What did you do to help your sons become good husbands and fathers?

[Anonymous]

I don't know, DH and his brothers grew up in same household but are very different people, husbands and fathers.

Me and my sisters grew up in a traditional household and every one took a different path. One is very traditional while other two could never stay home to be stay at home anything.

My SIL wanted to have a traditional home as she missed her mom growing up, who wasn't even that ambitious but very dedicated to and busy in her admin job.

[Anonymous]

I crushed his spirit, early and often.

[Anonymous]

I made them compete with young women and see them as equals and learn how to lose to young women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I am really struggling with this.
My high school son didn't acknowledge Mother's Day. I cooked him dinner that day and all he could do was show me some garments he was hoping I could patch the holes of.
My daughter called from college though, unprompted.

The son has also let his impolite friends talk crap about me for, say, reaching out to them to invite their families to graduation dinner.
I got a lot of flak from family members for paving the way for the son and his friends to spend spring break at a family property unaccompanied by adults. And these snarky kids give me crap.
The son also complains about me contacting his college for info on his student visa application so that we can start the application sooner than later so that I can book the plane tickets with confidence that the matricultion won't be botched.
I worry if I continue to be the helpful mom, I am creating an entitled a-hole.
I should just shrug my shoulders and not do anything?

This is not okay. I trained my son as a child to celebrate or at least acknowledge Mother’s Day and my birthday (with a card and well wishes). We started Mother’s Day brunch tradition when young too. Is it too late to start?

I wish my son’s friends would disrespect me.

Sounds like a serious conversation is in order. Does this person have no consequences for poor behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I am really struggling with this.
My high school son didn't acknowledge Mother's Day. I cooked him dinner that day and all he could do was show me some garments he was hoping I could patch the holes of.
My daughter called from college though, unprompted.

The son has also let his impolite friends talk crap about me for, say, reaching out to them to invite their families to graduation dinner.
I got a lot of flak from family members for paving the way for the son and his friends to spend spring break at a family property unaccompanied by adults. And these snarky kids give me crap.
The son also complains about me contacting his college for info on his student visa application so that we can start the application sooner than later so that I can book the plane tickets with confidence that the matricultion won't be botched.
I worry if I continue to be the helpful mom, I am creating an entitled a-hole.
I should just shrug my shoulders and not do anything?

PP again. I told my son what I expected. Maybe he didn’t know.

[Anonymous]

Teach them to completely dominate their wives in every way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I crushed his spirit, early and often.

I’m sure you did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH said from the beginning we needed to raise good men. He taught our boys to treat women with respect. He also showed our boys how to lead a family. Interestingly, he would tell me what he taught the boys what they should expect from a wife. He told them their wives should follow their lead and put the family above all. He also told them any girl who wanted to keep her name was a nonstarter if she also expected an engagement ring—his point was girls who wanted to eschew some traditions but not others were candidates for divorce.

They aren’t married yet but they will make excellent husbands. They are kind but tough. In fact, they’re the kind of guys for whom women will change their politics. I know I did for DH. That last part won’t be popular, but it happens a lot for the right guy.

Yikes on a bike. I feel so bad for their future spouses. I hope they get some therapy to unlearn the toxic sh!t your husband put on them.

+1 oh my lord

If I followed DH's lead, we wouldn't have as much in retirement or college fund, and he wouldn't have been able to retire early (well, ageism) like he wanted to. He acknowledges that I was much better at saving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH said from the beginning we needed to raise good men. He taught our boys to treat women with respect. He also showed our boys how to lead a family. Interestingly, he would tell me what he taught the boys what they should expect from a wife. He told them their wives should follow their lead and put the family above all. He also told them any girl who wanted to keep her name was a nonstarter if she also expected an engagement ring—his point was girls who wanted to eschew some traditions but not others were candidates for divorce.

They aren’t married yet but they will make excellent husbands. They are kind but tough. In fact, they’re the kind of guys for whom women will change their politics. I know I did for DH. That last part won’t be popular, but it happens a lot for the right guy.

How do you get along with the other wives on the homestead? How are chores assigned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I worry that they will be good fathers, but not good husbands. They have grown up with a SAHM and so their model is that mom takes care of everything and dad works. That is not likely going to be the scenario for them so if they have a working wife and try to act like their dad, they're screwed.

