Neighbor kid calls me by my first name — rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved to the west coast and this is the norm in my city. It was hard to adapt to and I cared a lot for a while but I’m used to it now. I don’t care anymore and am not sure why I ever was bothered by it.

Maybe they’re from elsewhere? If it bothers you I agree that you need to give the kid another option for what to call you. They’re not going to read your mind.

I'm from the West Coast. This is normal for the West Coast. It's not a sign of rudeness. The kid isn't trying to bother you.

If you're in the DMV, however, most people do titles. It's fine to correct the kid and say something like "Most kids call me (preferred name). Can you call me (preferred name)."

I'm in the DMV and most kids don't use titles in our circle. We live in Arlington, if that matters. I never expect a child to call me Ms. It's completely your right to correct a child and ask them to call you something else, but I will make fun of you when I hear that you've done it!

And here’s the fake southern ‘manners.’ How can you not see how mean and rude it is to mock someone for their preferred name?

I really don’t understand why people think that being more formal, or using titles, is grounds for making fun of someone? You can’t see the hypocrisy of being unkind to people different than yourself?

[Anonymous]

I like kids to use Mrs last name. When I’m running cubscouts or Sunday school or little league practice, ‘Miss Amy’ makes me feel like a teenage babysitter - not a respected adult in these kids’ communities. They can call me Mrs. Smith without developing an inferiority complex. The kids will be fine.

Frankly, adults who are too quick to act like “one of the kids” and insist on being everyone’s buddy are the people who give me pause.

[Anonymous]

Mrs X is my mother in law. I prefer everyone call me my first name including kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a 9-year-old neighbor who comes over to play with my kids sometimes. He’s very polite otherwise, but he always calls me “Sarah,” not “Miss Sarah” or “Mrs. [Last Name].”
I was raised to address adults with a title, especially if they’re not family. I haven’t said anything, but it bugs me a little every time. Is this just a generational thing, or should I gently correct him? What’s the etiquette these days?

You should let this one go. Before you know it your kids will be in high school and college and you will never see this kid. Either your family or the other family will probably move to a new neighborhood in that time. It's a blip in time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved to the west coast and this is the norm in my city. It was hard to adapt to and I cared a lot for a while but I’m used to it now. I don’t care anymore and am not sure why I ever was bothered by it.

Maybe they’re from elsewhere? If it bothers you I agree that you need to give the kid another option for what to call you. They’re not going to read your mind.

I'm from the West Coast. This is normal for the West Coast. It's not a sign of rudeness. The kid isn't trying to bother you.

If you're in the DMV, however, most people do titles. It's fine to correct the kid and say something like "Most kids call me (preferred name). Can you call me (preferred name)."

I'm in the DMV and most kids don't use titles in our circle. We live in Arlington, if that matters. I never expect a child to call me Ms. It's completely your right to correct a child and ask them to call you something else, but I will make fun of you when I hear that you've done it!

And here’s the fake southern ‘manners.’ How can you not see how mean and rude it is to mock someone for their preferred name?

I really don’t understand why people think that being more formal, or using titles, is grounds for making fun of someone? You can’t see the hypocrisy of being unkind to people different than yourself?

You're not requesting the honorific because you want to be treated kindly. You're requesting it because you want the child to acknowledge your superior position in the hierarchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 9-year-old neighbor who comes over to play with my kids sometimes. He’s very polite otherwise, but he always calls me “Sarah,” not “Miss Sarah” or “Mrs. [Last Name].”
I was raised to address adults with a title, especially if they’re not family. I haven’t said anything, but it bugs me a little every time. Is this just a generational thing, or should I gently correct him? What’s the etiquette these days?

You should let this one go. Before you know it your kids will be in high school and college and you will never see this kid. Either your family or the other family will probably move to a new neighborhood in that time. It's a blip in time.

