why my husband made this a shitty Father’s Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here need to clarify a few things-

we were not going to a restaurant but to our club (which is low key)

plans were made a few days ago NOT last minute.

Son wanted to take his dad out for Fathers Day, pretty simple. My husband was well aware of plan and the fact that we changed the time to accommodate the ridiculous handyman's appt I was perfectly happy for him to spend the afternoon doing whatever he wanted. An hour or so with his FAMILY certainly is not asking much.

We were going to lunch for an hour- he would have had the entire day to do as he pleases and we agreed on that. I do wish I had taken many's advice and just gone on my own.

To the person earlier who tried to diagnose my husband, you were not far off. I am looking into that- and am going to encourage him to see a dr. He really needs it- his moods are up and down, extremely unpredictable and frankly hard to live with. You can judge all you want but its not easy living with someone like this.

Now you sound like a troll. It's never just an hour to have lunch.

Yup. Though the hour lunch is not it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love my husband, but I will be the first to tell you. He’s extremely moody. In fact I wouldn’t even be surprised if he is bipolar. He told me that he really was looking forward to just having a day to kind of do what he wants, which means puttering around the garage maybe looking at his golf clubs, etc.

I have no problem with that however, our son is celebrating his first Father’s Day and they are leaving for vacation this afternoon however he asked if we could have lunch today-an early lunch. When I told my husband he said no because he had a handyman coming over to the house to do some work and wanted to make it later.

I said that they were leaving and they couldn’t do it much later but that we would make it half an hour later as a fair compromise. He was well aware. so today, my son calls to confirm the plan my husband loses it in front of the handyman and me screaming why did I make that plan etc. as though having the handyman there is the most important thing when we really should’ve all been out together celebrating Father’s Day not only for my husband for my son as well. my daughter-in-law was also very upset, she was all dressed up to go, and we all thought it was a confirmed plan.

He was also so incredibly rude, and I cannot find a single way to justify this behavior. I’ve included all of the pertinent facts and would be curious as to how you would handle it. I am super tempted to get in my car and go away for a night. The fact that on a day that he knows fathers are celebrated. He would choose to have a handyman. Come to do nonsense around the house and allow that to dictate the day is outrageous in my opinion

You sound tiresome. You could have easily had lunch with your son and let your husband do his own thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here need to clarify a few things-

we were not going to a restaurant but to our club (which is low key)

plans were made a few days ago NOT last minute.

Son wanted to take his dad out for Fathers Day, pretty simple. My husband was well aware of plan and the fact that we changed the time to accommodate the ridiculous handyman's appt I was perfectly happy for him to spend the afternoon doing whatever he wanted. An hour or so with his FAMILY certainly is not asking much.

We were going to lunch for an hour- he would have had the entire day to do as he pleases and we agreed on that. I do wish I had taken many's advice and just gone on my own.

To the person earlier who tried to diagnose my husband, you were not far off. I am looking into that- and am going to encourage him to see a dr. He really needs it- his moods are up and down, extremely unpredictable and frankly hard to live with. You can judge all you want but its not easy living with someone like this.

No. Per your op your husband told you what he was going to do. Your son called and instead of respecting your husband's plans you went ahead and did what you wanted. Then your son called to confirm. Now why would your son call and confirm if he knew you all were absolutely coming,?.
The fact is your husband didn't agree to this lunch. He told you what his plans were and you thought you could railroad him into doing what you thought he should do instead.
You always ignore his boundaries and he's sick of it. It's not a mood disorder when people tire of people ignoring their wishes. He's likely out up with it for 30 + years and as an older man is done with it
You need to apologize op and start respecting his boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband had plans with the handy man prior to your plans, not sure why you’d expect him to change his plans to meet your forced lunch plans.

+1 he thought he had a free day as requested and booked the handyman. No one can time those appts exactly or knows when they are coming.

The lunch came up later and is sweet but couldn't you have just gone out to lunch with your DS and his family?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you made fathers day all about you.

Its not your husband's job to celebrate your son. Its your son's job to celebrate his dad if he chooses.