This is why a pp on pg1 said that working as a mom is good modelling for boys.

Yes but not just holding a job but balancing work, home, parenting and self. You can be a really bad role model showing them how wives overstretch themselves to do it all and they start expecting the same from their wife. You can be equally bad model by not carrying your weight at home and making home hell with constant arguments with your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH said from the beginning we needed to raise good men. He taught our boys to treat women with respect. He also showed our boys how to lead a family. Interestingly, he would tell me what he taught the boys what they should expect from a wife. He told them their wives should follow their lead and put the family above all. He also told them any girl who wanted to keep her name was a nonstarter if she also expected an engagement ring—his point was girls who wanted to eschew some traditions but not others were candidates for divorce.

They aren’t married yet but they will make excellent husbands. They are kind but tough. In fact, they’re the kind of guys for whom women will change their politics. I know I did for DH. That last part won’t be popular, but it happens a lot for the right guy.

Yikes on a bike. I feel so bad for their future spouses. I hope they get some therapy to unlearn the toxic sh!t your husband put on them.

+1 oh my lord

If I followed DH's lead, we wouldn't have as much in retirement or college fund, and he wouldn't have been able to retire early (well, ageism) like he wanted to. He acknowledges that I was much better at saving.

I really think that was a troll, or at least I hope it was

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH said from the beginning we needed to raise good men. He taught our boys to treat women with respect. He also showed our boys how to lead a family. Interestingly, he would tell me what he taught the boys what they should expect from a wife. He told them their wives should follow their lead and put the family above all. He also told them any girl who wanted to keep her name was a nonstarter if she also expected an engagement ring—his point was girls who wanted to eschew some traditions but not others were candidates for divorce.

They aren’t married yet but they will make excellent husbands. They are kind but tough. In fact, they’re the kind of guys for whom women will change their politics. I know I did for DH. That last part won’t be popular, but it happens a lot for the right guy.

Yikes on a bike. I feel so bad for their future spouses. I hope they get some therapy to unlearn the toxic sh!t your husband put on them.

+1 oh my lord

If I followed DH's lead, we wouldn't have as much in retirement or college fund, and he wouldn't have been able to retire early (well, ageism) like he wanted to. He acknowledges that I was much better at saving.

I really think that was a troll, or at least I hope it was

Not a troll. The funny part is seeing how popular our toxic sons are with the girls. What we are doing is working, even if it’s not popular here. We want grandchildren and are raising our boys to find a woman who also wants the same. You are free to prioritize other values.

As for the quip about chores, I do most of the traditional wife chores and DH does most of the traditional husband chores. I manage the checkbook, though.

[Anonymous]

I wish someone taught my mother how to be a decent wife and an adequate mother. I would have been happy with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish someone taught my mother how to be a decent wife and an adequate mother. I would have been happy with that.

Just like men need to learn to nurture their relationships, women also need to learn to be good mothers, good wives and good MILs. Nowadays, its as difficult for men to find good partners as it is for women.

[Anonymous]

What keeps your husbands pants up? This kid needs the belt. If that don’t work throw him in the street.

My favorite of all time we had a kid in HS who was a terror like your son, women had no husband. Kid thrown out of HS, got charged with assault sent to court order therapy finally mom hired a guy to help.

True story as I knew kid so was in 11th grade at time. So guy shows up his bedroom and knocks on door he goes he is here to help him behave. He yells to Mom what is this Bull shit. Mom goes ok he is head to help. Kid goes after door shuts are you some type of bull shit therapist I ain’t doing nothing. He goes I was hired by your mom to beat the living shit out of you every day to you behave. He told me a fist that looked the size of large Ham hit in in face and he got a beating of his life. In morning mom goes calmly to room says time for breakfast get ready for school. Kid has some fight left goes FI no way. Mom
Calmly picks up phone calls the guy and hands phone to him, he says do you need me to come over and finish last nights beating. He got his ass to school. I was kinda friends with him and he was like dude those fists were flying and I was on floor crying like a baby begging in tears with snot on me and shitted my pants. I was laughing. I think he realized he was on path to prison and that guy scared him.

I asked what gut looked like he said maybe 50 Irish around six foot five inches no clue what face or clothes were I just remember as soon as door closed those huge fists had me in floor in fetal position in a few seconds begging for my life.