Will I regret it if we downsize and I quit my job so I an be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never force my 5 year old to move because mommy doesn't want to work anymore.

For your information, she was born in that house and we drive by it sometimes. It is .9 miles from our existing house. Nothing in her life would change in any significant way except a more present mom.

NP. It’s still moving your family. Which isn’t nothing. I think it’s fine to move but acting like your kids won’t notice and it won’t be a life event is a little odd. We lived less than a mile away. My kids missed the old house and the old street.

I’m sure they got over it. No need to worry about generational trauma.

[Anonymous]

Op, I recently quit to SAHP and my youngest (of 4) was in ES. I kept working because I loved my job AND because I thought it would get easier when the kids got older.

It doesn’t get easier as your kids get older - the demands just change. You are actually in the “easy” years right now - getting more sleep than when they were infants, and they don’t have real homework or activities. If you have good quality childcare, and your kids don’t have significant special needs, this is pretty much as good as it’s going to get - I found every month getting easier once my youngest turned 18 months, at least in terms of childcare.

I found things got trickier to balance in mid-elementary to middle school as my kids found activities they wanted to get better at. It happened at different ages for my kids, so there isn’t a specific age, just at they tried out different activities and decided to start working harder at them. One picked something they can largely do without classes/outside activities, but one picked an activity you can only do at a specific location (think horseback riding, although it’s not horseback riding). Academics also get harder each year, and social stuff get more complex and you feel it as your kids go through the emotional ups and downs of adolescence and young adulthood. And it’s not about having 4 kids - all my friends say the same thing - no one is getting enough sleep and everyone feels stretched.

If you are only looking at a 5-7 year horizon for quitting your job anyway, give yourself 3 more years and see how you are feeling then. Try to find another job of yours sucks. The time will fly.

OTOH, only you can decide how much the money and extra financial security matters to you. I made a good income and while DH makes much more, my contribution was still something. But I decided (and DH supported me) that all of my stress wasn’t worth the financial contribution. But no one can make that decision for you - my parents thought I was not smart to quit my job and SAH (for all the reasons people on this thread have already mentioned). I quit anyway, and I’m much less stressed and love being able to focus on my family.

I’m glad I quit because I was “on” all day at my job, and then “on” all evening with my kids, and I had nothing left to give.

[Anonymous]

I find the idea of quitting a job because of a kids activities really really strange. I mean really strange. If you don’t like the job sure that’s fine but honestly what a bizarre thing to tell your kid some day, I had to quit my job because you decided to take horseback riding lessons? I will never understand. My kids do some activities and have been able to find things they enjoy that have not required either parent to quit our jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM and enjoy every minute of it. However, I would not have stayed home if we could not easily afford to do so. Spouse had to be 100% supportive and want you to stay home with kids.

You should also know that if you stay home, you have more time to spend money. That toddler will want to do music class or tot soccer. Moms will want to go out for coffee and lunch.

I thought I would go back to work when my youngest started elementary. When kids get older, that 1x per week soccer turns into 5-6 days of soccer.

Wow you’re a bum

[Anonymous]

Keep your job.

[Anonymous]

9000 emails. Holy drama Batman

[Anonymous]

Probably. I don’t need to even read past the subject line.

[Anonymous]

Use Copilot to cut out the crap of the 9000 school emails.

[Anonymous]

So you say that your mom worked and was too tired to spend time with you, but yet she and your dad are generous to pay for your kids colleges. I'm the working mom, always tired after work, because my looser husband doesn't know anything about investments and money. He worked and retired way too early. I'm the breadwinner in the family. I would love to stay home for some time, but cannot afford that since it would be incredibly hard to re-enter workforce. If your spouse makes good money and has a great career, you might need to afford to stay home. It really depends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I recently quit to SAHP and my youngest (of 4) was in ES. I kept working because I loved my job AND because I thought it would get easier when the kids got older.

It doesn’t get easier as your kids get older - the demands just change. You are actually in the “easy” years right now - getting more sleep than when they were infants, and they don’t have real homework or activities. If you have good quality childcare, and your kids don’t have significant special needs, this is pretty much as good as it’s going to get - I found every month getting easier once my youngest turned 18 months, at least in terms of childcare.

I found things got trickier to balance in mid-elementary to middle school as my kids found activities they wanted to get better at. It happened at different ages for my kids, so there isn’t a specific age, just at they tried out different activities and decided to start working harder at them. One picked something they can largely do without classes/outside activities, but one picked an activity you can only do at a specific location (think horseback riding, although it’s not horseback riding). Academics also get harder each year, and social stuff get more complex and you feel it as your kids go through the emotional ups and downs of adolescence and young adulthood. And it’s not about having 4 kids - all my friends say the same thing - no one is getting enough sleep and everyone feels stretched.

If you are only looking at a 5-7 year horizon for quitting your job anyway, give yourself 3 more years and see how you are feeling then. Try to find another job of yours sucks. The time will fly.

OTOH, only you can decide how much the money and extra financial security matters to you. I made a good income and while DH makes much more, my contribution was still something. But I decided (and DH supported me) that all of my stress wasn’t worth the financial contribution. But no one can make that decision for you - my parents thought I was not smart to quit my job and SAH (for all the reasons people on this thread have already mentioned). I quit anyway, and I’m much less stressed and love being able to focus on my family.

I’m glad I quit because I was “on” all day at my job, and then “on” all evening with my kids, and I had nothing left to give.

