DH choked me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

[Anonymous]

I would never in a million years allow my husband to choke me. And he would never attempt this. If you're both drinking it can become dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To answer some questions…he said he did not notice I said no. I just don’t want to try it anymore at this point.

Let’s break it down.
He is either:
-Lying about not hearing you and put his want to get off of choking you above your request for safety.
-Not checking in with you during dangerous behaviour to see if you’re doing ok, still enjoying it. Again putting his want to get off on choking you above your own pleasure.

Either way, he’s a bad lover and doesn’t care about YOU in bed at all.

[Anonymous]

As someone else mentioned, choking is typically considered a way to enhance O for the one being choked. That's why some people agree to it. However, even though it is prevalent in rough porn you never see a woman choking a man. I think no woman in her right mind should ever allow this.

Consensual or not I find it disgusting and would never agree to it for any reason. Some other forms of light rough sex might hurt but this can kill you and it puts the perp in a position of violent dominance that is never appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

DP, sorry, but your way of thinking is very warped. OP flat out told her husband NO. He didn’t misunderstand her, he says he didn’t hear her. He was too focused on his own pleasure and kink to think about his partner and put her in a seemingly dangerous situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

DP, sorry, but your way of thinking is very warped. OP flat out told her husband NO. He didn’t misunderstand her, he says he didn’t hear her. He was too focused on his own pleasure and kink to think about his partner and put her in a seemingly dangerous situation.

In ops context yes no means no. I was not sure if you were speaking generally or about op.

I was a np so I should have indicated that

[Anonymous]

In what other ways is he taking advantage of you OP? The fact you can't say "no" to him is telling. I think you might be in a co-dependent relationship. You are going along with being choked to please him. What else are you doing which chips away at your soul? That's the start. Then you need to addresses the issues that allow you to be used like this and the fact alone that he needs to harm you to get his rocks off. Your relationship is a very sick and unhealthy one you need to address all of these issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These reactions are insane. it was a bedroom behavior that she has consented to repeatedly in the past. he apologized and she can and should say it is off the table going forward. OP, see what happens after you put the boundaries in place. Jumping to divorce is absurd.
If he has an affair bc he just has to get this kind of kink fulfilled elsewhere, then you have your answer.

The problem is she never truly consented to it, she was just “indulging” him.

I agree it’s a problem but unfortunately it’s a her problem. He is not a mind reader and she said yes, even if she didn’t actually want to. The question is how he will behave now that she says no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These reactions are insane. it was a bedroom behavior that she has consented to repeatedly in the past. he apologized and she can and should say it is off the table going forward. OP, see what happens after you put the boundaries in place. Jumping to divorce is absurd.
If he has an affair bc he just has to get this kind of kink fulfilled elsewhere, then you have your answer.

The problem is she never truly consented to it, she was just “indulging” him.

I agree it’s a problem but unfortunately it’s a her problem. He is not a mind reader and she said yes, even if she didn’t actually want to. The question is how he will behave now that she says no.

It won't go well. Either he will cheat if he isn't already to get that sick outlet he needs, he will advance his addiction and do it to her anyway during sex or his already horrible porn addiction will become a much worse problem. This won't end well for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To answer some questions…he said he did not notice I said no. I just don’t want to try it anymore at this point.

Do you understand that the whole premise is concerning. Choking someone and looking at them at the brink of being alive for sexual pleasure is just…so wrong.

Allegedly choking is supposed to enhance the euphoria of the one being choked . He could just as easily be turned on by doing something risky/taboo that he thinks is making it feel better for his partner (understanding she doesn’t feel this way, but still…)

He asked for this, not her. So it’s not for her pleasure. He gets off on seeing her on the precipice of death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

You sound like an abuser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In what other ways is he taking advantage of you OP? The fact you can't say "no" to him is telling. I think you might be in a co-dependent relationship. You are going along with being choked to please him. What else are you doing which chips away at your soul? That's the start. Then you need to addresses the issues that allow you to be used like this and the fact alone that he needs to harm you to get his rocks off. Your relationship is a very sick and unhealthy one you need to address all of these issues.

She did say no to him.

He didn’t listen and continued strangling her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t be married to someone who gets off on choking women.

+1
This is sexual violence. He could be a predator to other people and you would not even know (or maybe this shows that you know). This is deeply disturbing behavior and it is not normal. This is akin to rape. You are being raped in your marriage. I am so sorry for you and your children.

If your DH is role-playing and misguided - he needs to go for intense therapy. Man, this is so messed up!!

Obviously non consensual choking is wrong and any choking shouldn’t be happening because of the chances of brain injury and death, even if consensual.

That said, biting, scratching, spanking are all “sexual violence” too. And then there’s the whole bdsm segment. If there’s consent (and safe), it’s fine.

If someone said “stop spanking me” and you continue to hit them, that’s NOT fine. If someone said “stop biting me” and you continue chomping down, that’s NOT fine. You are so f***ed if you think this is nbd.

"Stop" should be avoided as a safeword. The "Yellow/"Red" system is generally best. But do what works for you.

You sound like an abuser.

NP. You sound like someone who has zero knowledge of BDSM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a child, I had to intervene when my dad tried to choke my mother to death. Please spare your children that.

Holy moly.

I’m so sorry for this. My heart breaks for you.

Thank you.