Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He’ll be enrolled in a structured, expensive SAT prep program, and our expectations are clear: he needs to put in real effort, at least 2 hours a day of studying, 5 days a week, and complete weekly practice tests after the course ends.

This is the equivalent of someone on the diet forum saying "I eat McDonalds everyday but tomorrow I'm going no carb vegan" It's way too much at once. I would suggest the same thing I say over there, you need medication to even start these changes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forget the SATs. Why are his grades low? Forgetting to hand in work? Poor test scores?

All of it. Again, zero effort has been put forth. We've been working with him closely since 9th grade on grades, executive functioning etc. And as far as TO goes, with a 3.1 or 3.0, schools like GM, York college, Robert Morris or Marshall are not safety's. Even if he gets in to those, he'll do poorly or give up with his drive. Whether its academics or athletics, he thinks he can just show up and be successful. He doesn't practice and doesn't even conceptually understand what hard work and dedicated practice is despite our multiple attempts at showing him a path and providing him with examples. We've had the neuropsych test, we've done the extensive tutoring, we've pushed therapy and meds. We've let him get a job, play football. We've restricted the job, and football. We've tried it all at this point and it's not clicking.

Then he needs to graduate and get a FT job. After a year if he decides he wants to try college he can take a course or two at CC. You’ve done more than enough. But don’t make life easy for him by letting him live at home for free. He needs to contribute and see how $$$ life actually is.

I think he should get a job now, start saving money, see what work is like. He may have some untapped talent in the workforce. Many fast food places offer a lot of opportunity for advancement and potentially scholarships if he becomes ready for college.

[Anonymous]

I agree the SAT studying is a waste of time and money.

If he’s been diagnosed with adhd he really needs to try medication. I dont really think you know unless you have it what it’s like to try to juggle all the balls with this brain difference. When I forget things unmedicated , it’s like being blacked out, there is no method of “working harder” that can help overcome it.

I can’t give any other advice until you try this, but I will say it’s interesting you are dismissive of his interest in his social life - but social skills are way, way more important in life than you are making out and likable people get jobs and opportunities above their skills set all of the time. I’d make him get a part time job that works with the public, he may find out he is more capable than you think

[Anonymous]

The SAT just doesn't matter for a kid like this. He can go TO. To be honest, even if he got into a better college than you expect, he won't be successful there. I'm not trying to be unkind, because my own kid has struggled a ton in college. The underlying problems won't go away.

The SAT is a symptom of a much bigger issue, and you need to address that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s a current 11th grader? I would plan on sending him to community college now. Why set conditions you know he won’t meet? Start discussing trades that might suit him. There are a lot of opportunities out there. Stop pushing the rope. It’s not working.

+1 this exactly. Accept community college now. No point in wasting time and money on a 4 year college.

[Anonymous]

If this were me, I would:

* Re-test (full neuropsych)
* Re-class
* Look to send him to a boarding school that offers structure, and social and academic supports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My AuDHD child is very similar. We didn't even try SATs -- with all the test optional schools, spending time prepping for a test, and likely still having a score that he wouldn't report, seemed like a poor use of time.

What does your son want to do after high school? We think college will be better because he can immerse himself in the subjects he really loves (he picked a school with minimal distribution requirements).

We also looked at support programs like Mansfield Hall -- expensive, but cheaper than failing.

+1. I was going to post exactly this. There is no point in wasting time on the SATs when there are so many TO schools. You should be focusing on GPA, rigor, interests and essays. However, it doesn't sound like your son is really interested or even ready for college. Maybe he needs a gap year to figure out what he really wants to do. It would be far better to wait until he is really ready for college than to send him when he is not.

[Anonymous]

A PP.

I understand why people are suggesting it but if your kid hates school and is unmotivated, I don't think medication is a great solution.

Ideally you find some grounds for motivation that are not pharmacological.

My kid who hates school actually has a lot of decent reasons. School needs an overhaul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forget the SATs. Why are his grades low? Forgetting to hand in work? Poor test scores?

