Custody and verbal/emotional abuse of kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best advice I got from lawyer was a strategy that allowed xDH to save face re custody. He could not / would not ever say he didn't want 50/50 but he didn't want it (the impact on his career, the responsibility, all of it). So he had to basically be handed a cover story that made it sound like he would be a super involved dad but with a flexible schedule for his "VERY IMPORTANT JOB" that in reality resulted in me having the large majority of custody. The catch is you can't get child support that undermines the facade of equal involvement

This. This is the secret to how I ended up with full physical custody. I offered 50/50 and then made it very easy for DH to cancel -- never complained, just took the kids. I did every doctor's appointment, day off school, etc. He travelled for work a few times a year for 2-6 weeks. I'm sure he told himself and other people that he travelled too much for work to have custody of the kids.

I never told him he was a bad dad for not spending time with his kids. As long as he looked good in front of others, that's all he cared about.

All those people who say you "can't get child support" are wrong. My DH earned more than me, so I got child support that reflected a 50/50 split in time with a difference in incomes. I chose not to go to court to show legalize the de facto full custody and did not ask for commensurate increase in CS. That would have pissed him off.

Ok but Child support is determined by state, and the calculations depend on that states laws. Do you happen to live in NY?

j

I don't live in NY but in most states, the child support calculation is pretty much a straight percent of income minus things like health insurance and medical bills paid by either parent. You can be 50/50 custody with a spouse and if one spouse earns 50K and the other spouse earns 75K (just an example), then the spouse with the higher income will end up paying an amount of child support that evens out the amount of $$ each parent has to spend on the child. So if 10% of one parent's income is 5K and 10% of the other parent's income is 10K, then the calculator often views that as 15K for the child of which, each parent should get 7.5K. The higher income parent is going to end up paying 2.5 K to the other parent even where there is a 50/50 custody split (minus some "credited" things that one parent might be paying for, like medical). State child support calculators usually are available online and you can enter numbers to see how it works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best advice I got from lawyer was a strategy that allowed xDH to save face re custody. He could not / would not ever say he didn't want 50/50 but he didn't want it (the impact on his career, the responsibility, all of it). So he had to basically be handed a cover story that made it sound like he would be a super involved dad but with a flexible schedule for his "VERY IMPORTANT JOB" that in reality resulted in me having the large majority of custody. The catch is you can't get child support that undermines the facade of equal involvement

This. This is the secret to how I ended up with full physical custody. I offered 50/50 and then made it very easy for DH to cancel -- never complained, just took the kids. I did every doctor's appointment, day off school, etc. He travelled for work a few times a year for 2-6 weeks. I'm sure he told himself and other people that he travelled too much for work to have custody of the kids.

I never told him he was a bad dad for not spending time with his kids. As long as he looked good in front of others, that's all he cared about.

All those people who say you "can't get child support" are wrong. My DH earned more than me, so I got child support that reflected a 50/50 split in time with a difference in incomes. I chose not to go to court to show legalize the de facto full custody and did not ask for commensurate increase in CS. That would have pissed him off.

Ok but Child support is determined by state, and the calculations depend on that states laws. Do you happen to live in NY?

j

I don't live in NY but in most states, the child support calculation is pretty much a straight percent of income minus things like health insurance and medical bills paid by either parent. You can be 50/50 custody with a spouse and if one spouse earns 50K and the other spouse earns 75K (just an example), then the spouse with the higher income will end up paying an amount of child support that evens out the amount of $$ each parent has to spend on the child. So if 10% of one parent's income is 5K and 10% of the other parent's income is 10K, then the calculator often views that as 15K for the child of which, each parent should get 7.5K. The higher income parent is going to end up paying 2.5 K to the other parent even where there is a 50/50 custody split (minus some "credited" things that one parent might be paying for, like medical). State child support calculators usually are available online and you can enter numbers to see how it works out.

Yes, agree, state support calculators are online and fairly easy to run on your own. Lots of people petition for support without lawyers. But the calculation does vary by state. In NY, even with 50/50 time, the lower income spouse is automatically deemed the custodial parent for child support and the higher earning spouse pays a % of their income for base child support. The difference in incomes only comes into play for pro rata splits of statutory add ons such as unreimbursed medical, child care, etc. A lot of people think that approach is unfair. NJs calculation is more similar to the one you posted above.