Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call

[Anonymous]

Don't waste the money on the SAT prep. Put him in Community College or the military. I might be inclined to do the military given the lack of discipline and motivation he's displaying...

[Anonymous]

Focus on his ADHD and depression. And if he is taking drugs. Once he is 18 you have no control.

How is he not medicated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Focus on his ADHD and depression. And if he is taking drugs. Once he is 18 you have no control.

How is he not medicated?

Good grief - slow down in the pushing medication.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can feel your extreme anxiety just from your post; you are super wound tight and I get it.

We had a situation with my DD, and we were wound tight, and were over-the-top in our attempts to resolve. We got some excellent advice from a veteran teacher - back off. Ask a question (in relaxed tone) “would you like more SAT prep this summer?” If they say no, say “okay, let me know if you change your mind” and then let it go.

[Anonymous]

I’m only on page 1 but I have a freshman who sounds very similar. I am gearing myself up to have him evaluated for adhd. I am also planning to apply for a 504 since it doesn’t require a diagnosis. All he needs really is his teachers telling him to come see them outside of class on a certain day. He won’t make the move himself or if I tell him but he will listen to them. He does much better at structured classes with strict and organized teachers than with those lenient teachers who think kids should be self motivated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m only on page 1 but I have a freshman who sounds very similar. I am gearing myself up to have him evaluated for adhd. I am also planning to apply for a 504 since it doesn’t require a diagnosis. All he needs really is his teachers telling him to come see them outside of class on a certain day. He won’t make the move himself or if I tell him but he will listen to them. He does much better at structured classes with strict and organized teachers than with those lenient teachers who think kids should be self motivated.

To
Add,
I force him to do hw and submit it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Focus on his ADHD and depression. And if he is taking drugs. Once he is 18 you have no control.

How is he not medicated?

Good grief - slow down in the pushing medication.

Are you kidding? OP clearly has a child with diagnosed ADHD, depression, possible anxiety, is probably self medicating and is showing EVERY sign he needs help. And the OP comes on here pushing test prep and worrying about college.

What are his meds? What does his 504/IEP say. Why isn’t he seeing at minimum a psychiatrist monthly for his diagnosis. He clearly is showing signs of ADHD that CAN be treated with medication. Instead of making him feel lazy or unmotivated.

[Anonymous]

This whole idea of “struggling” is ridiculous. Just stop the madness!

Remember C’s earn degrees.

[Anonymous]

Every kid cannot have a 4.5 GPA and 1500 SATs. It is okay.

I graduated HS with under a 3.0 and about 1100 SAT and ended up with a PhD in engineering. Granted things were different 20 years ago, you can get by with pure grit sometimes. I eventually got my sh*t together.

My son is like yours. 3.3 GPA, 1200 SAT. Doesn't care. Doesn't study. There are schools that will accept the average kid. At a certain point, you have to let them be responsible for their actions or inaction and this is one of those cases. His college choices will be limited but there are a lot of kids just like him who turn out okay.

Have a glass of wine and relax.

[Anonymous]

Have your kid get a summer job and save the money to put toward his freshman year tuition. If he does well then reimburse your child for that year. Continue on like this. That way your son has skin in the game.

Getting training in the trades industry is no joke. There are more trades people that are multimillionaires than any other profession. I would highly recommend you looking into these. There are a wide variety of trades to begin a career path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t waste your money on SAT prep. Based on the history it won’t be effective. I know that sounds harsh but I speak from experience. If he asked for SAT prep it would be different but it doesn’t sound like he is even asking. Students need to be self-motivated to succeed. Kids who only perform in response to bribes, threats and parent pressure are being set up to fail. He should attend community college but not as a punishment. I would sit him down and explain that it will be a good opportunity to test the waters of college and build better study habits. But before you even get there, you need a better understanding of what has brought you to this point. I genuinely believe kids want to be successful but sometimes there’s a missed diagnosis, mental health challenges or learned helplessness. To me, it does sound like depression. My son with depression and anxiety saw his grades crash in 9th. Thanks to therapy and meds he has seen a steady improvement semester over semester. At one time I thought he would need to do the community college route but now as a junior he is 100% independent in his schoolwork and seeking out challenges which tells me he is going to be ready for a 4 year school. But I have told him time and again that community colllege is an option and I’ll be proud of him no matter wherever he lands. It’s not where you start, it’s where you finish.

