Reply to If you’re a single woman having an affair with a married man

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So many posts seem to assume these relationships are all the same. There's probably more variation.

I'm 45yo married man with kids. There has been no intimacy of any kind in my marriage for years.  We generally get along, we're good co-parents, but deep down, both of us are very unhappy with our marriage and are staying together only for the kids right now. Meanwhile, my AP is divorced, same age as me, and also has kids. We met many years ago and became friends. Over time, the conversations became deeper and the friendship became more real. Eventually, romantic feelings developed, and after a long period dancing around the issue, we gave in to those feelings.  She knows what's going on in my marriage because I've been talking to her about it for years. She knows I'm not b.s.-ing her just to get her into bed or stringing her along. I would never have considered doing this if I didn't feel like I'd exhausted all other options with my wife, and I think my AP has the same view.  We like being together. Neither of us has any concrete expectation about where this will go. She's not looking for a permanent partner any more than I am, but we do genuinely care about each other and enjoy our time together.[/quote]

Agree, not every case is black and white. I was faithful for 20 years to DH, but we had problems from the beginning that worsened over time. Eventually I wanted to pursue a divorce that put our kids first, he wanted scorched earth. My AP is divorced and understands what the collateral damage would be to me and my kids. I wish that I had a clean break, but it wouldn't be, and I'm not willing to put my teens through the hell DH would cause.[/quote]

What is your definition of “scorched earth”? And what do you think your DH will do when he discovers the affair? [/quote]

I saw cheating woman lose the house (SAHM). Get no alimony (well very very minimal for just a few years). He waited until kids were 18 to file to avoid paying her child support (yes he does take care of his kids himself). He was smart with how he moved finances. She had to go court to beg post-divorce for some of his retirement.  She had multiple (really egregious) affairs during the marriage. [/quote]

Don’t blame him. She FAFO[/quote]

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