This. It's so bizarre to make a big deal out of what some kid calls you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved to the west coast and this is the norm in my city. It was hard to adapt to and I cared a lot for a while but I’m used to it now. I don’t care anymore and am not sure why I ever was bothered by it.

Maybe they’re from elsewhere? If it bothers you I agree that you need to give the kid another option for what to call you. They’re not going to read your mind.

I'm from the West Coast. This is normal for the West Coast. It's not a sign of rudeness. The kid isn't trying to bother you.

If you're in the DMV, however, most people do titles. It's fine to correct the kid and say something like "Most kids call me (preferred name). Can you call me (preferred name)."

I'm in the DMV and most kids don't use titles in our circle. We live in Arlington, if that matters. I never expect a child to call me Ms. It's completely your right to correct a child and ask them to call you something else, but I will make fun of you when I hear that you've done it!

And here’s the fake southern ‘manners.’ How can you not see how mean and rude it is to mock someone for their preferred name?

I really don’t understand why people think that being more formal, or using titles, is grounds for making fun of someone? You can’t see the hypocrisy of being unkind to people different than yourself?

You're not requesting the honorific because you want to be treated kindly. You're requesting it because you want the child to acknowledge your superior position in the hierarchy.

…and so what? A nine year old neighbor kid is inferior to the mother of his playmate, especially within her own home. What’s wrong with acknowledging that, politely, he too respects the lady of the house?

I was going to make you kids snacks while you play video games, but now I think I’ll just keep clipping coupons and tidying the kitchen…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it is rude for anyone (child or adult) who does not know me very well personally to call me by my first name.

This is so dumb. It's your name. How is that disrespectful? "Shithead" is disrespectful. "Sugartits" is disrespectful. "Ellen" is not disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are the adult. You can say, please call me Mrs. Smith if that’s what you prefer.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like kids to use Mrs last name. When I’m running cubscouts or Sunday school or little league practice, ‘Miss Amy’ makes me feel like a teenage babysitter - not a respected adult in these kids’ communities. They can call me Mrs. Smith without developing an inferiority complex. The kids will be fine.

Frankly, adults who are too quick to act like “one of the kids” and insist on being everyone’s buddy are the people who give me pause.

Sad that you still have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved to the west coast and this is the norm in my city. It was hard to adapt to and I cared a lot for a while but I’m used to it now. I don’t care anymore and am not sure why I ever was bothered by it.

Maybe they’re from elsewhere? If it bothers you I agree that you need to give the kid another option for what to call you. They’re not going to read your mind.

I'm from the West Coast. This is normal for the West Coast. It's not a sign of rudeness. The kid isn't trying to bother you.

If you're in the DMV, however, most people do titles. It's fine to correct the kid and say something like "Most kids call me (preferred name). Can you call me (preferred name)."

I'm in the DMV and most kids don't use titles in our circle. We live in Arlington, if that matters. I never expect a child to call me Ms. It's completely your right to correct a child and ask them to call you something else, but I will make fun of you when I hear that you've done it!

And here’s the fake southern ‘manners.’ How can you not see how mean and rude it is to mock someone for their preferred name?

I really don’t understand why people think that being more formal, or using titles, is grounds for making fun of someone? You can’t see the hypocrisy of being unkind to people different than yourself?

You're not requesting the honorific because you want to be treated kindly. You're requesting it because you want the child to acknowledge your superior position in the hierarchy.

…and so what? A nine year old neighbor kid is inferior to the mother of his playmate, especially within her own home. What’s wrong with acknowledging that, politely, he too respects the lady of the house?

I was going to make you kids snacks while you play video games, but now I think I’ll just keep clipping coupons and tidying the kitchen…

So this IS a southern, tradwifey thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved to the west coast and this is the norm in my city. It was hard to adapt to and I cared a lot for a while but I’m used to it now. I don’t care anymore and am not sure why I ever was bothered by it.

Maybe they’re from elsewhere? If it bothers you I agree that you need to give the kid another option for what to call you. They’re not going to read your mind.