+1

SAT prep is a waste of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every kid cannot have a 4.5 GPA and 1500 SATs. It is okay.

I graduated HS with under a 3.0 and about 1100 SAT and ended up with a PhD in engineering. Granted things were different 20 years ago, you can get by with pure grit sometimes. I eventually got my sh*t together.

My son is like yours. 3.3 GPA, 1200 SAT. Doesn't care. Doesn't study. There are schools that will accept the average kid. At a certain point, you have to let them be responsible for their actions or inaction and this is one of those cases. His college choices will be limited but there are a lot of kids just like him who turn out okay.

Have a glass of wine and relax.

This! I am a high school teacher (with 2 kids in hs myself) At my hs about 20% of kids are striver/in all AP/studying for SAT, about 15% already know they won't be going to college and just want to graduate, and the other 65% are just like this kid. They hang out with friends, play sports, and could really care less about school. That does not mean college is not for them If you're in MD, schools like Goucher, Hood, Salisbury and even Towson will take a kid like this. They may even end up coasting through college like they did high school, but a majority of them that I see after college are all well adjusted, happy young people. They may not be doctors or in finance, but they're solidly employed and productive members of society. Show your son love and that you trust him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Focus on his ADHD and depression. And if he is taking drugs. Once he is 18 you have no control.

How is he not medicated?

Good grief - slow down in the pushing medication.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every kid cannot have a 4.5 GPA and 1500 SATs. It is okay.

I graduated HS with under a 3.0 and about 1100 SAT and ended up with a PhD in engineering. Granted things were different 20 years ago, you can get by with pure grit sometimes. I eventually got my sh*t together.

My son is like yours. 3.3 GPA, 1200 SAT. Doesn't care. Doesn't study. There are schools that will accept the average kid. At a certain point, you have to let them be responsible for their actions or inaction and this is one of those cases. His college choices will be limited but there are a lot of kids just like him who turn out okay.

Have a glass of wine and relax.

This! I am a high school teacher (with 2 kids in hs myself) At my hs about 20% of kids are striver/in all AP/studying for SAT, about 15% already know they won't be going to college and just want to graduate, and the other 65% are just like this kid. They hang out with friends, play sports, and could really care less about school. That does not mean college is not for them If you're in MD, schools like Goucher, Hood, Salisbury and even Towson will take a kid like this. They may even end up coasting through college like they did high school, but a majority of them that I see after college are all well adjusted, happy young people. They may not be doctors or in finance, but they're solidly employed and productive members of society. Show your son love and that you trust him.

Not OP but reading this closely as this sounds like my son in a few years. I appreciate hearing your professional insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every kid cannot have a 4.5 GPA and 1500 SATs. It is okay.

I graduated HS with under a 3.0 and about 1100 SAT and ended up with a PhD in engineering. Granted things were different 20 years ago, you can get by with pure grit sometimes. I eventually got my sh*t together.

My son is like yours. 3.3 GPA, 1200 SAT. Doesn't care. Doesn't study. There are schools that will accept the average kid. At a certain point, you have to let them be responsible for their actions or inaction and this is one of those cases. His college choices will be limited but there are a lot of kids just like him who turn out okay.

Have a glass of wine and relax.

This! I am a high school teacher (with 2 kids in hs myself) At my hs about 20% of kids are striver/in all AP/studying for SAT, about 15% already know they won't be going to college and just want to graduate, and the other 65% are just like this kid. They hang out with friends, play sports, and could really care less about school. That does not mean college is not for them If you're in MD, schools like Goucher, Hood, Salisbury and even Towson will take a kid like this. They may even end up coasting through college like they did high school, but a majority of them that I see after college are all well adjusted, happy young people. They may not be doctors or in finance, but they're solidly employed and productive members of society. Show your son love and that you trust him.

+1000