in the hierarchy.

Well yes, most people believe in hierarchy between children and adults.

You don't need titles to enforce that. My DCs went to a K-8 where everyone was on a first-name basis . . . from teachers, to the head of school, to the school psychologist. I promise you that even the youngest children were aware of the hierarchy structure in spite of this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It is regional, not generational.

I cringe when someone calls me Miss First Name.

Same. I see why - we need something between Mrs Lastname and just the first name, but this compromise isn’t it for me. I wasn’t raised in the south.

But the mid-atlantic is basically the south. You have to go with what is common where you live. This is common in the DMV.

You need a geography lesson. The mid-Atlantic doesn't have a precise definition, but New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Delaware are often included in it. That isn't "basically," or even remotely, the South.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I moved to the west coast and this is the norm in my city. It was hard to adapt to and I cared a lot for a while but I’m used to it now. I don’t care anymore and am not sure why I ever was bothered by it.

Maybe they’re from elsewhere? If it bothers you I agree that you need to give the kid another option for what to call you. They’re not going to read your mind.

I'm from the West Coast. This is normal for the West Coast. It's not a sign of rudeness. The kid isn't trying to bother you.

If you're in the DMV, however, most people do titles. It's fine to correct the kid and say something like "Most kids call me (preferred name). Can you call me (preferred name)."

I'm in the DMV and most kids don't use titles in our circle. We live in Arlington, if that matters. I never expect a child to call me Ms. It's completely your right to correct a child and ask them to call you something else, but I will make fun of you when I hear that you've done it!

And here’s the fake southern ‘manners.’ How can you not see how mean and rude it is to mock someone for their preferred name?

I really don’t understand why people think that being more formal, or using titles, is grounds for making fun of someone? You can’t see the hypocrisy of being unkind to people different than yourself?

You're not requesting the honorific because you want to be treated kindly. You're requesting it because you want the child to acknowledge your superior position in the hierarchy.

…and so what? A nine year old neighbor kid is inferior to the mother of his playmate, especially within her own home. What’s wrong with acknowledging that, politely, he too respects the lady of the house?

I was going to make you kids snacks while you play video games, but now I think I’ll just keep clipping coupons and tidying the kitchen…

Clipping coupons?

Are you 80?

You think only 80 year olds need to manage their money? Are you dim? Clearly.

I think only 80 year olds sit around clipping paper coupons.

Or maybe it’s a tradwife thing.

DP - Why did you assume paper? I "clip" coupons in my grocery store app because that's what it's called when you add a coupon to your account. If the store is advertising $2 off an item on the app, why wouldn't someone do that? Do you just pay more for everything because it's fun?

She said clip coupons in kitchen idiot

Does your phone not work in the kitchen? Do you only use a landline at home? Some people preplan their shopping trip. Think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have introduced yourself to him however you wanted to be called, and then he should call you that. If you never introduced yourself, then he’s not being rude.

And if you never introduced yourself, it’s actually you who was rude.

Whenever I meet my kids’ friends, the fist thing I say is “please call me (my first name)”. There will always be kids who call me Miss (my first name) because that’s what their parents taught them and I respect that. I also get some calling me Mrs. (My last name). I correct that because I don’t have the last name as my spouse so they often get it wrong.

This is generally my approach, though I have the same last name as my spouse, so I don't worry about that. General rules:

- You can ask to be called what you want (I prefer first name)
- If you don't tell people, including kids, what you want to be called, you have no business complaining or being annoyed about what they default to (ahem, OP)
- Despite what some people think, there is no "right" or "wrong" default in 2025. So if someone calls you something you don't prefer, and you haven't told them otherwise, you don't "correct" them. You inform them if your preference.
- If they continue to call you something other than your expressed preference, then you are correcting them.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is rude. Feel free to correct child.
Funny enough, the boomers across the street instructed my child to call them by their first names. My child struggled with this, as it is considered rude, but did it at their request.
Boomers