What did you do to help your sons become good husbands and fathers?

[Anonymous]

Make them do chores. Make sure they know how to do all the “female” chores too like cooking, cleaning, sewing, cooking for holidays. (We also do the same with our girls. They can change tires, change oil, fix things. I believe in well rounded people)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You SHOW him how NO means NO. How?
You never go back on your word when you already told him NO.

Otherwise, you teach your boys to ignore women/girls when they say no.

You all know where that goes, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Set the best example I could. Ultimately it’s up to them.

This. DH is a wonderful model of what a good husband and father should be. He makes sure that DS takes note of what he does. We make sure DS is held responsible for his actions. We make sure DS has responsibilities. He's 12. He knows how to grocery shop and find recipes. He's learning to cook more complex meals. He's learning how to be more responsible for his own belongings without having to be nagged about it (keeping his room clean, laundry, etc).

We've always taught him about respect when it comes to ones body.

If he's rude or says something he doesn't realize may be taken the wrong way, we explain to him why it's rude or wrong and make sure he understands it.

We monitor and censor what hes exposed to online.

We feel like we are doing all the right things and he definitely has the right role models so far. Ultimately he's going to turn out how he's going to turn out. Hopefully he will be like DH and my brother, who are the most involved men in his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*love them

Don’t most parents love their children? Thing is that spoiling your child is the opposite of love. It’s parental laziness. Kids eventually figure this out.

[Anonymous]

18:06, Does your son obey you when you say no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set the best example I could. Ultimately it’s up to them.

This. DH is a wonderful model of what a good husband and father should be. He makes sure that DS takes note of what he does. We make sure DS is held responsible for his actions. We make sure DS has responsibilities. He's 12. He knows how to grocery shop and find recipes. He's learning to cook more complex meals. He's learning how to be more responsible for his own belongings without having to be nagged about it (keeping his room clean, laundry, etc).

We've always taught him about respect when it comes to ones body.

If he's rude or says something he doesn't realize may be taken the wrong way, we explain to him why it's rude or wrong and make sure he understands it.

We monitor and censor what hes exposed to online.

We feel like we are doing all the right things and he definitely has the right role models so far. Ultimately he's going to turn out how he's going to turn out. Hopefully he will be like DH and my brother, who are the most involved men in his life.

I love this!

[Anonymous]

Same way parents teach their daughters to be good wives and mothers, I assume.

[Anonymous]

Their dad gets more credit than me. He’s a great model of a caring yet masculine man who is very family oriented, cooks, cleans, and obviously cares deeply about them/me.

Other than that, I make a point not to nag but make pretty clear that they’re members of our family and need to pull their weight. I’ll tell them I have a big proposal for work and really could use their help walking the dog, doing some prep for dinner, etc and then give a lot of positive feedback when they step up. I catch them doing simple things and thank them for them - keeping it light. Yesterday my fifteen year old came upstairs to say goodbye to me before leaving for school and I gave him a big smile and said “aww, thanks for that! Let me know if I can make you a smoothie when you get home.” I’ll also call them out for being dicks though “hey, I know you had a hard week at school but dad and I have been been juggling work to make money so you can do xyz, and waking up early so we can leave in time to drive you to practice, and then I come home to your mess all over the kitchen? That makes me really really angry. I know you’re more thoughtful than that. How can you make this better?”

And outside of all that, I try to express interest in the things they care about and be understanding rather than judgmental so they don’t feel like I’m on their case all the time and are more likely to consider my opinion.

I have two teen sons who are quite lovely people.

[Anonymous]

I don't have kids but I have two brothers who are good husband's and fathers.

My mom and dad always made them show respect to women. If they so much as touched a hair on my head or yelled at me they were reprimanded that it is not appropriate to be aggressive to women. My mom also made them do equal chores to me with cleaning and cooking. In addition it was very important to her that they showed gentlemanly manners. If the walked ahead of her at a restaurant and went inside she would yell, "Who's going to hold the door for me?" I thought or was funny when I was a kid but it stuck with them. They are very polite to women.

[Anonymous]

Ironically all women want good husbands don't feel the need for their sons to be good husbands.

After writing ^ I realized that in the end its father's responsibility to raise good husbands and fathers by setting a good example.

[Anonymous]

I try to make my sons be good PEOPLE. So cooking, cleaning, fixing, yard work. Only thing I’ve done differently since I have boys is to teach them about menstruation. My husband is also an excellent role model for all of this

[Anonymous]

Start with having a happy marriage and all that entails. Children learn by example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I am really struggling with this.
My high school son didn't acknowledge Mother's Day. I cooked him dinner that day and all he could do was show me some garments he was hoping I could patch the holes of.
My daughter called from college though, unprompted.

The son has also let his impolite friends talk crap about me for, say, reaching out to them to invite their families to graduation dinner.
I got a lot of flak from family members for paving the way for the son and his friends to spend spring break at a family property unaccompanied by adults. And these snarky kids give me crap.
The son also complains about me contacting his college for info on his student visa application so that we can start the application sooner than later so that I can book the plane tickets with confidence that the matricultion won't be botched.
I worry if I continue to be the helpful mom, I am creating an entitled a-hole.
I should just shrug my shoulders and not do anything?

Ugh. What does your husband think about this child’s behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can parents teach their sons to become good husbands and fathers so they are happy in their lives and so are their spouses and children?

I didn't deliberately raise my son to be a good husband or father, but rather a good person. He's 31, very happy in his life, a successful professional, and an asexual adult who won't marry or have kids. I know he would be an amazing husband/dad, though, if he'd gone that route. He's kind, compassionate, communicative, loving, funny, smart, and overall amazing.

As far as teaching him, we raised all our kids the same way, with open lines of communication, little screen time (easier back in the 90s!), lots of exposure to the arts, private school education K-8 (nothing fancy, just a local Lutheran school), tons of family time with cousins & grandparents, and endless hours of literature. We're an atheist family in case that matters; i.e., we didn't have any church community.

[Anonymous]

Is his father present?
Boys will replicate the behavior they see at home.
As a mom, I would say STOP "helping" him. He is becoming a parasite.

Anonymous wrote:As a mother, I am really struggling with this.
My high school son didn't acknowledge Mother's Day. I cooked him dinner that day and all he could do was show me some garments he was hoping I could patch the holes of.
My daughter called from college though, unprompted.

The son has also let his impolite friends talk crap about me for, say, reaching out to them to invite their families to graduation dinner.
I got a lot of flak from family members for paving the way for the son and his friends to spend spring break at a family property unaccompanied by adults. And these snarky kids give me crap.
The son also complains about me contacting his college for info on his student visa application so that we can start the application sooner than later so that I can book the plane tickets with confidence that the matricultion won't be botched.
I worry if I continue to be the helpful mom, I am creating an entitled a-hole.
I should just shrug my shoulders and not do anything?