I'm from the West Coast. This is normal for the West Coast. It's not a sign of rudeness. The kid isn't trying to bother you.

If you're in the DMV, however, most people do titles. It's fine to correct the kid and say something like "Most kids call me (preferred name). Can you call me (preferred name)."

I'm in the DMV and most kids don't use titles in our circle. We live in Arlington, if that matters. I never expect a child to call me Ms. It's completely your right to correct a child and ask them to call you something else, but I will make fun of you when I hear that you've done it!

And here’s the fake southern ‘manners.’ How can you not see how mean and rude it is to mock someone for their preferred name?

I really don’t understand why people think that being more formal, or using titles, is grounds for making fun of someone? You can’t see the hypocrisy of being unkind to people different than yourself?

You're not requesting the honorific because you want to be treated kindly. You're requesting it because you want the child to acknowledge your superior position in the hierarchy.

…and so what? A nine year old neighbor kid is inferior to the mother of his playmate, especially within her own home. What’s wrong with acknowledging that, politely, he too respects the lady of the house?

I was going to make you kids snacks while you play video games, but now I think I’ll just keep clipping coupons and tidying the kitchen…

That's really petty and rude. When one person violates a rule of etiquette the proper thing is to continue to observe proper etiquette yourself. Including the rules of how to host a guest.

The whole point is if you haven't told the kid what you want to be called, then the kid won't know. Because this area is a mixture of many cultures and your culture is one among many. So stop assuming your culture is dominant or better (because it isn't) and just tell the kid what you want. It's not that hard. Go ahead and explain the reason-- "You're inferior to me, so call me Ms. Lastname". I'm sure that will totally earn you the performance of respect that you are craving.

[Anonymous]

I introduce my kids to adults by first name and I introduce myself to other kids by first name and that's what everyone's calling each other. I was raised that way, too (though in NY). So, presumably this kid has a parent like me, and thus is certainly not being "rude" - it's just different.

All you need to do is say "I prefer to be called Ms. Jones" or "I prefer to be called Ms. Larla" - my kids and I would absolutely respect that, and with no judgment. You should be called whatever you want!

It's unfair to judge the kid for something people doing differently without even letting your preference be known.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 9-year-old neighbor who comes over to play with my kids sometimes. He’s very polite otherwise, but he always calls me “Sarah,” not “Miss Sarah” or “Mrs. [Last Name].”
I was raised to address adults with a title, especially if they’re not family. I haven’t said anything, but it bugs me a little every time. Is this just a generational thing, or should I gently correct him? What’s the etiquette these days?

You should let this one go. Before you know it your kids will be in high school and college and you will never see this kid. Either your family or the other family will probably move to a new neighborhood in that time. It's a blip in time.

I agree it’s a blip in time. I agree that there is no standard manner of a child addressing an adult in the DMV in 2025. I don’t think OP should let it go. She is an adult who unable to politely redirect a 9 year old to use her preferred form of address. OP should definitely learn this skill!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a 9-year-old neighbor who comes over to play with my kids sometimes. He’s very polite otherwise, but he always calls me “Sarah,” not “Miss Sarah” or “Mrs. [Last Name].”
I was raised to address adults with a title, especially if they’re not family. I haven’t said anything, but it bugs me a little every time. Is this just a generational thing, or should I gently correct him? What’s the etiquette these days?

You should let this one go. Before you know it your kids will be in high school and college and you will never see this kid. Either your family or the other family will probably move to a new neighborhood in that time. It's a blip in time.

I agree it’s a blip in time. I agree that there is no standard manner of a child addressing an adult in the DMV in 2025. I don’t think OP should let it go. She is an adult who unable to politely redirect a 9 year old to use her preferred form of address. OP should definitely learn this skill!

I think in the same way some people find acknowledgements of hierarchy affirming and reassuring, they also find cultural conformity reassuring and have a hard time coping if they don't have those things.