DH choked me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH likes to choke in the bedroom. It’s not my thing, but I’ve indulged him. Last night he choked me too hard and I said to stop and he didn’t stop right away.

This made me terrified and I feel really uncomfortable. I told him right after the fact that this was not ok and he apologized. But I still do not feel comfortable around him. What should I do?

Some people pay extra for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

You sound like an abuser.

NP. You sound like someone who has zero knowledge of BDSM.

This is her husband, not some casual partner. You tell your husband NO and he needs to effing stop.

[Anonymous]

I just hope in a few months when you guys are having intense passionate sex you don't say "baby choke me please..."

[Anonymous]

No more choking. Ever. He doesn’t know how to do it properly and can wind up killing you. You guys could have set up a safe word and maybe that would have worked, because then there’s no question in his warped mind of whether the “stop” is part of the role playing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not ok. Your post gave me the chills. You need to leave. I’m very sorry.

+1 million

[Anonymous]

Choke his balls and see how he reacts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t take this seriously, it can result in death. Please think of your future self - don’t you owe it to her to be safe?

Short of death, brain and organ damage.

[Anonymous]

OP, you cannot be in a healthy relationship with this man. He is dangerous. Get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

You sound like an abuser.

NP. You sound like someone who has zero knowledge of BDSM.

This is her husband, not some casual partner. You tell your husband NO and he needs to effing stop.

What a bizarre response.

If no means no, it doesn’t matter who it is - husband, casual, or whatever.

If no means “that is a word I might say that does not mean no” where my actual no word is “red” meaning stop everything indefinitely, then husband casual or whatever stops on “red”

This of course is not OPs situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

You sound like an abuser.

NP. You sound like someone who has zero knowledge of BDSM.

This is her husband, not some casual partner. You tell your husband NO and he needs to effing stop.

What a bizarre response.

If no means no, it doesn’t matter who it is - husband, casual, or whatever.

If no means “that is a word I might say that does not mean no” where my actual no word is “red” meaning stop everything indefinitely, then husband casual or whatever stops on “red”

This of course is not OPs situation

A bunch of illiterate people who don't know what BDSM is are just ranting. Ignore them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a lot of people act like this an odd or unusual act. It is not something my wife and I are into and a good amount of our intimacy does revolve around BDSM. But when I was dating it was frequently requested, even by those who were very vanilla for the most part.

You are odd and unusual, sir.

[Anonymous]

Orgasm is the little death. Choking is for people who are bad at sex and can't give an orgasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

You sound like an abuser.

NP. You sound like someone who has zero knowledge of BDSM.

This is her husband, not some casual partner. You tell your husband NO and he needs to effing stop.

What a bizarre response.

If no means no, it doesn’t matter who it is - husband, casual, or whatever.

If no means “that is a word I might say that does not mean no” where my actual no word is “red” meaning stop everything indefinitely, then husband casual or whatever stops on “red”

This of course is not OPs situation

A bunch of illiterate people who don't know what BDSM is are just ranting. Ignore them.

Not every woman who's spouse likes to choke them knows the ins and outs of BDSM. NO or STOP should be enough with your partner. She didn't indicate any other role playing where she pretends not like it- where NO or STOP would be confusing. No is enough. He ignored her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To answer some questions…he said he did not notice I said no. I just don’t want to try it anymore at this point.

Then don't. It's clear that he is not aware of you and your pleasure during the act. It's all about him and what gets him off.

And frankly, I agree with PPs, people who get off on sexual violence are sick.