What you love is not having to work, having 8:30 - 3:30 or whatever your kids school hours are to yourself as me time to do whatever you want, and having access to someone else's money. You aren't a SAHM, there are no kids at home during the day. I doubt your husband gets 6-7 hours of me time a day while working to pay for all your lives and expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I recently quit to SAHP and my youngest (of 4) was in ES. I kept working because I loved my job AND because I thought it would get easier when the kids got older.

It doesn’t get easier as your kids get older - the demands just change. You are actually in the “easy” years right now - getting more sleep than when they were infants, and they don’t have real homework or activities. If you have good quality childcare, and your kids don’t have significant special needs, this is pretty much as good as it’s going to get - I found every month getting easier once my youngest turned 18 months, at least in terms of childcare.

I found things got trickier to balance in mid-elementary to middle school as my kids found activities they wanted to get better at. It happened at different ages for my kids, so there isn’t a specific age, just at they tried out different activities and decided to start working harder at them. One picked something they can largely do without classes/outside activities, but one picked an activity you can only do at a specific location (think horseback riding, although it’s not horseback riding). Academics also get harder each year, and social stuff get more complex and you feel it as your kids go through the emotional ups and downs of adolescence and young adulthood. And it’s not about having 4 kids - all my friends say the same thing - no one is getting enough sleep and everyone feels stretched.

If you are only looking at a 5-7 year horizon for quitting your job anyway, give yourself 3 more years and see how you are feeling then. Try to find another job of yours sucks. The time will fly.

OTOH, only you can decide how much the money and extra financial security matters to you. I made a good income and while DH makes much more, my contribution was still something. But I decided (and DH supported me) that all of my stress wasn’t worth the financial contribution. But no one can make that decision for you - my parents thought I was not smart to quit my job and SAH (for all the reasons people on this thread have already mentioned). I quit anyway, and I’m much less stressed and love being able to focus on my family.

I’m glad I quit because I was “on” all day at my job, and then “on” all evening with my kids, and I had nothing left to give.

What you love is not having to work, having 8:30 - 3:30 or whatever your kids school hours are to yourself as me time to do whatever you want, and having access to someone else's money. You aren't a SAHM, there are no kids at home during the day. I doubt your husband gets 6-7 hours of me time a day while working to pay for all your lives and expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I recently quit to SAHP and my youngest (of 4) was in ES. I kept working because I loved my job AND because I thought it would get easier when the kids got older.

It doesn’t get easier as your kids get older - the demands just change. You are actually in the “easy” years right now - getting more sleep than when they were infants, and they don’t have real homework or activities. If you have good quality childcare, and your kids don’t have significant special needs, this is pretty much as good as it’s going to get - I found every month getting easier once my youngest turned 18 months, at least in terms of childcare.

I found things got trickier to balance in mid-elementary to middle school as my kids found activities they wanted to get better at. It happened at different ages for my kids, so there isn’t a specific age, just at they tried out different activities and decided to start working harder at them. One picked something they can largely do without classes/outside activities, but one picked an activity you can only do at a specific location (think horseback riding, although it’s not horseback riding). Academics also get harder each year, and social stuff get more complex and you feel it as your kids go through the emotional ups and downs of adolescence and young adulthood. And it’s not about having 4 kids - all my friends say the same thing - no one is getting enough sleep and everyone feels stretched.

If you are only looking at a 5-7 year horizon for quitting your job anyway, give yourself 3 more years and see how you are feeling then. Try to find another job of yours sucks. The time will fly.

OTOH, only you can decide how much the money and extra financial security matters to you. I made a good income and while DH makes much more, my contribution was still something. But I decided (and DH supported me) that all of my stress wasn’t worth the financial contribution. But no one can make that decision for you - my parents thought I was not smart to quit my job and SAH (for all the reasons people on this thread have already mentioned). I quit anyway, and I’m much less stressed and love being able to focus on my family.

I’m glad I quit because I was “on” all day at my job, and then “on” all evening with my kids, and I had nothing left to give.

What you love is not having to work, having 8:30 - 3:30 or whatever your kids school hours are to yourself as me time to do whatever you want, and having access to someone else's money. You aren't a SAHM, there are no kids at home during the day. I doubt your husband gets 6-7 hours of me time a day while working to pay for all your lives and expenses.

School only gives you about 940 hours of covered childcare per year.
That’s 2.5 hours per day per year of ‘me time’. It’s chore time. No one is taking it easy as a sahm unless your partner makes $500+ and you have a nanny, cook, and housekeeper on staff.

[Anonymous]

Cue all the hateful misogynistic men and women suckling from the teat of the patriarchy… you all make this board completely insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cue all the hateful misogynistic men and women suckling from the teat of the patriarchy… you all make this board completely insufferable.

Why are you on here? You aren’t a parent and you clearly won’t/don’t have kids. Surely there are more useful websites for you. To most of us your life seems sad, meaningless and lonely, and it’s weird you don’t mind that your line ends with you. You can put ‘at least I wasn’t a sucker!’ on your tombstone, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cue all the hateful misogynistic men and women suckling from the teat of the patriarchy… you all make this board completely insufferable.

Why are you on here? You aren’t a parent and you clearly won’t/don’t have kids. Surely there are more useful websites for you. To most of us your life seems sad, meaningless and lonely, and it’s weird you don’t mind that your line ends with you. You can put ‘at least I wasn’t a sucker!’ on your tombstone, I guess.

Uh wut? I am a parent.