[Anonymous]

Luckily, OP, since you're not a father, it doesn't matter what you think about Father's Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's your SON'S first Father's Day? But your son isn't a baby? I am so confused about that part.

What is not confusing is that your husband said no to lunch and you barreled ahead with a lunch he didn't want. In sum, your prioritized your son over your husband on Father's Day.

The son had a baby within the last year. This is OP DH first grandfathers day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh and yes my son became a father 5 months ago with a baby daughter (another great reason to celebrate) and no the handyman is not a father!

The handyman HAS a father. Hiring someone for non emergency work in a Sunday and Fathers Day is odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband had plans with the handy man prior to your plans, not sure why you’d expect him to change his plans to meet your forced lunch plans.

+1 he thought he had a free day as requested and booked the handyman. No one can time those appts exactly or knows when they are coming.

The lunch came up later and is sweet but couldn't you have just gone out to lunch with your DS and his family?

OP DH sounds like he has to be pretty old, I’m guessing retired. Every day is a free day.

[Anonymous]

I'd just encourage your son/DIL to celebrate however they'd want (you can offer to watch the baby if they'd like) and to not worry about celebrating FIL. He is too old and fussy and clearly doesn't care.

But FIL also doesn't then get to pout that he didn't get to see anyone on Father's Day. He threw his temper tantrum, now he's off the list for celebrating that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh and yes my son became a father 5 months ago with a baby daughter (another great reason to celebrate) and no the handyman is not a father!

The handyman HAS a father. Hiring someone for non emergency work in a Sunday and Fathers Day is odd.

How do you know the handyman has a father; perhaps he's dead or he was a dead beat. And maybe he's not a father himself. There are plenty of men who do not have a reason to celebrate Father's day.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get why you're disappointed. In my family, Father's Day and Mother's Day are always family gatherings. There was one year, though, that I just wanted to go to the movies by myself and come home to an empty house. So I sent dh and the kids to go celebrate per usual with MIL and SIL. And I took myself to a matinee, ate buttery popcorn and drank soda, and then came home and watched a movie. MIL and SIL were kind of baffled because it was so different than what we normally do, and I know DH was disappointed, but that one year, it's just what I wanted. And it was glorious.

You said your husband is moody and you suspect bipolar? Knowing this and knowing that your husband said he just wanted to spend the day puttering around the house, I'm not sure why you thought it a good idea to try to force a lunch at the club. That is the complete opposite of what he told you he wanted. If anything, I might have told my son to stop by early afternoon, and I'll make lunch. That way, DH could putter around the garage as requested, DS could go out to the garage with the grandbaby, wish his dad a happy Father's Day, and then come inside and have a nice lunch with you and his wife. And then whenever dh wanted to have lunch, it's prepared and waiting.

I get you wanting a nice family lunch, but I also get dh's side of just wanting to be left alone.

[Anonymous]

^^ I should clarify, I'm the mom, and it was Mother's Day I was talking about in my first paragraph.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A big thing I don’t understand here is why the rest of you wouldn’t just go to lunch. Let the grandfather be late or absent. I don’t know if he’s just a jerk or there’s more going on but I don’t get why the lunch was canceled.

Of course, this was the reasonable response. OP?

I probably would not have gone to a club on w/son, DIL and baby on FD w/o DH. Maybe a restaurant. Kind of weird at a club, people might assume illness, divorce, etc. DH’s likely done such before, the personality disordered, etc really like to act out on holidays.

Who cares what people assume from one single lunch attendance? You care more about that than what your DH requested in advance to do for Father's Day.

With my own DH there are lots of times that one or the other goes to social or family stuff and I can't imagine anyone else cares. People are busy with their lives and everyone has conflicts and preferences.

[Anonymous]

I have a strong suspicion that OP disregards her husband’s wishes regularly or keeps pushing until he relents, moves goalposts etc. A blowup makes total sense in that context bc he never wanted to go to the stupid lunch in the first place. “Son’s first Father’s Day” - people will find a way to make a big deal out of everything. Not every first needs a separate celebration and corresponding drama if others don’t feel the same about it.