why my husband made this a shitty Father’s Day

[Anonymous]

OP here -I have found reading over all of these responses interesting and they’ve also allowed me to look at it from a different perspective I am big enough to admit that even though his idea of a perfect Father’s Day by no means fit my perfect description that I should have respected what he wanted, which, in a way I did except for moving the lunch to a little bit later, so that we could all be together to make it just seems like this is a family day and I’m still baffled that the handyman’s visit trumped everything else

For the record, the handyman is a young guy. He’s not married, and his father’s back in his country for everyone who’s losing their mind over having him come over on a Sunday/Father’s Day no need to lose sleep over this.

I think what hurt me the most was that it seemed like he didn’t want to spend it with the family and I think frankly, it hurt my sons feelings. I was also extremely upset and embarrassed in front of this handyman that he spoke to me. That way he apologize several times but I still can’t Quite forgive him for that. We ended up making the best of things and the day ended up being OK but I still very much think he needs to go see a doctor. I truly believe he has a personality disorder of some sort. This type of behavior has repeated itself many times, and not just with me, but within his business, his relationships with other people, etc.

Thanks for the input. I must say I have grown to really dislike holidays. I hate the expectations that they come with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -I have found reading over all of these responses interesting and they’ve also allowed me to look at it from a different perspective I am big enough to admit that even though his idea of a perfect Father’s Day by no means fit my perfect description that I should have respected what he wanted, which, in a way I did except for moving the lunch to a little bit later, so that we could all be together to make it just seems like this is a family day and I’m still baffled that the handyman’s visit trumped everything else

For the record, the handyman is a young guy. He’s not married, and his father’s back in his country for everyone who’s losing their mind over having him come over on a Sunday/Father’s Day no need to lose sleep over this.

I think what hurt me the most was that it seemed like he didn’t want to spend it with the family and I think frankly, it hurt my sons feelings. I was also extremely upset and embarrassed in front of this handyman that he spoke to me. That way he apologize several times but I still can’t Quite forgive him for that. We ended up making the best of things and the day ended up being OK but I still very much think he needs to go see a doctor. I truly believe he has a personality disorder of some sort. This type of behavior has repeated itself many times, and not just with me, but within his business, his relationships with other people, etc.

Thanks for the input. I must say I have grown to really dislike holidays. I hate the expectations that they come with.

Still about you.
I what point will you apologize to him?

[Anonymous]

Your son can have his own feelings, OP. You don't need to have his feelings for him.

[Anonymous]

Team husband. Let the man fiddle in the garage. It should be his day. He and his son can celebrate together another day. OP you sound uptight. No wonder why your DH wants to hide out in the garage.
Signed DW for 23 years.

[Anonymous]

Are you giving him the silent treatment until he pays enough for yelling at you? Several apologies aren't good enough for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -I have found reading over all of these responses interesting and they’ve also allowed me to look at it from a different perspective I am big enough to admit that even though his idea of a perfect Father’s Day by no means fit my perfect description that I should have respected what he wanted, which, in a way I did except for moving the lunch to a little bit later, so that we could all be together to make it just seems like this is a family day and I’m still baffled that the handyman’s visit trumped everything else

For the record, the handyman is a young guy. He’s not married, and his father’s back in his country for everyone who’s losing their mind over having him come over on a Sunday/Father’s Day no need to lose sleep over this.

I think what hurt me the most was that it seemed like he didn’t want to spend it with the family and I think frankly, it hurt my sons feelings. I was also extremely upset and embarrassed in front of this handyman that he spoke to me. That way he apologize several times but I still can’t Quite forgive him for that. We ended up making the best of things and the day ended up being OK but I still very much think he needs to go see a doctor. I truly believe he has a personality disorder of some sort. This type of behavior has repeated itself many times, and not just with me, but within his business, his relationships with other people, etc.

Thanks for the input. I must say I have grown to really dislike holidays. I hate the expectations that they come with.

But - your husband just wanted to putter - it’s YOU that had the expectation of some kind of special family filled day.

As far as the handyman’s visit trumping everything else - to originally ASKED him what he wanted to do for “his” day; he told you, told you his plans, and you completely ignored it. While his being rude to you is not excusable, it’s also exceedingly rude to ask someone something and then completely disregard them in favor of what you’d like to do.

If you were desperate to see your son and grandchild, then you could have gone to lunch or whatever with him, leaving your husband to the day HE WANTED AND PLANNED, or you could have arranged something for another day. Just like birthdays, there is nothing magical about Hallmark holidays. You can celebrate being a father any day, in the manner you want.