All of it. Again, zero effort has been put forth. We've been working with him closely since 9th grade on grades, executive functioning etc. And as far as TO goes, with a 3.1 or 3.0, schools like GM, York college, Robert Morris or Marshall are not safety's. Even if he gets in to those, he'll do poorly or give up with his drive. Whether its academics or athletics, he thinks he can just show up and be successful. He doesn't practice and doesn't even conceptually understand what hard work and dedicated practice is despite our multiple attempts at showing him a path and providing him with examples. We've had the neuropsych test, we've done the extensive tutoring, we've pushed therapy and meds. We've let him get a job, play football. We've restricted the job, and football. We've tried it all at this point and it's not clicking.

It's not just the 3.1. He'll be a graduating with Algebra 2. He's two years behind the more average high school student for math, but says he's interested in engineering. It just doesn't track. I'd be worried about CC just because I think he does need to get out of the house. Have you looked into junior college as a middle ground?

Also, instead of the SATs as the summer focus, can address the time he spends playing video games?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid got something like a 1130 and just applied TO everywhere. I think his gpa when he applied to college was a 3.1. He got in everywhere with merit aid. Apply smartly and your kid will do fine.

What colleges?

Drexel, UMBC, Seton Hall, Loyola MD, St Joe’s, Manhattan, Duquesne, LaSalle, St Mary’s, Scranton.

NP here. There is a great FB group called something like College Advise for Awesomely Average Students. If OP's son actually wanted to go to a 4 year college, that would be a good place to get advice on types of colleges for those stats. It really helped my sister with her kid.

[Anonymous]

Your kid needs medications. A stimulant and Wellbutrin to start. Therapy. And figure out what he really wants.

Are you sure he isn’t smoking weed? You said social life is most important so I’m thing hanging out, video games, smoking. That leads to depression, unmotivated, etc…

There might be underlying anxiety too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's learn more about the 3.1 gpa? What math will he end with? How many years of foreign language? Is the 3.1 weighted or unweighted? It's not that hard to graduate high school and go to a 4 year college, somewhere. And graduate. I agree test optional may be needed.

He will graduate with geometry/trig. He's currently in algebra 2. He won't have physics and will only have 2 years of a foreign language. Not sure if that's his weighted or unweighted, but he's only taken 2 honors classes in the 3 years and won't be taking any next year. He doesn't challenge himself and can barely get Bs and Cs in his standard classes because he doesn't turn things in and doesn't care. He is very much interested in a 4 year, but at this point we don't want to waste his time and our money supporting one if he isn't ready. We value all of the life skills and experience you get at a 4 year, but at this point if he doesn't turn things around and start working towards his goals, we're not supporting a free ride for him to backslide and fail in the first year.

Why is he interested in a four year school given that none of the high school academics appeal to him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Forget the SATs. Why are his grades low? Forgetting to hand in work? Poor test scores?

All of it. Again, zero effort has been put forth. We've been working with him closely since 9th grade on grades, executive functioning etc. And as far as TO goes, with a 3.1 or 3.0, schools like GM, York college, Robert Morris or Marshall are not safety's. Even if he gets in to those, he'll do poorly or give up with his drive. Whether its academics or athletics, he thinks he can just show up and be successful. He doesn't practice and doesn't even conceptually understand what hard work and dedicated practice is despite our multiple attempts at showing him a path and providing him with examples. We've had the neuropsych test, we've done the extensive tutoring, we've pushed therapy and meds. We've let him get a job, play football. We've restricted the job, and football. We've tried it all at this point and it's not clicking.

Then he needs to graduate and get a FT job. After a year if he decides he wants to try college he can take a course or two at CC. You’ve done more than enough. But don’t make life easy for him by letting him live at home for free. He needs to contribute and see how $$$ life actually is.

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

He has a 3.1 GPA and has SAT scores? he won’t be an engineer. But I think a gap year to work before community college would be worth his time: do NOT fund a 4 year pathway. He is aimless and immature and will fail all
those classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid got something like a 1130 and just applied TO everywhere. I think his gpa when he applied to college was a 3.1. He got in everywhere with merit aid. Apply smartly and your kid will do fine.

Where the hell did a kid like that get into with merit aid? Seriously. That’s ridiculous. Where is this “everywhere?”