My Parents Are Useless: In-laws Are Great :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where you always this rotten child? Maybe your parents are showing what you really are.

They are also showing who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Honestly, you sound very demanding, and I'm wondering whether your personality is playing into your parents holding you at arms' length. Maybe your in-laws believe your kids need the support, but your parents are just done.

This. OP sounds like a spoiled brat. Signed mother of 2, and not a MIL yet.

You sound like a spoiled brat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP and her husband are Brokees.
Her parents aren't paying to play w her kids and she's annoyed..So she trashes them to her inlaws who swoop in.

The husbands family probably has more time and money to toss at and fund their poor financial choices.

OP is big mad her parents aren't clamoring to babysit

What loving grandparents. No idea why they aren't closer. Vacation grandparents who just come to pretend they have a relationship for their social media page will never be close to their kids or grandkids. Its a 2 way street with a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, I also have to conclude that OP's so-called "quality time" is money and free childcare.

I’m not expecting money and would never ask them for money. They don’t have any. I am just frustrated that treat visiting the grandkids like going to the zoo rather than actually spending time with them. They basically take pictures and leave, they don’t even eat dinner with us and the grandkids when they visit. My in-laws even spend hours cooking and very nice meals and they are not even polite enough to eat the food ny husbands parents cook. They just go our to eat by themselves and then come back later whenever they feel like taking more photos.

They stay at my house, don't help with grandkids or even at least spend time with them. Then they go out to restaurants when we (my in laws) cooked nice meal at the house. They basically want to pretend like they are great grandparents but are not willing to bear even the slightest incovenice to (eg. Holding kids for 5 minutes or changing diapers while we are in work meetings and they are staying at our house).

Not their responsibility.

So if this is the case, you assume then that their parents also never did anything? Spent 2 hours a day with their family twice a year? How does anyone of this create bonds from generation to generation? There is a monumental difference from living with a relative to not even being able to spend a day with a relative and eat a meal.

Social media is fueling this behavior. No one a generation ago thought that not even being able to stay at your kids house because you had to try out that new restaurant was normal behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is me and my husband (my parents are great, his useless).

You need to stop seeing the big difference between as making the problem bigger. You're phrasing this like it'd be better if they all were useless, cause at least it'd be fair and you wouldn't be as angry? But that's crazy. Stop comparing.

Your in-laws are amazing grandparents. That's FABULOUS. You've won the in-law lottery. Embrace it! Embrace them! Heck, my husband just took two of our kids to go see my parents at their house WITHOUT ME. Lean in! How wonderful for your kids, how wonderful for you. No but. Full stop.

Your parents aren't involve grandparents. Okay. A bummer, sure, but people are different. They're not going to help. You should set boundaries and clear expectations so they don't make things worse, and enjoy whatever visits or whatever they do give. it's okay to be disappointed, and even to express that disappointment (once!). But then you need to work on letting it go. Not everyone is cut out to be a fab grandparent. They're visiting sometimes? They're not actively undermining your parenting? You don't feel obligated to financially support them? Then frankly, they are right in the meaty part of the curve for grandparenting. Keep your expectations low, enjoy what you can, try and let go of the anger.

This.

[Anonymous]

Also obviously these parents have lots of money if they are on vacation all the time. Those are the relationships those parents are cultivating. You can't tell me its no work to hang out with old Mary and Steve either. They are just trading one headache of a couple for another. The Boomer generation is just more adept at being with their generation than others because they were the ME generation and its been that way their entire life.

Just accept your parents and enjoy the other parents. Its very rare to even have one set of normal parents in this day and age. Expect it will get worse and wean down to 1 hour as they age.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the most entitled and petty OPs that I have read on here in a long time. Frankly OP deserves to be cut out entirely by her parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the most entitled and petty OPs that I have read on here in a long time. Frankly OP deserves to be cut out entirely by her parents.

Obviously a troll or someone with weird relationships in life.

OP just enjoy your parents for the 6 hours a year they are around the same way you would enjoy a college friend you saw for that long and work on other relationships in your life. You won't change people.

[Anonymous]

Your parents are not your free babysitters. They already raised their kids. Stop expecting them to do your work for you. You had the kids, you raise them. We never had help with our kids from the grandparents due to their age and health issues. That doesn't mean they didn't love their grandchildren. Grandparents should just be able to spend time enjoying their grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents are not your free babysitters. They already raised their kids. Stop expecting them to do your work for you. You had the kids, you raise them. We never had help with our kids from the grandparents due to their age and health issues. That doesn't mean they didn't love their grandchildren. Grandparents should just be able to spend time enjoying their grandkids.

Not OP but: They dont enjoy it. They come for very short amounts of time and talk about other plans when there. Also you cant tell me that spending time with Mary and Steve on the holiday trip or whatever doesn't involve waiting, taking turns with what people want to do, saying things with kindness, and doing work and spending money. How weird to constantly think you are being used for a day trip to visit family.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to actually enjoy the people you are with in life when you are with them and not always wondering if they are taking advantage of you. OP worries they take advantage of her for photos. Her parents worry she takes advantage of them for help possibly or they worry she's taking advantage of their time. This isnt fair to anyone. Both are a bit immature but they feed off of each other.

[Anonymous]

Why are both grandparents visiting at the same time? Perhaps it overwhelms your parents?

If you are working, why don’t you have childcare? Did you cancel it assuming the grandparents would babysit?

[Anonymous]

So one of the aspects of grandparents who both want to babysit the kids AND are invited back to watch the kids is that they are generally competent, interested in the kids, aware of what’s age appropriate, and not bringing along a host of boomer mental health and poor parenting problems. They aren’t creating safety hazards because they think if it wasn’t an issue when they were raising kids they aren’t bothering now …seatbelts, unsupervised preschoolers, etc. They aren’t pretending to help out while expecting to be hosted. They aren’t imposing their will by rearranging everything in the house or providing a constant verbal monologue of everything that should be done differently. They’ve left their anxiety, shopping addiction, self absorption and personality disorders at home rather than dump them in your living room.

It isn’t just that people who luck out with good grandparents want free babysitting. It’s that the grandparents aren’t nutty enough to not want to leave the kids alone with them.

[Anonymous]

Describing your parents as “useless” says it all. Honey your parents do not work for you and do not owe you money to raise your children. Perhaps your parents don’t want to spend their golden years providing free childcare? Your ILs are obviously very generous with their time and money. It sounds like your parents do love their grandkids, they visit and want to spend time with them. You want to put them to work and take their money to prove their love and usefulness. You my dear are the awful one. I feel sorry for your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So one of the aspects of grandparents who both want to babysit the kids AND are invited back to watch the kids is that they are generally competent, interested in the kids, aware of what’s age appropriate, and not bringing along a host of boomer mental health and poor parenting problems. They aren’t creating safety hazards because they think if it wasn’t an issue when they were raising kids they aren’t bothering now …seatbelts, unsupervised preschoolers, etc. They aren’t pretending to help out while expecting to be hosted. They aren’t imposing their will by rearranging everything in the house or providing a constant verbal monologue of everything that should be done differently. They’ve left their anxiety, shopping addiction, self absorption and personality disorders at home rather than dump them in your living room.

It isn’t just that people who luck out with good grandparents want free babysitting. It’s that the grandparents aren’t nutty enough to not want to leave the kids alone with them.

This. Realize its a good thing they aren't around. They won't change and you really dont want them around more with this type of behavior. Think of it as a blessing.