So my main advice is for you to stop building up your own expectations about holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my husband (not ASD). Having a nice family day or ANY nice family time was like pulling teeth and it made it all suck. Feel fortunate that your son and daughter in law still want to be around. Not all adult kids want to keep up being around miserable parents

Give me a break. I’m a Mom. You know what I do on Mother’s Day. Nothing! I sit upstairs. Watch TV and eat Swedish Fish. Why? Because it’s my day and that’s what I want to do. All of you complaining women sound unbearable. I feel sorry for your husbands!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and yes my son became a father 5 months ago with a baby daughter (another great reason to celebrate) and no the handyman is not a father!

The handyman HAS a father. Hiring someone for non emergency work in a Sunday and Fathers Day is odd.

The handyman may have offered the time as an appointment. Many handy people work while the weather is good sis they can travel, etc. for the winter. I know many contractors that work all kinds of crazy hours when the season is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -I have found reading over all of these responses interesting and they’ve also allowed me to look at it from a different perspective I am big enough to admit that even though his idea of a perfect Father’s Day by no means fit my perfect description that I should have respected what he wanted, which, in a way I did except for moving the lunch to a little bit later, so that we could all be together to make it just seems like this is a family day and I’m still baffled that the handyman’s visit trumped everything else

For the record, the handyman is a young guy. He’s not married, and his father’s back in his country for everyone who’s losing their mind over having him come over on a Sunday/Father’s Day no need to lose sleep over this.

I think what hurt me the most was that it seemed like he didn’t want to spend it with the family and I think frankly, it hurt my sons feelings. I was also extremely upset and embarrassed in front of this handyman that he spoke to me. That way he apologize several times but I still can’t Quite forgive him for that. We ended up making the best of things and the day ended up being OK but I still very much think he needs to go see a doctor. I truly believe he has a personality disorder of some sort. This type of behavior has repeated itself many times, and not just with me, but within his business, his relationships with other people, etc.

Thanks for the input. I must say I have grown to really dislike holidays. I hate the expectations that they come with.

OP, I joined this thread ready to be team OP and I just can't. In this one long run on sentence you start by acknowledging that you understand your DH wanted something different than what you wanted and you should have respected that, but then jump to the mental gymnastics of how moving the lunch 30 minutes later was somehow respecting his desire not to go to lunch (???) and then doubling down on FD being a family day and criticizing the handyman visit.

Your DH wanted to stay home and tend to errands on FD. You wanted him to go to a lunch with your son. You went ahead with the lunch plan and then act confused when your DH gets mad about it. You will not make any progress in your marriage until you acknowledge that those are the facts: you ignored what your DH wanted because it conflicted with what you wanted. Yelling is not ok, but when you also say that this behavior has repeated itself many times, it makes me think there have been other times when your husband communicated quite clearly and you ignored it because you didn't like he was communicating.

Whether you two have compatible ideas is a separate issue (i.e., should your DH have sidelined his desire on FD in favor of your and your son's desire? that is a matter of opinion).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and yes my son became a father 5 months ago with a baby daughter (another great reason to celebrate) and no the handyman is not a father!

The handyman HAS a father. Hiring someone for non emergency work in a Sunday and Fathers Day is odd.

The handyman may have offered the time as an appointment. Many handy people work while the weather is good sis they can travel, etc. for the winter. I know many contractors that work all kinds of crazy hours when the season is good.

+1. And some have full-time jobs during the week and do handy work to supplement their income. OP's handyman sounds like a go-getter. Many also send money to their famiy back home.

[Anonymous]

He may be from somewhere that has Father's Day on a different day and this weekend was not meaningful. Some countries that have FD have it a different day. E.g., Australia.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is a compromise. Meeting in the middle. I can see this argument from both sides.

But 1000% agree holidays are so overrated. I torture myself going on social media to see all the matching families smiling on holidays like Thanksgiving, Easter, etc...because our holidays NEVER look like that. I wish we could do away with them or at least the expectations that come along with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may be from somewhere that has Father's Day on a different day and this weekend was not meaningful. Some countries that have FD have it a different day. E.g., Australia.

Or maybe he's Muslim; they do not celebrate Father's Day. There are tons of reasons a man might not celebrate. The poster who made the comment is ignorant.

[Anonymous]

This is you a problem. Your husband told you no and you still confirmed those plans.

However, Your husband’s behavior is telling and gives - anger issues

Very insulting of him to yell & embarrass you in front of the handyman. .. ICK!

Maybe time to reconsider this marriage of yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my husband (not ASD). Having a nice family day or ANY nice family time was like pulling teeth and it made it all suck. Feel fortunate that your son and daughter in law still want to be around. Not all adult kids want to keep up being around miserable parents

Give me a break. I’m a Mom. You know what I do on Mother’s Day. Nothing! I sit upstairs. Watch TV and eat Swedish Fish. Why? Because it’s my day and that’s what I want to do. All of you complaining women sound unbearable. I feel sorry for your husbands!

On Mother's Day and Father's Day in our family, children call their mother or father for a chat and wish them a happy day. That's about it.